The worst noises to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom

"here I sit broken-hearted"

April is the cruelest month, breeding
lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
poops and desire

I start reciting that one DeWolf Hopper style whenever I hear somebody come into the bathroom

that was an xpost, but it didn't really matter

biblical quotes seem tasty for this sort of thing

"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"

I hope never to see the word "tasty" in association with bathroom stalls ever again.

:: farts ::
"It is done."

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7ZM16NZuGqQ/Sbx67dR-CxI/AAAAAAAAHL8/KFCvC9SFQE0/S1600-R/TastyTreasures_Header.png

Curt1s I feel like somebody should beat your ass for that one

the woman has a problem--she should get that checked out imho

"and Aminadab begat Naasson"
PLOP!
"and Naasson begat Salmon"
PLOP!
"And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab"
PLOP!

'“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle...' NEURRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!
*faints before finishing quote*

hahahahaha

whenever I get a bifurcated stream I recite the "the road not taken"

drives the ladies wild

why are you using the ladies' room

My answer:

Larry Craig's voice.

Might even answer Curt1s's question.

Curtis it may come as a shock to you to learn that some of us have bathrooms in our houses

and/or that ladies sometime stop by to say hello, or request the repayment of a loan

but I trust it will not surprise you to know that if you have two streams of piss goin & you break out with some classic Robbie Frost, those ladies will swoon like cornstalks in a strong wind

gender is a social construction and we must start with the bathrooms

'Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.
Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.'
PLOP!

In addition to being sexist, God is being a real prick to Job right here.

Five words: "What the fuck is THAT?"

hahaha "Gird up now thy loins"

what is life if, full of care, we have no time to DEAR GOD I'M BIRTHING A BROWN HIPPO

In addition to being sexist, God is being a real prick to Job right here.

this is a different subject but there really isn't anything sexist about God telling Job: "there's going to be a battle now, between you I, so gird up your loins like a man." women did not gird up their loins then, because they did not fight in battle. that culturally prevalent sexism accounts for women's absence from the battlefield seems most probable, but God drawing a comparison between being battle-ready and being "manly" isn't really sexist.

I apologize that this post is not a full seven thousand words but I got a couple other things I need to be doing.

PLOP

the NIV version says, "Man up, Job"

the NIV version also has advertisements in the margins iirc

Haha I would love for God to tell someone to "sack up," esp. in the middle of a life crisis.

other (the gentle whirring of a zoom lens)

^^^criminally underrated poster

other - isn't total silence actually more disturbing?

the continuous splash caused by diarrhea + the same guy laughing out loud at his own ass

^^^ heard this once

― caek, Tuesday, April 6, 2010 3:38 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

tbh i've unexpectedly let out ferocious burbling farts in public bathrooms before and had to suppress laughing or saying stuff like 'oh jesus what in the hell was THAT'

re: biblical margin ads: "Summon the strength of Samson without killing thyself in the gymnasium"

"look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!"
*sound of rubble falling into the toilet*

that'll be ozymandias' labia

and now exude the cumdrops of evermore

One is pretty vulnerable on the toilet so hearing the hiss of a venemous snake or the growl of a lion or the click of someone taking the safety off their gun would trouble me a lot more than flatulence and whatnot. Fortunately, very few large cats wander through the bathrooms I use. The gun-toting snakes are pretty easy to distract.

what about.....cougars ;)

ok guys i'm surprised none of you have said this yet........the snipping of scissors

*faints*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u05Qot_yh9c

*POOPS*

I seriously just heard someone in the stall at work using toilet paper as if he was using a scouring pad on a skillet. It was very disturbing.

THIS.

This happened just this morning in the stall next to me. Vigorous, quick, repeated scratches! Maybe 12-15 distinct strokes.

DJ Jazzy Jeff due for a comeback

What was the scratch he invented?

found it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transform_(scratch)

would it have been more or less disturbing to have the bathroom scratching sync'd to a drum machine?

One is pretty vulnerable on the toilet so hearing the hiss of a venemous snake or the growl of a lion or the click of someone taking the safety off their gun would trouble me a lot more than flatulence and whatnot. Fortunately, very few large cats wander through the bathrooms I use. The gun-toting snakes are pretty easy to distract.

― Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Tuesday, 6 April 2010 22:55 (Yesterday) Bookmark

not a hearing, or a public restroom, but the other day I was at home sitting doing my business when I saw a spider slowly poke its legs out through a hole in the skirting board dead ahead of me, slowly wriggle its way out, then run full steam ahead towards me. I totally, uh, was very scared. Like what the fuck dude. I think it was some kind of metaphor.

people who can't help but emit orgasmic groans while shitting should be shot

So as of this morning 'a jauntily-whistled tune' has unexpectedly become my answer to the question posed itt.

Guy in my work used to sing hymns.

I once worked with a woman who used to moan softly. It was so bad we requested they pump music into the bathroom.

Alban Berg's Wozzeck

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The worst noises to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom

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