ZING!!!

WEIRD INDIE TYPE GIRL WITH EMO BUTT TALKING TO TWO JOCK GUYS: I regained my virginity on the internet, actually.

Not that Eno will drop his bottoms for everyone. But since Viva expressed a great desire to see him au naturel, flashed in fleshy colour gloss across their centrefold, Eno decided to comply. Being a leader in the avant garde (and in this case, garde derriere), after conceptual art, musique concrete and Roxy, there was no new world left for the irrepressible Eno to conquer save Beefcake.

Magazine history could not be denied Eno chic to cheek. "I could never do this for a male photographer - I'd be too embarrassed. Don't be coy, thousands have seen me naked."

As Ian Hunter says in Diary of a Rock and Roll Star, the human bod, undraped, by light of sun is a pretty mundane shell, downright grotty and un-erotic. There was something R. Crumbian comic in seeing Eno traipse the length and breadth of the room, wearing naught but a Registered Cult Figure tee shirt, his manhood flouncing jauntily in the breeze, wondering what poses he could effect that "aren't neurotic."

The session hit a crescendo of surrealistica as Eno began twisting like a pretzel, saying, straight-faced: "Get a bun shot." After suggesting that he be photographed spread-eagle "with all my rudeness showing," Simon reminded Eno, who seemed a trifle hurt, that Viva didn't care about his genitalia, just his supple Grecian bod. He ran the gamut of tease poses: Eno teething fetchingly on a sheet, Eno fingering a glass of white wine "decadently," Eno calling some girl on the phone whilst naked. After sprawling on his tummy, Eno was in a mild state of arousal. "Forgive me if I have a hard-on; it is certainly the way of nature. I can't sit up," he moaned.

"Yes, Viva doesn't like erections," Simon thoughtfully mulled, "but they're only test shots."

"I'll cover it with a book," which Eno did unil he was once again discreet.

How was he coming up to snuff? Would he make the grade and join Fabian and Lyle Waggoner and even, fer chrissakes, John Davidson? "I have lovely shoulders in rock and roll, and quite a nice face..." scanning down the expanse of his fleshoid buff. "I'm quite pleased with myself... except for my knees; I have knobbly knees. They won't reject me for my knees, will they? Yes, my knees and my FEET. I hate my feet; they're always cold. The only time my feet aren't cold is when I make love, which I do all the time. I only make love to keep my feet warm."

Unless Viva picks up on a good thing, all the Eno anyone will ever see, celuloid speaking, is the contact sheet under the photog's mattress. Eno'd like to keep it that way. He had an unpleasant run-in with a male groupie ("They're of even less use than female ones"), and threatened, with a crack of doom, "If these pictures ever find their way into any gay magazines" (mustering bile and bluster and pointing at the photog) "I'll break your glasses!" Eno's a man of his word, and you can never tell into whose hands CREEM will fall, can you?

(Laurel walks to the open window and leaps out of the fire escape. When he hits the concrete, he shatters both his ankles.)

I was going to ask how long it would take Jon to delete that thread about Wayne! But I forgot! Doesn't matter, because the answer was 15 minutes!

MAYAHAHA

Didn't he used to be...a French???

?

seriously tho what does that mean, "he used to be...a french"?

MAYAHAHA

i figured that i owed her for all the MAYAHAHA roffles

its called facebook you can look up the dates

Nice to see that Curtis's given me another reason to write him off entirely too.

http://static.ak.facebook.com/images/icons/friend_guy.gif Ally is writing all y'all off. 4:07pm

i should have made a better query joke :-/

Yeah, I still don't get it, dude!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Query_language

u nerd

The vast amount of US political news that is shoved down our throats in utter disproportion to literally every other foreign country in the world makes me eminently qualified to discuss the racist motives of your current and potential Republican shitheads leaders.

― You should be an artist, in in your shower. (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, September 28, 2008 5:50 PM (31 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

dog u were on a thread the other day ASKING SOMEONE WHEN THE ELECTION WAS so i think youre eminently qualified to stfu

― Barack HUSSEIN Obama (max), Sunday, September 28, 2008 5:52 PM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark

WASPS DON'T GO TO MASS
― Snappy (sexyDancer), Wednesday, January 26, 2005 11:04 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes we do sucka

Anglicans are not real WASPs, dog.

I thought mass was exclusively a catholic term?

1) theyre only anglicans in england and 2) yes they are

high church anglicans have mass I think. also, episcopal = wasp = anglican in a theological and governmental sense (US episcopal church is part of the anglican communion)

therefore, max is right.

I don't consider them wasps

u rong dude

yep

I thought mass was exclusively a catholic term?

― an abduction of a guy into a weird artsy world... (wilter), Sunday, September 28, 2008 10:34 PM

scientists use it too

lol true

masses

A dude from new jersey is telling me what a "real wasp is"

http://www.tartareandesire.com/bands/images/wasp.jpg

why is this not the zing thread

u nerd

― jaymc, Tuesday, June 19, 2007 4:15 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

re: the wasps at mass debate, i can't help what the chunky wasp chick said out loud, regardless of its stupidity. maybe she thought that guy was italian, and was offering to convert, thus making it not even a zing.

Terry Teachout's latest book is Duke: A Life of Duke Ellington. He's making the book talk rounds for this. Teachout is criticized by some for his neo-con politics (I recall Christgau mixing praise and criticism in his take on Teachout's Louis Armstrong book)

― curmudgeon, Tuesday, November 5, 2013 2:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

National Review interview!

LOPEZ: How could music be Ellington’s mistress, as the saying goes, when the man appears to have had so many mistresses? Did a lack of discipline hurt both his personal and professional life?

TEACHOUT: I don’t know whether that question is answerable. He was, after all, a hugely prolific composer who left behind a considerable number of masterpieces, so he must have been doing something right. But we can’t know how many more he might have written had he not diverted so much of his time and energy into the pursuit of women — though it’s also important to remember that he believed this pursuit to be musically inspirational.

http://www.nationalreview.com/node/362692/print

― curmudgeon, Tuesday, November 5, 2013 3:26 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'll be skipping this one. Teachout wrote an awful essay that largely dismissed Ellington's longer works, and Ellington as a composer, as inadequate for not utilizing the formalized tools of "classical music" that his music shouldn't have aspired to anyway.

Also, Christgau otm re: Teachout's politics.
http://bnreview.barnesandnoble.com/t5/Rock-Roll/Pops-as-Pop/ba-p/2578

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, November 5, 2013 3:46 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ugh:

LOPEZ: One of the “peculiarities” of Duke Ellington’s career, you write, is that “he was a major composer but not an influential one.” Why is that? How does that happen?
TEACHOUT: He wrote great music, but his techniques were so intensely personal and unique unto himself that they were for all intents and purposes inimitable. Hence he didn’t influence anybody — all that other artists could do was play his songs in their own ways.

Does Teachout even know what the word "influential" means?

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, November 5, 2013 3:50 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The idea that Ellington wasn't (and isn't) widely imitated is just .... strange

― Brad C., Tuesday, November 5, 2013 3:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

um hello mingus?

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, November 5, 2013 4:01 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

just think what Ellington could have accomplished if he had had as little sex as Teachout

― Brad C., Tuesday, November 5, 2013 4:03 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

sick burn

Christ Nilmar, what more do I have to do to win your approval???

― frogbs, Wednesday, November 13, 2013 11:41 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you could probably win mass approval by hopping into a pot of cold water and then remaining oblivious to any incremental temperature changes.

― estela, Tuesday, November 12, 2013 5:49 PM (54 seconds ago)

classic "go kill yourself" zings

^ can't stand the heat

hile Mauricio Pochettino’s defence looked suspect on a number of occasions, he will be pleased with the standard of victory from a side which included Andros Townsend as a starter.

the main reason I'm pretty sure Nixon won't win is because it would just be too sweet to see the entire mainstream political and media class proven utterly wrong. I don't think we get to have anything that enjoyable. I really hope I'm wrong

― wayne trotsky (Simon H.), Thursday, September 13, 2018 10:04 AM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Simon, just thinking out loud here, but there might be another reason why people who think the opposite of you are rarely proven wrong...

― Frederik B, Thursday, September 13, 2018 3:29 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

god fuck off

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, September 14, 2018 2:12 PM (four minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

maybe if we duct tape you to a ceiling your blithe condescension will actually have a reason to sound like it's from on high

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, September 14, 2018 2:14 PM (one minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

booooom

ahahaha

Fun fact: The ilxor that founded Kickstarter once posted “mr. snrub u are a motherfucking idiot and with every post you make i believe this more and more”

― Mr. Snrub, Sunday, 10 March 2019 12:58 (three days ago) Permalink

That’s the thing about successful entrepreneurs, they’re no different from the rest of us when you get down to it

― A funny tinge happened on the way to the forum (wins), Sunday, 10 March 2019 13:24 (three days ago) Permalink

wins' zings are delight

the #1 source of disinformation on coronavirus is addressing the United States at 9pm EST

― Karl Malone, Wednesday, March 11, 2020 4:50 PM (thirteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Sanpaku?

― ℺ ☽ ⋠ ⏎ (✖), Wednesday, March 11, 2020 4:52 PM (eleven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

lol

― Webcam Du Bois (Hadrian VIII), Wednesday, March 11, 2020 4:53 PM (eleven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I think AOC has a career to think of that wouldn't be served by telling you the old white center-right Presidential candidate is going to be dead before that 2035 clean electricity date and his family is rich enough to live in the private air conditioned villas that will abut our climate slums.

― Donald Trump Also Sucks, Of Course (milo z), Tuesday, September 29, 2020 10:11 PM (eighteen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

ok sounds good. if you start posting in english let me know.

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Tuesday, September 29, 2020 10:15 PM

I assume the app challenge is some learn to code shit, possibly more offensive than sending a constituent's kid to Annapolis

― papal hotwife (milo z), Sunday, March 19, 2023 3:39 PM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

milo have you considered not using computers

― mh, Sunday, March 19, 2023 3:58 PM