Just when you thought it was safe - OK CUPID PART 3: The Return of the WOO!

The reply I got back, for all my fear, was pretty nice. Going to message her again today.

The Blake one didn't work though; a bit intense maybe.

a friend of mine went on yet another okcupid date tonight and txted after to say she's deleting her account! whoas

In a good way or a bad way? I can't tell, although 1 date seems a bit precipitous to be deleting anything.

haha in a bad way, as in, 'i can't go on any more of these bads dates and need to not do this right now.'

Awww.

a renewed surprise at how caught up in their own shit most people are. my heart hurts for the world.

Did people not respond to rrrrrrobyn smiles? Clearly "their own shit" = they are blind.

(surprisingly now-hipsterish) noise/rock music scene of perpetual insulation. which i have never desired to be a part of (not a joiner, lol. also i refuse to dress like it's 1983). i mean, great bands, some of my faves in mtl, seriously awesome music, but there's a scene built up around them that can work to shut others out. which is o_O to me b/c one would think that weird music would help connect the small number of people who like weird music, but, and i should know this from so many years of experience going to shows, it too often seems to just connect the small number of people who like to go hang out in pre-determined clusters, get wasted and be seen (by whom? it is a mystery to me, but not really; i guess it is about being 'young', hell, we've all done it to some extent). (i guess everything can't be terrastock utopia, haha.)

basically much of my life and work and thought is dedicated to "connection" and community building, so witnessing displays of illogical and/or fear-based insulation is disheartening. like, i've had more engaging social encounters with a shoe salesman at shoe store recently than i have with people i've 'known' for years and who supposedly like the same music/art/etc like i like. makes me feel like something's wrong with me, which i know isn't true (and i have my own amazing friends, of course, but i think of that as ever-expanding!).

maybe this is just end-of-winter saturation-point. i'm just really concerned about the state of the world.

clearly i'm going to continue to love and smile and all that, but man, sometimes...

as a woman who spent many years going to gigs in a relatively small scene, i can relate regarding an "i don't know who you are but if you were worth knowing (i.e. could help me look cooler and get my band gigs) i'd know so i don't need to find out" attitude from people who i suspect then bemoan the lack of interest + possibly esp. female interest in their scene

maybe this is not what you mean and i'm just being bitter on the internet again though

but i cannot really point fingers myself as i keep myself isolated and afraid of reaching out to other people and would probably (mostly accidentally) shut them down if they tried to reach out to me anyway, so

thread makes me glad i am not single / afraid for how things have changed (technology, attention spans = speed of brushoffs, my own aging looks, a world so increasingly bombarded with endless "look! you could have THIS!" barely-possible click-thru delusions that settling for less seems unnecessary) since i last had to put myself out there and hustle for some facade of basic human kindness

yep, that's partly it, being a woman who just rly likes going to hear loudass music with some serious drums, haha
and, yeah, though i do have high standards and am a cynic, sure, i don't shut down people unless they are being particularly creepy/boring - i'm pretty freakin open by nature. the shut-in season may have gotten to me a bit though, need to refocus.

Robyn I so relate to that it's not even funny. After living in Denver for six years, seeing the same people at gigs, bars, what not, and the majority still failing to recognize me or remember my name, I am done with these weirdos. And even more baffling - I go to shows and people seem to just want to talk the entire time, even as much as to drown out the music.

haha yeah, i mean, all these years of going to shows and i'm still baffled by people standing near the stage and talking through full sets. i go for the music, not really to meet people, but at the same time it's like, look, we've all seen each other a million times, gimme a smile back yo, ya weirdos

scenes are insufferable it's kinda part of the deal imo

Exactly. I even hung out with this local dude in CHICAGO when I went to see Belle and Sebastian play there in 2002. We rode around downtown together in the same CAR after the show. Back in Denver, I saw him at this same club night every Friday night from 2003-2004. And now, when I see him, he blanks me and I have to reintroduce myself. DO THESE PEOPLE HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS? That's only the beginning. There's many, many more. One local guy sings in a band and I met him at a BBQ in 2003. I have probably reintroduced myself to him at least ten times. Everytime he forgets. It's come to a point where I pre-emptively introduce myself to people I've met before because I figure they don't remember me (there's been one instance where said person was offended because he actually remembered me). Either I am extremely unmemorable or these people are just freaks. Or drunk all the time. Could be either.

true. yet so weird. not sure why it's bothering me so much right now, b/c usually it doesn't at all. maybe it's this thread's fault, haha ;)
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haha i was just thinking that last night too! the preemptive re-introduction and wondering if people have that problem wherein they can't remember face. that said, i was surprised abt a couple of people who did come up and say hi. yet miffed by others, eesh, whatevs, maybe i keep too low a profile, haha

When I was young and there were still record shops in town I would go to one of them at least once a week and go through the bin of weird stuff that nobody else bought - shop assistant in that section was usually the same guy, was not super chatty w/him but would say hi and make smalltalk as I bought my records etc

anyway I was always alone when I went there

after a few years of this I came in after not being in for a couple of weeks and the shop dude asked "what happened to that guy who always used to come shopping with you - he liked the weird records, would always buy stuff from that bin there - anyway i've got some stuff he'd be interested in" and had apparently just completely invented a man who'd been doing the serious man business of record shopping while i stood behind him gawping blankly or something

freaks sounds right

that story is kinda n/ lvl

enh, name forgetting is a thing that happens when ppl circulate in large fluid social groups that emphasize drinking and passive socializing (listening to music v. knitting or something)

I went to a bunch of "bike events" in mpls when I first moved here and it's only a year later that certain ppl remember my name. I mean, part of it, too, is that to someone who doesn't get much (me, since school started) is more likely to remember the scenester because there is some sense of uninterrupted continuity: "the last time I went to one of these shows (two months ago), all the same people were here it is just the same I remember them."

if yr going out or ~being involved~ all the time tho, the person introducing themselves to you is not at all among the ppl you saw at your last whatever. their sample rate is high (I see this guy EVERY TIME), yours is low (I see this guy five times a year).

then again I am just horrible with names and make a point of telling ppl this when they introduce themselves

xp ok wow that is just 0_o

whoooooa

that is just like stock character Record Store Guy material srsly.

haha whoa bizarre yeah
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nah, it's not a mere name-forgetting thing but a blanking a person out thing, like, socially weird behaviour but i'm not gonna judge, people do what they do. yet i think if you meet someone more than a handful of times, they should at least sorta remember your face. i meet new people every day and while i might not always remember their faces months later, sometimes when i'm not even wearing my glasses (lol need contacts..), i at least have a sense of 'oh that face is v familiar, maybe i should smile at them and see what happens' (but i am not so great with names...). i just think of that as normal, and in many situations it is! but in other situations, not so much. laadeedaa...

How easy is it to meet people at small venue concerts? Most people go to concerts with their friends. After the music starts it seems like the only way to meet people is going outside for a smoke. I quit smoking a little over 3 months ago. Anyways, have any of yall ever got in a relationship with someone you met at a concert? and if so how many concerts do you go to and which concert did you meet the person at?

I've recently been indulging in an idle Tim-Smith-miraculously-recovers-enough-for-Cardiacs-reunion-gig-where-I-meet-girl-of-dreams fantasy but nothing has happened at any gig I've been to. However I do reckon that a gig is one of the most likely places I'll meet someone I *really* gel with, so I'm keeping a very open mind to such occurrences.

OK Cupid is great. Match.com is like buying a television from a pawn shop.

wow spacecadet i have some irritating sexist record store guy anecdotes but that is insane

even though i seem to be bitching about this, i know everyone has different ways of being social and different levels of comfort when out in the world - i don't want to assume they are 'weirdos' for the sake of being weird/hip (tho some would seem to be...). different makes the world go round, yeahyeah, it is true (tho it doesn't always make it easy to meet people)

i've met people at show, sometimes random strangers but mostly friends of friends/acquaintances. my instinct when i'm with a friend and see someone familiar is to say hi and if they engage then introduce them to friend - this doesn't seem to be the norm tho! kids these days! haha anyway i prob just need more giant house parties (not full of couples) in my life (serious dearth of those in winter)

i was at one of those last night and it was really cool - probably cooler because i didn't feel any pressure to hit on ppl or w/e, it was mostly just friendly and chill, and conversation was excellent

This never happens for me - I always see the same faces at gigs, and try to smile at them, but they just look at me like I'm grooming them for child abuse.

Also internet dating is really depressing for me in all the forms I've tried, so many emoticons and poor grammar, and not enough compatibility or respect for anyone - maybe it's just that I have a problem.

my instinct when i'm with a friend and see someone familiar is to say hi and if they engage then introduce them to friend

Yes, this is polite adult behavior! You know, some scenes, even when individuals are cool, the overall vibe is just lame. One scene that I'm in, everyone is always wasted but they value basic manners and are always courteous even when drunk; another scene, the people are individually cool and probably LESS wasted than the first, but it's like they're not devoting any of their branes to social codes while they're out.

I can kind of understand when shows are a chance to decompress and not make too much of an effort, but a friend of a friend should always have an "in". And a stranger you see enough should be enveloped because hell, they support your favorite bands!! It should be about support, esp in the small music scenes when bands on the road are playing for like laundry money.

That said, I went to shows for like a year and no one was unkind to me but they didn't reach out. Then I re-connected to one or two people who had an "in" and suddenly everyone who didn't talk to me for 10 months said, "Oh hey, yeah, I've seen you! How are you, blah blah friendliness!"

I made almost all of my friends at gigs just by being there for so long in the same crowds at the same weird minority interest gigs that I eventually got talking to various folks and it went from there. It did take quite some time though, as in months, if not years, of gig going every week, but that's because I'm a social defect.

Back to OKCupid...

I spoke too soon - the Blake did work! It's garnered me another nice reply anyway. Hurrah!

all-night arts&culture city-wide festival here last night proved that people do know how to make eye contact and be nice to strangers :) am feeling 100x better abt the world/people

had a nice time last night (she came to a fundraiser my org held) but didn't reall get to hang much since I was hosting and being pulled in like a billion directions. at the end of the night I was exhausted, sick from a week of little sleep, and sorta drunk. so she went home :-/

but we've got plans for laterthis week and all my friends liked her so

all night arts & culture festival sounds awesome! glad your faith in humanity has been renewed!

good luck with next date gbx, sounds like a promising start at any rate.

(also i am the WORST EVER about pre-emptive reintroductions because i usually have to meet people 2-3 times before i have much chance of remembering their names, don't be offended by it, some of us are just dumb!)

i am a 93% match with my former roommate, who kicked me out of my last apartment. my faith in this okcupid matching algorithm is SHOT.

only lesbians are looking at my profile. wtf?

a girl sent me a message saying she likes to sing michael hurley songs when she is alone? future wife?

I was browsing okc on Sunday night (working on the all-important "get drunk enough that posting a photo seems like a good idea" step) when I got infected by a particularly nasty virus. Hopefully this is not some kind of omen.

I don't really understand why but it seems like 50% of the girls claim to be bi on there.

they also all claim to be "a lot like liz lemon."

I'm glad I never looked at too many other women's profiles. It seems like a strange world.

currently browsing the goodfolk of okc by typing awesome cultural items into the search bar - dammit surely someone else likes the shit i do

oh yeah, i don't look at many men's profiles, but a couple i've seen have been very, very funny indeed

they also all claim to be "a lot like liz lemon."

"On a typical Friday night I am sitting at home eating cheesy poofs and farting into the ol' slanket."

I can't tell if using this site is a good way to meet someone or a good way to ensure I'll never meet someone.

the sad thing is like every girl has a line in their profile trying to fend off the sleazy old dudes. (I message them anyway.)

How old are you?

34. i was kidding though. i'm not that old for a sleazebag.

i don't think i've since i've known you you've been in any kind of happy relationship.

If I still had that ACT UP* t shirt that didn't fit anymore, I'd say "You know you're my homie, but get your heteronormative bourgeois straitjacket off my sagging queer body."

*someone tell ian what ACT UP was.

I am so close to being done with online dating. I would rather go out to eat alone.