Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

"Okay, I've acknowledged your opinion Sean, but I don't think you're being really considerate of my feelings"

The guy my boss recently hired to directly supervise me, arguing with my boss about some shit that's completely set in stone since way before he got here. If you ignore my proofreading comments, yes, expect Sean to ignore your feelings, dick.

― kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, July 8, 2009 9:36 PM (10 months ago) Bookmark

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Oh man, dude, we're cool and all, but stop exclaiming "FUDGE!" when something upsets you. Every two hours or so.

― kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, November 4, 2009 11:50 AM (6 months ago) Bookmark

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Part of my job is to screen potential donors for our non-profit organization. My coworker and I usually field requests for this information from the front-line fundraising staff, who may have heard about a person's name from a news story or had it suggested to them by another donor or something.

Whenever a name comes down the line that my coworker thinks would be unable to make a major gift, he dismisses them as "b1g n0b0dies" - e.g. "Look out, we've got another b1g n0b0dy coming through"; "I don't understand why they keep sending us all these b1g n0b0dies".

It's rude as hell. However much money these people make, they are always serious professionals with much higher caliber careers than he has.

(googleproofed because he says it so much it's like a catchphrase)

― kingkongvsgodzilla, Wednesday, December 16, 2009 11:59 AM (5 months ago) Bookmark

Okay, so today the director of my group pulled me aside and let me know that I would be reporting directly to him, rather than this guy referenced above. The guy has so many "personality conflicts" with the rest of our coworkers that I'll be taking over all duties from our team that involve interacting with other people.

I found this out at the end of the day today, so I can't imagine how awkward things are going to be tomorrow, but I'd like to add to the collection this choice catch-phrase, which has become more commmon as of late:

"I think I need to be on Xanax or something!"

congrats? (will they pay you more?)

convince him that "orsom theeng" is tagalog for "a fungo bat to the head"

i hate them all, apart from ian and john

ffs, stop speaking at a zillion miles an hour please

M.A., I know you're a nervous sort, a jabberer and an interrupter, but YOU WILL NEVER FIND OUT THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP.

We've got a snorter in the office. Turns my fucking stomach umpteen times a day.
He also does that horrible cough thing that gets out of control and ends up with phlegm being chewed and swallowed.

How can somebody sneeze SEVERAL TIMES A DAY EVERY DAY for MONTHS???? YEARS EVEN???????????????

not ONE person in my office can laugh like a normal person, or in fact laugh at anything REMOTELY funny

Here's a peeve that I would never have as a pet. It's straight out of the movie "Office Space", really. Someone explains something to you, and it's simple and clear, and you understand and repeat the instructions back so that everyone understands that everyone understands. But then there are certain people who cannot walk away without quickly summarizing the interaction for you again. Real-life example:

designer lady: "When you look at the Photoshop file, you can see these subheaders are actually grey. That's a different header style."

me: "Ah, I missed that. Thank you. So I need to take out the h3, and replace them with h4 tags."

her: "That's exactly right."

(one comedy beat)

her: "So if you could please just make the page look like the Photoshop file, that would be better."

GAHHHH! You just said that! I understood it! You know I understood it! You understood perfectly how well I understood it! You said so! What is it with you and having the last word PLUS the next to last word?

also the tic of saying "if you could do (x) then..." and no one who has this tic knows what to say next so they just end with "uh that would really great". it's a construction that allows them to avoid feeling like they've just told you what to do, which is in fact what they've done

I have both of these on the (very rare) occasions I get to tell anyone else to do

feel faintly ridiculous with the "...uh then that would be great thanks" because it makes it sound like the task is not necessary or useful, just something I would find pleasing to look at after its needless completion

desperate urge to fill the silence when realising I have run out of new things to say and am not really confidently businesslike enough to declare the talking over

Yeah, I'm sure that most of the time it's just a bit of padding for the end of the interaction, but it can come across as a need to exercise one last bit of authority, whether further instruction is needed or not. It's not that it's unnecessary, it's that it's officious.

please don't fucking tell me how desperate you are for hours, only to turn down 4 out of 5 shifts offered to you AND try to take a bunch of time off during one of our busiest months when there are 4 fucking staff already on holiday.

this isn't even directed at just one annoying coworker but FUCKING TWO OF THEM. gah.

ENTIRE DAY GETTING ASSBUTTED BY GIANT SMELLY BLIND WOMAN GOD I HATE LINE WORK KILLME OMG DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON DUDE WHO SNIFFS BRAS

We've got a snorter in the office. Turns my fucking stomach umpteen times a day.
He also does that horrible cough thing that gets out of control and ends up with phlegm being chewed and swallowed.

UGGGHHH this is one of my most loathed things ever. Seems to be common among SE Asian ppl for some reason, mayb a cultural thing I dunno. A taxi driver did it the other day while driving me home - horked up a gob, wound down his window and hocked it out. BLEUGH. DONT GIVE ME YOUR PLEURISY YOU FUCK.

A bunch of stupid stuff happened today, just like most days, but this one takes the cake:

We're all having a reaaaally busy day (long boring story, but right now, where I work, is sorta like April 14th at the IRS). Everyone's a bit stressed out, and we're all overloaded with meetings. We only have about 20 minutes for lunch before another meeting at 12:30. At 12:28, I run back to my desk and start chugging a Subway sandwich so my stomach doesn't growl for the rest of the afternoon. Just as I'm about to fiiiinally take a bite, my stupid, annoying co-worker comes in and goes "I'm soooo hungry!" and just watches me bite into it. I offer him half my sandwich, even though I'm really hungry and I pretty much want all of it. He asks what's on it and I say "it's a veggie patty". He rolls his eyes and starts complaining and talking about how it'll be embarrassing if someone finds out he ate a veggie sandwich, and within about 15 seconds, no shit, he's saying "I'm doing you a favor, buddy. I'm doing you a favor, eating this...ewwwww....god, you owe me".

HE'S EATING HALF MY SANDWICH THAT I GAVE TO HIM EVEN THOUGH I'M STARVING AND COMPLAINING ABOUT THE INGREDIENTS, AND SAYING I OWE HIM!

http://i48.tinypic.com/i3ufsg.jpg
^me 2 1/2 minutes later

LOL. I would have taken the other half of sammich and smooshed it into his gob.

i seriously would have told him to stfu and not eat it then. what is with people?!

I did! I told him "you're eating my sandwich, I don't owe you!" but he just laughed and walked away and said "you owe me, buddy, I'm doing you a favor, ewww"

WTH.

Oh god that sucks, but speaking as a vegetarian who eats at subway, their veggie patties are garbage. Better off just getting a cheese sandwich with a ton of real veggies on it.

Or a pizza.

Boss is rarely in the office all day, she is today, she is intensely annoying

Shut up shut up shut up shut up.

(directed at coworker, not Tom D.)

Wow - just topped yourself by pronouncing "Ian" as "Eye-an."

Ha ha, getouttahere!

Fucksake, I can't do two things at once, who d'you think I am, the Orakel-Krake?

i quit my job last week to do freelance work. there were several factors that played into this decision, but when i'm reeeeeally honest with myself, i know it's because of that mind-numbingly, soul-crushingly garrulous woman i've complained about several times on this thread. i will never again have to hear about her mucus, her bowels, husband's hatred of dentists, her hip imbalance, her World of Warcraft guild, how much she hates it when she wakes 5 min before her alarm goes off, how her legs are really long (they're not) and her torso is really short (fat), BUT her husbands legs are really short and his torso is so v long, her cats' bowels, or HER @!#$^#@ FAITH IN THE LORD OMG

mere words really can't do justice the heaviness that has been lifted from soul.

and i will never, ever be subjected to her coffee-slurping again. seriously guys, i could almost cry.

i would go freelance murderer tbh

iirc the dude from 90210 pronounced his name eye-an

ian rand

how much she hates it when she wakes 5 min before her alarm goes off

tbf this is really annoying.

before my job went bye bye I usually had a big office to myself despite being a lowly admin assistant (boss working from home). I'd bet those'll soon be times I look back on with much longing.

I feel accomplished when I wake up 5 mins before my alarm goes off

tbf this is really annoying.

get one Sleep Cycle

I would if my phone wasn't about ten years old!

I do, however, love when I wake about fifteen minutes before my alarm, just enough time to add a micronap to your night's sleep.

hey btw because I don't have a job any more I'm going to spend all of my time here playing the role of an annoying co-worker.

co-workers didn't get suspended after 51 votes.

?

is this some sort of office survivor?

I feel accomplished when I wake up 5 mins before my alarm goes off
― iatee, Thursday, July 8, 2010 9:31 AM

^^^ this!

Christ, shut UP woman. Is it just how people speak in hindi anyway, or are you honestly someone who speaks incredibly rapidly and without taking a breath for 15 minutes at a stretch? Seriously, its like listening to an auctioneer.

Its like a little yammering radio batting constantly at my ears. AARRGH *puts on headphones*.

Pronounces bodega as "BO-dega" and seems really pleased with himself everytime he says the word, which is about once a day: "I'm going down to the BO-dega *pause* to get a bag of chips."

And I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure a convenience store is not even called a bodega if it's not owned by Puerto Ricans and it's not in NYC?

Also fuck you because every time you say it, I get "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" stuck in my head.

And she said honey take me dancing
But they ended up by sleeping in a doorway
By the bodegas and the lights on upper broadway
Wearing diamonds on the soles of their shoes

office mate at my new gig speaks about 5 times a day. and what he says is typically funny. it's so great :) :) :)

srsly the last 2 years are like a really bad dream

Yikes, now the endlessly talking accounts lady is sitting at her desk crying. Always so awkward :/

she just read this thread and that's why she's crying, trayce. that's why.

OH GOD DONT SAY THAT TO ME.

haha that is so mean

classic suggestion

UGGGHHH this is one of my most loathed things ever. Seems to be common among SE Asian ppl for some reason, mayb a cultural thing I dunno. A taxi driver did it the other day while driving me home - horked up a gob, wound down his window and hocked it out. BLEUGH. DONT GIVE ME YOUR PLEURISY YOU FUCK.

just to say some people have really fucked up phlegm issues they can't help, i have phlegm in my throat non stop...i have to do this sometimes cos it's hard to breathe otherwise! i don't ever spit it out or whatever in public but i do the hocking noise wherever i can most get away with it.