what to do when your roommate doesn't realize you're home and thusly is having loud sex in the living room

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Listen...

― lysdexic uGy, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:38 (twenty years ago) link

Oh, and pictures please, etc.

(heh, x-post)

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:38 (twenty years ago) link

give the guy pointers...
"Aw dude, you're doing it all wrong, you'll never hit the g-spot like that!"

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:39 (twenty years ago) link

I bought that couch new and sure I've had my fun on it but man no ass sex that's for damn sure.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:39 (twenty years ago) link

(xpost) Women have a g-spot in their asses???

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty years ago) link

(Meaning, "just the one?")

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty years ago) link

my roommate is hot when you don't live with her or know her well.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty years ago) link

Just walk out and say "Oh hey, is this CARLOS?" Unless of course his name is CARLOS, in which case, go back in your room.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:40 (twenty years ago) link

okay in five minutes I'm walking out there, consequences be damned. I need to eat.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:41 (twenty years ago) link

time them, then draw up scorecards based on performance

Stamina: 5
Variety: 2
Dismount: 7

Also, you could grab some pompoms and stand in the corner cheering, "gimme an F, gimme a U, gimme a C, gimme a K, yeahhhh, fuck her in the ass! wooooo!"

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:41 (twenty years ago) link

Yesterday was the Jess anticipation, today we have Gear. WHAT WILL TOMORROW BRING?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:41 (twenty years ago) link

"Dismount"!!!!!!!!!

Luna, you are a genius.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty years ago) link

I'm going to tap the guy on the shoulder and say "yo I got 'nexties' "

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty years ago) link

One thing is for certain: it's going to hard for you to resist examining that couch afterwards.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty years ago) link

make whale noises

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:42 (twenty years ago) link

I thought they'd be done in five minutes but I'm thinking not, it continues on.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty years ago) link

WOW THE GUY IS A HERO

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty years ago) link

yeash some women only reach orgasm through anal sex, so yeah the g spot is in the ass, for some of them.

( make her buy a new couch)

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty years ago) link

Hand them a moist towelette!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:43 (twenty years ago) link

I'm going to tap the guy on the shoulder and say "yo I got 'nexties'

For super double bonus freak out points, when he goes to get out of the way, say "no dude, I meant YOU."

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty years ago) link

I do hope there is no Santorum.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty years ago) link

oh man. what if?

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty years ago) link

That's definitely new couch time.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:44 (twenty years ago) link

yeash some women only reach orgasm through anal sex, so yeah the g spot is in the ass, for some of them

That's because they're men - hel-LO prostate massage!

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty years ago) link

That's why I fear for your couch, Gear.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty years ago) link

This is in West Hollywood, isn't it?

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty years ago) link

call the police and report abuse and then leave

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty years ago) link

Come out and spray some Lysol around.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:45 (twenty years ago) link

yes it is. if she's pegging a metrosexual on my couch I will be very displeased!!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:46 (twenty years ago) link

"Hey guys, I'm gay!" *spritz spritz*

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:46 (twenty years ago) link

NOW'S THE TIME

wish me well, I know not what I wander into.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:46 (twenty years ago) link

I am posting to ILX via my Blackberry.

From your living room.

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty years ago) link

nothing like a vigorous bout of ass fucking to get ilx all excited.

― bill stevens (bscrubbins), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty years ago) link

: o

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty years ago) link

slap the ass all casual on your way throught the room. tommorow find your revenge

― kephm, Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty years ago) link

I await the dim cries of outrage.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty years ago) link

aaaaaand.....scene.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:47 (twenty years ago) link

(I had to use *spritz* because the onomonapoetic words I was coming up for the sound of an aerosol can sounded distressingly like peeing.)

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:48 (twenty years ago) link

phone the Outhere Brothers and get them to agree it is ridiculous

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:48 (twenty years ago) link

do you have a recording of the Dead Alewives' "Dungeons & Dragons"? play that really loud.

"WHERE'S THE CHEETOS? WHERE'S THE MOUNTAIN DEW?"

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:48 (twenty years ago) link

http://kingkong.me.berkeley.edu/~smythe/bubbles/pics/couch.gif

― dean! (deangulberry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:49 (twenty years ago) link

alternately, go up there and comment on it, like in the one online pr0n vid where the guy was DPing the white chick with his block & tackle, and his two friends were standing next to him, helping with the commentary.

there's a link to it on here someplace.

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:50 (twenty years ago) link

seriously, just walk out there and tell them the couch is communal and ask how she'd feel if you smeared your semen on the kitchen table.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:50 (twenty years ago) link

kephm's ass slapping is my favorite idea - yeah, do that.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:52 (twenty years ago) link

seriously, just walk out there and tell them the couch is communal and ask how she'd feel if you smeared your semen on the kitchen table.

And if she says "I never thought you'd ask!" and smears her cummy hinder all over the kitchen, where will that leave poor Gear!?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

Order a pizza yo!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

And tell him to just come on in.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:53 (twenty years ago) link

"...the water's fine!"

― Kingfish Balzac (Kingfish), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:54 (twenty years ago) link

just print out this thread and give it them both as a souvenir of this beautiful moment

― chris (chris), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:54 (twenty years ago) link

They'll probably just invite him to join in. You know those pizza guys.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 13 April 2004 19:55 (twenty years ago) link

Skipping 807 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

This reminds me that for the first time I saw an advert for Lysol on telly today.

― Madchen, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:32 (sixteen years ago) link

Correct, Miza. There are about a dozen or so acknowledged ILX classic threads, and this is one of them.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:33 (sixteen years ago) link

Moley, what are the other dozen?

― Miza Din II, Thursday, 6 September 2007 22:34 (sixteen years ago) link

Mizza: I'd send you here, but sadly, some important content is 404'd.

― gr8080, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:03 (sixteen years ago) link

www.ilxor.com/ILX/ ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=40&threadid=17054

The most upfront sexual proposition you have ever made/received to/from someone you've just met

There's others, these are the only two I could find.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:17 (sixteen years ago) link

Somewhere there's probably a thread linking to all the classic threads, even.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:18 (sixteen years ago) link

Total Deathkvult Armageddon: The Black Metal FAP

Well, I liked it.

― moley, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:21 (sixteen years ago) link

the use of "thusly" in this thread's title never fails to crack me up. And then I open it and roffle (again).

― Roz, Thursday, 6 September 2007 23:24 (sixteen years ago) link

How would ILX react if this turned out to be untrue?

-- milo z, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:08 (3 hours ago) Link

i dunno it's kind of like that story about George Washington chopping down the cherry tree or something

― latebloomer, Friday, 7 September 2007 00:08 (sixteen years ago) link

one month passes...

Why didn't Gear just play some music loudly or something so his roommate would know he was home? THIS STORY IS FULL OF HOLES.

― 31g, Friday, 19 October 2007 23:32 (sixteen years ago) link

http://tikkiro.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/blasphemy.jpg

― en i see kay, Friday, 19 October 2007 23:46 (sixteen years ago) link

He looks like he could do with a fisting.

― Autumn Almanac, Friday, 19 October 2007 23:56 (sixteen years ago) link

I propose "Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend" (xxp)

― The Reverend, Saturday, 20 October 2007 00:16 (sixteen years ago) link

gear is fake

― RJG, Saturday, 20 October 2007 01:54 (sixteen years ago) link

I mean Gear! is fake

― RJG, Saturday, 20 October 2007 01:55 (sixteen years ago) link

eleven months pass...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/d/dd/Burial_at_sea_Feb2004.jpg/800px-Burial_at_sea_Feb2004.jpg

― J4gger Dynamic Pentangle (Just got offed), Monday, 29 September 2008 16:28 (fifteen years ago) link

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00422/snf21DEL_422073a.jpg

― Glans Christian Christian christian Christian Andersen (MPx4A), Monday, 29 September 2008 17:02 (fifteen years ago) link

four months pass...

This came up on the first page of results when I ran a search for "Charles Burst".

― jon /via/ chi 2.0, Monday, 9 February 2009 21:57 (fifteen years ago) link

eleven months pass...

Time for the yearly bump.

― smashing aspirant (milo z), Thursday, 28 January 2010 20:53 (fourteen years ago) link

check if the roommates are home first

― Dr. Algernod Goon (some dude), Thursday, 28 January 2010 20:54 (fourteen years ago) link

one year passes...

bump for posterity

― dozens, maybe even hundreds, of vagina related screen names (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 03:44 (twelve years ago) link

still classic. I'll bet this guy wouldn't care if you were home or not.

― Gukbe, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 03:46 (twelve years ago) link

THIS:

she's got her ass in the air while this scrawny indie fop WEARING A TRUCKER HAT AND NOTHING ELSE is attempting to INSERT HIS COCK IN HER ASS.
ON MY COUCH

& THIS:

MY LIVING ROOM SMELLS LIKE NOTHING I'VE SMELLED BEFORE

4alltyme.

I miss the pic of the Weezer & Jimmy Eat World cds the trucker hat dude left behind.

― Mucho! Macho! Honcho!: Turn Off The Dark (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 04:12 (twelve years ago) link

I am too busy choking on my own roffle to post the "miss you" video for trucker hat guy

― unwarranted display names of ilx (mh), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 04:36 (twelve years ago) link

How would ILX react if this turned out to be untrue?
-- milo z, Thursday, 6 September 2007 20:08 (3 hours ago) Link
i dunno it's kind of like that story about George Washington chopping down the cherry tree or something
― latebloomer, Friday, 7 September 2007 00:08 (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

There's a page on Snopes about this, and Stephen Fry is referencing this purely to take points off Alan Davies on QI next week.

― Mark G, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 08:48 (twelve years ago) link

oh man, this thread. what memories.

― Cindy Mancini can ride my lawnmower anytime (thebingo), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 13:43 (twelve years ago) link

three years pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSH4aRcMsTE

― buzza, Saturday, 7 February 2015 02:19 (nine years ago) link

man if ever there was a thread that wa slong overdue for a sequel

― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Saturday, 7 February 2015 02:38 (nine years ago) link

slong overdue

schlong overdue?

― You are swimming in spaghetti. Without a paddle. (snoball), Saturday, 7 February 2015 21:35 (nine years ago) link

boom! thusly

― contenderizer, Saturday, 7 February 2015 21:39 (nine years ago) link

I am delighted to find that Google still only returns one result for "cummy hinder".
― Mädchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 15 March 2006 18:56 (8 years ago) Permalink

and still

― there can be only (onimo), Tuesday, 10 February 2015 12:06 (nine years ago) link

eight months pass...

And if she says "I never thought you'd ask!" and smears her cummy hinder all over the kitchen, where will that leave poor Gear!?

― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Saturday, 10 October 2015 04:20 (eight years ago) link

four years pass...

btw "cummy hinder" does actually yield a few porn site results now including that phrase.

DJP can copyright the usage of that term and make some coin

― Bublé in the changer, I wish I was dead (Neanderthal), Sunday, 22 December 2019 19:01 (four years ago) link

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