thread to get over a breakup

imo random threads you have an interest in is as good a way as any- the greetings thread can be awkward enough really. always makes me think of rick moranis talking to the whole room at once at his own party in ghostbusters for some reason

Second weekend in a row that my (now ex) bf has been away, with his new flame. Still cannot get my head or heart around how quickly this all happened when things had been pretty normal, happy, future plans afoot etc etc. If he'd just broken up with me for the "I dont want to settle down" reason he initially claimed, that would be one thing. It had come up before, and he is a lot younger than me.

But for himto jump ship right into the arms of another girl within days... and still be living in my house the rest of the time... words are failing me, questions are piling up. I honestly thought R was The One. I wanted to marry him :(

Fuck.

Still living in your house???

For practical reasons, mainly. I have someone lined up to move in but financially it needs to wait a bit. Also, he's actually the gall to say its easier to stay here... some fluff about us remaining friends - which I would like - but it seems to be a convenience more than anything. Everyone's telling me he's a little cheaty arsehole and it hurts to even contemplate this about someone Ive known for so long.

(I mean, I know he's a flirty flighty person, and he didnt cheat on me, but .. yeah ugh)

It's easier to stay there, is it??
There's nothing wrong with remaining friends (and the finance part can't be helped) but can't see his logic that staying right now at just this moment will make it easier.

Easier for him - he doesnt have to suffer finding somewhere to live when he has nowhere to go and not enough money! Stuff that though. It really has been hard.

Sucks. :/

kick that asshole out imo

Logic agrees. Hard to think of kicking yr bff #1 to the kerb tho :(

it really doesn't seem like he's treating you the way a bff should treat someone, though, tbh

imho the whole 'do what you need to do for you' positioning is a) never certain and b) never going to be.

if you can make it through this now, and still care about someone who you clearly do... well, i think that's better, no?

yeah trayce - it sucks but at this point he is not your bff by any means

another thing to keep in mind is, still being attached to someone who might not be as attached to you can, in certain circumstances, be really, really painful, because they might do things that really hurt you and not be too worried about it, but you won't want to drop them because you're still attached to them. kind of puts them in a position of having a lot of power over you, which is never good, imo. sometimes you do have to just take care of yourself. not saying that's necessarily anyone's case here, but it's something to think about.

again, not necessarily anyone's case here, but: when any close relationship--romantic or otherwise--starts to enter a prolonged period of someone feeling like the other person doesn't really value them or treat them well anymore, unless talking through the major issues works solves them, it's probably time to evaluate whether staying in that relationship is worth it. everyone should feel supported, listened to, and cared for in any close relationship, really.

unless talking through the major issues works solves them

Yeah, all very true :/

Oh, Trayce, what a meltdown. My best pal let her ex keep living with her for four months after they broke up. It sounded really lonely & painful. This was six years ago, but still sometimes she'll mention how she would have felt a lot better, about life and herself, if she'd have said, "Just move in with the new chick, or figure something out, but get out of here." She's her and you're you and I'm not trying to tell you "Trayce, do X bcz I, internets person, know what is best for you." But if you've been entertaining those thoughts, don't ignore them. Also, ****hugs****

I feared this eventuality for a long time. It just blows that it came to pass. Starting all over again and thinking of trusting *anyone* is so hard.

Bla bla whine. Sorry.

Pretty sure this situation more than entitles you a bit of bla bla whine. and this is really the thread for it. mega sorry trayce.

an anecdote offered to the unwashed mashes of ILX

Board description!

Hey thanks to you all btw - this is an incredibly difficult thing for me and it means a lot that youse guys have some kind words and good advices.

<3 trayce, you'll get through this, take care of yourself and don't worry if you fuck up a bit here and there, there's no perfect way to do anything.

the less worthy part of me can't help thinking he would be a bit less attractive to his new girl if he suddenly had all sort of boring logistical problems.

I keep wondering similar. Its like.. if I was in her shoes, wtf? I stole someone's guy, well thats a great way to hook up with someone innit?

if he has financial troubles, it's the new gf's problem - not yours. he should be shacking up with her if he can't afford something else. why does he want to drag this out for you? you both want to remain friends, but imo this is the sure way to ensure you ~won't~... resentment's gonna start building and it'll eventually destroy any last bit of good will that remains.

Or if it's unfeasible for him to stay with the girl, can he stay with friends? Even if it had to be a different sofa each week - surely worth it to take the burden off you?

ksh speaks many truths above.

the less worthy part of me can't help thinking he would be a bit less attractive to his new girl if he suddenly had all sort of boring logistical problems.

perfect point made perfectly. but it would also be a lot easier on you for the time being, and if he can't understand or doesn't care why that's important, then.... y'know?

my ex and I are finally getting along now but aren't real tight friends. I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. Now, in the words of Jay-Z, "on to the next one"

Last night R came home (finally) and we had a big hugathon and talked baot things, and it was all terribly sad and I don't quite know what to think. But he's at least trying to be good to me.

I cant decide if that makes it better or worse.

it was all terribly sad

:( i feel for u

feel like i need a thread to get over when two friends of mine are breaking up w each other. "it was all terribly sad" is like a recurring keynote in that partic. story. involves a kid from a prev. relationship being "left" again and a few late-night conversations which leave the sucky bleak realities dawning flatly clear through bleary eyes, out there to be looked at and dealt with somehow.

it didn't work out. "it didn't work out". it didn't "work out". it didn't work out. numbly to the next thing, the practicalities. how to tell, what to tell, who goes where now, or when, how will anyone pay for anything. & whatever fresh rounds of hurt there are still left to play out. not my story to tell but it's all terribly sad tbh.

Oh god, a kid. I think I need a thread to get over your post. :' (

But he's at least trying to be good to me.

trayce, i feel you, but listen to yourself here. at least hes trying to be good to you?! he broke up with you and is now making your life miserable. you can think of him fondly in a few years, right now, kick him the fuck out.

^^^

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trayce, i feel you, but listen to yourself here. at least hes trying to be good to you?! he broke up with you and is now making your life miserable. you can think of him fondly in a few years, right now, kick him the fuck out.

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let's dial it back a little

him >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> the fuck out

http://rofl.wheresthebeef.co.uk/Get%20the%20Fuck%20Out%2001.jpeg

LOL. Yes well, thanks all. I guess.

so my "best friend" and his girl are on facebook, both simultaneously leaving cryptic status updates that suggest something is amiss -- doesn't look like they're fighting, but that something major happened and both of them are upset. It just strikes me as poor taste to do something like this. I don't think any of us need to see the intimate interworkings of their relationship struggle, no more than we need to be constantly assaulted with their nauseating hyperbolic love notes that they send every hour on the hour. Just feel like if they want help and support from their friends, they should ask for it rather than indirectly hint that they need it. Plus it's uncomfortable because you know, do you say anything, or not?

I put "best friend" in air quotes because he is more best friend in name only, raelly another one of my guyf riends who is more reliable has taken his place. I have known him fifteen years, but the only words of support he could muster when I told him I broke up with my ex (the first time) was "sucks". When my dog died, that I was really attached to, his only message to me was "Aw", while other friends called me. Meanwhile, when he got divorced, I did everything possible to help him and be there for him, including moving in (I don't live with him anymore).

So I'm torn as to whether I even feel like offering support at the moment, because he's in his own little world now. But I feel like one of us needs to be the bigger person. Think I'll just wait for him to ask for help. Besides, I'm still having my own issues getting over my last one, which is startin to get ridiculous since we split on Halloween :/. Although I suppose time is not what matters as much as how you feel about the person.

also note I mean it's awkward that they posted all this on facebok for the world to see.

lucky it's not awkward for you to go on about it here

a bit different iirc

thread to get over other ppls breakups

it's sad, they were other ppl

sic: how are the two even remotely comparable? On Facebook they're using their real names and displaying these personal details for everyone they know to see, which is akin to airing dirty laundry in public. Nobody here knows who my friends are, I haven't named their names or even gone into any specifics of what they posted there. No idea what you're on about.

we need a thread to get over thread to get over a breakup

Pooping During A Breakup