Tragic Football Stories - Let us Kick Around the misshapen Jabulani that is English football right here

i thought this was gonna about the back page of today's sun.

wouldn't agree with arteta 4 england personally.

*googles* - that is majestic, well done the Sun

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01112/capello-splash_1112586a.jpg

'arry was never interested in the job, he just wanted to adopt fab for the sanctuary

seriously tho i dont even get that the sun is saying - that even a donkey is smart enough not to pick an injured player?

"axes Carroll"? from what?

        Almunia
_______  ________  ______  _______
        Denilson   Arteta
_______      _______       _______
             _______

feel free to fill in blanks.

Also, is it possible to axe a player who you haven't called up?

xpost

you can have Nacho Novo in that squad if you like, we don't want him.

since when was capello a david lynch extra

it's hard, but we're getting towards a team I could get behind:

              almunia
hargreaves distin jagielka konchesky
malbranque denilson arteta n'zogbia
            ______ ______

I've had to put in a couple of ringers with suspicious foreign-sounding names while we wait for Cuellar and Kaboul to qualify. France claimed N'Zogbia only last week, but that was just a friendly so I think he's in at least until Aurelio notches up the five years. Strikers are a problem, but maybe Zamora and Defoe would do?

Do properly English players ever decide at age 30 or whatever that they're never going to be called up, and apply to play for N.I.? It seems like it should happen more.

Jamie Redknapp on punditry duty, obviously

Strikers are a problem, but maybe Zamora and Defoe would do?

― Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 25 August 2010 19:50 (3 minutes ago)

not like the best uncapped strike partnership in the land didn't score FIVE GOALS last weekend amirite

dunno who you mean, but if they would annoy Wrighty they're in

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/00798/kevin_nolan_798721c.jpg

sitting at home sharpening his shiv and crying into his tripe right now

Do properly English players ever decide at age 30 or whatever that they're never going to be called up, and apply to play for N.I.? It seems like it should happen more.

I don't think they can, can they? As far as I know, if you actually *are* British then you have to play for the country/ies that you qualify for (i.e. where you were born or where your parents are from or something similar). So I couldn't play for Wales because I have no connection with the place. I think it's just that if someone who isn't British lives and plays here long enough to be able to represent one of the countries then they could choose any of the four countries.

Also Channel Islanders.

xp. yeah i think that's correct. with the proviso that the FAs of the four countries have an agreement that players who gain british citizenship would not be picked for any of the national teams. players only being picked if they are eligible by bloodline.

that was the line during the recent "novo for scotland" debacle/pish/hun-press trolling.

Re: Arteta/John Barnes comparisons:

John Barnes may have been proud to wear the England jersey, but admits his citizenship was clearly Jamaican for at least part of his international playing career.

The former Watford, Liverpool, Newcastle and Charlton Athletic playmaker, said he could not recall exactly when he acquired a British passport, but revealed that during his early years with England's national team, starting as a teenager in 1983, he carried a Jamaican passport.

"At 19, I don't remember, I don't think I even became even a British citizen," said Barnes while in Jamaica recently to watch the Reggae Boyz beat Mexico and Honduras in World Cup qualifiers.

" ... For my first 18 months playing for England I had a Jamaican passport. I never had a British passport."

"So when we used to go to Russia, Czech Republic, I've got my England suit on, I have to go into a different queue than the England team," he recalled. "And the Russian man would look at this Jamaican passport, see me with an England thing and he would like keep me at the airport for two hours." The situation later changed, but Barnes is still not sure how.

"So as a matter of convenience, I got a British passport," he said. "I don't remember filling any forms in. I don't remember applying for a British passport. I just became (a British citizen) ... So maybe I played (for England) illegally, right? So, that's how I played for England."

"I wanna play in the World Cup," Barnes said, "but I'm 18, a little black boy from Jamaica. So I can play for England or I can play for Jamaica. But also, as it turned out, I could play for England, Ireland, Scotland or Wales. I never signed anything, but I could play for any of the British teams ...

"So as stupid as it seems, the only reason I played for England was because they were the first to ask. They were the biggest and the best country, but if Scotland had asked me first I wouldn't have thought I would be good enough to play for England. You go and play for Scotland."

There's a whole separate thing for citizens of Commonwealth countries though, isn't there? (is that how Owen Hargreaves gets in?)

That used to be the case, but i don't know about that anymore. Hargreaves has English / Welsh parentage I think?

Wasn't sure about Hargreaves, tbh, but I'm guessing that's how Barnes managed it? Or else he's just making stuff up/not knowing what he's talking about.

Interview with a Jamaican journalist, so maybe he was playing up his roots, man

Barnes basically just started playing for England and no-one questioned it. He was ineligible under any of the criteria - residency stuff (Arteta, Novo, etc) was introduced much later.

(citations needed, I know, but I've seen Barnes saying as much in interviews)

"But also, as it turned out, I could play for England, Ireland, Scotland or Wales."

^this is only after he got citizenship, by which time he was already and England internationalist.

I think I'm havering about Commonwealth countries, btw, I seem to be conflating this with work permit rules to play in the UK, which I've been reading up on recently.

He never really sounded very Jamaican - posh boy, son of an army colonel - so that prob'ly made it easier for him to be accepted as English. Arteta sounds pretty Spanish to me.

Unbeaten in 11 matches as Jamaica manager with 7 wins and 4 draws and picked up the Caribbean Cup yet still had a lower win %age than at Celtic where he was universally acknowledged as being shit.

Commonwealth and Irelanders aren't foreigners as such (get to vote in our elections for example) so i expect it's easier for them to get citizenship-type things done too.

Kevin Davies for Jamaica!

(his half brother's Jamaican)

it gets funnier

Joe Hart is England’s goalkeeper on merit but the 23-year-old is not exactly under pressure.

He was the last man standing from the original three selected for the recent friendly against Hungary — after Paul Robinson suddenly chose to retire and Ben Foster withdrew with injury.

And yesterday, the England training session at Arsenal’s London Colney ground descended deeper into farce before their match against Bulgaria on Friday.

Faced with injuries to Foster (knee) and Scott Carson (back), Fabio Capello had to turn to Arsene Wenger in desperation and ask to borrow a goalkeeper for a practice match.

So up stepped 19-year-old James Shea, joining Hart for a few training drills before being chipped — so Theo Walcott said — by Wayne Rooney from 18 yards.

‘It was a good experience for him,’ added Walcott.

Born in Islington but eligible to represent the Republic of Ireland, Shea began as a midfielder before being converted into a keeper.

He was on the bench against West Brom in the Carling Cup last September. England, however, has come sooner than expected.

Blackpool's Matthew Gilks should have waited a couple of days before declaring himself to be Scottish.

i warmed to hart when i read that his real name is charles. also he looks like a bizarre perfect cross between spike and angel from buffy.

capello really does deserve all the donkey ears going for the goalie sitch though, it's ridiculous - stop acting like there's some big england cantera fam idea and just call up steve harper/lee camp/andy lonergan or whatever.

Oli Kay tweeting about some breaking news regarding Arteta/England, but you need a Times Online subscription to read it. Any idea what it is?

guessing he's applied for citizenship?

I guess so. He said it's "worth scaling that paywall for".

heh is that a woy pronounciation of payroll?

you need a times subscription to read their tweets? wow if ever there was a reason it wasn't worth it.

sorry, worded that badly. he posted a link to the story on the times website, which you need to pay for to read. tweets are free.

The story is that he's ineligible all along because he represented Spain at junior level, and didn't hold a uk passport at the time.

is the FA's view anyway, so liable to be overturned pronto in the unlikely event of politicians/tabloids/redknapps sticking up for carpetbagging foreign scum

someone shd have a tête-à-tiny tet' w/ him

lol 'represented them at junior level' hasn't stopped this working for plenty other players?

I think the only thing preventing this is the gentleman's agreement between the home nations not to exploit the residency rule for non-UK nationals. Under the current FIFA/UEFA rules Scotland, England, Wales and Northern Ireland are all entitled to select Arteta but have agreed not to. I can't quite work out the reason for this but I think we should stop being gentlemen and give Arteta a CU Jimmy bunnet asap.

This comes frequently in Scotland because we're mostly shit and players like Nacho Novo and Lorenzo Amoruso would make Scotland a better team - meaning it gets press up here quite often. I think this is the first time a foreigner without granny credentials has been good enough for England selection since this ruling came in (apart from with John Barnes when they just broke the rules, that is).

Well I for one couldn't stomach the thought of anyone but the purest Hibernian representing my country tbh. The notion is quite distasteful to me.

Deek's played for Scotland already so no chance there.

Did they not try to get lolmunia at one stage? I agree we should get first dibs on Arteta because he started up here first. I would have thought trying to nab a keeper would be a priority now, no?

(I'm now off to cry at the truthbomb that Nacho Novo would make Scotland better. It's true, but I really don't want it to be)

xposts lol @ aldo

tbh Mark Yardley would probably make Scotland better, ever now.

ever=even