Your 'wacky' BBC news caption of the day

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v384/lucyald/Watch.jpg
OK, it's not funny but I had to post it somewhere.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/7002179.stm

Should police get more cash for migrants?

Yes, migrants need all the cash they can get

Farm ban for sheep sex arrest man
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7513533.stm

Police are also investigating reports that the suspect took photographs of the animals before the attacks.

He was bailed on the condition that he does not enter farmyards

damn you mark

it was not me.

on the condition that he does not enter farmyards <<< or sheep...

They sub all the best ones out...

bailed on the condition that he takes some video next time

They should have locked him up, the judge was a woolly liberal.

He hired a bah-rister

no need to ram it home

He's gone on the lamb

"I thank ewe"
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/3/3e/Arthur_Askey.jpg

always had my suspicions about him.

Mutton could be more embarrassing...

Redefines the phrase "sheep dip"

The judge was going to send him to a psychiatrist, but realised that he was a dyed-in-the-wool pervert.

Ewe've been bah-ed

The defendant tried to convince police that he was a vet, but they realised that he was spinning them a yarn...

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!!1!

These puns have shorn all the humour from the situation. Really, they are shear agony to read.

The man's defence lawyer tried to knit a convincing alibi, but it came unravelled in court.

A man was recently arrested for a similar offence in a secluded car park - the charge was sheepdogging.

"he was later spotted sheepishly buying a leg of lamb from his local co-op"

So where do you buy mint sauce flavoured lube from anyway?

(xpost) We are now rapidly approaching the realm of:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/a/ae/Tworonnies.JPG
...although now thank to NV we're not...

(xpost) I imagine that such an item could be procured from a bah-ck alley sex shop.

Now you're just ovine me on.

You guys are scrapie the bottom of the barrel here.

Yeah, we should cutlet out.

The man had misunderstood the term "mutton busting"

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44838000/jpg/_44838426_poohsticks_getty_226.jpg
"Pooh Sticks is free"

The court ruminated for a long time before coming to a verdict.

You could say he was licking his chops

He wanted a bit of rump

^^^ I'm sorry, that's just low quality...

No need to mince words

Hope he doesn't go anywhere near East London, with a reputation like that he'd get proper shanked up.

When he arrives in jail, the other prisoners will flock to get a look at him, because they will have herd about his attempt to fleece the judge.

He's already been widely lambasted.

He'll be doing twenty to ten in the pen...

Not really a yarn to tell his grandchildren though.

"Yes your honor, I was naked when I hoofed it"

The man was caught because witnesses recognised his woolly jumper.

Apparently the guy told the sheep that he only wanted to give her a stroke, but it sounds like he welshed on her.

Police also suspect that the man was trying to supply the sheep with grass.

.. But they don't do that anymore

I remember when a fire crew would remove a ring from your penis in the street.

aye, and the kids would dance around in the spray

Budget 2018: Extra £420m to tackle potholes

now they know how many holes it takes to fill a bong

This thread might go some way to explaining the centrality of potholes in the national weltschmerz of the UK.

Local councillors

An alpaca walks into a French opticians...

World War One grenade among potatoes at Hong Kong crisp factory

The bombe de terre was safely detonated on site by bomb disposal officers.

unexploded war arms and unsafe working conditions.... great time to add a pun!

Garfield phones beach mystery finally solved after 35 years

Dismembered orange plastic cats and their electronic innards have plagued Finistère for years

Thatcher's puppy has roof work licked

'Giant Christmas bauble' in Thames sparks bomb alert https://t.co/h8LkGJLiCu

— BBC News (UK) (@BBCNews) May 29, 2019

it wasn't labelled "acme bomb" apparently.

David Bowie to be immortalised by Barbie

The article name checks several Bowie songs, but doesn't mention the one song that actually mentions Barbie - 'Young Americans', which has the line "it ain't that Barbie doll, her heart's been broken just like you have".

Norwich Cathedral helter skelter 'is a mistake'

Sounds like it'll be coming down fast.

would much rather appreciate the roof of an ancient stone building from a helter skelter than a wobbly tower scaffold that you have to nervously climb back down again. fuck the haters!

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/content/dam/tv/2019/01/18/TELEMMGLPICT000001073483_trans_NvBQzQNjv4BqEDjTm7JpzhSGR1_8ApEWQA1vLvhkMtVb21dMmpQBfEs.jpeg

A+ display name

Man brings clown to redundancy meeting

"Steven, a Christian, thinks fencing prevents knife crime"

no he doesn't..

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/stories-50101362/steven-a-christian-thinks-fencing-prevents-knife-crime

Producer and Editor: Joanne Whalley

scandal!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-50486724

Alton's Christmas skiing marmot decoration sparks row

A giant ear-muff wearing marmot has sparked a mixed response in a Hampshire town after it was revealed as part of its Christmas display.

residents of southern town hate unusual newcomer shocker

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-50760470?ns_campaign=bbcnews&ns_source=twitter&ns_mchannel=social&ocid=socialflow_twitter

Woman, 89, granted 'big biceps' stripper care home wish

Her somewhat unorthodox wish was granted when the stripper, dressed as a fireman, turned up at the Glastonbury Court care home in Bury St Edmunds two weeks ago and began swinging his belt around wildly before stripping down to his underpants

'two weeks ago' is stretching the definition of 'news' imo

I'm missing Laura K already!

Pringles tubes burnt to crisp in M1 lorry fire

Wine bar occupies former gents' toilet site

Cue the "this is a toilet venue", "the beer tastes like piss", etc., etc. jokes.

ffs BBC...

Lesbos refugee centre burns amid migrant tensions

The article itself has the much less tabloid headline Greece migrant crisis: Refugee centre ablaze as tensions rise.

Profile of Robert Oppenheimer, controversial father of the atomic bomb.

Storyville: The Trials of Oppenheimer. Tonight, 10.30pm, @BBCFour https://t.co/OKN48N1W0A

— BBC Four (@BBCFOUR) August 13, 2020

you can take all yer pots and pans and your atomic weapons and your famous quantum chemistry and molecular physics theories + chuck 'em all in the bin!

someone else one twitter - "i am become death, destroyer of leeds"

why would they not delete??

US election: Do you need Jesus to win the White House?
(maybe because you don't trust the other two candidates?)

Your 'wacky backy' BBC news caption of the day...
Cannabis crop at former Coventry nightclub 'worth £1m
https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/14626/production/_114949438_nca.jpg

Islam: Sunak lets the taxman take the strain

No, the government isn't going to tax Muslims. The article was written by Faisal Islam, the BBC's economics editor.

Piet Mondrian artwork displayed upside down for 75 years

Insert "modern art, amirite!?" joek here.

Jeremy Clarkson warns some of his cider might explode