no boys allowed in the room!!!!

being not-single sounds shitty

being not-single has a lot of enjoyable aspects

it's just interesting how advice/perspectives on love and romance differ from other things in American culture. But maybe not?

So far the most pragmatic advice I've gotten was the suggestion that I invest in a quality eyelash curler so that my eyes will appear larger and more "bambi-like"

That's completely bizarre.

the theory is that by appearing more like a defenseless woodland creature it would activate the male protective instinct - or something like that.

Being not-single is a big adjustment for me, I complain about it rather a lot because my life before was built on being free to commit my time to all my friends and other hobby-ist activities like biking, reading for hours, being gone from home all day for days in a row for dance gigs or practices. I spent very little time actually relaxing at home, and I only involved other people in my activities when it was convenient for me.

This is your prerogative when you're single and childless but it does result in no one being there for you and you alone when you want them. I want someone to miss me, someday.

Sorry, not trying to unleash any universal truths on anybody else with that last two lines. Just to say that my previous life was extremely busy, even over-scheduled, and possibly an extreme of independent. Would NEVER have gotten a pet, for instance, b/c it would need something from me and cramp my schedule.

Would NEVER have gotten a pet, for instance, b/c it would need something from me and cramp my schedule.

Getting a pet was a frequent piece of advice - but I just don't have the time to devote, plus i don't like cleaning up poop.

I want to get a pet but schlepping a small poodle (what I'd get, I like a dog to be smarter than the other dogs) between countries, even with pet passport, or having to leave her for long stretches is a giant pain in the arse.

offended that deer have been described here as defenseless

I was almost attacked by a deer once. Had to run up a hill to escape, truly terrifying.

ps. what guys look that closely at your eyelashes?

pps. what guys are attracted to defenseless woodland creatures? ew

It's a well-known fact that deer can't run up hills. Always head for high ground.

Eyelash curlers scare me.

well, he couldn't see me anymore anyway.

because of eyelash curlers?

Yeah he curled them the wrong way that poor, clumsy animal.

i've never owned or used an eyelash curler - they look too much like surgical tools

they pinch. and they put little bends in your eyelashes...i never could manage to get a curl instead of a series of bends.

I always wondered that. They should call them eyelash crimpers.

Some of them are horrible but I have a lightweight metal pair that are fine (and you can warm them with a hairdryer) - they shouldn't pinch. My eyelashes stick straight out but I look 100x more awake if I curl them.

you put on mascara afterwards and the bends become a curl

So I've been on a few dates with this guy who is really awesome, and I click with well. As its so soon after the billshit I went thru, I obviously just want things to be fun and non committal.

...he has a gf in a compeltely open relationship (he's poly, basically, from what I can gather). I'm not put off by this - its all up front and everything - but I do feel weird.

I'm conflicted, truth be told. I just want casual fun, but I cant let go of that little nagging thought that says "but once you start to have fun you start to get attached and then the poly thing becomes a problem because its a bit of a dealbreaker"... and ARRRGHHH this is fucking doing my head in overthinking things.

I was just *enjoying the moment* all last week. Then reality checked me upside the head. FML.

I dont know what to do.

well, obviously it seems like what you want to do is have fun, feel desirable, and not get too attached to this guy. So, it seems like the question is, how to avoid getting too attached?

this is gonna sound super negative and probably a bunch of ppl will disagree but imo you should quit while you're ahead: you've had some fun, end things now while it's all still good. the absolute truth of the matter is that casual sex funtimes NEVER EVER EVER last in 99.99999999999999999999999% of these situations. someone always gets more attached than the other. don't put yourself through the heartache so soon after the last one.

imo.

also: the trick with eyelash curlers is not to clamp them too tightly - just a gentle pressure is sufficient, esp if you heat them for a few seconds first.

I agree with Justine in regards to both cas sex and eyelash curlers.

that was a really adorable sequencing of posts, just1n3

^_^

<3 you gals.

i just generally steer clear of anyone who is "poly" or in an "open relationship" because it tends to result in an unbearable amount of drama, and there's enough drama when it comes to simple one-on-one relationships as it is.

Yeah hell me too. When I first started hangin out with this guy he'd said his gf had moved out six months ago. I knew the vagu situ, so I made the (silly) assumption that they'd broken up. Apparently kind of sort of.. not.

And he's a poly type person regardless, and I'm not sure I'm up for the challenge. Prob a good thing: it'll stop me being dumb and getting too attached, hey? Sad though. He's a lovely guy.

take the experience for what it was - helping you get back on the horse, so to speak. you needed some of your confidence back, and he's given that to you. that's a pretty awesome thing, and now it sounds like you've also made a good friend. bonus!

otoh it can still hurt - confidence booster that it was - i think Laurel's advice is good here - focus on having an awesome life and doing stuff for yourself.

Ya I got plenty else to be busy with tbh.

Such as having stinky boys moving back into my house and making a big mess! >:"|

i don't know what that emoticon means, but good for you!

It was a typo but it looks like a cranky hitler, haha!

Any beauty regimen that involves heating up metal objects and placing them near hair just does not sound worth it to me. That and over thinking are two forces possibly keeping me from cas sex experiences.

I don't mind hot objects near my hair, it can't feel anything anyway. Not a big fan of potentially scorching my eyeballs, though.

Agree w just1ne re the other thing.

"leave the party while you're still having fun" applies here in spades

I think that unless you are also poly or are really seriously considering adopting the lifestyle, it's kind of a dead end to date a poly guy, even if he is lovely. There are so many issues to navigate if you want any chance of doing this without getting your feelings hurt, you know? It's kind of exhausting. Plus also, I think for a lot of guys (maybe not him, but pretty much every "monogamy is bogus, I am poly!" guy I have ever had any romantic interactions with), it's not about really believing in the poly lifestyle. It's just about getting as much no-strings-attached tail as possible.

well, you can say that for a lot of guys - poly or not - it's just about getting as much no-strings-attached tail as possible.

Of course, but with the poly thing, the guy in question can cloak his garden-variety horniness in some sort of lofty ideology, which is what I object to more, to be honest.

honestly i have never met one of these people
do they tell you they're poly like, "there's something you should know about me..." or just like "hey i am in a polygamous relationship whatev"

guess it depends on the person, but i don't recall ever being told this in my life

well, for me, it came up when he started kissing me, and i said, "wait, what? You have a girlfriend." And he said, "We have an open relationship."

It was a long time ago, obv, but once after the moves were on and the guy was like, "Monogamy is just a tool to oppress the masses. I have a girlfriend! Let's bone!" and once after the boning was done and the guy was like, "So... I have a girlfriend but it's an open relationship so I know she'll be cool with it."

oh, in my case it was the open relationship was the girlfriend's idea

Like it was for real or the dude was just telling you that it was his girlfriend's idea?

it was for real - it was her idea - because of that i came to believe that "open relationship" really meant, "You're not really doing it for me, but I don't want to break up with you just yet."