Favorite lines from Seinfeld?

the one where kramer gets a job/bizarro jerry/and man hands was on last night.

Jerry: whats in the briefcase?
Kramer: Crackers

yeah, caught that. one fave, approximately:

boss: kramer, i've been looking over these reports you turned in, and frankly, your work stinks.
kramer: just trying to get ahead, sir.
boss: it's almost as if you have no business training at all.
kramer: i'll work harder. nights. weekends.
boss: that's not good enough. i'm afraid i'm gonna have to let you go.
kramer: i don't even really work here.
boss: i know. that's why this is so difficult.

and the whole "we never talk any more" scene between jerry and kramer is pretty golden.

the 'we never talk anymore' scene is awesome!

[Jerry's house, it's dark, JERRY is sitting at the table waiting up as KRAMER comes in and turns on the light.]

KRAMER
Jerry. Hey Jerry?

JERRY
I'm right here. [note: he has an athletic bandage on his right hand]

You're late.

KRAMER
Yeah, well, I got held up, you know. What happened to your hand?

JERRY
Like you care.

KRAMER
The work piled up, I lost track of time--

JERRY
[calmly getting up with plate of chicken] Oh! Sure! Sure! You an' your work! Elaine's off in the Bizarro World, George only calls when he wants something, an' I'm left sitting here like this plate of cold chicken, which, by the way, [drops chicken into sink] was, for two.

KRAMER
You cooked?

JERRY
[calm] I ordered in. It's still effort.

KRAMER
[in pain] Ow! Jeez!

JERRY
What's wrong?

KRAMER
{Ow!} It's my stomach.

JERRY
You're probably gettin' an ulcer. This job is killing you! It's killing Us.

this is probably the one you were referencing, but i like the one above a lot too
JERRY
Kramer, put the paper down! You never listen to me anymore! We hardly even talk!

KRAMER
Well, we're, talkin' now, aren't we?--

JERRY
I sit here for twenty lousy minutes in the morning--

KRAMER
Oh here we go--

JERRY
An' then when you come home at night, you're always exhausted--we never do anything anymore!

KRAMER
What are you starting with me for? You know this is my crazy time o' year?!

JERRY
[pause] It's your third day..

KRAMER
[grabs briefcase to leave] I gotta go to work. We'll talk about this later. [leaves]

JERRY
Well.
[calling down the hall] Call if you're gonna be late!

it's like the hundredth time i've caught this episode (or parts of it) and it was the first time i noticed that during the final bit, when the bizarro men, kevin, gene, and feldman are having a group hug, kevin says "me so happy, me could cry." like bizarro superman!

I have never seen the Bizarro episode! It sounds so great! I've been wanting to see it for like eight years now!

Costanza: I am psychic, How did I know I was going to be bald?

Seinfeld: Because your fathers bald!

Costanza: Baldness is inherited from the mothers side, Jerry.

Seinfeld: But your mothers bald too!

The 2 best scenes of Seinfeld:

The Race.. Jerry gets the headstart because of Kramers car. You just see Duncans face while hes running..

Also, at the end of the mom and pop store where Jerry and Kramer are in the bus.. Kramers nose starts bleeding and he goes " Jerry, I'm falling apart here " and the music comes on with Jerry comforting Kramer.

Priceless

in first class on plane
stewardess " More of anything?"
Jerry (euphorically )" More of everything!"

"WHat have you done to yourself!!"
kramer noticing Jerry has shazed his chest

The best episode I've seen is The Note where George gets the massage from the man.

"It... it moved."

Kramer: "Everybody's screaming because the driver, he's passed out because of all the commotion. The bus is out of control! So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel... Now I'm driving the bus!"
Jerry: "You're Batman."
Kramer: "Yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So, I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door with my foot at the next stop."
Jerry: "You kept making all the stops?"
Kramer: "Well, people kept ringing the bell!"

kramer: what do you want to move back in with your parents for?
george: i DON'T want to!
kramer: why don't you just move in with jerry?
jerry: hey, wait a minute...
george: oh, like i'm gonna move in with him. he doesn't even let you use the bathroom.
kramer: well, you can move in with me!
george: (20 second pause) i appreciate that. (pause) that might not work.

one of the seinfeld fake films is referred to obliquely in an episode of Father Ted

Best callback:

In one episode there's a scene with George visiting his mother in the hospital. (This must be "The Contest." She comes home unexpectedly to find him masturbating and falls down in shock. George relating this story leads to the bet.) After the bet he's visiting his mother and in the next bed a beautiful female patient is being given a sponge bath by a beautiful nurse. George has already made the bet so it's killing him, but he can't ignore it. In a later episode (probably the one mentioned above where he gets a massage from the masseur and is wondering if he's gay), he visits his mom again in a similar hospital room but this time a hunky male patient is getting a sponge bath from a hunky male nurse, and he again can't ignore it, though it's giving him all sorts of inner conflict.

No, that's in the episode where the NYU journalist thinks they're gay. The one with the great bit about the two-line phone.

Ah yes, "Not that there's anything wrong with it. If that's who you are."

Exactly my fave:

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!" - and moving your hands apart in a flat gesture at the same time.

Also:
George when being fired because he selpt with the cleaning lady:
"Was that ... wrong?"

Seinfeld is often praised for its dialogue, but I also think that the acting and the little schticks are a very important reason why the series is so lovable. E.g. George and Jerry's "tolerant" gay hand gesture, Jerrys near-inability to actually act, his high-pitched voice, the bit where Elaine cringes and almost breaks down because John-John is not at the gym, George's pauses, Kramer's clumsiness etc. I never fancied Kramer's door entrée much, though. Too staged.

Also:
George when being fired because he selpt with the cleaning lady:
"Was that ... wrong?"
on his office desk, that was.

Jerry: Marriage is a big step though! It will change your entire life forever!
Elaine: It's 3:30 in the morning and I'm at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?

I WAS GOING TO POST THAT

Just saw that one last night!

Yeah I know!

I can't stop watching this, I only discovered it early this year and I'm hooked. I now have the first 6 seasons on dvd and they're never off my telly.

Does anyone know when the next one will be released?

"Maria, poquendo los scientos de estes con gleam!"

you only discovered this now? You lucky cunt! :-)

when kramer tells elaine that he's used his slicer to slice pieces of meat so thin he couldn't even see them and she asks how, then, he knew he'd sliced them and he says "I guess I...just assumed!!!"

George: I'm sorry the card says "Moops."

I don't remember the Kramer slicer assumption, but it sounds like it was borrowing from The Third Policeman.

From the cockfighting episode (which is brilliant all the way): Jerry used a clown-cheque in a bodega, which was so old it bounced. The owner of the bodega then put it up the register, to shame Jerry.

Jerry: "Come on Marcelino, I paid you fifty dollar already. Can't you take down the cheque?"
Marcelino: "Ehno, sorry, estore-policy."
Jerry: "But it's *your* store!"
Marcelino: "Even I am not above estore-policy."

From the last episode, some Kramer gold:

Jerry: Hey - how was the beach?
Kramer: Oh, you missed it, buddy - lot of femininas - some major femininas!

Kramer: You're moving to California?
Jerry: Yeah, only for a while.
Kramer: Yeah, but Jerry, what happens if the show's a hit? You could be out there for years! You might never come back.
Jerry: No, I'll be back.
Kramer: Jerry. It's L.A, nobody leaves. She's a seductress, she's a siren, she's a virgin, she's a who-ooorreeee!

"Or is that how you get your kicks? you and yer good-time buddies"

and i haven't seen the bizarro jerry either, but looking at the script it sounds incredible...

JERRY

All right. How 'bout this one: let's say you're abducted by aliens.

GEORGE

Fine.

JERRY

They haul you aboard the mother ship, take you back to their planet as a curiosity. Now: would you rather be in their zoo, or their circus?

GEORGE

I gotta go zoo. I feel like I could set more of my own schedule.

JERRY

But in the circus you get to ride around in the train, see the whole planet!

GEORGE

I'm wearin' a little hat, I'm jumpin' through fire.. They're puttin' their little alien heads in my mouth..

JERRY

[resigned] At least it's show business..

GEORGE

But in the zoo, you know, they might, put a woman in there with me to uh.. you know, get me to mate.

JERRY

What if she's got no interest in you?

GEORGE

Then I'm pretty much where I am now. At least I got to take a ride on a spaceship.

Nice game, Pretty Boy.

Ohhh, you've got sooo much good stuff coming to you in the last three seasons, Ste!

this is my favorite show

i know i can't wait! xp

Do we know when the next season dvd is coming out?

"Can I say one thing to you? And I say this with an unblemished record of staunch heterosexuality..........It's fabulous"

and one more before I go home, from The Fire episode:

GEORGE (voice is hoarse from screaming): I...was trying to lead the way. We needed a leader! Someone to lead the way to safety.

ROBIN: But you yelled "get out of my way"!

GEORGE: Because! Because, as the leader...if I die...then all hope is lost! Who would lead? The clown? Instead of castigating me, you should all be thanking me. What kind of a topsy-turvy world do we live in, where heroes are cast as villains? Brave men as cowards?

ROBIN: But I saw you push the women and children out of the way in a mad panic! I saw you knock them down! And when you ran out, you left everyone behind!

GEORGE: Seemingly. Seemingly, to the untrained eye, I can fully understand how you got that impression. What looked like pushing...what looked like knocking down...was a safety precaution! In a fire, you stay close to the ground, am I right? And when I ran out that door, I was not leaving anyone behind! Oh, quite the contrary! I risked my life making sure that exit was clear. Any other questions?

FIREMAN: How do you live with yourself?

GEORGE: Its not easy.

Woops.

http://www.tmz.com/2006/11/20/kramers-racist-tirade-caught-on-tape/

I was looking for a thread to post that in.

i always hated michael richards

I have a feeling that Michael Richard's Apocalyptica will not make it to theaters now.

I never liked Seinfeld in general.

u suck

jerry seinfeld is a legend in the hood

Good for Jerry Seinfeld. I hope he can parlay that into a career somehow.

Seinfeld's great but man talk about a wtf.

So he's either 1) on drugs or alcohol, and that finally let his real feelings slip out, or 2) people have been covering for him for a looooong time.

holy crap. That's a tirade, alright.

Yikes. I saw him at a cafe a few months ago, and he seemed cordial, but I also wouldn't be surprised if he was a giant asshole.

that's a shame

Oh I think this video pretty much proves without a doubt that he's a giant asshole.