thread to get over a breakup

Since much of my life has been on display in ILX (however elliptically), I guess this is the point where I finally admit that I've been separated from my wife since October. Nothing awful or terrible happened, we just realized that however great we were as boyfriend/girlfriend we just really suck at being married.

Aw man I'm sorry to hear that Elvis.

yeah, sorry to hear that.

i've been "broke up" - this is a bit of a misnomer because we never were really going out with each other, although we saw each other fairly often, talked daily, told each other we loved each other etc. - for two months now from girl i was seeing for 7 months, which is the longest i've ever lasted with a girl. We weren't right for each other but i think i might have ruined being single for myself, it's not as cool as it used to be!

on the other-hand i think i might have gotten over my commitment-phobia so maybe a good thing!

sorry elvis and c-r--hang in there

if it makes you feel better 8 months was my record. but yea, singledom feels a lot better when it is a chosen lifestyle than when it is suddenly decided for you :/.

hugs to all the broken-hearted of ilx. It totally sucks but really does get better with time iirc. In the meantime you muddle through and take good care of yourself.

lame words, but feeling for you guys. quincie's got good advice.

hay when does the irrational crying and ridiculous self loathing stop k it's been 4 months now and it sucks bad...:/

Sorry dude. Just try to keep yourself distracted. I, for example, have been considering in depth and perhaps researching how I would go about assassinating Antonin Scalia. And I have also been drunk for some days now and living alone in an increasingly apocalyptically ruined apartment. Each must find his own path. Now is the time for ascetic experiments, I think.

this is, admittedly, horrible advice. depending on how you consider it.

yea I just gotta quit drinking as much.

doesn't help that I see my ex a lot and hear about her 'cavorts' with her 'new guys' all the time. good on her then. we'll see how well they treat her when they learn about her psychic abilities

you don't have to listen to her talk about "her 'new guys'" if it's hurting you iirc

well it's not that she talks about it to me, i overheard it tonight.....while out with a large group of friends i'd just done a show with

yeah, that makes sense. i hope things get better for you, dude.

quincie's advice OTM to everyone going through this.

Pretty much channeled all ambient energy into two efforts: being a better musician/writer, being a better programmer (new job skills = better income -> $$$ to buy cool studio stuff). If I didn't have that, I'd just drunkenly stare into the television all night.

thx guys. the alcohol is wearing off and I've emoted most of it out tonight. I think after a sleep it'll be a non-issue tomorrow.

i want to hear more about these psychic abilities

also, i got to say i don t regret any break up. eventually you realize its the best thing that could have happened to you.

i lurk too. last weekend my first long term girlfriend came in from new york. we hadn't seen each other for over five years but the ease of affection and laughter was as imbued in the past as the it was in the present. we slept together. that morning, the police knocked on my door. the girl i dated and lived with subsequently, and who i had had a terrible break-up with, had her laptop stolen. she told the robbery cops that 'i wouldn't let her get her thesis done' and by way of a leap of logic, i had obviously stolen the computer to this end.

so, even if you get over breakups, they might come to haunt you in particular ways.

um parts a and b of that story don't appear to have any connection other than a woolly temporal one

helluva story

lj, the two don't know each other and i obviously only speak to the former. but it was like the ghosts of ex-girlfriends past. just a particular moment in time when nearly a decade of my life showed up simultaneously in different ways. i was a little stressed out last saturday afternoon.

plus, you can't steal a thesis, it's an intangible.

unless they're writing it on papyrus and you hide the scrolls in your backpack

it is interesting that the two strands would come together like that, simultaneously, but i wouldn't put anything down to cosmic agency. was it quite clear that your reluming of the flame was nothing more than a slight, slight return? the ideal twist here would be if your ex-ex was the one who stole the laptop. and only you know this. but you have fallen in love with her again.

agreed. but, as much as i like literature, even coming close to living it makes me pine for ativan or something.

when i was speaking with my friend that afternoon and he asked how i was, i said 'not good. but give me 72 hours, i'll have turned it into an anecdote.'

an anecdote offered to the unwashed mashes of ILX

masses iirc

and lo!

btw, was it quite clear that your reluming of the flame was nothing more than a slight, slight return?

unless we are all potatoes

i wish to live vicariously through your heartshock

or swedes

sour mash

it wasn't slight (that being a generally unacceptable adjective with regard to matters of love past, present or future) and to say it was comforting (ease of laughter) would be downplaying as well. i can say this: i've priced flights to new york.

hi unwashed masses. i've known y'all silently for a while now.

i can say this: i've priced flights to new york.

<3

glad to have baited this out of you. please keep us informed!

surely.

now i'm wondering quite how many unknown people are au fait with my manifold idiocies :/

:D

i was thinking about that the other day. oh ilx, how many lurkers haunt your corridors

iirc there are more people currently lurking on ilx than all who have ever posted from day one combined

many of us (i assume) wouldn't mind a presence. but introductions can go badly and i'm not about to jump on one of the WDYLL threads.

i guess i'll get off breakup thread and go revive greetings, all.

imo random threads you have an interest in is as good a way as any- the greetings thread can be awkward enough really. always makes me think of rick moranis talking to the whole room at once at his own party in ghostbusters for some reason

Second weekend in a row that my (now ex) bf has been away, with his new flame. Still cannot get my head or heart around how quickly this all happened when things had been pretty normal, happy, future plans afoot etc etc. If he'd just broken up with me for the "I dont want to settle down" reason he initially claimed, that would be one thing. It had come up before, and he is a lot younger than me.

But for himto jump ship right into the arms of another girl within days... and still be living in my house the rest of the time... words are failing me, questions are piling up. I honestly thought R was The One. I wanted to marry him :(

Fuck.

Still living in your house???

For practical reasons, mainly. I have someone lined up to move in but financially it needs to wait a bit. Also, he's actually the gall to say its easier to stay here... some fluff about us remaining friends - which I would like - but it seems to be a convenience more than anything. Everyone's telling me he's a little cheaty arsehole and it hurts to even contemplate this about someone Ive known for so long.

(I mean, I know he's a flirty flighty person, and he didnt cheat on me, but .. yeah ugh)

It's easier to stay there, is it??
There's nothing wrong with remaining friends (and the finance part can't be helped) but can't see his logic that staying right now at just this moment will make it easier.

Easier for him - he doesnt have to suffer finding somewhere to live when he has nowhere to go and not enough money! Stuff that though. It really has been hard.

Sucks. :/

kick that asshole out imo

Logic agrees. Hard to think of kicking yr bff #1 to the kerb tho :(

it really doesn't seem like he's treating you the way a bff should treat someone, though, tbh

imho the whole 'do what you need to do for you' positioning is a) never certain and b) never going to be.

if you can make it through this now, and still care about someone who you clearly do... well, i think that's better, no?