All new ILE movies poll: THE WORST FILM OF ALL TIME, EVER, WITHOUT ANY QUALIFICATION. Nominations thread.

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2001! the acting is atrocious and the dialogue so wooden! and whats the deal with men in monkey suits for half an hour! c'mon people theres a movie already out called planet of the apes k thnx.

oh and theres a "light show" at the end! i was half expecting pink floyd to start murdering my ears!

and a giant baby at the end! wtf? kubrick's totally ripping off that simpsons episode when homer goes to space!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:24 (nineteen years ago) link

and dont get me started on that red camera Hal 2600!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:25 (nineteen years ago) link

Love Actually. Haven't even seen it, but the trailer came on in Blockbuster and a simmering rage began to well up inside me as the gospel choir version of All You Need Is Love played and the smug voiceover smugged away. Being a placid fellow, I didn't lose my rag, but man, was it excruciating.

People are dissing a lot of mediocre and flawed movies but missing out the real dreck, such as:

Batman & Robin (Arnie: "they won't put me in the cooler")
The General's Daughter (another godawful Travolta thing)
An Alan Smithee Movie
K-Pax (Spacey smugfest that even Jeff Bridged couldn't redeem)
Beaches
Mrs Doubtfire (travesty of a fine kids book. Anne Fine was not happy)

I was going to include The John Denver Story but it's actually quite funny for the relentlessly chirpy lead actor and his hair.

― stew, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:27 (nineteen years ago) link

Top Gun - no film with a 26-year-old, towel-clad Val Kilmer sneering can be all bad.

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:27 (nineteen years ago) link

Oh, and 40 Days And 40 Nights. Ok, Sharon Sossamon is almost unbearably lovely, but it really is a crude and jarring attempt to combine filth with romance.
The worst bit is when he spends the night with her but can't touch, so he makes her come by blowing a feather up and down her body...

Gigli does look truly horrendous. "Gobble gobble" aaarrrgggh!

― stew, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:34 (nineteen years ago) link

Batman & Robin (Arnie: "they won't put me in the cooler")

"Everybody Chill!"

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:35 (nineteen years ago) link

yeah i think thats actually the worst film ever

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Yeah, Batman & Robin was a date movie for my 16 year old self (nothing else on in my shitty town). Didn't see her again...

― stew, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:43 (nineteen years ago) link

All five of the movies below are FUCKING SHIT:

* BEST DEFENSE - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* PLANET OF THE APES (Burton) - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* 8 LEGGED FREAKS - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* BURN HOLLYWOOD BURN - this is a FUCKING SHIT film
* VERONICA GUERIN - this is a FUCKING SHIT film

― Huey (Huey), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:21 (nineteen years ago) link

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

― zaxxon25 (zaxxon25), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 17:45 (nineteen years ago) link

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man

No, that movie is classic!

Trenchcoats made of Kevlar...mwahahahahaha!

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:39 (nineteen years ago) link

My Multiplex in Hell

200 Cigarettes

Lost World Jurassic Park

Escape from LA

Requiem for a Dream

The Triplets of Belleville

American Beauty

Oceans 11 (the remake)

Traffic

― Spicy Club Sauce, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:50 (nineteen years ago) link

Basic. A film with John Travolta AND Samuel L Jackson has no right to be this shit.

Battle Royale 2 kind of sucked as well.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 20:57 (nineteen years ago) link

Not even the worst of these movies is as bad as the ILX 1990s poll
these movies are all better than those you voted for in the ILE "best of" poll
I think there are more good films in this thread than the ILE Best of the '90s.

Dumb point taken!

― Pete Scholtes, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:51 (nineteen years ago) link

anything directed by Schumaker

--Tigerland?

or Zemeckis

--Back to the Future? Cast Away?

or Kevin Smith

--Clerks?

Any Oliver Stone film

--Salvador? Born on the Fourth of July? Talk Radio?

― Pete Scholtes, Wednesday, 16 February 2005 22:52 (nineteen years ago) link

Bicentennial Man

― Mike O. (Mike Ouderkirk), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:04 (nineteen years ago) link

Mrs Doubtfire
yeah, and the one where that schmuck is playing a robot with human feelings, too!

― Jay-Kid (Jay-Kid), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:16 (nineteen years ago) link

Super Fuzz
Cannonball Run 2

― shookout (shookout), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:26 (nineteen years ago) link

Not even the worst of these movies is as bad as the ILX 1990s poll
these movies are all better than those you voted for in the ILE "best of" poll
I think there are more good films in this thread than the ILE Best of the '90s.

Dumb point taken!

I only said it once, for the record, but I'm glad I'm not alone... except for romantically.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Thursday, 17 February 2005 01:49 (nineteen years ago) link

Funny Farm -- This is a terrible, unfunny comedy starring Chevy Chase and worse yet directed by George Roy Hill, who made quite a few really good movies at one point. It is the worse movie I ever actually paid to see.

― Earl Nash (earlnash), Thursday, 17 February 2005 02:52 (nineteen years ago) link

All of those Fear/The Babysitter/Poison Ivy 2 movies from the early 90s are pretty atrocious.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 17 February 2005 21:46 (nineteen years ago) link

Total Eclipse (feat. Leonardo DiCaprio & David Thewlis)

― nader (nader), Thursday, 17 February 2005 22:11 (nineteen years ago) link

Scanners,
or
Naked Lunch.

Cronenbourg is a genius? Only if genius means rubbish.

― dmun, Friday, 18 February 2005 00:04 (nineteen years ago) link

you can die.

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:07 (nineteen years ago) link

http://movies.infinitecoolness.com/21/scan04.jpg

plus you mispelled his name!

― latebloomer: HE WHOM DUELS THE DRAFGON IN ENDLESS DANCE (latebloomer), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:09 (nineteen years ago) link

No-one mentioned "Sliver" yet? In that case, I will.

― Si Carter (Si Carter), Friday, 18 February 2005 00:20 (nineteen years ago) link

Ah, sorry i spelt his name wrong, but Cronenbourg or Cronenberg, he's still made the same dire films.

― dmun, Friday, 18 February 2005 14:50 (nineteen years ago) link

How the heck did I forget Star Wars Episode i? That might be worse than anything else on this thread.

― Raymond Cummings (Raymond Cummings), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:11 (nineteen years ago) link

Does The Star Wars Holiday Special count as a movie? If so, it's a dead cert.

― Huey (Huey), Friday, 18 February 2005 16:38 (nineteen years ago) link

Battleship Potemkin yo, the storming of the Winter Palace had every cliche in the book.
-- Gordy Stevenson (sonofsteve...), February 15th, 2005.

HAHAHA. Brilliant!

Aw, c'mon - they weren't cliches in fucking 1924!

But that's my only comment regarding the dozen-or-so above films that I like. My choice for worst:

"Crash" (wurst movie I ever paid money to see!) may have turned me off Cronenberg (& R. Arquette for that matter) forever - and I liked everything previous. Never woulda believed that any film could be repellent, unbelievable and deadly dull all at once - a near-impossible combination! - so at least I'll give him credit for that.
2nd würst $ layout: "Howard The Duck", and in fact EVERYTHING w/George Lucas's name on it after, oh, 1981 is a contenda. And every movie in which Michael Douglas plays an executive. And the aforementioned "Con Air" - Has there ever been a worse film w/as many usually dependable actors? (No.)

― Myonga Von Bontee (Myonga Von Bontee), Friday, 18 February 2005 17:01 (nineteen years ago) link

Search party required for Myonga Von Bontee's sense of humour!

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 18 February 2005 22:55 (nineteen years ago) link

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