the crimes of george lucas ('90s on)

for several years i actually haven't been sure if i'd even bothered to see the last of the prequels, until i watched one of the youtubes up there and, yes, i suppose i've seen it. that's the one that ends with the whole frankenstein's monster bit right?

you know, i haven't dwelt upon it because i don't really give a shit about star wars, but these movies are truly terrible on just about every level, aren't they? the hubris of lucas to write these things himself....

actually they are terrible but not, to me anyway, even memorably terrible. i mean aside from that frankenstein's monster bit i can't recall a single thing from any of the prequels except maybe jar jar and the jew alien from the first one.

90 minute review of Episode 2 from the guy who did the 70 minute Phantom Menace review:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfBhi6qqFLA

Clones is the only somewhat terrible one.

But then, Star Wars was never that great in the first place.

see, what i like about these reviews is that they point out the prequels were actually demonstrably terrible cinema - in terms of plot and story and acting - in a way that the original star wars movies, whatever you thought of them and their impact on hollywood, never were.

Agreed, altho I was a bit disappointed with the Clones review for getting even MORE bogged down in the "look, the narrator is a creepy serial killer" gimmick.

absolutely - fast forwarded thru those bits. in need of a fan edit...

Also how GL took the magic from the first films and tried to recreate it with all the subtly of an assembly line robot. Lousy plot and pacing aside, he manages to take everything magical about Star Wars and explain it, dumb it down, and mass-produce it until it's on the screen every 5 minutes and you no longer care. I like how the recent Clones Wars review goes into ruining light sabers in this way. Also the bit where he's comparing Yoda's Zen Master discussions of the force from "Empire" to all the Jedi basically acting like irrational Michael Bay characters in the new ones is so OTM.

All one needs to do is look at that footage of them making the prequels. Everyone looks miserable and terrified.

"Watching Ewan McGregor in The Men Who Stare at Goats is pretty good"
I can't put my finger on what's wrong with this movie, because how can you go wrong with Kevin Spacey and Jeff Bridges going gonzo? But this movie is somehow just as lifeless as the prequels.

what was wrong is they had a boring narrator who can't master an american accent tell us a goofy story involving charismatic actors rather than let us see it for ourselves. removing ewan wouldn't have necessarily made it more inspired, but it would have at least gotten closer to something worthwhile.

part of why i haven't seen that Ghost Writer is a real "fool me once, shame on you" vibe involving movies where Ewan uncovers the secrets of more entertaining performers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6bvuhPyq8Q&feature=player_embedded

not very remarkable...until you realize who's doing the voice over

holy shit is that harrison ford

indeed it is

Kind of a great trailer either way - - - just pitch it as the continuing adventures of your favorite characters. I'd have gone!

i just love how the voiceover seems so typical until you realize it's ford and then the sneering sarcastic tone comes through

did you guys cover the Seth Green Star Wars sitcom yet?

All in all Ford's pretty bad as a voiceover artist.

That trailer does have the cut shot of C3p0 ripping off the warning label from the door.

and I'm guessing the tone is deliberate on Harrison's part, since it's the same voice he adopts when doing the wormy fan guy during "Blade Runner"

im seeing that people vs george lucas movie next week. expecting it to basically be the film adaptation of this thread.

Love the way he says "It's an epic of romance"

and I'm guessing the tone is deliberate on Harrison's part, since it's the same voice he adopts when doing the wormy fan guy during "Blade Runner"

― WTF cat with unfitting music (kingfish), Saturday, May 1, 2010 4:20 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

i know, i love it. he does the v.o. like it's so beneath him.

I was trying to find the Jar-Jar Binks translator and had forgotten how ridiculous parts of this thread are.

jar-jar's home planet was the answer to a clue in this sunday's crossword puzzle--i was indignant that my girlfriend didn't understand why i didn't know.

ha I am indignant that you didn't know!

so upset this revive didn't bring the latest iteration of those youtube prequel dismantlings

Definitely a serious crime. Lock GL up for good. Whoever thought this was a good idea is a danger to the human race:

http://www.monzy.com/intro/jarjarpops.jpg

It's supposed to be children's candy.

It looks like something from a very specialist sex shop.

that's been mentioned multiple times; I think I still have one in its wrapper that I bought at Toys R Us in 1998 because srsly wtf

You should combine it with what I believe is referred to as a 'Vibr4ting J3lly T0ngue' - you'll make a fortune on e-b4y. Actually that's a great business idea, SW themed sex toys.

THAT IS NOT A GREAT BUSINESS IDEA

PLEASE GOD LET THAT NOT BE A GREAT BUSINESS IDEA

Abbott already foreshadowed that idea in that ILTMI thread

xp You know that somewhere, someone's already doing this.

what does it say about me that I am way cooler with the idea of man-eating Ewoks than I am a Jar-Jar Binks dildo

you guys are fucking gross and insane is what you are

I cannot get the idea of a vibrating Jar-Jar jelly tongue doing serious damage to my anus as well as my brain

^^ has never put on a black condom while singing the imperial march

man-eating ewoks sounds like debauched Queen record-release party legend.

Man-eating ewoks with bowls of cocaine tied to their heads.

"man-eating Ewok" sounds like the nickname Elton John's security detail had for him.

I cannot get the idea of a vibrating Jar-Jar jelly tongue doing serious damage to my anus as well as my brain

that's one hell of a tongue

Use the Force, Dan.

much respect to john williams, but queen should have scored return of the jedi instead of wasting it on highlander.

Luke's Licksaber - now in 5 different flavors!

They should have re-used the music they did for Flash Gordon.
"Luke... ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! And some ewok cannibals! DUN DUN DUNDUN DUN DUN"

I can totally hear "Killer Queen" blasting as Vader marches Luke up the stairs to meet the Emperor.

http://media.share.ovi.com/m1/s/1348/47d6e0ac3d0945eb8360bc070378c7f0.jpg
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee are the champions"

R2 R2 D2! CLAP BOOM BOOM CLAP