Favorite lines from Seinfeld?

hahaha

George: It was a hell of a thing when Spock died.
Jerry: Yeah...

haha "in that big sunglasses case"

Two from Frank, both from the same episode:

"As I rained blows upon him, I knew there had to be a better way."

"I gotta lotta problems with you people. And tonight you're gonna hear about it."

Frank: You sayin' you want a piece of me?

Elaine: I could drop you like a bag of dirt.

Frank: You wanna piece of me? Yoouuuuu got iiiiittttt!!

Jerry: (to George) I don't even want to talk about it anymore. What were you thinking? What was going on in your mind? Artistic integrity. Where, where did you come up with that? You're not artistic and you have no integrity. You know, you really need some help, and a regular psychiatrist couldn't even help you. You need to go to, like, Vienna or something. You know what I mean? You need to get involved at the University level, like where Freud studied, and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That's the kind of help you need. Not the once a week for eighty bucks, no. You need a team, a team of psychiatrists working around the clock, thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man. That's what I'm talkin about, 'cause that's the only way you're gonna get better.

also biting into a hunk of cheese like it's an apple.

it was an onion!

mandelbaum! mandelbaum! mandelbaum!

Well, let me tell you something, funny boy. Y'know that little stamp, the one that says "New York Public Library"? Well that may not mean anything to you, but that means a lot to me. One whole hell of a lot. Sure, go ahead, laugh if you want to. I've seen your type before: Flashy, making the scene, flaunting convention. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. What's this guy making such a big stink about old library books? Well, let me give you a hint, junior. Maybe we can live without libraries, people like you and me. Maybe. Sure, we're too old to change the world, but what about that kid, sitting down, opening a book, right now, in a branch at the local library and finding drawings of pee-pees and wee-wees on the Cat in the Hat and the Five Chinese Brothers? Doesn't HE deserve better? Look. If you think this is about overdue fines and missing books, you'd better think again. This is about that kid's right to read a book without getting his mind warped! Or: maybe that turns you on, Seinfeld; maybe that's how y'get your kicks. You and your good-time buddies. Well I got a flash for ya, joy-boy: Party time is over. Y'got seven days, Seinfeld. That is one week!

^^^^gold

joy boy

and jerry's face throughout the whole spiel

Jerry: Ah, you're crazy.
Cosmo Kramer: Am I? Or am I so sane that you just blew your mind?
Jerry: It's impossible.
Cosmo Kramer: Is it? Or is it so possible that your head is spinning like a top?
Jerry: It can't be.
Cosmo Kramer: Can't it? Or is your entire world just crashing down all around you?
Jerry: All right, that's enough.

That Philip Baker Hall speech was the high point of the entire SERIES, practically. (Along with Elaine's frenzied attempt to pack a suitcase and get to the airport in 20 minutes.)

George Costanza: Someday, before I die, mark my words... I'm gonna tell that woman exactly what I think of her. I'll never be able to forgive myself until I do.
Jerry: And if you do?
George Costanza: Well, I still won't be able to forgive myself, but at least it won't be about this

Cosmo Kramer: You're wasting your life.
George Costanza: I am not. What you call wasting, I call living. I'm living my life.
Cosmo Kramer: OK, like what? No, tell me. Do you have a job?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got money?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have a woman?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any prospects?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: You got anything on the horizon?
George Costanza: Uh, no.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any action at all?
George Costanza: No.
Cosmo Kramer: Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the morning?
George Costanza: I like to get the Daily News.

George Costanza: So I'm the bad boy. I've never been the bad boy before.
Jerry: Why not? You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend...
George Costanza: Yes, yes, yes...
Jerry: The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk...
George Costanza: OK, the point is made.
Jerry: The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen...
[George leaves]
Jerry: The bad tipper.

George Costanza: A beautiful, successful, intelligent woman is in love with me and I throw it all away. Now I will spend the rest of my life living alone. I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment, watching basketball games, eating Chinese takeout, walking around with no underwear because I'm too lazy to do the laundry.
Jerry: You walk around with no underwear.
George Costanza: Yeah, what do you do when you run out of laundry?
Jerry: I do a wash.

haha yes that was a goodun

You and your good-time buddies

I just love that part of the library cop speech, but the whole things dynamite especially with Baker-Halls hand motions.

George: I'm sorry. I can't live knowing Ted Danson makes that much more than me. Who is he?

Jerry: He's somebody.

George: What about me?

Jerry: You're nobody.

George: Why him? Why not me?

Jerry: He's good, you're not.

George: I'm better than him.

Jerry: You're worse, much much worse.

That first episode (The Engagement) on season 7 is amazing, Jerry's seething reaction to his girlfriend eating peas one at a time is classic.

George dumping his girlfriend because she beat him at chess.

Georges mother on the telephone to george after he's told her about the engagement,

Estelle: Oh, I can't believe it. Frank Come here!
Frank: You come here

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i just noticed in the Wizard episode. When Kramer runs for president at the Florida retirement place a selection of 'spinning' newspaper headlines come up on screen.
If you look in the bottom corner of each newspaper you can see:

"Larry David get hole in one!"
"Larry David hurts elbow"
"Larry David never to play golf again"

aww larry <3

My favourite George moment, when he claims that he could never have sex with a virgin because "it's their first time - they'll remember the first time! I don't want to be remembered. I want to be forgotten!"

heard an absolute belter from George last night

Jerry: "So, maybe they had Chinese food?"
George: "After dark? Please. At their age, that's like swallowing stun
grenades."

STELLA! STELLA!

Same episode: "You got a lotta nerve takin' that kid's pen!"

JERRY: Oh hey, there's Ramon. Pretend we're talking.

KRAMER: We are talking.

JERRY: Pretend it's interesting.

KRAMER: So, ah then, I ah had to kill him and ah, well the police are
still looking for me.

"all laid out like your mothers panties"
been chuckling over this all week

― geoff

I know I'm late to the game on this one but was watching this episode again today and the line is "the panties your mother laid out for you".

and is hilarious.

You'd think a guy as focused on social rules as Jerry would recognize that "don't introduce people's mothers into dirty talk" is definitely one of them.

And that's without even starting on the infantilizing/pedophilic aspect

John Cheever's letter in that episode is funny too:

"Dear Henry, last night with you was bliss. I fear my orgasm has left me a cripple. I don't know how I shall ever get back to work. I love you madly, John. PS. Love the cabin."

oh and the comparison of the cabin with Superman's Fortress of Solitude.

Jerry: Because I killed first and warmed up the crowd. He's like that fish
that attaches himself to the shark.

George: And you're the shark?

Jerry: Yeah, I'm the shark and he's the fish eating my laughs.

George: I don't know how a fish could eat laughs.

Jerry: Well, I'm glad I brought it up.

George: I want you to have this job. Of course...

Jerry: Yeah?

George: That's it.

Jerry: What do you mean that's it?

George: He never finished the sentence. He got a call, that was the end of the interview.

Jerry: "Of course" was the last thing he said?

George: Maybe he was going to say "Of course I have to check with my associates."

Elaine: "I want you to have this job, of course the Board of Directors is under indictment and will be

serving time."

Jerry: "I want you to have this job, of course sodomy is a prerequisite."

what's the deal with what's the deal with

i love how the "seinfeld isn't funny" jibes on this thread are unfunnier than anything that was ever on seinfeld, viz a viz:

I keep reading this thread title as "Favorite lies from Seinfeld?" and then the tiny devil perched on my left shoulder sez "That he's funny?"

Then I think "Great. That's highly entertaining brain, thanks. You can stop now." lather, rinse, repeat.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, August 23, 2003 7:52 AM (5 years ago)

George, at Monk's with Jerry: "When are they gonna learn that any news about
China is an instant page-turner?"

"you know why dogs don't have money? no pockets"

on a sidenote...

wale recently released his 'mixtape about nothing,' a hip-hop mixtape with a seinfeld theme. and a cameo from julia louis-dreyfus! it's a free download here: <http://10deep.com/WALEMIXTAPE/>;. and also pretty damn good.

argh.

http://10deep.com/WALEMIXTAPE/

I had it. I was there.. and then.. I hit the Van Wyck.

ahaha classic episode, elaine rampaging through her bedroom is so great

George, in his apartment with Maura: "And so, for all these reasons, we are officially broken up. Thank you, and good night."

Maura: "No, George, we're not."

George: "But I proved it!"

Maura: "I refuse to give up on this relationship. It's like launching
missiles from a submarine. Both of use have to turn our keys."

George: "Well, then, I am gonna have to ask you to turn your key."

Maura: "I'm sorry, George, I can't do that."

George: "Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!"

---------------

Maura, coming in George's apartment: "Hey, Honey."

George: "What? M-Maura, what are you doin' here? I ended this relationship,
twice."

Maura: "George, you didn't mean that. That was just a fight."

George: "Why does it only seem like I'm the only one working at this breakup?"

Maura: "George, I listened to your arguments, and they were rambling and flimsy. I'm not convinced. Come on, get dressed and let's get some dinner."

George: "All right."

http://www.lulu.com/items/volume_62/1863000/1863652/1/preview/320_1863652.jpg

sorry hoos

"Whatever happened to 'my what a lovely dress you have on MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE'"

Well generally you don't need any extra incentive to murder a dry cleaner.

Imagine. Her taking credit for your big salad.

roommates and i str8 up dying @ the big salad ep atm