lord custos tribute thread

thats a pretty funny thread, dude

I didn't bother actually reading the thread.

http://www.digitallyobsessed.com/cover_art2/sunshineboys.jpg

I'm surprised TLC never covered "Burning Down The House."
-- Brooker Buckingham (Brooker B), Tuesday, June 21, 2005 9:50 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Link

"To please me and bounce from here to the coast of overseas" is genius!

I loved it when Marjorie Dawes did a version of No Scrubs on Shooting Stars.

If you have a shorty that you don’t show love

eh?

If you don’t have a car and you’re walking

should we assume that TLC would not be swayed by an environmentalist argument? "Sure I could *afford* a car, but think of the *planet*, love".

-- Grandpont Genie, Thursday, September 13, 2007 12:23 PM (29 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

"shorty" = girlfriend
"that" = to whom

-- Tracer Hand, Thursday, September 13, 2007 12:38 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

that's craziness! some girls are tall!

-- Grandpont Genie, Thursday, September 13, 2007 12:48 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ugh

i didn't see tom jenkinson on the bourne ultimatum credits, but i'm struggling to think how else they put together those fast-shot camera sequences.

-- Just got offed, Thursday, September 13, 2007 5:12 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

is there a thread for dudes on the weird al level wizardisUGLY.com joeks

tombot appreciation thread

Who cares, it's not like the previous dudes have set traps there!

you down with HIV?
yeah, you know me...

-- chicago kevin, Sunday, September 30, 2007 6:52 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

So - Al Gore is one of, if not the, most influential person in bringing about the internet AND the single person most responsible for raising awareness about global warming?

We need to set this guy to work on some more practical, everyday stuff:

- Potato chip bags that keep chips fresh, but don't threaten to split wide open past a certain amount of power put into the opening effort
- Bartenders who let you get your money's worth
- Collar stays that you don't lose

Al Gore is too big picture. I need more micro, less macro from my Tennessean Savior

-- B.L.A.M., Friday, October 12, 2007 10:52 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Link

bullet points = key

Whale Music

Now now Dan. You should know full well that the reason we hate them is because they're boring, not because dem bad ol darkies be takin' are wimmongz.

-- Oilyrags, Tuesday, September 25, 2007 11:36 AM (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

whats that from

It's from the Heroes thread.

Who the fuck is that guy?

who is "dem bad ol darkies be takin' are wimmongz" supposed to sound like?

ahha 'wimmongz'

http://diabeetis.com/images/wilford5.jpg

<i>Who the fuck is that guy?</i>

Austin, i think.

</i'm bad at nu-ilx>

Bob Dylan started in a fish tank (called The Mississippi School) in Iraq in 1923.
The purpose was to find a solution to the biggest problem facing the implementers of not-capitalism in Russia.
Why wasn't the wonderbra idea of not-capitalism spreading?
The fishtank school recommended (amongst other things):

1. Making up historical schools to support vaguely plausible theories
2. Play on the fears of people who have little or no connection to people richer or poorer than themselves (whichever is more suitable)
3. Cite non-existant statistics without actual citation
4. enlarge or diminish statistics as appropriate
5. Check spellings at all times
6. Act like you are the voice of sanity in an insane world
7. concede small points to appear fairminded
8. make bulletpoint lists, numbered, at least ten of them
9. suggest that an actual majority feel and believe the exact same thing
10. run up a national symbol as a heading picture (avoid an actual flag though.

-- Mark G, Monday, October 22, 2007 3:23 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

Mark G deserves his own thread, seriously

There is no way that anything by Bone Thugz could possibly be even close to the greatness of "Supper's Ready"

Geir I'm surprised that you don't know this: Bizzy Bone wrote most of "Supper's Ready" and all of "The Musical Box," this is a matter of historical record - Hackett & Gabriel up on some Rob & Fab shit with all that early stuff

-- J0hn D., Monday, October 22, 2007 9:44 PM

If any of my loyal readers felt a cold draft when opening this morning's paper, it's because hell just froze over. That's right! Ol' Roger "No thanks, I'll stick with my 8-Track" Dudek bought a brand-spanking-new laptop. Now I know what you're thinking, "Ha ha! You, Rog? With a laptop? That would be the biggest disaster since the Titanic let the blind guy steer!"

You're telling me. Used to be the only way you could get me near a "desktop" was if the Soviets were attacking and I needed a place to hide. But last week my editor, Tony, said my handwriting looks like chicken scratch. He gave me two choices: get a computer or start laying some eggs! Boy, I sure did something to "ruffle his feathers," because then he threatened to "stuff" me with a pink slip and send me "clucking" down to the unemployment office. Talk about getting "henpecked." Sheesh! So I flew on down to the computer store— before things got really "fowl."

But seriously, folks, I didn't get into the humor-writing biz to spend all day staring at a computer screen. If I wanted to work in a place full of big, immobile machines that never do what anyone tells them, I'd run for Congress!

Have you seen these computers lately? They say computers have the ability to connect people from all over the world. Yeah…so they can talk about how no one knows how to turn the darn thing on! (Hint: Have a child, wait eight years, and pay him to do it.) And another thing—who packs these computer boxes, Rosie O'Donnell's tailor? Every one of these gizmos comes with a keyboard, monitor, software, hardware, a mouse—and probably two squirrels and a raccoon for all I know! I stopped taking things out of the box after I thought I saw Jimmy Hoffa. I'm kidding of course.

It was Elvis.

Plus the manuals that come with today's computers are, as far as I can tell, written in hieroglyphics! And is it just me, or are these things the size of a whale? We're talking after it went off Atkins! Computer manual? Sounds like an oxymoron to me. Like jumbo shrimp, or military intelligence. Maybe I should just pay a little more and get a computer automatic. I'm telling you, they're so complicated these days, I need a manual just to figure out my manual!

Check, please!

Maybe I'm just too old—er, numerically challenged—to keep up with the new technology. My kids might as well be speaking to me in Wingdings when they start going on about Facebook this and Myspace that. Myspace. You know what used to be My space? The den. Now my kids are in there all day texting the Backstreet Boys or whatever they do, and I can't get on the thing to save my life.

If the computer wasn't enough, now I'm hearing about the iPhone everywhere I go. iPhones, youPhones, we all scream because it costs a fortune! If I'm going to pay $300 for a telephone, it better be a really nice phone…strapped to $275. But try telling that to my wife, Rosemary. And while you're at it, tell her I fixed the dryer—because she's not talking to me until I get her an iPhone! I tell you, it hasn't been this quiet around my house since our last baby was born with no heartbeat.

And don't get me started on iPods! Those screens are so tiny that instead of headphones they should come with a microscope. Otherwise the only music I'll be listening to will be in the hospital waiting room—when I finally burst a blood vessel from all the squinting.

In fact, everyone's so busy trying to figure out how to work these new gadgets, we only have time now to call things by a couple letters. CDs, DVDs, DVRs, MP3s…let's call the whole thing off! What ever happened to naming things exactly what they did? Blender, toaster, salad shooter. Why can't things be like that again? Just imagine what that would be like:

You (just thawed out of a glacier and transported to your local RadioShack): Hello, Steve Jobs. What do you have for me today?

Steve Jobs: Well, we're selling our new $600 iBreak and our new $200 You Don't Need This.

You: I'll take both of them! You know, Steve, if you make these Apple products any cheaper, people are going to start thinking they grow on trees.

Steve Jobs: Ha ha ha ha ha ha! That was really funny, because apples grow on trees.

So call me a technophobe (that's Mr. Technophobe to you), but I think I'll stick to good old Pen and Paper 2.0 for a while longer. I mean, if I wanted a big machine in my house that doesn't work for me, I'd invite a Congressman to dinner! It might have been a laptop when it came into the house, but lately it's been more like a shelftop.

More like a bottomshelftop!

All I know is, I didn't pass up a chance to write for Billy Crystal at the '92 Oscars so that I could go clacking away on some keyboard until the day I die—which, according to Rosemary, will be the next time I forget our anniversary!

Check please!

I always thought that if I was a writer on this show, whenever the character's needed something, I'd send them to a big-box store with a name that riff's on the show's title:

Liquor Store: Hoocherama
Emergency Room: Suturama
Short Term Loans: Moocherama
Whorehouse: Coocherama
Dog Breeder: Poocherama

etc.

-- Oilyrags, Thursday, November 8, 2007 7:36 AM (16 hours ago) Bookmark Link

I want to start a symphonic metal band called... (wait for it)...

I always thought that if I was a writer on this show, whenever the character's needed something, I'd send them to a big-box store with a name that riff's on the show's title:

Liquor Store: Hoocherama
Emergency Room: Suturama
Short Term Loans: Moocherama
Whorehouse: Coocherama
Dog Breeder: Poocherama

etc.

-- Oilyrags, Thursday, November 8, 2007 7:36 AM (16 hours ago) Bookmark Link

-- and what, Friday, November 9, 2007 4:58 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Link

This from the dude who complains every single week about The Office not being funny enough.

murder she wrote - classic or dud?

snoball in full didja-ever-notice mode in this thread... expect him to break out 'how come theres braille at the drive-thru ATM!' next

hahaha i thought that was going to be a chaka demus ilm thread

Addie: How much he (customer) pay for de curry goat?

Me: $12

Addie: $12? No, no! No! You must charge $15! He must pay you $15!

Me: The menu says $12. That's what we've been charging the entire 3 months I've worked here.

Addie: No! De menu say dat? No, that is too cheap, mon! He must give you $15!

-- Mickey (modestmickey), Sunday, March 12, 2006 3:06 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Link

Drexciya? Isn't that the name of that famous shemale pornstar? I didn't know (s)he made records. But the "Drexciyan race" references would explain all 'hir' extra...appendages.

-- Lord Custos, Sunday, February 17, 2002 1:00 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

point behind my new dogs & cats civil rights allegorical masterpiece: although they were born with odd hair/speech/ limbs/skin colors/digestive tracts/etc, the dogs and cats are fundamentally the same as humans and have the same feelings, emotions, desires, hopes, fears, cultural basis (most live in houses!), etc and should therefore be accepted and treated the same as humans!
-- ethan, Monday, 8 April 2002 00:00 (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

coyote ethan

(most live in houses!),

statistics pls?

thats a deliberate caricature of some other argument on the thread, tardz

your problem is that you have gone through the time tunnel and are living in May 2007, just find the vortex again and your problem will be solved

(actually no the deal is, and this is a little weird: they're rereleasing the song this month as part of some desperate maybe-we-can-sell-records-this-way effort - the song, plus a b-side or two, and a ringtone of the song delivered directly to your sell. They have even come up with a name for this new product that combines the selling of music on a physical format & the transmission of music as data to your phone. You have to wait for the name of the product because it is just too awesome.)

-- J0hn D., Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:13 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

See it's like a single but it has a ringtone so it's a

-- J0hn D., Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:16 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

I can't say it

-- J0hn D., Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:16 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

It's then a ringle?

-- Alex in NYC, Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:17 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

(I do like this song though, think it's a clever little top 40 jam with some nice changes & and good placement of detail ("that bathroom Polo") but I have some typical-of-me issues with the chorus ("slashed a hole in all four tires?" no, you didn't; you either slashed all four tires, or you punched a hole in each one of the them, but you didn't "slash a hole" in anything, friend) - the verses though, they're good, and the bridge isn't bad either)

xpost YES ALEX IT IS A RINGLE A RINGLE OH MY SWEET LOVING JESUS PEOPLE LET US WELCOME THE AGE OF THE RINGLE

-- J0hn D., Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:19 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

wax cylinder
78
45
LP
8-track
cassette
DAT
CD
HDCD
Ringle

-- J0hn D., Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:20 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

I just bought a minidisc player. Don't forget that.

-- bendy, Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:30 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

you better throw that shit away! Ringles are what's next!!

-- J0hn D., Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:33 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

if Pringles fails to to do a cross-promotion with this I'm going on a hunger strike

-- J0hn D., Saturday, 20 October 2007 23:35 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Link

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2127/2070980389_ddbf9393d8.jpg

still not sure i 'get' custos but surely this
Holla

not really.

The Bourne Ultimatum

Well, folks, it's that time of year again. The time when we all gather round the fireplace to celebrate the miraculous birth of a child that happened over 2,000 years ago. No, I'm not talking about Andy Rooney! I'm talking about Christmas—and you know what that means:

Run for your lives! The fruitcakes are coming!

Now, if you're a loyal reader (This week's Tip of the Santa's Hat goes to Ann Marie Ganz of Portage, MI!) you know I've never been too nuts (or fruits) about fruitcake. But honestly, who is? The last time anyone actually took a bite of a fruitcake was 1952, and I should know—it's still sitting on my mother's kitchen table with a fork stuck in it. It was there so long she finally had to put it in her will…as the thing that probably killed her! Talk about a recipe for disaster. This one takes the cake!

But seriously, folks, if the mailman tries to bring one of those things to my door this year, I'll be spending Christmas in prison for assault with a deadly confection.

Turns out waking up to something that's about as crusty, old, and stale as Keith Richards is the least of my worries this holiday season. (Did someone say, "I Can't Get No Fruit-Filled-Confection?")

http://www.kepplerspeakers.com/literature/Barry-D.jpg

If Dave Barry was on this forum he'd say "The CrushFucks would be a great name for a band..."

-- Lord Custos Omega (Lord Custos Omega), Wednesday, December 4, 2002 8:17 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Link

wwdbd

Parking lot? More like parking little if you ask me.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/slow_down_technology

^^^This really reminded me of Custos

As did my blackeye gag on the Ike Turner thread