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"Just slap on the easy label of "bi" and be done with it. As cliched as it sounds, you'd be much better off forgetting about all these stupid labels."
Sorry Andrew, I definitely respect the sentiments behind it, but this particular argument has always bugged me (I'm sure I've complained about it elsewhere on ILX) . Being comfortable with your sexuality is U & K, and trying to wish the issue away with platitudes has never worked for any non-hetero person I've ever spoken to on the subject. If you have a stable and functioning personality then you probably have a consequent label, even if you can't articulate what it is. The relevant questions are: who is doing the labelling, are you happy with the one you've got, and is there a better one?
Anthony, my qs for you:
1) What do you consider to be the problems with the way you live?
2) Are these problems a direct result (ie. unequivocally referable) of fucking men, a direct result of being queer, or a direct result of some other part of your life?
3) How do you think changing any one of these would improve your situation?
My instinctive suspicion is that your sexual orientation has little to do with your negative childhood experiences, although it was very like shaped by them and a million other events and occurences in your life. Even if there is a strong connection, I don't think the causes of your sexuality are anywhere near as important as the results - if your sexuality is making you unhappy, then you have to isolate the problem and solve it. If your sexuality is making you happy, then who cares what situation(s) it sprang from?
Further, 90% of humanity is unhappy with its love-life and/or sex-life. Non-hetero people have the added burden of this dissatisfaction tending to undermine their confidence in themselves and their sexuality. In the end though, matching up the best-case scenario of the other side of the fence (a happy and adjusted straight guy with a devoted, engaging and sexually attractive wife) with the worst case scenario of your current path only results in an ideal dream that is a million times harder to create on earth. Most straight guys have a hard time attaining that, and they have the added advantage of wanting to have sex with women all the time.
(I also strongly suspect that you like to fuck men because you are in on the secret that hot slutty fremme neppa venette action with other guys is best)
― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Thursday, 31 October 2002 14:07 (twenty-one years ago) link