The worst noises to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom

also, worst thing to SEE when IN a bathroom stall in a public restroom: someone staring intently at you through the crack.

can there be a BEST noises to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom?

"It's like a rainbow!"

this is the man that banned me, folks

http://images.icanhascheezburger.com/completestore/2008/10/4/128676494743470796.jpg

"help, i'm being murdered, while i am pooping!"

a little puddle of drool formed on my sweater sleeve from trying not to laugh too hard at this while at my desk at work.

the continuous splash caused by diarrhea + the same guy laughing out loud at his own ass

^^^ heard this once

nothing makes me feel more MANNISH than when I'm in public restroom and I realize I'm like sighing with relief or etc.
http://vimeo.com/154114
^^^ terrible UK TV commercial

The other day I heard a combination of 1 (usually doesn't bother me but this was REALLY wet), 2, and 4 with an intermittent heavy smoker's cough. Somehow the worst part was that I smelled the smoke like 15 seconds later.

I should have numbered these so that people will know which horrifying things are being referenced after the poll results come in.

for posterity:

1. wet and/or prolonged flatulence
2. the series of cascading splashes caused by pebble poop
3. the continuous splash caused by diarrhea
4. grunting/moaning
5. grunting/moaning accompanied by slurping sounds
6. vigorous, audible toilet paper usage
7. the sinister susurration of someone failing to quietly masturbate
8. other (please specify)

for posterity:

for posterior-ity?

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Please Welcome CARROT TOP!"

I agree, if I heard that coming from a bathroom stall I would be terrified

If I ever got hold of a Portal gun, I'd set it so that the "entrance" portal was in the toilet bowl, but the "exit" portal was aimed at an enemy, or maybe a fan, or something.

this is the man that banned me, folks

perhaps if you had been posting entertaining threads instead of running around announcing to all & sundry that you didn't give a shit, as if that were somehow worth saying, then he would have posted to the threads, instead of banning you

I am 100% not saying "lol u" but operating under the assumption that your comment means you actually can't tell the difference here, and under the further assumption that when you have noted the difference, the irony you see in being banned by a guy making this thread thread will dissipate

anybody needs any more needlessly tortured explanations of stuff, just let me know, I'm not always right but I've always got plenty of words

5. grunting/moaning accompanied by slurping sounds

see i can tolerate being in the same restroom with the others (7 maybe an exception) but if i hear this, i'm going to be completely maison_derriere.gif

*plop*

In grad school there was a prof who my wife had the misfortune of overhearing in the department restroom too frequently. It was the grunting/moaning/squishes combo. That gets my vote.

at any rate the poll leaves off my two favorite options, "weeping with occasional mumbled interludes about how unfair life is" and "whoops and hollers"

hahaha I really should have included a "self-pity" option

"my God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me"

vs.

"Release the Kraken"

I am sad when I hear someone sit down and fart the kind of fart you can just tell has been welled-up inside for a long time, because the person was too tight-assed to let one fly more luxuriously in the hall or wherever.

"the worst examples of 20th-century poetry to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom"

there must be a subgenre of echo-y ringtones that are the worst to be accompanied by moangin/grunting/slurping

"here I sit broken-hearted"

April is the cruelest month, breeding
lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
poops and desire

I start reciting that one DeWolf Hopper style whenever I hear somebody come into the bathroom

that was an xpost, but it didn't really matter

biblical quotes seem tasty for this sort of thing

"Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?"

I hope never to see the word "tasty" in association with bathroom stalls ever again.

:: farts ::
"It is done."

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_7ZM16NZuGqQ/Sbx67dR-CxI/AAAAAAAAHL8/KFCvC9SFQE0/S1600-R/TastyTreasures_Header.png

Curt1s I feel like somebody should beat your ass for that one

the woman has a problem--she should get that checked out imho

"and Aminadab begat Naasson"
PLOP!
"and Naasson begat Salmon"
PLOP!
"And Salmon begat Booz of Rachab"
PLOP!

'“It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle...' NEURRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!
*faints before finishing quote*

hahahahaha

whenever I get a bifurcated stream I recite the "the road not taken"

drives the ladies wild

why are you using the ladies' room

My answer:

Larry Craig's voice.

Might even answer Curt1s's question.

Curtis it may come as a shock to you to learn that some of us have bathrooms in our houses

and/or that ladies sometime stop by to say hello, or request the repayment of a loan

but I trust it will not surprise you to know that if you have two streams of piss goin & you break out with some classic Robbie Frost, those ladies will swoon like cornstalks in a strong wind

gender is a social construction and we must start with the bathrooms

'Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.
Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.'
PLOP!

In addition to being sexist, God is being a real prick to Job right here.

Five words: "What the fuck is THAT?"

hahaha "Gird up now thy loins"

what is life if, full of care, we have no time to DEAR GOD I'M BIRTHING A BROWN HIPPO

I totally, uh, was very scared.

Well you were in the ideal place to crap yourself...

Man I hate it when you end up in synch with the person in the cubicle next to you. And then they walk out without washing their hands. And it's the person who sits next to you :/

i mean it took us until two days ago to get enbb to her rightful position

Taking her place on the throne, as it were...

Next week:

The worst smells to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom

The worst smells to smell, obv

Some smells you can hear coming.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2064/2324143771_4dda2cb757.jpg

Man I hate it when you end up in synch with the person in the cubicle next to you.

I can't stand shitting in stereo. It's an otherworldly experience. My turds smell bad enough on their own without having to get a whiff of my neighbor's anal cupcakes. It's a symphony I really don't want to conduct.

There was this one time this kid was farting absolute wet razor blades in the stall, obviously farts with 'substance'. He was also going "oh man" over and over again so I figured he had a bad case of the shits. Farts get louder and louder, as do his cries, but well ya know that's what stalls are for, right?

So I hear a flush, he leaves the stall....but the wet fart sounds CONTINUE as he leaves the bathroom. So like, did he just poop a little, decide that was enough, and hold the rest in?

Other- hearing a guy in the stall next to mine talking about cutting up someone/harming them in some other way, non-stop.

wtf

I know -I'm hoping it was just revenge-scenario fantasizing and that he didn't end up doing any of those things.

So I hear a flush, he leaves the stall....but the wet fart sounds CONTINUE as he leaves the bathroom.

at first I interpreted this as, "...but the wet fart sounds continued to emanate from the empty stall" & was about to agree with you that yes, disembodied demon sharts are truly the worst noises to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom.

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3251/3119458386_7719935d02_m.jpg

other--->

your name being whispered

So as of this morning 'a jauntily-whistled tune' has unexpectedly become my answer to the question posed itt.

crying, self-berating panic attack in work jacks

heavy, labored breathing is the one that bothers me the most

keep thinking someone's going to keel over from a heart attack in the next stall

The tinny, muffled responses of someone who is tragically unaware that they're on the phone with someone who is presently defecating.

alternatively, the full volume responses of someone wearing a headset who is responding to a question on a conference call

people who can't help but emit orgasmic groans while shitting should be shot

So as of this morning 'a jauntily-whistled tune' has unexpectedly become my answer to the question posed itt.

Guy in my work used to sing hymns.

I once worked with a woman who used to moan softly. It was so bad we requested they pump music into the bathroom.

Alban Berg's Wozzeck

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The worst noises to hear coming from a bathroom stall in a public restroom

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