thread to get over a breakup

lol, aw

I still feel like a damn fool

I don't know how to get over a break-up, I have always chain-smoked and hated myself. Perhaps that's redundant.

'people save their worst till last,' someone said to me once and i think she was right.

sucks when you are watching this unfold and people try to make it last past the worst.

Yeah :(

Also Laurel otm :(

I should say, Trayce, that I don't know how the "getting over" happens, but it does. There was a time when I started crying before I got out of bed in the morning and didn't stop until I fell asleep again, and I didn't care who saw me. It was the only thing I had inside, and it had to come out, public embarrassment didn't mean anything compared to the sadness. But one Saturday morning the sunlight looked a certain way and I watered my basil and made some tea or something and realized I was done grieving for the dead relationship. It still made me sad but it was like it had happened to someone else, or 5 years ago -- the immediacy was gone. And that's how it is, at least for me.

Actually I just remembered what happened and I know I've told this story before: I went to a family bbq with some friends and hung out with the host's kids. I think the kids cured me.

Yep. You told that story last summer to give me some hope when I was going through a rough spot and you know what? It did help. :D

Yeah! The morning after the bbq I sat on my fire escape and just looked at stuff, and it all looked different. It will happen, Trayce. But getting the cancer OUT of your life and OUT OF YOUR HOME would be the first step, yes? Just guessing.

Yeah, during my last heartbreak I made a habit of babysitting for a good friend and that little bastard did all sorts of wonders to raise my spirits. And I don't even like kids.

Unless of course one of the stated reasons why your ex broke up with you was because they thought you "would make a bad parent" in which case, being around other people's children is like being stabbed repeatedly through the heart with a glass shard...

or if they never wanted kids...

And I don't even like kids.

what a weird thing to say. whats to hate?

'people save their worst till last,' someone said to me once and i think she was right.

lawyers have a saying: in criminal law you see bad people acting their best; in divorce law you see good people acting their worst. an overgeneralization, but there's some truth to it.

i would never practice family law. it's too heart-wrenching.

I said "don't like", not "hate". I have very little patience for hissy fits and absolutely zero interest in changing diapers. Luckily this kid was potty trained and well-behaved while I was around.

Children are of no use to anybody but their parents until they're able to have a conversation.

um nobody likes children xcept for their parents iirc

but theyre so pure and you can totally fuck with their minds. honestly ive never met an adult who has anything to say that comes even close to as interesting as a 2-5 year old does.

Laurel - thanks, yeah I do feel like I am starting to come out the other side of this, finally. R is technically not living with me anymore (as in, he hasnt stayed in the house for about a week now) and just has to move the last of his few things out. I dont mind that - we're still friendly to each other, there's no major animosity in the immediate sense.

But every time I see him I just start crying. Even though the rest of the time I am fine.

And don't get me started on the new bitch. The very sight of her name makes me tense up and want to slap a ho. Unfair perhaps, but kneejerk.

Still - tonight, I shall gather myself together, meet up with dear N (he has been a rock to me) and go out to a bar/club and hang out with my homies. And have Fun, Dammit.

Kinda feel like you need to get really mad at this guy

Yeah, you should be way more pissed at him than you are at her.

Perhaps. But as the Wedding Present once sang, "why didn't you just say no?".

(that applies to them both, obv).

applies to him a lot more, imo.

But in any case she's not responsible for his shitty behaviour since day one of this.

Kinda feel like you need to get really mad at this guy

― May be half naked, but knows a good headline when he sees it (darraghmac), Friday, June 4, 2010 1:57 AM (12 hours ago)

give her time

well hello

i've just started thinking about dealing with breakups of ltr's like dealing with being sick. It's hard because i'm a horrible invalid - i get too impatient about wanting to get "well" already, and then i end up being sicker longer because i try and go about my life as if i'm perfectly healthy.

thread to get over a breakup (with ILX)

oops I need to change my DN

Trayce just out of curiosity when this happened with you and N and R did N want to slap a ho? Were they friends beforehand and then stop being friends? Seriously not being all YOU DID THE SAME THING (because ive done it myself yo) just curious how guys react.

and by Ho I dont mean you, I mean R

Heheh no its a fair question - but it shuld be pointed out N and I didnt break up because of R, it was because of someone else, and I have to be honest the reason that didnt turn into a massive drama is entirely N's doing. He just accepted our time was done, ended things, moved out and we remained friends. He never begrudged me gettin' with R, even though he could have (its complicated and I wont go into it on here).

Its easy to say that makes me a hypocrite. but its more that I now realise how much I put N through, and tbh that just made me feel even worse :/

And yeah N and R get on fine. And frankly. I dont know how N does it. Esp now - he could be dancing with schadenfreude about all this gleefully in my face. Instead, he offers to move back in with me.

Guy is damn Ghandi.

Ugh sorry if that was a muddled explanation, I'm all post-hangover and car prang fogbrain.

So I caught up with a random acquaintace last week at said lost-beret clubbing and since then he's added me to LJ and FB, and has been emailing me heaps and we're having a ball, and now we're planning drinks on friday and he's burning a DVD of Millenium to watch at my place after.

Guy is interested in me Y/N?

Y

(ffs)!

Friday night drinks and an excuse to go to your place afterwards? Have you discussed plans for who's cooking breakfast Saturday morning?

LOL oh gawd.

All my close friends are like ITS TOO SOON FFS DONT DO ThIS YOU MORON YOU HAVE A SHIT TRACK RECORD WITH SHAGS.

:(

Just wanna have some confidence back!

If shagging is mandatory after a movie then I've been missing out on my due for a looooong time

f yr close friends, shag the dude for fun or other reasons (then wake up and post to the hcwib thread obv)

trufax.

Heck, I dont care either way I just want to grab back some of the fun that bastard's had since he left me and I've been left with none of, fuck his shorty ass.

Yeah, getting laid has been a vital part of the recovery process, ime.

Not gonna put too much weight on this, but must quietly confess am looking fwd to friday, its a good distraction.

man, people who renounce stuff cos the timing's wrong are idiots

I guess it depends on what your attitude to sex is... Some people just can't fathom that others might have sex for fun, or at least have sex without a huge emotional baggage being included, so they think rebound sex is always wrong. Personally I think rebound sex can be pretty important since breakups tend to come with that "no one will ever want me again" feeling, and as long as the person you're shagging with knows what the deal is, I can't see what's the big problem?

Yeah, getting laid has been a vital part of the recovery process, ime.

― Fetchboy, Wednesday, June 9, 2010 12:10 PM

I thought this was the case with me after G and I broke up last year, but it turned out that it didn't help and actually made things worse. I only started feeling better when I got out and did stuff I could really be proud of: hiking a mountain, hosting a fundraiser for a friend with cancer, white water rafting, baking cakes - whatever.

not trying to be a prude and i think i may have sounded like one.

have sex with someone if you think it will help you. and enjoy the hell out of it.

Yeah, I wasn't saying it's a cure-all. Being productive and doing things you're proud of are definitely equally if not more important. And having meaningless sex wasn't just for confidence. It really sparked the excitement of sex again (after sleeping with the same person for a long time, no matter how good the sex, some element of it is still just always the same) and helped me remember how much fun new stuff life has to offer.

yeah having sex with someone knew after the extremely oppressive year-long relationship i started this thread about was really liberating and healing tbh

"knew" lol