Underworld

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Didn't you laugh at the voices? I was cracking up all over the place.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 22 September 2003 00:50 (twenty years ago) link

I can't wait to see this! My thoughts tomorrow!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 00:51 (twenty years ago) link

I can't decide if I expected it to be worse than it was, or just bad in different ways; basically, I expected a bad excuse for action scenes, and instead it was like the melodrama of a lot of kung fu movies, but without the cool action scenes. There really wasn't much action at all, and most of it was muddy.

But I walked out feeling "well, that wasn't as bad as I expected," just cause it was bad in different ways.

(Also, the sequel logically must feature Immortal Mosquito People, since the movie implies their inevitable existence.)

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:07 (twenty years ago) link

Like this guy?

http://www.larkspurschools.org/nc/nc_projects/hart-mosquito/facts/int.%20facts%20cartoon.gif

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:12 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, only played by Robert Downey Jr!

(Speaking of which, what the hell! They're doing an American remake of The Singing Detective -- but a movie, not a miniseries. This is completely the wrong thread for that, though.)

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:14 (twenty years ago) link

I know! I'm kind of intrigued though. Mel Gibson is a strangely amazing presence when bald, as he is for the movie.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:16 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, I keep forgetting he's in it (granted, I've only seen the trailer twice). Dubious as I am, I'll watch it. I really would watch RDJr as an immortal mosquito man, even, when you come down to it.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:20 (twenty years ago) link

Did you like Pennies From Heaven? The movie version I mean?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:23 (twenty years ago) link

I haven't seen it since I was a kid, but since for the longest time I thought it and All of Me were the same movie, in my head it's a surreal tour-de-force :)

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:27 (twenty years ago) link

Did you combine it with The Man With Two Brains as well?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:31 (twenty years ago) link

that was such a weird, creepy movie

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:31 (twenty years ago) link

See, it was too creepy for me to confuse (also, I probably didn't see it until I was older).

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 02:33 (twenty years ago) link

well underworld is number one with a silver bullet! $22 million!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 04:35 (twenty years ago) link

Now I conflate All of Me and Man With Two Brains.

― Leee (Leee), Monday, 22 September 2003 07:09 (twenty years ago) link

The quest is the quest.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 22 September 2003 07:27 (twenty years ago) link

''I like the way you think.''

good. i don't want to creep anyone out.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 22 September 2003 07:51 (twenty years ago) link

The BBC did a great job of spoiling Underworld for anyone who might go and see it by showing Blade last night.

Underworld was woefully inept in so many areas that it was almost good. Almost. It felt like it was based on a really complicated comic, and cast really badly. Beckinsale proves that she really, really, really cannot emote in any way whatsoever. And as for the Ultimate Creature... Words fail me.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 22 September 2003 08:15 (twenty years ago) link

Specifically, the words "Uruk-Hai smurf".

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 22 September 2003 08:33 (twenty years ago) link

but she does have a very shiny bottom

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 22 September 2003 08:55 (twenty years ago) link

He's big, he's bad and he's smurfin' mad.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 22 September 2003 09:23 (twenty years ago) link

Best xpost ever.

― Altweibersommermute (Wintermute), Monday, 22 September 2003 11:50 (twenty years ago) link

Only four hours till I see Underworld!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 14:05 (twenty years ago) link

Julio, b/w our collective passion for Trek slash and Kate Beckinleather, I suspect we are nearly the same person.

― Leee (Leee), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:37 (twenty years ago) link

Trek slash? Like Deanna Troi initiating Young Wesley Crusher into the ways of the world? Um, ew.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:54 (twenty years ago) link

(And we can all agree that Brokedown Palace would have been much better with Kate and Claire Danes in leather, right?)

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:55 (twenty years ago) link

Every movie would be better if it featured Kate and Claire in leather!

"I Am Sam", featuring Kate Beckinsale and Claire Daines! In LEATHER!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 22 September 2003 19:59 (twenty years ago) link

Well, you were all right, this one was a real turkey. Gotta say I liked the way the movie looked, though, like 8 Mile if it had been about goths. The sound was really nicely done too, especially the crackly gunshots.

But otherwise--what the fuck. First of all, the bad guy, that "Kraven" guy, that guy was the worst guy ever. I can't think of a worse movie villain--how bad were his line readings? I couldn't believe they let him, of all the baddies in the movie, stick around for the sequel. Speaking of which, how pathetically hopeful was that ending?

Also, you know what else really pissed me off? They seemed to go out of their way to stick the vampire characters in front of mirrors and other reflective surfaces, in which their reflections were always plainly visible. YO, VAMPIRES DO NOT CAST REFLECTIONS! It was like they were taunting me with it!

Grumble!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:05 (twenty years ago) link

Was Kraven a Russian big game hunter who wore some sort of lion-face shirt? I hope so.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:31 (twenty years ago) link

No, he was a dippy guy with long hair.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:36 (twenty years ago) link

KEEP THE FLAME ALIVE, MARTIN

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 22 September 2003 20:38 (twenty years ago) link

s1utsky wha-- i thought we were---??? IT'S OVER YOU BASTARD

― jones (actual), Monday, 22 September 2003 21:49 (twenty years ago) link

Someone told me the "vampires casting reflections" bit is actually one of the numerous things named in the lawsuit, since that's true of White Wolf's vampires (and hence the vampires in the short story they allege was ripped off). I haven't actually read the huge document, though (and they have to list petty things even if they aren't things they'd sue over in of themselves).

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 22:18 (twenty years ago) link

What lawsuit? Is someone trying to sue a vampire?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:29 (twenty years ago) link

jones I'm so sorry! I had to run and do it last-minute and I didn't have a pass so I had to pay! I"M SO{RRY

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:30 (twenty years ago) link

See the first post, slutsky :) White Wolf (publishers of the Vampire rpg) is suing Sony over a laundry list of similarities between Underworld and a Nancy Collins short story they published a long ways back (I haven't read the story, I have no idea which bits are similar).

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:33 (twenty years ago) link

The weird thing is that they don't ever refer to the fact that they're casting reflections; it's not like it's part of the story. They just do--and if you're gonna do that, I think you gotta explain it or something in the movie. It's like having vampires that don't drink blood and never even mentioning it.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:37 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, that would be even more reason to bring it up in the lawsuit, I think (if the person who told me that was right): it wouldn't be specifically brought up in the short story, because it would've been in an anthology of stories in the same setting where the casting-reflections bit was taken for granted; so if the screenwriter lifted enough of the story, and tossed a bunch of mirrors in, they might not have even stopped to think "Oh, hang on, I need to explain that ..."

Of course, the director or someone should have, but this ... doesn't exactly seem to be the kind of movie people spent a lot of time thinking about. ("That guy from Felicity! Let's make him blue!")

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:40 (twenty years ago) link

He looked like what you'd get if Rebecca Romijn-Stamos's character from X-Men and the Hulk had a baby.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:43 (twenty years ago) link

I had to laugh everytime Kate stormed past all those super-effete young vampires lounging around the main room at Vamp Manor. It was like a cheesy New Romantic video. I could just picture the AD yelling, "OK, everybody, we're rolling, let's get decadent! Come on, people, languish!" I think I like rave vampires better.

― Arthur (Arthur), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:46 (twenty years ago) link

Totally! The Blade vampires were much better. The ones in Underworld looked like they were straight out of a L'Oreal commercial.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:49 (twenty years ago) link

Still, they seemed quite relaxed and friendly.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:50 (twenty years ago) link

In the post-Blade world, no vampire movie is complete without a Traci Lords opening scene.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:54 (twenty years ago) link

Maybe that's why Blade 2 sucked the big one.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:56 (twenty years ago) link

See, I haven't seen it yet, cause my "lack of Traci Lords" sense was tingling. (It's in Netflix, and I keep shifting it downqueue.)

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 22 September 2003 23:59 (twenty years ago) link

blade 2 sucks partly because the entire thing takes place in these lame abandoned buildings and alleys with no human people around to terrify, so the vamps never seem remotely scary or powerful except to EACH OTHER zzzz - is underworld like this?

(p.s. it's really ok s1utsky - i wouldn't have made it downtown today anyway)

― jones (actual), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 00:40 (twenty years ago) link

So what about Beckinsucksblood's action sequences? Does she indeed fail to pull off stylee moves with proper flair? Does she look like a bad CG-rendered model (i.e. stiffness)?

― Leee (Leee), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 06:58 (twenty years ago) link

The only interesting thing I could think to say about it (except that it really is Blade 2.5) is vampires = Western European old gentility and werewolves = Eastern European post-communist bit of rough, but even that they're pretty much "Do you seee?" about.

There is a great quote from Philip French in the Observer describing the score as Ravel's Bolero played at double speed on a pneumatic drill.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 07:59 (twenty years ago) link

I liked that in the movie the werewolves were historically the servant class to the vampires' aristocrats. I wanna see an "upstairs/downstairs" movies about vampires and werewolves. Like Gosford Park but evil.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 13:36 (twenty years ago) link

It can be called Evil Version of Gosford Park Movie.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 13:37 (twenty years ago) link

The whole mularkey was a misnomer. Underworld - in what way? It was like two tribes of tramps - the ones who lived in the streets and the squatters in the big house. None of them did anything, and their lifestyles weren't exactly aspirational. (Unless you want to live in a romo video or a nu metal video).

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 13:50 (twenty years ago) link

The vampires in the house had guard dogs protecting them, which, you would think, wouldn't be too effective against werewolves.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 13:53 (twenty years ago) link

Patrick Swayze would have to play the lord of the Immortal Mosquito People. "She's like the blood through my veins..."

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 13:53 (twenty years ago) link

Who in god's name doesn't want to live in a Romo video?

(the guy in the student bar, in fairness)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 13:56 (twenty years ago) link

In reference to Pete's article, I thought the head villain was supposed to be from Norn Iron, not America.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 20:30 (twenty years ago) link

help please: which vampire pic was it i saw recently which uses jesus/judas as the vamp origin tale (and is this proposed elsewhere)?? it is driving me mental

― jones (actual), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 20:58 (twenty years ago) link

dracula 2 baby!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 21:13 (twenty years ago) link

though technically the title shoulda been "dracula 2000 2"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 21:13 (twenty years ago) link

wait Blade 2 you mean? (i can't remember the story and you can't even remember the name = it is quite possibly a masterpiece). anyway whatever it was, the m.gibson Passion movie should really have picked up this vampire tidbit and run with it if you ask me

― jones (actual), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 21:33 (twenty years ago) link

no, dracula 2! the sequel to wes craven's dracula 2000! it's really turdy, but I have a copy from work if you wanna borrow it

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 21:35 (twenty years ago) link

well i've seen it apparently (though i swear this is the first i've heard of it)!! but thanks anyway

― jones (actual), Tuesday, 23 September 2003 21:43 (twenty years ago) link

but then again there might be another vampire movie using that idea, I wouldn't be surprised, you know, jesus and drinking blood, that stuff does go together

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 24 September 2003 01:23 (twenty years ago) link

thank goodness for copyrights, huh?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 24 September 2003 01:59 (twenty years ago) link

The vampires in the house had guard dogs protecting them, which, you would think, wouldn't be too effective against werewolves.

I can't fault the movie for that: dogs being guards against werewolves is an authentic part of werewolf lore (and even moreso, werewolf movie lore).

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 24 September 2003 02:08 (twenty years ago) link

Oh yeah? Well, what I really meant to say was... was that it was good that they had dogs there! To protect them from the werewolves!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 24 September 2003 02:37 (twenty years ago) link

Slutsky is slowly turning into Sean Carruthers.

― Kim (Kim), Wednesday, 24 September 2003 02:42 (twenty years ago) link

''Also, you know what else really pissed me off? They seemed to go out of their way to stick the vampire characters in front of mirrors and other reflective surfaces, in which their reflections were always plainly visible. YO, VAMPIRES DO NOT CAST REFLECTIONS! It was like they were taunting me with it!''

just watched this.

Ok it didn't follow vampire conventions but its not like Blade did either (EDTA bullets used to kill vampires for instance though this has UV light trapped in a bullet surely garlic solution would have been more plausible). And what about the iron bars that blade uses to kill vampires eh? Its actually a wooden stake through the heart (it has to be from a specific kind of wood, but my friend, who pointed this out, couldn't remember).

The movie looked good but the werewolf/vampire hybrid wasn't that terrifying and not that strong (kate had to kill kraven or whatever his name was).

er, and what's this abt the Blade Vampires looking better? Not that much diff and you had Kate, in LEATHER, kicking and passing through them, looking absolutely great!!! who cares if she couldn't act and she is a vampire, she lost her family, she's not expected to act ;-)

anyway 10/10. can't wait for the sequel.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 29 September 2003 17:06 (twenty years ago) link

anyway 10/10. can't wait for the sequel.

As Scott Speedman said, "If it makes two bucks, can't expect a sequel..." Guess he's happy he can finally afford to pay for his Jag, outright.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Monday, 29 September 2003 17:15 (twenty years ago) link

who is scott speedman and if it hasn't made millions then why not?

this film is obv too avant-garde for you ppl!

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 29 September 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

five years pass...

http://www.nme.com/news/underworld/47280

― cutty, Sunday, 13 September 2009 21:56 (fourteen years ago) link

woops wrong thread ;)

― cutty, Sunday, 13 September 2009 22:31 (fourteen years ago) link

two years pass...

new one = okay

not essential to see in the theater

― Bam! Orgasm explosion in your facehole. (DJP), Sunday, 22 January 2012 20:17 (twelve years ago) link

four years pass...

it's underworld season

― savvinesslessness (map), Saturday, 17 September 2016 18:04 (seven years ago) link

four years pass...

uhh any underworld heads know what this track is? at about the 30-31 minute mark in this mix: https://soundcloud.com/short-attention/short-attention-mix-joey-anderson

― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Thursday, 16 September 2021 00:19 (two years ago) link

It does sound a lot like him... but I don't think it's Karl

― maf you one two (maffew12), Thursday, 16 September 2021 00:29 (two years ago) link

It’s Len Wiseman, surely?

― bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 16 September 2021 00:30 (two years ago) link

I mean not only does it sound like Karl it’s also the same speech patterns

It’s definitely not a Underworld proper track. Unless I’ve developed amnesia

Might be one of those various tunes he’s guested on

Or maybe it’s just not him at all

whatever it is I want a copy, I loved it

― frogbs, Thursday, 16 September 2021 00:34 (two years ago) link

gotta be karl imo, no one else does lyrics like that

― Linda and Jodie Rocco (map), Thursday, 16 September 2021 01:39 (two years ago) link

also the same speech patterns

probably Michael Sheen then

― bobo honkin' slobo babe (sic), Thursday, 16 September 2021 01:43 (two years ago) link

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