Pitchfork Reviews Reviews

http://ripfork.com/2010/08/jess-harvells-review-of-isismelvins-split-by-isis-and-the-melvins/

i almost don't want anyone to tell this guy i'm not a chick. also there are a couple sentences in there that i could REALLY use some help in parsing.

i don't understand that post or why these people are acting like you're the first guy to call isis boring.

whenever i read that ripfork site, especially the grammar grammar critiques and the stuff where this guy unashamedly complains about writers using "big" words unfamiliar to him, i can't help but think of that line from dfw's updike takedown about how it "ends up being embarrassing in the special way something pretentious is embarrassing when it's also wrong."

then mike introduced me to one of the male DJs, he was wearing a purple sparkly American Apparel backpack, and i asked him if i could ask him some questions for my blog and he said yes and i say “what music do you listen to when you’re sad?” and he instantly said “morrissey” and elizabeth whispered “obvious” to me because it was her question and i think she was looking for a less predictable answer. i asked what kind of drugs he did and he said “i’ve never done drugs” and smirked, and then he was like “actually, i do b12!” and he takes a little bottle of b12 out of his backpack and draws some liquid from the bottle with an eyedropper that was attached to the cap and squirts it into his mouth

then i asked him what the going rate was to hire the MisShapes for a night and he said he didn’t talk about money and i said “god, no drugs, no money, you guys are lame” and he laughed and i go, “what’s the craziest night of your life?” and he thought about it for a second and then said “it was this new year’s eve i guess?…” and he pauses and goes, “okay actually i’m lying, i DO do drugs, on new years i ate some quackabees and then took a nice little tour of the city and didn’t get back until the morning.” i don’t know what quackabees are or if i even heard him correctly but i didn’t wanna ask him for clarification on drug slang and look like a herb so i just assumed it was some long-lasting stimulant and kept my mouth shut. then i thanked him and went to try to track down the hors d’oeuvres

Leaving aside their respective turn of phrase, I think what the Ripfork guy does with his time is (not really even being flippant here) more indicative of actual mental instability than the PRR kid - in that he composes long, detailed, regular takedowns of people working in a medium that he appears to have no interest in at all

i'd say the problem is just the opposite: he's got FAR too much interest in it.

#2 by Dave Ohno on August 18, 2010 - 10:59 am

I went to Sunday School with Jessica – I think she matriculated at UM – College Park, but that’s the last I heard from her. Do you know how I can get in touch?

^lawl

okay actual lolz.

xp yeah in a sense but he actually seems to be disgusted that there is such a thing as music journalism, and chooses to express this through long, detailed etc etc... I'm not a believer in the 'no such thing as bad publicity' canard but he spends a thousand words zinging, like, writers from Drowned in Sound on about their fourth review :/

well wasn't he kicking around the ass-end of online music sites for a while and then decided to stick it to the man? i'm not trying to be all "lol u failed and now u mad" but uh...seems pretty obvious.

i'd say the problem is just the opposite: he's got FAR too much interest in it.

― strongohulkingtonsghost, Wednesday, August 18, 2010 11:01 AM

^^^ 100% otm

"lol u failed and now u mad" <-- should more or less be that sites tagline

xp (again) that's why he strikes me as basically a headcase - you got some stuff printed online, decided that the whole gig was a bit boring and silly, no problem w/ that - why then spend hours and HOURS picking apart ppl half of whom are barely higher up the ladder than you were? Wait don't tell me I know this one

see, thats the thing. with prr, you can chalk it all up to youthful enthusiasm, and its all good pretty much, even if the kid does go overboard at times. plus, his writing can be interesting, so theres that. with ripfork, which i dont read, the dude just comes off as kinda off, and the entire raison detre for his site is just 'lol music critics'

failed music writer jealous of working music writers, some of whom are working for highly visible, reputable publications

basically a headcase - you got some stuff printed online, decided that the whole gig was a bit boring and silly, no problem w/ that - why then spend hours and HOURS picking apart ppl half of whom are barely higher up the ladder than you were?

hey some of our best posters resemble this remark

gotta get my hands on some quackabees

then he was like “actually, i do b12!” and he takes a little bottle of b12 out of his backpack and draws some liquid from the bottle with an eyedropper that was attached to the cap and squirts it into his mouth

i am really loving imagining this moment, the announcement followed by the totally wordless ritual which everyone stands and watches in awe

when oh when is predictfork gonna drop?

OK DUDE'S, WHAT THE

http://www.pitchforkreviewsreviews.com/post/1043570259/getting-my-lil-wayne-tattoo

I just skimmed that, but . . .

can someone read that whole thing & tell me if that's really his tattoo, 'cause I think it is

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l815kdFZYO1qb52lo.jpg

Shut the fuck up you retards.

YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU RETARDS

*REVS MOTORCYCLE*

kind of lol but mostly sad

like yesterday i was walking past Ground Zero and i have been watching the building there rise as it is being built because i work near it, and Wayne says on that same song i just quoted, “switchin up my flows like a nigga do construction” and i never understood it after 3 years of listening and like 400 itunes plays but then as i was walking past Ground Zero i realized he is saying flows and also floors with a southern accent, like a construction worker builds the floors of a building!!

Ott clearly wishes he could write like this.

ott has a point tbh

He does?

theres a wry ott goin on

― ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, Wednesday, March 1, 2006

why do you guys keep posting the biter version of my original joke?

we should take this subject seriously, find out who this guy's girlfriend is, and pick a fight with her

But I heard he and Ryan broke up?

I predict a wry Ott.

― Whiney G. Weingarten (whineyg), Wednesday, March 1, 2006

There ya go, Whiney; credit where it is due.

lol omar

white wry ott
i wanna wry ott

Paramore - Wry Ott!

Wra Wra Wry Ott!

http://www.hofcraft.com/images/Ott-logo.gif

what is happening in this thread?

we're talking about yr Wayne tattoo d00d

in my defense, i was drunk that night and regretted it in the AM.

\(^o^)/

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/15/Sea_otter_cropped.jpg

awwwter

Would that make this one an AAAAHHHHH!!-tter?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_JpJR_J-5GyQ/SoRAoKfe31I/AAAAAAAADiE/f3SvC9XFW9w/s400/mean+otter.jpg

hahaha

and then i walked back to my apartment in bushwick over the bridge and someone sent me an email that had a link to a thread on a music message board about my Lil Wayne tattoo and at first i couldn’t bear to read it because why would people be anything other than mean about stuff on the internet. but then i couldn’t stop myself and i clicked it and read some of the entries and as i walked into Brooklyn off the bridge i got a 50 cent bag of pretzels from a deli and put on Casimir Pulaski Day by Sufjan Stevens on my iPod and sat on the curb outside the deli crying and picking the pieces of salt off the pretzels because i don’t want to eat that much salt because it is bad for your heart and makes you feel bloated

so to people who wrote nasty things about my tattoo or blog on the internet, i want to give you the same opportunity for schadenfreude that danny moving home gave me and i hope you got what you wanted out of writing what you wrote. i am not saying this so you will feel bad for me, i am beyond aware that there are greater tragedies to feel bad about than some kid getting upset about stuff some random people wrote about him on the internet and i will get over it hopefully by the end of the week

but you should also know that if you think the mean things you write about people on the internet would not bother them or have any impact on them because a certain amount of people read their blog or listen to their band or read their book or watch the films they direct, i want you to think about how vividly you remember the mean things people have said about you versus how vividly you remember the nice things, and how much those have affected you and lingered in your consciousness relative to one another

and it is also worth considering the next time you are tempted to write “____ is the worst band on earth, they have the worst lyrics and the music makes me want to vomit and their ideas are retarded and i hate them” or something in that vein. and i know i write criticism criticism and sometimes it has to be negative but i am doing my best to be civil about it and i recognize that some pitchfork writer’s bad idea or set of bad ideas does not make them a bad writer or an idiot. i also have written mean stuff about people on the internet in my day, but i am not doing that anymore because i want to be proud of how i live and the things i do and say, and the times i wrote mean stuff about people on the internet have not been moments i can look back on and be proud of

and i know this blog has had whatever exposure and everyone tells me to grow a thicker skin because some people are bound to hate it and some of it is corny, but in the way that i couldn’t just not feel bad about my friend sleeping with my girlfriend, i can’t just be like “i will decide to not let this message board bother me and then it won’t bother me” and if you can do that you are probably a monk with crazy mind control, and if you act like the people you are writing about can do that you are living in an emotional internet fantasy world. i also know that admitting a message board made me cry is embarrassing but i can’t imagine i was anyone’s model of stoic masculinity before this post anyway so there’s no great loss in that i think

so anyway i don’t want PRR to be a sad blog but some days you just feel sad and you can’t just command yourself to be happy, so hopefully tomorrow will be better than today and this blog will reflect that too, i hope you understand