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Dude, black people are AUTOMATICALLY robots! No wonder all the cool kids want to be us!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:08 (twenty years ago) link

i'm sorry if this is a stupid question but i'm stupid: but what does that garage band thing do? is it like having a 64-track? + lots of synth modules and stuff. (i know so little about making music on a computer).

― david. (Cozen), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:11 (twenty years ago) link

Once you install it, it starts sulking in the background of your desktop playing loud, out-of-tune angstmusik at inconvenient times. When you power down, it shouts, "Aww, c'mon, five more minutes?" before kicking the nearest window and muttering "Fascist" under its breath.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:13 (twenty years ago) link

step two: jay-z as your boyfriend

best post ever.

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:13 (twenty years ago) link

oh, i'm not buying that then.

― david. (Cozen), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:16 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.apple.com/ilife/garageband/

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:17 (twenty years ago) link

Robots don't need to carry computers with them everywhere cos they ARE MADE OUT OF COMPUTERS DO YOU SEE????????????????

― Beyonzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:18 (twenty years ago) link

http://a128.g.akamai.net/7/128/51/bfde815a26116b/www.apple.com/ilife/garageband/images/loopinstruments01062004.gif

Yes folks, the standard lineup, it starts with a bass drum and ends with a TB303. Where is the sample of the Flash Gordon opening dialogue? You tell me.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:21 (twenty years ago) link

Hence FIRST STEP!

Step 1: Carry computer.
Step 2: Date Jay-Z (optional).
Step 3: Have body parts replaced by cybernetic servos and microprocessors.
Step 4: Get hi-top fade/mocha braids.

INSTANT ROBOT.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:25 (twenty years ago) link

Haha now I have that godawful remix in my head.

xpost Dan Step 2 is not optional.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:26 (twenty years ago) link

You don’t even have to have rhythm.

― kephm, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:27 (twenty years ago) link

Step 1: Collect underpants!
Step 2: ...
Step 3: PROFIT!

― Underpants Gnome (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:28 (twenty years ago) link

EAT DICK FAGTOG

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:29 (twenty years ago) link

~~Hahaha now I'm just thinking of that weird conversation we had last night about using my underwear to feed Momus zombies.~~I am no longer thinking of the Flash Gordon remix.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:30 (twenty years ago) link

http://store.apple.com/1-800-MY-APPLE/WebObjects/AppleStore.woa/72103/wr?wodata=vM2sSYNHPu1BY2o

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:31 (twenty years ago) link

That's very impressive, dear. Well done.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:32 (twenty years ago) link

Dude, they have mentats?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:36 (twenty years ago) link

BTW am I the only person here who thinks "iLife" is a really fucking creepy name for anything?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:38 (twenty years ago) link

Better than "Windows ME"

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:39 (twenty years ago) link

I am going to move to a cave with no electricity.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:43 (twenty years ago) link

ME is not pronounced as the word "Me", it is pronounced as an acronym, M-E. Because it stands for Millennium Edition. What the hell does "iLife" stand for? At least Windows, as horrifying as Windows is in general, had some kind of excuse for their creepy Big Brothery name. I mean, "iLife"!! "Haha you will never go more than a half hour away from this machine AGAIN!" Honestly these things make me want nothing to do with a computer and one day I will make this a reality in my life.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:43 (twenty years ago) link

It's so fucking Matrix. I don't trust anything with a name like that.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:45 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.rotovibe.com/images/spencerair.gif

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:45 (twenty years ago) link

Okay you are all correct I will just pitch the laptop out the window when I get home.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:46 (twenty years ago) link

windows me always makes me think of M-E.

― david. (Cozen), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:46 (twenty years ago) link

Still one of design's greatest moments, that Spencer ad.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:47 (twenty years ago) link

Like the computer would allow that. It'd go all HAL on your ass. There's only one way to stop it...

Also Spencer that's really fucking creepy, don't they actually have oxygen bars in LA?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:48 (twenty years ago) link

Ally, do you hate the boardgame "Life" also? And the cereal? Because I am fond of both and don't want them pitched out windows, unless I'm standing under the window with my arms outstretched and ready.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:48 (twenty years ago) link

Like the computer would allow that. It'd go all HAL on your ass. There's only one way to stop it...

http://www.lefigaro.fr/dossiers/adv/figaro/vins/_art/vin_fonseca_tbogaty_2704/vin_fonseca_tbogaty_2704_251.jpg
Indeed!

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:53 (twenty years ago) link

I was just thinking about the boardgame Life actually. Me and my mom were discussing a game, a game with prizes, a gambling game, and I said I did not want to win a house in Arizona. She said, "Well, you can sell them" and I said, "No, you are stuck with them, it is like the gift of life, there's no way out" to which she said, "Jesus, god, wtf is wrong with you today?" And I then asked her if she had my box of the game LIFE. She said no, but she had a copy of Frampton Comes Alive if I wanted it. I kind of don't, you know? Especially since it's vinyl. I told her it's not what the kids like. I haven't had the cereal in a long time though, I can't remember if it's good or not.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:53 (twenty years ago) link

Creating gay and lesbian couples in a game of LIFE is most fun.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:55 (twenty years ago) link

dude, you f*cked up by not getting the Frampton.

xpost

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:56 (twenty years ago) link

getting the Frampton

My euphemistic mind starts pondering.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:57 (twenty years ago) link

No, Ned, it's not. Most fun is getting bored halfway through and getting up and walking away cos, fucking A, yet again you've somehow landed on every possible way to get pregnant! Your car has so many children that it is overflowing with children and it's not funny now because you can't keep them in the car and everyone is laughing at you. So instead you get up, take the little plastic Strega Nona's children-maker, and force feed it to the dog that just threw up on you. That is the most fun, Ned. At least if you are me and you were 8.

xpost the Frampton is still on offer, you want it Spencer?

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:58 (twenty years ago) link

It involves a guitar and a vibrating tube.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 21:59 (twenty years ago) link

TOM EWING TO THREAD

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:01 (twenty years ago) link

I am really glad I never had siblings and never played Life. Also I am kind of thinking about what would have happened to my career arc had I ever stopped to seriously think about how stupid the names are on nearly every piece of software I've ever used.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:01 (twenty years ago) link

TS: Life vs Candyland

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:02 (twenty years ago) link

I'm not saying that other computer names aren't STUPID, I'm saying they aren't AS CREEPY as "iLife". It sounds like something out of a 1960s or 1970s sci fi film, the computer that will control everyone or something.

Whatever, I feel like fucking Criswell at the end of Plan 9 right now. YOU KIDS AND YOUR...VITAMINS!

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:04 (twenty years ago) link

SHUT UP DAN QUEEN FROSTINE WAS TOTALLY HOT AND YOU KNOW IT!!!!!!!

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:05 (twenty years ago) link

Wasn't the insidious nanotech culture in Grant Morrison's The Filth called I-Life?

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:10 (twenty years ago) link

sounds about right. was the filth any better than the invisibles?

― kephm, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:21 (twenty years ago) link

Well, I liked it, but if you didn't like the Invisibles you probably won't. More conceptual 'weirdness' and less narrative, and a more likeable protaganist.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:27 (twenty years ago) link

oh i liked the invisibles quite a bit. it got a bit weak in the end though

― kephm, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:30 (twenty years ago) link

That's probably evidence you wouldn't like the Filth as much, since doesn't the invisibles go off the deep end towards the end? the filth is like that. Except for the Soviet assassination ape, he was cool.

― Dan I., Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:35 (twenty years ago) link

GARAGE BAND

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago) link

We've found a more interesting discussion topic than talking about your computer for the umpteenth billionth time, WHOOOOPS. VITAMINS... I think I'm going to go buy Plan 9 after work today.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:37 (twenty years ago) link

"creepy ass hit"?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link

"creepy as shit"

I know, though, I thought that as soon as I hit submit.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago) link

Garage band looks a hell of a lot like a bunch of existing programs, doesn't it? I mean, Cubase gets a lot of derision heaped upon it, but what's the difference between this and that (with a bunch of things rewired into it, which isn't that big of a deal)? It does look easier, but why is that a selling point for you personally, Tom?

― Dan I., Tuesday, 6 January 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago) link

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