Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

We've got a snorter in the office. Turns my fucking stomach umpteen times a day.
He also does that horrible cough thing that gets out of control and ends up with phlegm being chewed and swallowed.

UGGGHHH this is one of my most loathed things ever. Seems to be common among SE Asian ppl for some reason, mayb a cultural thing I dunno. A taxi driver did it the other day while driving me home - horked up a gob, wound down his window and hocked it out. BLEUGH. DONT GIVE ME YOUR PLEURISY YOU FUCK.

A bunch of stupid stuff happened today, just like most days, but this one takes the cake:

We're all having a reaaaally busy day (long boring story, but right now, where I work, is sorta like April 14th at the IRS). Everyone's a bit stressed out, and we're all overloaded with meetings. We only have about 20 minutes for lunch before another meeting at 12:30. At 12:28, I run back to my desk and start chugging a Subway sandwich so my stomach doesn't growl for the rest of the afternoon. Just as I'm about to fiiiinally take a bite, my stupid, annoying co-worker comes in and goes "I'm soooo hungry!" and just watches me bite into it. I offer him half my sandwich, even though I'm really hungry and I pretty much want all of it. He asks what's on it and I say "it's a veggie patty". He rolls his eyes and starts complaining and talking about how it'll be embarrassing if someone finds out he ate a veggie sandwich, and within about 15 seconds, no shit, he's saying "I'm doing you a favor, buddy. I'm doing you a favor, eating this...ewwwww....god, you owe me".

HE'S EATING HALF MY SANDWICH THAT I GAVE TO HIM EVEN THOUGH I'M STARVING AND COMPLAINING ABOUT THE INGREDIENTS, AND SAYING I OWE HIM!

http://i48.tinypic.com/i3ufsg.jpg
^me 2 1/2 minutes later

LOL. I would have taken the other half of sammich and smooshed it into his gob.

i seriously would have told him to stfu and not eat it then. what is with people?!

I did! I told him "you're eating my sandwich, I don't owe you!" but he just laughed and walked away and said "you owe me, buddy, I'm doing you a favor, ewww"

WTH.

Oh god that sucks, but speaking as a vegetarian who eats at subway, their veggie patties are garbage. Better off just getting a cheese sandwich with a ton of real veggies on it.

Or a pizza.

Boss is rarely in the office all day, she is today, she is intensely annoying

Shut up shut up shut up shut up.

(directed at coworker, not Tom D.)

Wow - just topped yourself by pronouncing "Ian" as "Eye-an."

Ha ha, getouttahere!

Fucksake, I can't do two things at once, who d'you think I am, the Orakel-Krake?

i quit my job last week to do freelance work. there were several factors that played into this decision, but when i'm reeeeeally honest with myself, i know it's because of that mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly garrulous woman i've complained about several times on this thread. i will never again have to hear about her mucus, her bowels, husband's hatred of dentists, her hip imbalance, her World of Warcraft guild, how much she hates it when she wakes 5 min before her alarm goes off, how her legs are really long (they're not) and her torso is really short (fat), BUT her husbands legs are really short and his torso is so v long, her cats' bowels, or HER @!#$^#@ FAITH IN THE LORD OMG

mere words really can't do justice the heaviness that has been lifted from soul.

and i will never, ever be subjected to her coffee-slurping again. seriously guys, i could almost cry.

i would go freelance murderer tbh

iirc the dude from 90210 pronounced his name eye-an

ian rand

how much she hates it when she wakes 5 min before her alarm goes off

tbf this is really annoying.

before my job went bye bye I usually had a big office to myself despite being a lowly admin assistant (boss working from home). I'd bet those'll soon be times I look back on with much longing.

I feel accomplished when I wake up 5 mins before my alarm goes off

tbf this is really annoying.

get one Sleep Cycle

I would if my phone wasn't about ten years old!

I do, however, love when I wake about fifteen minutes before my alarm, just enough time to add a micronap to your night's sleep.

hey btw because I don't have a job any more I'm going to spend all of my time here playing the role of an annoying co-worker.

co-workers didn't get suspended after 51 votes.

?

is this some sort of office survivor?

I feel accomplished when I wake up 5 mins before my alarm goes off
― iatee, Thursday, July 8, 2010 9:31 AM

^^^ this!

Christ, shut UP woman. Is it just how people speak in hindi anyway, or are you honestly someone who speaks incredibly rapidly and without taking a breath for 15 minutes at a stretch? Seriously, its like listening to an auctioneer.

Its like a little yammering radio batting constantly at my ears. AARRGH *puts on headphones*.

Pronounces bodega as "BO-dega" and seems really pleased with himself everytime he says the word, which is about once a day: "I'm going down to the BO-dega *pause* to get a bag of chips."

And I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure a convenience store is not even called a bodega if it's not owned by Puerto Ricans and it's not in NYC?

Also fuck you because every time you say it, I get "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" stuck in my head.

And she said honey take me dancing
But they ended up by sleeping in a doorway
By the bodegas and the lights on upper broadway
Wearing diamonds on the soles of their shoes

office mate at my new gig speaks about 5 times a day. and what he says is typically funny. it's so great :) :) :)

srsly the last 2 years are like a really bad dream

Yikes, now the endlessly talking accounts lady is sitting at her desk crying. Always so awkward :/

she just read this thread and that's why she's crying, trayce. that's why.

OH GOD DONT SAY THAT TO ME.

haha that is so mean

classic suggestion

UGGGHHH this is one of my most loathed things ever. Seems to be common among SE Asian ppl for some reason, mayb a cultural thing I dunno. A taxi driver did it the other day while driving me home - horked up a gob, wound down his window and hocked it out. BLEUGH. DONT GIVE ME YOUR PLEURISY YOU FUCK.

just to say some people have really fucked up phlegm issues they can't help, i have phlegm in my throat non stop...i have to do this sometimes cos it's hard to breathe otherwise! i don't ever spit it out or whatever in public but i do the hocking noise wherever i can most get away with it.

Yeah I guess thats a fair point :(

no need to feel bad, i was just repping for my phlegm brothers.

The guy at my place makes a point of doing it as loudly as possible and saying things like "that was a good one" so I think it's fair to say he's a stupid annoying dick. Some of your brothers in phlegm are giving you a bad name.

"I was telling my sixteen-year-old niece, I said "When you grow up, you can do anything you want. You can eat Gummi Bears and Mountain Dewbfor lunch every day, like I do. It's great!" Guy is 30 years old and has a beachball physique. He was trying to convince me to go try out a frozen yogurt stand for lunch.

Maybe he plans on eating the whole stand.

I mean, no wonder he has emotional problems and can't get along with people.

Actual email I just received:

Hi - via the new report what does true and false mean?

Sent from my iPhone

Do I just send her a link to dictionary.com? How is it possible to answer this without being patronising/condescending?

context is everything

True enough, I can't even see anywhere on the report I assume she is talking about where it says true or false.

I just emailed her back asking for more information...

pending confirmation of idiocy so

I'm more annoyed by the ham-handed use of "via." What the hell is that?

Bet they meant "vis a vis".

I have a coworker whom I quite like who always uses "vice" instead of "versus" as in "I think we should have the meeting over lunch vice having it after hours." I'm guessing it's some corruption of "vice versa."

So, I had a terrible day at work yesterday thanks to a couple of stupid annoying coworkers. It's much too long and dry to get into, but involved them requesting extra (and by all accounts unneccessary) work from me after I had already given them a stellar product.

The level of dipshittery involved:

The initial product that I gave them had been pulled together from a list of people who had already donated money to our organization, and who they had specifically asked me to look at for that reason. The request for additional info included the following as one of its many criteria: "[organization name] giving history, if any."