What's the most illegal thing you've ever done

I smoked weed exactly one time in 1997.

I was once in a room where white people were smoking weed while listening to a Bob Marley compilation album. That kind of self conscious early 90's proto hipsterism should have been illegal.

taking class a drugs on a plane to spain.

they dont mind in spain

http://www.footballandmusic.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/krankies_single.jpg

yeah they don't mind once you're in spain but not so sure how british customs would take to it.

well i am sure. i would have spent a horrific few years in shotts and probably wrote a "child called it" style suffering memoir about it and tried to sell it to publishers once i got out.

<3 spain

I've just done the "basics": (non-hard) drugs, minor drunken vandalism, a few occasions of painting graffiti, shoplifting, streaking, public sex, illegal entry, attending illegal demonstrations, squatting. Most of these were years ago, and I don't think I've ever done anything that would've resulted in more than a fine. Shoplifting was the only thing I actually got busted for, and got fined for it.

Actually, I'm not sure what would've happened if we'd got caught for the illegal entry thing. You see, during the last year in high school some friends and I decided to see if it was possible to hide inside our school after it was closed in the evening, and stay there overnight. So we choose a room behind the assembly hall that wasn't used that often, and stayed there with some sleeping bags, food, playing cards, etc. It was actually kinda scary, as we assumed the school caretaker wouldn't check this room before he closed the doors and went home, but we couldn't be sure. Also, we knew that the school had some motion detectors, but we assumed they hadn't be installed into every room, though of course we couldn't really know. I still remember the nervous excitement we felt when the closing time came and we could hear the janitor walking through the halls, whistling and tinkling his keys while he was closing the doors. And after that there was still an hour or so of more nervousness, as we waited to see whether or not the room had motion detectors and whether some security guards would come to bust us. But nothing happened. We slept in the sleeping bags, had an alarm clock to wake us up, and exited the room early in the morning when the school had opened up but the pupils hadn't yet arrived. No one noticed us.

I'm not sure what would've happened if we'd been busted though. We'd all just turned 18 so we weren't minors anymore... But we hadn't actually broken in or broken anything, and I think the sleeping bags might've been enough proof to back up our story and prove we weren't there to steal anything. So we probably would've gotten off with a fine. We might've been expelled from the school though, which would've kinda sucked, as we were only a few months away from graduation. But these are the sort of things you do as a teen, I'm sure my life would've been duller if I hadn't gotten into them.

I've never done anything that could have gotten me into much more trouble than the things I have been caught doing.

I've probably told this story on ILX before, but I was once caught peeing in a bush on the lawn of the Texas State Capital building. I was drunkenstein, and the cops knew it right off. Fortunately the judge was willing to wipe it from my record if I paid the fine (which was damn steep), because if he'd wanted to, he could have charged me with indecent exposure -- a sex crime. If I hadn't have been able to get a quick loan from a friend, I might be one of those dudes you see on that "sex criminals in your neighborhood" online map. For taking a leak in a shrub.

I spent a night in jail once, but I was innocent of the charge. I was pulled over for a broken tail light (or was it a headlght? Can't recall) while moving to a new apartment. It was the last load of stuff, so my car was full of al my most random crap -- boxes of cassette tapes, VHS tapes, pillows, small lamps, etc etc. When the cops ran my license, they found a two-year-old hot check for $22 that I didn't even know about (never got the notice -- I moved around a lot back in those days). That was a warrant for my arrest right there, but they asked me if, before they searched the car (good luck) if I wanted to declare anything. Stupidly, I showed them the little vial of ginseng-caffeine snuff that I had bought at the tobacco store, and had been using to stay awake through my nutty 4am shifts at the bakery. They took it to their trunk, tested it in their little cop test kit, and came back and told me that it had come back positive for cocaine. They charged me with possession and hauled me to County for the night. I have a theory about this -- I think they knew it wasn't cocaine, or anything else illegal, but they wanted to scare me straight. They knew I'd be out in the morning once the real lab sent the results back. And so I was.

tell us what jail was like

The first night we were in a big holding cell with maybe eight other dudes - petty drug arrests, drunk driving, soliciting prostitution, a group of guys who didn't really want to talk, and so on. I was totally fine but my friend wasn't cause he ate his second tab rather than let the cops find it. Spent some time handcuffed to a table in an interview room, didn't sleep much. This was in the Milwaukee city jail.

Next day we got processed into a smaller holding cells waiting to go to court. I got a little crazy as the cell was tiny, freezing cold and there were like 12 dudes (some of whom were really intense gang member scary motherfuckers) packed in for like 8 hours. The computers had crashed at some point so we never got to court, and they moved us to the long term county jail room for the night, the kind with a bunch of cells in a circle with a desk full of cameras and guys with shotguns in the middle. We were repeatedly laughed at for being young white boys who only had a small possession charge - everyone was jealous and saying we were lucky and would be let go, wondering why were still in, and so on. Met a twitchy guy with a huge mullet who had been busted with like a pound of coke, a teacher from Omaha who had been driving drunk, and a young guy who told us how real life isn't like TV, and he thought he'd have time to pull his gun out when the cops busted the store where he was selling crack but apparently they were too fast and he was unable to do so which greatly angered him.

There were a bunch of Mexican gang members who for whatever reason adopted us - we sat and ate with them, watched nature shows, played checkers, scared off people who might have fucked with us, and called us ese all the time. They were cool, at least in terms of people you want to meet in jail. Another cool guy was the fifty year old dude who told us about when he got busted for drugs at an Alice Cooper show in the 70s - this guy came in during the middle of the night wearing an orange jumpsuit cause he had gotten pepper sprayed when he resisted arrest. I'm guessing that they beat the shit out of him too based on how he looked.

Eventually we saw the judge, he realized how stupid it was to hold us for this long, asked us if we were going to come to his town and be stupid again, then let us out. Took a cab to my car which was alone in the middle of a giant parking lot, then drove six hours home. Good times.

Nobody fucked with me in the holding cell, because I was bespectacled, nerdy, tiny, and visibly not at all nervous, because I knew I didn't do anything. I should have been a lot more nervous, in retrospect.

The 50-ish dude I spent the night in the cell with was terrified, and kept commenting on how cool I was acting. "You seem like you've done this before." "No, first time." Poor bastard had a blood-soaked bandage on his ear, way up high on it, where his ex wife had taken a bite out of it, Tyson-style. Apparently there was a domestic disturbance call, and they arrested the guy covered in blood and let the biter go. Granted, I only heard his side of the story.

Anyway, the main thing I took away from this was that if the cops ask you a question, don't fucking answer it.

It involved the Poll Tax.

1) Attended 'that' Poll Tax protest - Not Arrested.
2) Did not pay the poll tax *until* the day it was announced that it was to be abolished - £50 fine.

For some time after, all official forms that had the section "Prior Convictions" would specifically exclude Parking Violations and PollTax files.

POTP.

Tuomas, that's awesome.

but my friend wasn't cause he ate his second tab rather than let the cops find it.

:-O

Anyway, the main thing I took away from this was that if the cops ask you a question, don't fucking answer it.

― Jack Human (kenan), Monday, April 26, 2010 2:53 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes, police get incriminating evidence before they arrest you, then they read you your rights

God, Tuomas reminded me that I camped out in my college library one night, with a few other people. Somehow we had found a boiler room that no one ever locked, so we packed bags with pillows and some food and cards, and hid in the utility room until it sounded like the janitors, etc, had gone. We didn't turn on any lights cos the whole place was windowed, ended up sleeping really uncomfortably on little reading couches and etc. Fun, though.

Anyway, the main thing I took away from this was that if the cops ask you a question, don't fucking answer it.

― Jack Human (kenan), Monday, April 26, 2010 2:53 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

amen

i asked rahni what jail was like, i don't care about any of you other losers

Don't be harbl.

does public sex count?

If you get caught by the police I'm sure they'd arrest you, so I'd say it does count.

I was once in a room where white people were smoking weed while listening to a Bob Marley compilation album. That kind of self conscious early 90's proto hipsterism should have been illegal.

I hate to bear this news but this didn't die in the 90s

Arrested and charged with a felony after fighting with a cop and injuring him on the street in the aftermath of a bar brawl. Spent a little time in the cooler, but ultimately plead down to a misdemeanor. This was 15 years ago, and it still pops up on background checks. Ive had some serious explaining to do to potential employers.

broke into three or four different schools as a teen. don't know why.
sex with a minor, i'm guessing most people have done this though? (16 yo gf when i was 17)
couple of acts of accidental/careless vandalism while drunk (broken windows, falling through fences, etc)
drunk driven home from a nightclub once with 15 people in the car- #1 fucking stupid thing i've ever done. iirc killed a sheep.
drunken fistfights.

i don't drink as much as i used to, tbh.

Oh god, I totally forgot that I had a 17-year-old girlfriend when I was 21. I wonder how illegal that was?

depends on what state you were in

.....horny?

Now that I think about it, I have driven drunk on two occasions; I don't know if that's more illegal than shipping fireworks to CA, but it's less defensible.

Nothing much--just some soft drug use and oral sex on men and women (illegal in Florida at the time).

^^^^ new ILTMI board descrip????

Do it.

ripping the tag off a mattress

Took 10 ecstasy pills to Spain

...and now oral sex and medical marijuana are both legal here. So now I'm stumped. Fudging my time sheets at work, maybe?

christine!!

Good to have you back Christine!

I had a phase where making rent was tough so I stole quite a lot of groceries. And also a bottle of jack once. Never ever caught, white privilege.

:-)