― dysøn (dyson), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 15:52 (nineteen years ago) link
― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 17:06 (nineteen years ago) link
― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 17:40 (nineteen years ago) link
― rentboy (rentboy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:14 (nineteen years ago) link
― Wooden (Wooden), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:18 (nineteen years ago) link
― King Korn Karn, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:21 (nineteen years ago) link
I love that one.
― Wooden (Wooden), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:23 (nineteen years ago) link
― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:27 (nineteen years ago) link
― fact checking cuz (fcc), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:28 (nineteen years ago) link
― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:44 (nineteen years ago) link
― frankE (frankE), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:49 (nineteen years ago) link
― JC-L (JC-L), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:52 (nineteen years ago) link
― daavid (daavid), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 18:56 (nineteen years ago) link
Q: What did Mark E. Smith say after the marathon? A: I'm totally tired! Q: About doing his homework? A: It's totally required!
Q: To Brix?A: You're totally fired!
Really, anything that ends in 'ired.' Eh hem.
― cookieman, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:01 (nineteen years ago) link
― cookieman, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:03 (nineteen years ago) link
― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:04 (nineteen years ago) link
A: He has a slow hand.
― Gooey Lewis, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:07 (nineteen years ago) link
A: Because he doesn't hit on anything over 16.
― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:07 (nineteen years ago) link
A: Neil Armstrong walked on the moon.....
....and Michael Jackson fucks kids.
― djdee2005 (djdee2005), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:21 (nineteen years ago) link
― ken taylrr (ken taylrr), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:26 (nineteen years ago) link
― Bruce S. Urquhart (BanjoMania), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:27 (nineteen years ago) link
― dysøn (dyson), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:38 (nineteen years ago) link
A: Sammy Davis Jr. and Sandy Duncan.
― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:40 (nineteen years ago) link
― 6335, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 19:44 (nineteen years ago) link
a: michael jackson
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:21 (nineteen years ago) link
― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:22 (nineteen years ago) link
― Duder Supreme, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:25 (nineteen years ago) link
So anyway, at the height of his fame Adam Ant visits the set of top British soap opera Coronation Street. As luck would have it, his favourite character Stan Ogden invites to come for a drink in legendary pub the Rover's Return on set. There they proceed to sink a great many pints of fine English ale. More than a little the worse for wear, Adam Ant decides to get one more round in. But as he stands up, he suddenly grips his side and starts moaning terribly. "What is it, mate?" says his companion. Adam starts singing: "Stan, it's my liver..."
/coat
― marco (marco), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:36 (nineteen years ago) link
― Colin Meeder (Mert), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:37 (nineteen years ago) link
― Joseph McCombs (Joseph McCombs), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:43 (nineteen years ago) link
Karen Carpenter's dress-size.
― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:48 (nineteen years ago) link
― Michael Philip Philip Philip Annoyman (Ferg), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 20:51 (nineteen years ago) link
― udu wudu (udu wudu), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 21:14 (nineteen years ago) link
Speaking of people i'd like to pie in the face . . .
― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 21:30 (nineteen years ago) link
How how many how many minimalists how many minimalists does how many minimalists does it how many minimalists does it take how many minimalists does it take to how many minimalists does it take to change how many minimalists does it take to change a how many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
― sundar subramanian (sundar), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 21:43 (nineteen years ago) link
― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 22:25 (nineteen years ago) link
"Yep," said the doctor, "he's bats, all right."
"You've got to do something!" exclaimed the other members of the band. "Check him into the rubber room, innit?"
"I'm afraid I can't do that," said the doctor with a sad look in his eye.
"But you must!" exclaimed the band, "Otherwise we'll never get sleep again!"
"I'm afraid a higher power has forbidden it, lads." The doctor grabbed his Bible and patted it. "It says explicitly, 'Thou shalt not commit a Daltrey'."
― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 22:34 (nineteen years ago) link
― erik pearson (statemusic), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 22:44 (nineteen years ago) link
― sundar subramanian (sundar), Thursday, 30 September 2004 00:13 (nineteen years ago) link
What's yellow and lives off dead Beatles? [worse; racist]
Haha drummers aren't proper musicians [worst of all]
...
cf: I contributed to a similar thread recently and asked the readers of The Friday Thing to join in. Only I'd been duped by the editor into thinking it had a readership greater than that of a tiny college magazine (i.e. over1000) and so couldn't understand why no-one added to it. I looked a real chumpo. Writers beware!
― Acme (acme), Thursday, 30 September 2004 01:46 (nineteen years ago) link
John Lennon.
― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Thursday, 30 September 2004 02:10 (nineteen years ago) link
Flick the lights on and off.
― bbc6 personality (bbc6 personality), Thursday, 30 September 2004 02:20 (nineteen years ago) link
― ken taylrr (ken taylrr), Thursday, 30 September 2004 02:49 (nineteen years ago) link
"that Sparks joke is total and utter genius. i'm laughing myself into a stupor right now. -- ken taylrr (or...), September 30th, 2004."
Sorry to piss on your parade MP, but he got it off Viz magazine.
― Sasha (sgh), Thursday, 30 September 2004 03:02 (nineteen years ago) link
― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 30 September 2004 04:41 (nineteen years ago) link
― ken taylrr (ken taylrr), Thursday, 30 September 2004 04:56 (nineteen years ago) link
A: Militia Etheridge!
― ng, Thursday, 30 September 2004 12:14 (nineteen years ago) link
And a ladyshave for the other leg.
B'dum Tish.
― noodle vague (noodle vague), Thursday, 30 September 2004 12:25 (nineteen years ago) link
Limp Bizkit
― j c (j c), Thursday, 30 September 2004 12:35 (nineteen years ago) link
when Josh Groban joined the cast of Sweeney Todd, they opted to add one of his signature numbers to the piece.
he sings "I Raise You Up"
― the manwich horror (Neanderthal), Monday, 12 June 2023 16:01 (ten months ago) link
Q: Why are there no Lee Ranaldo songs on Dirty?A: He was having trouble playing out of tune.
― Day 1 fan (morrisp), Saturday, 17 June 2023 02:22 (ten months ago) link
george harrison walks into a barbartender sayshey why the long and winding road?
― massaman gai (front tea for two), Saturday, 17 June 2023 07:54 (ten months ago) link
Make I Me Mine a double
― Crabber B. Munson (Boring, Maryland), Saturday, 17 June 2023 15:10 (ten months ago) link
Dark Horse walks into a barBartender says “Why the long, long, long face?”
― Holly Godarkbloom (James Redd and the Blecchs), Saturday, 17 June 2023 15:12 (ten months ago) link
Kevin Shields walks into a barBartender: Why the long gap between albums?
― Day 1 fan (morrisp), Saturday, 17 June 2023 16:21 (ten months ago) link
Lars Ulrich walks into a bar and he immediately speeds up then slows down
― the manwich horror (Neanderthal), Saturday, 17 June 2023 16:26 (ten months ago) link
Bartender: Why the shit snare?
― Do I look like I know what a jpeg is? (dog latin), Saturday, 17 June 2023 16:29 (ten months ago) link
James Hatfield them walks into a bar and Lars snarls "you PROMISED, James!"
― the manwich horror (Neanderthal), Saturday, 17 June 2023 16:33 (ten months ago) link
Q: Why was Rick Rubin’s partner unimpressed with his style of lovemaking?A: It involves him lying on a couch across the room and smoking a joint.(You’re welcome for this very funny joke!!)
― Day 1 fan (morrisp), Saturday, 17 June 2023 16:52 (ten months ago) link
From my kids, at primary school, c. 10 yrs ago:
Q. What do you call a fat computer?A. A Dell.
― fetter, Saturday, 17 June 2023 18:42 (ten months ago) link
(Smarmy stand-up bit):
"Folks, I'm a schmuck. I've been a schmuck my whole life. Wanna know how big a schmuck I am? Listen to 1969: Velvet Underground Live... I'm the kid in the crowd yelling back at Lou Reed – 'No, play two short sets! I gotta get home for Johnny Carson!'"
― Bittern Storm Over My Hammy (morrisp), Tuesday, 20 June 2023 02:43 (ten months ago) link
What do you call a Mike and the Mechanics tribute band made up entirely of samurai?
Silent Ronin
― linoleum gallagher (Neanderthal), Monday, 17 July 2023 04:02 (nine months ago) link
Q: Why are Depeche Mode bad at Teams meetings?A: Because they're on Mute.
― lord of the rongs (anagram), Thursday, 3 August 2023 20:02 (eight months ago) link
I've heard that on his rider Dave Gahan demands his own personal cheeses.
― fetter, Thursday, 3 August 2023 20:07 (eight months ago) link
why did Depeche Mode march into the offices of Delta Dental?
to get a Policy of Tooth
― linoleum gallagher (Neanderthal), Thursday, 3 August 2023 20:12 (eight months ago) link
what do you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?
― reggie (qualmsley), Friday, 4 August 2023 02:52 (eight months ago) link
I don't know, reggie, what DO you call a group of prosperous post-rock lawyers?
― m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Friday, 4 August 2023 03:17 (eight months ago) link
McEntire, Grubbs, O’Rourke & Pajo LLP(?)
― Nonhuman biologics enthusiast (morrisp), Friday, 4 August 2023 03:33 (eight months ago) link
Do Make Say Think & Waterhouse ?
― m0stly clean (Slowsquatch), Friday, 4 August 2023 04:19 (eight months ago) link
Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk Talk
― assert (matttkkkk), Friday, 4 August 2023 07:32 (eight months ago) link
Q: Why does Dave Gahan never watch slasher flicks?A: He can't stand Gore.
― Supposed Former ILM Lurker (WeWantMiles), Friday, 4 August 2023 10:44 (eight months ago) link
― Grandall Flange (wins), Friday, 4 August 2023 10:52 (eight months ago) link
^
torteoisie
― reggie (qualmsley), Friday, 4 August 2023 12:01 (eight months ago) link
Why did Bob Marley take karate? Because he got to have hi-yah now
3
― peace, man, Thursday, 14 September 2023 23:55 (seven months ago) link
A: Because they're on Mute.
Btw, this was so great that I've thought about it from time time since it was posted...
― my brain goes aahhhh (morrisp), Thursday, 14 September 2023 23:59 (seven months ago) link
Thanks, that was one of mine, although I'd probably heard it before somewhere. And now I think it would be funnier with Zoom, not Teams.
― lord of the rongs (anagram), Friday, 15 September 2023 08:22 (seven months ago) link
Why did the chicken ignore side one of Aerosmith's Pump?
To get to "The Other Side"
(This also works with Pendulum's In Silico but I figure ilx is more likely to complete the punchline in their head if it's the BBfBs)
― you can see me from westbury white horse, Sunday, 1 October 2023 02:25 (six months ago) link
gen z mud be like that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet that's yeet
― you can see me from westbury white horse, Sunday, 7 January 2024 14:17 (three months ago) link
why did the bee gees walk out of the clive anderson interview?
he was clive talkin'!
― you can see me from westbury white horse, Tuesday, 23 January 2024 06:04 (three months ago) link
oh, my child
― never trust a big book and a simile (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 23 January 2024 06:22 (three months ago) link
what were george michael's favourite songs first released on albums from 29 september 1997?
"cowboys" and "angels"
― you can see me from westbury white horse, Thursday, 25 January 2024 18:57 (three months ago) link
A man walks the streets of a foreign country, looking for a place to eat. The owner of a restaurant sees him and calls, "hey you! come try my food!" The man shrugs and goes inside.
"Just bring me your specialty," the man says as he sits down. The owner gives a delighted look and says, "I'll bring you our TWO very best dishes."
Ten minutes later, the owner sets out two plates of food that the man can't even recognize. "This one is fried scarabs," the owner explains excitedly, "and this one is sheep testicles." The man is horrified. But the owner swells with pride in his dishes and stands there expecting the man to try them. So try them the man must. First, he picks up a scarab. It's fried, so how bad could it be? He crunches into a leg and struggles to keep it down, but ultimately swallows the horrid thing and gives a thumbs-up. The owner is very pleased and gestures to the sheep testicles. The man slowly cuts a piece, closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, then puts it in his mouth. He gags but is barely able to get it down, and afterward he turns to the owner with a put-on grin. "Both dishes are, uh, great."
"C'mon, you must have a favorite," the owner says, wagging a finger. "So which is it: the beetles or the stones?"
― Vinnie, Friday, 26 January 2024 01:59 (two months ago) link
What laidback early 70s rock albums do health food specialists unwind to?
'Holland' and 'Barrett'
― you can see me from westbury white horse, Friday, 26 January 2024 05:09 (two months ago) link
https://www.threads.net/@orangeframpton/post/C4ENBlxJMXm/
― Hippie Ernie (morrisp), Monday, 4 March 2024 00:22 (one month ago) link
lol “What is a Communique?”
― President Keyes, Monday, 4 March 2024 00:55 (one month ago) link
Yeah that guy really just had one round in the chamber, lol
― Hippie Ernie (morrisp), Monday, 4 March 2024 00:59 (one month ago) link
What is a surgical assistant's favorite punk band?
Operation I.V.
― peace, man, Thursday, 14 March 2024 11:08 (one month ago) link