OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

about 4? you don't have any point beyond LOL STUDENTZ, though.

Eight.

Wikipedia says...

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d0/OpenDaySpecial.jpg

Another lovely looking campus (an especially nice line in daffodils in the spring), with the occasional dreadful looking building thrown in to stop you getting too cocky - one of them looks like it could be used to breed giraffes in.

In 1997, a new Exeposé logo was designed based on the Carlsberg logo (as shown in the gallery below) and from 1997-2000 the paper proclaimed itself to be 'Probably the Best Student Newspaper in the World'.

Quality of school in not equal to quality of individual shocker!

Most of the best music writers I know went to shitty state schools. Many of them didn't even go to college. When I was in college, I remember reading music articles on UWire that destroyed the community-college-level music writing that I saw coming out of the Ivy Leagues.

lex i have made like 5 posts on this thread and they were on the whole vaguely whimsical points about student papers in general and a couple of crap injokes. i agreed with you that the "attack and dismiss" approach is stupid. i'm not sure why you are attacking me.

This is the BEST piece of music writing ever. Every word is sooooo correct and soooo spot-on.

fake geir

wait never mind I reread the article, possibly not fake geir

its not that his points are necessarily wrong, its just that everything he uses to "prove" his point is stupid

multixpost

Hi John yes I'm a Swans fan, why d'ya ask?

My student newspaper In Utero review and my interview with These Animal Men were way better than this article, oh yes, honest.

Person who has role as student music editor = someone who wanted to write about music, who might not necessarily have tastes outside the mainstream, who might not even be that well-educated about music. Just someone who has a passion for the music they listen to. It would be one thing if music editor were a highly competitive position in the student paper but most likely the kids who are really "into" music are off doing other more specifically music-related things with their spare time.

This is totally OTM. The guy might be putting a load of ideas forward that are completely ass-backwards but he obviously gives a shit about this stuff. I think you do have to sort of be wary of the ILM bubble where the idea of people being really passionate about Feeder or something is the height of absurdity, despite the fact that there are way way more of huge-scare-quotes "them" than of "us".

Another lovely looking campus (an especially nice line in daffodils in the spring), with the occasional dreadful looking building thrown in to stop you getting too cocky - one of them looks like it could be used to breed giraffes in.

Hahaha I had totally forgotten about that! It was k-rub.

I'm pretty sure I read worse music writing by the then Music Editor when I was on Exepose ten years ago. And I'm fairly sure I let worse through when I was editing a different student mag, don't get me started on the Toploader interview I was forced to print.

"So, Toploader, why are you named after an outmoded, inefficient washing machine?"
"We just make music for ourselves, and if anyone else likes it that's a bonus. WESTLIFE SUCK DUDE!"

what is difference between toploader and cornershop

Everything

before i jump in, how is this 175 posts? has the author showed up?

Nah, it just devolved into Sharks vs Jets and some kid got stabbed.

I disagree that student writing is exempt from criticism. One's worldview may not be fully formed by the age of 20, but a journalistic voice should be.

um NO

yeah, some of us would be pretty screwed if that were the case

(zingproofing: YEAH I KNOW i'm screwed anyway)

not just 'some of us' but pretty much all writers one could name. 20 is pretty young! i wrote shitloads when i was a student, some of it was almost as bad as this guy's. it's a shame they have to grow up in public (via the internet) in a way.

Person who has role as student music editor = someone who wanted to write about music, who might not necessarily have tastes outside the mainstream, who might not even be that well-educated about music. Just someone who has a passion for the music they listen to. It would be one thing if music editor were a highly competitive position in the student paper but most likely the kids who are really "into" music are off doing other more specifically music-related things with their spare time.

lol i was that "Person". the mainstream is an illusory category. if your audience is students the mainstream is different than what it is if you're writing for 12-year-olds, or for monied fuck-witted amoral east london twentysomethings.

looking back, ALL positions in the student press were competitive! and the music editor got free cds to hand out, got into gigs for free. i was briefly socially successful at that time. fyi writing about music qualifies as a "specifically music-related thing".

One of the previous music editors at Exepose also worked as a freelance music/gig photographer and promoter in the area; he ran club nights and had exhibitions of his pictures in a local venue, etcetera. My friend Steve (who was doing an MA at the time and writing for the paper - how I got to know the music editor) and I had to convince him that Prince was 'a respectable musician' once, but, you know, he wasn't ignorant, music wasn't a 'passing phase' or something. He was seriously into what he was doing. I'd imagine this guy is too.

Just look at the input on this thread, and ILM / music journalism in general - people who get involved with the music coverage at student papers often end up moving into it as a 'career' (haha @ Alex calling me a 'professional music journalist' - I've earnt a few hundred quid from it at most and never approached a publication with my writing in my life; it's really not my career and I'm not sure how it can be anybody's) in one way or another, whether that's writing or in PR or anything else - for all I know this guy could be doing a business or law degree and end up in the music business that way.

I never got involved in my own student paper music pages because I had an awful first term at university and lost a lot of confidence - I assumed that anybody involved in the paper in any way was going to be a MUCH better writer than I was and that I didn't stand a cat in hell's chance. A few years down the line and yeah, I realise that had I gone for it I'd have been as good as if not better than a lot of othr people, and maybe I'd have been a writer fulltime rather than a library dude with a hobby, but who knows.

I'm not really interested in this guy; I'm certainly not interested in slagging him off (although the idea that he's saying 'major labels are gr8!' and seemingly being courted by them via his band at the same time screams 'conflict of interest'); what I am interested in is the hows and whys of this article; not 'how was it published?' because we've pretty much established that student papers will publish anything (what was the thread a few weeks ago about the NYC student paper and the awful, offensive sexual helath feature), but 'how are these attitudes fostered, why are people thinking this, is this typical, if so, who is it typical of?'

I also think it's quite interesting re; the education system. University's basically a factory that teaches you to absorb and reinterpret data, to analyse and digest and critique and report and synthesise; this guy's a second-going-into-third-year at least, and probably given the average ages of Exeter students and numbers taking years out and so on, 21; why's he not got a more sophisticated approach than 'Westlife bad, Feeder good'? Granted there is an interesting thread in there re; the difficulty of 'writing popular music' and the whole marketing-of-music issue, but if he's doing either arts or business he ought to be more sophisticated in one or both directions.

University's basically a factory that teaches you to absorb and reinterpret data, to analyse and digest and critique and report and synthesise

even if that were true (am unsure), people involved in student journalism are not exactly worker ants! student journalism is what people do instead of going to lectures.

True; given a conversation I had this evening with a mortgage advisor, I think my reasons for going to university were different to most of my contemporaries', and are even more different to people there today.

enrique otm, although sleeping is what we do instead of going to lectures, student journalism happens when we ought to be consolidating our lecture notes later on in the day.

I'm just being idealistic, I guess; I'd like to think that everyone at university is there for the good of their intellect, and everyone writing about music for the student paper is there because they think music is the single most magical and important branch of art we have. Gilberto Gil and Caetano Veloso being arrested and ending up as (in Gil's case) culture minister thirty years later, rather than Johnny Rotten on Bill Grundy and then on Celebrity Jungle Island Brother Diet Got Talent.

I'd wager they're more interested in getting their own column in The Sun.

Also some might argue that most students these days are trainee thrusting Thatcherkids who don't have time to know about Tropicalia or punk.

You obviously think too highly of our ambitions, Marcello; most students these days are equally divided between getting a good degree and base social networking. There are about 15 Thatcherkids here in total that I've met.

A column in The Sun is definitely sought-after, though, you've nailed that one. Sadly.

Nobody knows how to sub-edit when they're 21, that's why.

a-HEM.

can't see what all the fuss is about here. i mean, yes, it's a shit article. but it's a shit article that matters not one iota of a fuck.

mind, i'm the daft bastard who's revived the thread after two days dormant, so on my head be it ...

The first person I clap eyes on as I bound into The Paradise is the Radio 1 DJ Sara Cox, sporting a natty pair of green leggings and white hi-top trainers. “Ooooh, I'm so glad you're wearing a tracksuit too,” she foghorns at me, as though across a market stall in Bolton, not a fashionable pub/club in trendy west London. “Why are all these people here not wearing tracksuits? Can I dance near you all night?” she asks.

She needn't have worried — just a few minutes later the pub is teeming with party people clad in all manner of nylon and velour leisurewear, not all of them carrying it off quite as well as Cox.

We're here for Tayo's Tracksuit Party, a kitsch celebration of sports casual that has gone down a storm at Snowbombing and the Notting Hill Carnival over the past couple of years. Until now, it's been a very occasional moveable party.

DJ Tayo's idea for the night came out of his own impressive collection of 90 track-suit tops. He now plans to “do it all more properly”, with a party in east London in July, on carnival weekend in August at The Paradise (which will be the party's more regular home) and a further six parties this year.

Tonight's DJs include Felix B from Basement Jaxx and Frank “Dope” Tope, plus Tayo himself, presiding over the night in a dazzling white fleece tracksuit top and white shorts. In truth, I've been a bit anxious about these tracksuit shenanigans. I've heard the parties are brilliant fun but I wake up in a cold sweat having lurid, neon nightmares about my outfit options.

Stretchy sportswear does me no favours at all and I spend the morning trudging around a rainy Brixton, desperately searching for something that doesn't make my backside look the size of Hampshire. It's not to be.

I settle for some new retro adidas trackie bottoms in a forgiving dark colour and team them with my favourite, super-bouncy orange trainers. I dig out a sort of matching adidas zip-up top (bought during a short-lived period of regular gym attendance) and a red-and-white sports visor I found on a beach in Ibiza. I avoid all mirrors as I leave the house. On my Bakerloo line train the other passengers glare at me and check their wallets.

All five rooms of The Paradise are being taken over for tonight's party in polyester (£6 entry) and by 9pm the place is packed. I have a sudden vision of what Lakeside shopping centre must look like on a Saturday afternoon. Although, of course, most of the punters here are professionals in their late twenties and thirties — their trackies usually only get an outing for Pilates or Ashtanga yoga.

In the main room upstairs, the crowd is getting down to old school hip hop and drinking double vodka and tonics (£5.50). It's a sea of sports caps, hotpants, shell suits, fake bling, huge sunglasses and Vanilla Ice dance moves.

At 10.30, Beeny Royston and Jadell (“two blokes with a bit too much time on their hands,” according to Tayo) take to the stage in Hawaiian shirts and Flowerpot Men hats, to do their “Spinal Tap goes hip hop” thing.

The pair, who scored a YouTube hit with their first record, Straight To Video, are ironic rappers, a sort of London-centric Goldie Lookin Chain. They change into towels, shower caps and shaving foam for another song, then into baseball T-shirts and caps. The rest of the crowd and I love them, but my friend John is less than impressed. He loves hip hop and doesn't appreciate it being performed with irony. I, on the other hand, have never understood how it can be performed with a completely straight face.

After more dancing, we head downstairs to what is usually the restaurant, but tonight is the venue for Have A Go Hip Hop Karaoke. The room is heaving and Tayo bravely kicks things off himself, with a valiant performance of Ol' Dirty Bastard's Baby I Got Your Money.

The crowd is whooping, chanting and dancing on tables as the usually sedate restaurant transforms into a scene from Eminem's movie 8 Mile. Tayo introduces the next guy up — Doc Brown, who blows us all away with his Straight Outta Compton. I comment to the girl dancing next to me what a good impression he does of a rapper. It turns out that's because in fact he is a rapper and has been on tour with Mark Ronson recently.

This isn't karaoke. They've all got record deals! I'm a desperate show-off and totally fancy myself as a singer, but I quickly revise my earlier plan to perform Salt-n-Pepa's Push It — no way, José.

We dance on, flitting back and forth between the upstairs and downstairs rooms and bumping into friends as the party gets ever more wild and chaotic. As we slip away sometime around 2am, I realise I never did give my new friend Sara Cox that dance she was after. But last time I caught sight of her, bouncing around to Run DMC, she didn't look like she minded. Next time eh, Coxy?

Who wrote this? Princess Beatrix?

By Jane Mulkerrins, London Lite 30.05.08

She's a Cambridge graduate, which certainly shocked me, because dumb fucking "Hearts of Darkness" pieces about hip-hop clubs by safari-suited white broads are rarely written by Oxbridge types.

oh, rarely?

It's all got a bit Dombot in here.

i like how the first two-thirds of the article is exclusively about wearing tracksuits

What song did you do Dom?

Chorus:
White girls
(Suzie, Janet Karen)
Going through my mind
(Sarah, Jess, and Judy too)
White girls
(Julie, Beth, and Sharon)
Help me unwind
(The more I see, the more I do)
Don't Tell Minister Farrakhan
(That's right)
He don't want to know what's going on
(Okay)
'Cause white girls won't go away

I've had a lot of education
There's one thing I know about, and that's miscegenation

Ticket to ride, white girl highway
Tell all the white girls, they could swing my way
What up, baby girl?, How you doin, is you single?
Have you ever messed, with a light-skinned Mandingo?
And I could give a damn, what all my friends say to me
You and me baby, could start making up for slavery
Girl, I'm just playin', I got a white mom
You got any Black in you?, (No) Would you like some?
Oh word, you like my songs, that be playing on the radio?
Well you know the sincerest, form of flattery's fellatio

I ain't a picky guy, so I really don't care
If you a hippy white chick, who got underarm hair
Or a ghetto white chick, who be trying to act Black
With your name on a chain, and your hair slicked back

You could be from anywhere, Maine down to Malibu
Cross a trailer park, on the way to Park Avenue
See me with a Black girl, you got the wrong man
Or might have just been, a white girl with a tan
And sisters don't get mad, 'cause I'm out banging white chicks
'Cause we all look the same, when you turn off the light switch

See back in the day, I was getting no play
Then I went the white girl way, like O. J.
So you can call on Kato, but I'm sorry O'Shea
'Cause I got my white girl, and everything's okay

(Chorus)

I've, had
Rich ones, poor ones, I even had some famous ones
Like Traci Lords, Houstin, and Jenna Jameson
Right about now, I'm on probation for three years
'Cause I caught a stat case, for having sex with Britney Spears
Getting head in the dressing room, I bust on her chin
Oops (pfff), I did it again

Gweneth Paltrow always said, I be making her laugh
She gave me head 'cause if I hit it, I'd break her in half
She ain't even the only, white actress on my matress
I even had sex with that, fat chick from The Practice
Bang Katie Holmes, who's always trying to take me home
Call me on the phone saying, "Casey make me moan"
Smoking weed in her dressing room, on a higher plane
I hate country music, want to bang Shania Twain

Whether short or tall, whether blonde or brunette
I ain't met a white girl, who I wouldn't do yet
And I got Alyssa Milano, hitting high notes like soprano
When we all up in my bedroom, making some mulattoes
I really don't think, there's a girl that I missed
I used to like Mariah, 'til I learned she was mixed

For those who's getting furious, please don't take me serious
I'm just wil'in out, like Eddie Murphy in "Delirious"
But if you took offense, and you're Black or you're white
I'm glad you did sucker, 'cause you way too uptight

(Chorus)

It's a sea of sports caps, hotpants, shell suits, fake bling, huge sunglasses and Vanilla Ice dance moves.

Sounds great. Fake bling: lol black people!

Jane Mulkerrins was formerly drummer for the rock group Cocorosie

That Nick Sylvester Pitchfork Weezer review/outburst/eruption from a few years ago remains one of the worst pieces of music writing I've ever read.

Coxy? What is this, Tarby's Golfy Diary?

(oho, on the green with Ademy, Drewy, Kieran Hebdeny and Tuungy etc.)

Along with the White Girls vid is another one by 'Black Jesus' called 'What it smell like'.

Seems Tim Burgess of The Charlatans has got a gig as a columnist for the Independent's music section. And fuck me, this is *horrible*:

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/music-magazine/music-magazine-features/introducing-tim-burgess-840139.html

Their live set consist of songs containing lyrics such as, 'I can't hear what you're saying.' and I think the line 'I must kill you' sums up a lot, and the enthralling song 'We Don't Need Your Honesty' with the chorus shouting the word repetition over and over, then coupled with television.

They are fast learners, and even better leaders. They get it right. Guess Electricity In Our Homes truly are vintage classic in the finest sense. They are the new Post Punk renaissance

That is puzzling in every way. Has it deliberately not been proofread?

I've never seen a published piece of writing with so many grammatical errors.