Craigslist hilarity

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/tlg/1876746191.html

Not a craiglist post, but I was reminded of this thread when I read this bunch of comments: http://www.avclub.com/articles/double-datemom,43681/ -- my jaw dropped in shock while reading. Here's a quote:

I didn't just "meet them". Nessa Devil let me pretend to have doggy style sex with her and even ground her ass into me and when I told my friends at the convention this figuring it was no big deal they were SHOCKED because she was very standoffish with most guys there and didn't want to talk to anyone, she must have found my self confidence, sense of humor, and MATURITY refreshing compared to the other guys who admittedly fit your mocking caricature of a typical adult expo visitor. We''re all there because we respect women and are fascinated with there erotic qualities, very few of us are misogynists who have idiotic views of women as submissive sex objects who only exist to fulfill banal fantasies.

love this:

I really hit it off with Chastity lynn and she agreed to have sex with me in her hotel room for only 400 dollars! That is practically giving it away, especially compared to what some creepy old guy would have paid her and she kissed me on the mouth the whole time without me asking and she had two orgasms and we talked the whole night. Most porn stars contrary to popular belief do not have sex for money off camera, and to get someone as amazing and impossibly beautiful as Chastity FREAKING Lynn to have sex with me means that I have qualities and charm that make women feel at ease. And YES I have had sex with women in real relationships that are beautiful who don't do porn but I am dedicated to my work and am not currently capable of the give and take and compromise that make up most real relationships. I also love making women who do porn feel special and intelligent, since most of them just want love and not to be looked at like a "whore" which is obviously your dismissive view of them.

oh jesus

hooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooweee

hard to choose a sentence in that paragraph really

That second one is...just....nnnngghhhhh.......

he made her feel special and intelligent and gave her two orgams and 400 dollars

these are fake right?

the orgams?

i'd say so

well they're fake in that the posts are fake, right

let me ask my internet forger friend -- he might be able to tell

by the pixels?

i mean just tryna be real before ppl go all slc craigslist on these

he says that if it's fake it's an excellent forgery

ha if those are a parody theyre *very* good

wat http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/1755781713.html

i will bf you in the m

waht?

yeah i can't figure that out either

buttfuck you in the mouth

that's what i came up with, too!

so why were you asking!?

befriend u in the morning

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/nyc/1578516400.html -- I applied for this, but they didn't get back to me. I guess they're holding out for a more proficient kabbalist than me, but let's be honest, this is craiglist and it's not like there are a ton of great kabbalists looking for work there (most of them are employed as religious leaders or professors in NYU's Jewish Studies program).

the kabbalist guy

The AV Club guy was apparently accidentally entering captcha codes into the user name field. Ha.

To the psycho women I know... - m4w (California)

To the pudgy blond chick I ran into in a west l.a. bar one night...

I don't let women with Monica Belucci's sex appeal bum drinks off me. Let alone you, who while looking at me with a smug expression, uttered "where's my drink." Not only did that make me laugh, it made me ridiculed you on facebook. You may have blocked me, but everyone knows now.

To the chick from up north...

Don't know you too well. You're cute and could have been a good match for me. But your friend is an f*cking psychopath. Be more selective of your friends, bud.

To the self-righteous girl from wilshire highrise...

We may be the same race and religion, but my God, you're the f*cking devil incarnate. Not only are you predictable, but you opened yourself up to pain while giving me just cause to hurt you. No matter, everyone now knows that you're a slut. And thanks for the souvenir you gave me that night by the beach, it helped me seal a deal with someone else.

To insecure mother slanderer...

You came and you went. You're probably the craziest one I've met, second only to the devil incarnate referenced above. The simple thought of me hanging around another girl made you fill with rage. Yet when you play games, then slander someone's ill mom, you're asking for a world of pain. And karma gave it to you hard. Chaching!

To middle-eastern chick from San Diego...

You screwed around with me, and a marine at the same time. Little did you know that I knew him from the service. We talked, laughed, and exchanged stories about you. And you never knew. Now chances are, he probably fucked you over already. I'd know, one of your friends still tells me things. And I know about your new guy... surprise, I know him too. I'll wait to hear when he's f*cked you over, then life won't be GOOD ;-)

To the other middle-eastern chick from San Diego...

You're thin, have a cute smile, and a personality to take down a black bouncer. You were probably the most straight forward chick I've hooked up with. Kudos.

And last but not least...

To the gold digging filippina chick from west los angeles...

You f*cked my buddy while cheating on your European boyfriend, and now everyone knows you're a slut. You should know my people better than that. And even after our adventures, you asked if it was ok to leech off the European guy, because it's not like you're "leeching off a poor person." Well, good luck bud. I'll be laughing when troubles comes your way. You can run, but you can't hide from karma ;-).

a personality to take down a black bouncer

what the shit is this? also, what a prince, this guy.

how many bad relationships do guys have to have before they look in the fuckin mirror is I guess my question

^^^

This is one of the things I do love about Dan Savage, when people write/call into him and whine that ALL men/women are bastards/bitches and he is all, "you know, the common-denominator here is YOU".

Guys my sister was recently *super proud* to be a missed connection on Craigslist. She wrote me about it like it was a life accomplishment.

what did the connection say?

HI DERE WAHT IS IT MADE

hot woman in black - walking her dog by river - m4w
Date: 2010-06-28, 2:03PM MDT
Reply To This Post

this is a long shot - but i saw you today walking your dog down by the river - YOU were in a black shirt/tube top and you looked HOT! i saw you again and waved and you smiled back... you were driving a white civic after you got done.... anyways, if im lucky enough and you read this - tell me what i was driving, or wearing so i know its you!... hope we can hook up!?

Not only did that make me laugh, it made me ridiculed you on facebook.

Sometimes I wish the internet had never been invented.

did she respond???

xp: I was close

'you looked hot' probably not gonna do it

I asked her if she pulled a Ghost World and she said, "Why do you always have to be weird."

You're thin, have a cute smile, and a personality to take down a black bouncer.

Worst horoscope ever.

i somehow dont really think that guy that omar posted is telling the truth about any of those encounters

Idiocracy is closer and closer to a reality everyday.

wow xposts!

man if i'm ever in SD and catch vibes off a middle eastern chick, i'll know to be careful!!!! thx bro

why the hell are ppl posting this shit on CRAIGSLIST of all places

watch out for chicks from "up north"!

there are two middle eastern chicks in San Diego, tho, goole, so make sure you know which one you're dealing with.

]You were probably the most straight forward chick I've hooked up with. Kudos.

oh shit i think i know who this is

i like how invested that dude is in the idea of karmic retribution

dude winks a lot huh