Craigslist hilarity

how d'you titillate an ocelot etc

twitterpate an ostrogoth

no, dont!

casting the net wide

Cute Amoeba music cashier girl - m4w - 26 (Hollywood)

You checked me out, thought we had something a spark maybe, if so, tell me what type of shirt I was wearing and or the two cds I bought.

http://nextround.net/2010/08/best-missing-rape-van-craigslist-ad-youll-see-today

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/wrg/1926851198.html

It's probably just someone with a giantess or shrinking fetish, with a side interest in vore. Not inexplicable at all.

sorry you guys :(

Craigslist removes adult services section

September 04, 2010 4:30 PM EDT
Craigslist appears to have surrendered in a legal fight over erotic ads posted on its website, shutting down its adult services section Saturday and replacing it with a black bar that simply says "censored."

The move comes just over a week after a group of state attorneys general said there weren't enough protections against blocking potentially illegal ads promoting prostitution. It's not clear if the closure is permanent, and it appears to only effect ads in the United States.

The listings came under new scrutiny after the jailhouse suicide last month of a former medical student who was awaiting trial in the killing of a masseuse he met through Craigslist. Critics have likened the services to virtual pimping, while Craigslist maintained the site was carrying ads even tamer than those published by some newspapers.

Like many other free online forums, Craigslist typically does not review ads before they are posted by users. But in 2008, under pressure from 40 state attorneys general, Craigslist began requiring posters to provide a working phone number and pay a fee for placing an ad in what is now the adult services section. Several months later, Craigslist adopted a manual screening process in which postings are reviewed before publishing.

State officials believe Craigslist is still not doing enough to stop illegal ads from appearing.

The company said Saturday it would issue a statement on the matter, though it didn't say when.

Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, one of the 17 attorneys general who pressed for the change, said in a statement that he welcomed the change and was trying to verify Craigslist's official policy going forward.

In an Aug. 24 letter, the state attorneys general said Craigslist should remove the section because it couldn't adequately block potentially illegal ads promoting prostitution and child trafficking.

Authorities point to the case of 24-year-old Philip Markoff as a prime example of the dangers posed by Craigslist services. The former medical student was accused of killing a masseuse he met through the hugely popular classified advertising site, which was founded by Craig Newmark. Markoff committed suicide in the Boston jail where he was awaiting trial.

Craigslist's adult services section carried ads for everything from personal massages to a night's companionship, which critics say veered into prostitution.

Craigslist's CEO Jim Buckmaster said in a May blog posting that the company's ads were no worse than those published by the alternative newspaper chain Village Voice Media. He cited one explicit ad which included the phrase: "anything goes $90."

http://newyork.craigslist.org/lgi/zip/1936266213.html

Boys Underpants Medium (suffolk)

Date: 2010-09-04, 11:43AM EDT
Reply to: sale-gcbye-1936266✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

I just bought my son new underpants. I am giving away 10 pairs of his Hanes used underpants.
They are grey or black in color and about 1 year old

Location: suffolk
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1936266213

And because he doesn't have the Adult Services section to put an ad in anymore.

OMG STOP SAYING CREGSLIST, ABC WORLD NEWS VIA BBC NEWS PEOPLE.

http://chicago.craigslist.org/chc/wrg/1937590572.html

This is an odd request, but I am looking for a role-playing partner to do email or instant message-based sessions revolving around various reenactments and recreations of situations similar to those in the Disney classic movie Honey I Shrunk The Kids.

Various aspects of the original movie have always fascinated me. The perspective of being shrunken, and the various interactions with normal every-day objects and situations. My role would be that of a shrunken individual, while yours would be that of the normal sized role.

Out of all of the scenes in the movie that I have always wanted to reenact through role-play is that of the Cheerios scene. Of course, swapping out Rick Moranis for yourself would be preferred.

The requirements for this job: you are a female, you are verbose, descriptive almost to the point of it being ridiculous, very imaginative, and hopefully that you like Cheerios. The ability to take something as simple as moving your hand and creating a moment and event out of it would be preferred as far as detail depth.

If you feel you could be into this, and have plenty of fun doing so, then please reply.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $50

Fifty bucks!

Of course, swapping out Rick Moranis for yourself would be preferred.

and hopefully that you like Cheerios.

We had this one (or similar) already. It's someone with a giantess fetish.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_l8e3llQioz1qzzpi4o1_r1_1280.png?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1283971298&Signature=sI%2BRSGlFDCiQgkJoyRqMzV7nvEQ%3D

How rude.

http://atlanta.craigslist.org/atl/mis/1940875309.html

What was pressing awfully hard into what?

Something long and pointy that isn't a staff or a spear?

"You - WOW blond wizard. Me - ancient wizard."

I can only picture him as Professor Farnsworth in a wizard cape. For some reason.

42 years old, really?

I commented on your Shirt at Skylight today - m4w - 42 (Los Feliz)

I saw you today at the Skylights annex in Los Feliz. I was so taken by you that I barely paid attention to what books they had. I thought, "oh, awesome! It's my turn to find a cute girl in a Hipster bookstore! I guess movies ARE right, after all." And then, guess what? You left. Suddenly uninterested in books, I left too, not realizing that there was an even bigger Skylights two doors down. I wondered... could she? Would she? I already knew you liked books, so I thought I had a pretty good chance.

And there you were, bright and shiny and so lovely in your cuffed jeans, cute shoes and green-striped top. I wanted to hold your hand and talk about books; I wanted to have coffee in Paris with you; I wanted to feel your head on my shoulder during a French New Wave Festival.

So I tried not to stare, tried not to creep, tried not to follow you, but I couldn't help it. I finally passed and commented, in a rather stumbling and not at all smooth way, "that's a cute top... you look really cute in it." You said, "thanks" and smiled. We never spoke again. Maybe you weren't attracted to me? Maybe I, a straight man, shouldn't tell girls that their "Top" is "Cute" if I'd like to date them? Maybe I should be happy I made you smile and move on.

But I'll still be thinking about that coffee in Paris.

If he were in his early 20s I would just think he was being a corny indie fuck, but there's something really depressing about that coming from a 42 year old.

But I'll still be thinking about that coffee in Paris.

And this is when the jingle starts to play. (Really, this does sound like a commercial for some frightfully pretentious instant coffee mix.)

would you be more creeped out than flattered by coming across a missed connection aimed at y'all?

(Insert all of the ILX posts I've made since late May here.)

but there's something really depressing about that coming from a 42 year old.

But I'll still be thinking about that coffee in Paris.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcMpJlYynBw

Yes, that's the one I was thinking of.

Christine, you are not self-consciously twee -- I think that's what made that depressing to me.

sometimes I think "musicians" must be the most depressing section of craigslist. It's all like people thinly disguising their delusions of grandeur and dreams of superstardom behind vague language ("get in touch and we'll just jam and see what happens") and lists of gear. There isn't even really like one example I could pull out because it's just so pervasive and overwhelming

^^^ this, except often their delusions are not disguised whatsoever. My favorites are the "bands" looking for everything: guitar, keys, bass, drums.." It's usually one crazy dude who has already named the "band" and needs enablers.

fine summary of how most musicians live theirs lives iirc (XP)

fresh original project-NO EGOS>>>JUST MUSIC>>>>>>MUSIC IS LIFE
We have a full studio(future home to NOWHERE RECORDS).... a capable guitar/bassist/vocalist/recording engineer and well versed keyboard/pianist/song writer

IN NEED of a ALL STYLES drummer...or at least willing to learn all...AND a female vocalist that plays ???violin-guitar-bass-drums-mandolin-sax-cello...And lyrics a plus....so ONLY SERIOUS REPLY...AND SERIOUS I MEAN -READY TO TOUR THE US

I can provide an apartment for each of you as well as meals and gear...This is NOT a part time project....I would like to see 30-60 hours a week spent rehearsing and recording

styles to be covered are ALL...the list is long so I wont even start...it will fall back to rock based...I MEAN ALL STYLES>>FROM BACH TO ERTHRA KITT TO BELA FLECK TO LED ZEPPELIN TO HANK WILLIAMS

HAHA!

I can provide an apartment for each of you as well as meals and gear.

i like how grandiose this sounds, and how in actual fact it is coming from a guy with four extra sleeping bags

And an envelope of carefully-clipped 2-for-1 coupons at Taco Bell, KFC, etc.

("ERTHRA KITT")

a female vocalist that plays ???violin-guitar-bass-drums-mandolin-sax-cello

There actually is a Chicago-based Nowhere Records that likely has no relation (their website is properly spelled and punctuated, at any rate.) Guessing this dude didn't Google to see if anyone else had the same name as his fantasy project.

FROM BACH TO ERTHRA KITT

So close to "Urethra Kitt" it's painful.

I was thinking Urethra, but also Mothra.

Mercenaries for Hire (?)
Date: 2010-09-24, 12:17AM CEST
Reply to: job-afw4z-1970075✧✧✧@craigsl✧✧✧.o✧✧ [Errors when replying to ads?]

We are two Ex- U.S. Military Special Ops trained individuals with experience in:

1. Hostage Negotiation
2. Close Quarters Combat
3. Advanced Weapons & Tactics
4. Advanced Evasive Maneuvers
5. Urban Environmental Adaptation
6. Urban Warfare
7. Stealth
8. Arctic, Jungle, Desert, & Urban Survival
9. Sharp Shooting
10. Room Clearing
11. Extraction & much more.

We are looking to continue providing military precision in ending all types of confrontations in a swift and professional manner.

Provisions are as follows:
1. All Gear required for job must be provided by the contractor.
• Weapons & Ammo
• Electronics including: Locked Signal High Frequency 2way Radios, Remote Detonators, Cameras, Monitors, & Night Vision Goggles if needed.
• High Mobility Armor
• Gear Bags

Leisure Expenses are as follows: (Up-Front Costs)
1. Transportation
2. Food & Rations
3. Hospitality & living expenses.

All contractual agreements are to be drawn up during the initial meeting of both parties. We will then part ways, take said contract to our advisor for detail analysis and will be in touch to set another meet for final drafting of contract agreements & terms.

We prefer International contracts & objectives. All U.S. contracts & objectives must be verified by a U.S. Government Agency for legality purposes.
All contractors must speak & type in English. All contractors must meet at one of our designated secure locations. To set up an appointment please use the following secure address for an email. Appointments by email only.

StealthPrecisionServices AT ymail

* Location: ?
* Compensation: Negotiable
* This is a contract job.
* OK for recruiters to contact this job poster.
* Please, no phone calls about this job!
* Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 1970075953

http://imgur.com/xn6ey.jpg

A special kind of affection.

*shudder*

Nothing else in that room mattered...

So close, no matter how far.

Vons in Echo Park, Tues, Oct 12 - m4w - 36 (Echo Park)

Hi. I wanted to thank you again for being so thoughtful while I was in line behind you at the Vons in Echo Park. First, you were very kind to move your groceries on the conveyor belt! Second, you were very thoughtful in worrying that you would hold me back while filling out the application for a Vons Card! Your kindness and smile left the best of impressions and I regret not being able to introduce myself (in fear of holding up the line behind me!). Would be nice to be able to thank you again and have an uninterrupted conversation.

this is one of those things where someone should just leave a pleasant random interaction as a pleasant random interaction. man i see so many girl problems on that site.