Awkward Social Situations.

they're only six months old, I don't think they're into threesomes

dude "twins" = boobs

they're only six months old, I don't think they've grown boobs

I think not playing is probably the only legit move. I don't want to cause the downfall of anyone's marriage, particularly where kids are involved. Nor do I want to end up being really close friends with the wife only to feel like I'm holding back some horrible secret from her.

Unless they somehow come out and say that they had some rough patch that they worked out or something, it's probably best to be neighborly and nothing more.

you're forgetting blackmail.

One of my coworkers pointed at my neck where I have a pimple coming in and said, boy you're too old for that which led to me getting a bit huffy and self conscious. When I just looked in a mirror, I realized it looked a little like a hicky, which is pretty clearly what she meant. Whoops.

i am not the kind of person who normally uses "pooh-pooh" in a sentence.

but today, i was in a meeting, and i was basically trying to express that i didn't want totally dismiss the value of a certain dataset. and i started a sentence with something like "now, don't get me wrong, i certainly don't want to...", and i paused to find the right word. and for some reason, i just could NOT figure out a way of saying it that did not involve saying "pooh-pooh", so i just fucking WENT FOR IT and said "i certainly don't want to ...pooh-pooh on that dataset, but ..." and kept going like it was no big deal. but it WAS a big fucking deal, to me at least, and i giggled it a little bit to myself at the end of the sentence.

that's the first time i've ever used "pooh-pooh" in that kind of context, out loud, and later i realized that you don't say "pooh-pooh ON", you just say "pooh-pooh".

FUCK

ahahahahahaha

<3

Z S rules

NEVER AGAIN dudes

oh man

that's like something that would happen to me in a nightmare

awwww. you can pass it off as being like 'hating on'. except with more excrement.

"I'll take a wee wee bit more to drink"

nice

Isn't it "I'll take a wee wee on a bit more to drink" to be equivalent to the original story?

Z S that is an embarrassing situation but that story is basically perfect.

It's like an ad for one of those telephone sex lines: "POOH-POOH ON MY DATASET! Calls cost £$£$£ / min. Must be 18 or over."

http://25.media.tumblr.com/890db48db0ce72e2b785715afe720cd6/tumblr_mfe7epV5VK1qdmmiqo1_500.gif

yesterday i was trying to find seats for a friend and myself in a crowded dining situation. i made a reasonable proposal which was rejected by an awkward stranger in favor of a ridiculously awful rearrangement that took literally 2 minutes to complete

at least i didn't say poo poo

That reminds me of a situation that happened to me once on a train.

<snoball enters packed rush hour train, goes over to two backpackers who are taking up six seats with all their gear>
snoball: "Hey, do you mind moving some of your stuff so that some people can sit down?"
backpacker: "Huh?"
snoball: "Maybe put some of your bags up on the luggage racks so that people can sit down?"
backpacker: "No we're not going to do that."
snoball: "Why? This train is packed and..."
backpacker: "We're not moving out bags."
snoball: "Did you buy six tickets or only two?"
backpacker: "Eh?"
snoball: "What you want to do is have some consideration for other people." <snoball storms off up the carriage>

wait zs why did you even need her permission to sit at a table she wasn't sitting at? what a strange lady!

no, i didn't need permission! and one thing i left out of the gif is that the two seats on the right were being vacated by another couple. i was standing around saying to my friend "jeez, it's crowded, what should we do?" and then i glanced over and they were grabbing their coats and belongings and they gave me the international sign for "it's ok, you can these seats". so i said thanks and then the awkward lady began her awkward move. i was like "oh, do you mind if we sit there?" and that proposal was REJECTED as the awkward lady began the long process. so fucking weird.

that's so weird, zs

So weird. I woulda just sat down and let her futz w/ whatever.

Futzy lady.

ZS made her get up and scream.

what explanation did she give?!

only possible one i can think of is that she was close to leaving (or closer than you) and didn't want to awkwardly shovel her stuff past you as she exited

laughed every time i watched that gif and i watched it several times

a GIF that keeps on giving

i love the bit when it goes "proposoal reject". that probably my number one fave gif.

The only words she said were something like "I will sit there". There was no advantage to be gained by moving - not closer to the door, and she ended up staying to eat for another 20 minutes. The only thing I could think of is that maybe she had been sitting between two different conversations and wanted to be on the outside. But the person on the table on the left ("nice woman") was by herself so I'm sure she wasn't being too annoying.

Awkward person was looking at her phone the entire time, like 30 minutes straight, through lunch and even while she was moving her belongings, do maybe she was just catastrophically distracted.

Maybe a more likely explanation is that in the minutes before my friend and I arrived, awkward person came up with a plan to move to the edge table as soon as it became available. Some people are obsessed with that kind of symmetry and distance between strangers. But when we showed up and took the edge table, she couldn't recalibrate her plan (or, you know, just sit there and eat without creating a weird incident). So she went ahead and carries out her plan even though it no longer made sense.

I'm going to assume she actually said "PROPOSAL REJECTED" in a robot voice.

"Siri, can I sit here?"
"PROPOSAL REJECTED"

i wish i could have zs create diagram gifs for everything i do

pleasant dinner table conversation with those near and dear to me

:(

Wow, so much drama about a table!! Jeez, when that happens to me, I just pack up my shit and take it back to the office.

<3 to u conty

thanks, man. i'm cool, but holidays are fraught.

they are

Friend said I looked tired, i explained i was saving my energy for being cheerful over Christmas as i find it hard work. She laughed and agreed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f2-88pyRtU