Best snippet of overheard conversation

(note: the question "is she ridin'?" was common among Dublin blokes of a certain age a few years back: it translates as "has she become sexually active yet?") I don't know if it translates too well for those not familiar with Irish dirtyness...

Hi Richard, this is Dr Davies, sorry to hear things aren't going so well at the moment. If you come into the surgery I have a new cream you could try, and we can talk about possible surgery.

For some reason we all assumed it was genital related.

Dad: "Well if its just monkeys then we're not going, because I've seen Monkeys"

Son (lifts head from shoveling chimichanga into face and lazily says): Yeah, you've seen monkeys...but you haven't seen monkeys...a lot.

at this point, the two ppl disappeared out of the door to the staircase which leads to the smoking area, so I never heard the rest!

Earlier:

"You put it in the green washing up bowl"

"What green washing up bowl?"

"There, in front of the bald man"

Girl: It’s weird, in my new story the main character is addicted to coffee and I don’t even drink coffee!
Guy: Maybe the coffee is a metaphor.
Girl: Oh yeah.

2. Sometime in 02

Girl 1: My mom called me an “atheist” this morning, can you believe that?
Girl 2: She thinks you worship the devil and stuff?
Girl 1: Nooo, that’s Wiccan!

"Only children are the worst. Everyone I know with issues is an only child."

I wince and go back to reading my book but before I leave the same girl, who has been slagging off her bf and his family for the last 20 minutes says,

"Well, I think that families that yoga together, stay together."

First time I've heard yoga as a verb.

G--ff! This was in Minneapolis, wasn't it? I used to live off of Columbus, near Franklin & Chicago. Right behind the morphine clinic!

Well, I think that families that yoga together, stay together.

My aunt is a very well respected yoga teacher and so insane at family gatherings that I avoid her like the plague.

Maybe he was just negotiating with one of his other personalities.

"The end of July"

"Oh, so next year, then?"

"No this year."

"But we're in August now"

"oh yeah!"

1: It's not pronunced "Porsh" it's "Porsha".
2: Is it?
1: Yeh man, if you go for a job interview with Porsche and pronounce it wrong then you don't get a job. You have to pronounce it "Porsha"
2: Didn't know that
1: Yeh, they'll be all like "Fuck off mate - it's Porsha".

Coworker1: How far up does it go?
Coworker2: Pretty much all the way. I've got to put my medication on it now, if you want to see it.
Coworker1: YEAH! We should tell Nick to stay in his room for a few minutes, though.

Man: "god, I havent been here since the last time we were here!"

Student 1: Oh, what was it? ... that Marvin Gaye did?
Student 2: Lovely Day?
Student 1: No... um, Sexual Healing, that's it!
[both sing brief snatch of Sexual Healing]
Student 1: APPARENTLY, he was SHOT. By his DAD.
Student 2: Really!!???
Student 1: Yeah, for being gay I think.
Student 2: And he was *called* Gaye. Weird. His dad didn't shoot him because he was CALLED Gaye, did he?
Student 1: No that would be stupid, he had the same name.

Woman: (smiling) It was good. Very good.
Man: (looking pensive for a split second and then correcting his wife's ungroovy lingo) - It was COOL. Very COOL.

Coworker1: Do you think Angelina Jolie would do a sex scene?
Coworker2: I'm pretty sure she already has...um...
Coworker1: I bet she would.
Coworker2: That's what I'm saying, I think she has, I've SEEN it.
Coworker1: I bet she'd do a three-way.
Coworker2: ORIGINAL SIN! That's what it was called.
Coworker1: I bet she'd do a sex-scene with her brother.
Coworker2: You need to stop thinking about this for a second.

mother: Yes, all good reporters use pencils.
daughter: what do bad reporters use then?
mother: ...biros

My mum and I were walking the dog and talking about how we'd off my father (semi-jokingly)...walked around a hill and there were a bunch of people sitting there looking a bit stunned.

Ah well.

YOU CUNT!!!!

Two uncomfortable seconds later:

...do that! You cunt. You simply cunt. I don't beleef you.

-- mark s (mar...), September 5th, 2001

Upon reflection, an accurate assessment.

I say this all the time. I think it started as a joke, but today I said "I haven't talked to you since last time!" without thinking anything of it until afterwards.

Best thread ever.

Guy1: Guess who I saw at the mall the other day.
Guy2: Um...who?
Guy1: Richie Sambora!
Guy2: Didya now?