Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

she is slurping her YOGURT

just reading this made me feel like barfing

i don't know, the thing is that this is maddening shit that can fill all frequencies but at the same time in the great scheme of things it is totally minor shit that you can over-ride with your very own mind/being. yeah i know i say it a lot but: this is why i do yoga/meditation stuff. if i didn't i wld explode and kill a yogurt-slurpin' ho

i've been slacking on yoga this week so maybe that's my problem (i just typed oysters instead of yoga while i was writing that, for a better idea of what is really on my mind)

haha

oysters are good

you should eat them at her desk

SSSLLLLURRRRRRRRP

SSSSSSCHLUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRP

weirdly, i have a can of smoked tuna sitting on the other side of my desk
it isn't opened tho
there is a tomato sitting on top of it
xpost
GROSSSS

Work-slurping is like an irregular dripping faucet -- just when you think the storm's passed, and you're ready to stop bracing yourself for the next one, SCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCHURLP comes out of the silence to just make you weep.

haha i am totally going to bring in a bucket of oysters one day and shuck and slurp them at my desk.

it will be awesome.

God-damned son-of-a-bitch. Co-worker of mine is totally trying to face me. Here I am trying to carefully develop a webapp w/Oracle and Struts that's extensible, etc., and he w/o telling me or anyone else cooks up a super-quick no-security stripped-down version of it using PHP and MySQL in 2 weeks while I have nothing to show for my efforts except a schema. Now I have to convince my boss and my boss's boss who just congratulated him that my vaporware is really superior to his existing product.

trying, perhaps

I was *highly* recommended to watch Seed, a horror movie, by my work friend last week. His words "it's so scary I dare you to watch it on your own"

what a div, worst film ever.

OK, they're very nice people, but why do the three people in the next office have to talk LOUDLY and CONSTANTLY about their children (all are single parents) all day long? And why have 2 of the 3 of them been bringing in their kids to work EVERY DAY for the last 1 1/2 weeks now that it's school holidays? Is this normal, people with kids? Aren't you supposed to leave them at home, preferably with someone else looking after them?

Children of coworkers at work are the worst.

My bosses, abuncha dickhead MDs, throw a holiday party for the staff every year. We're not allowed to bring our partners, but the doctor's kids are running around everywhere. We even have to buy our own drinks.

It's not even 10am on Monday morning and I've already loudly asked a 'colleague' to stop insinuating that I'm "fucking stupid", then had my former manager whispering gossip with said colleague whilst I'm not even three metres away. I love Mondays!

OK, I am pretty sure this was the course of events @ my work. At a staff happy hour not long after I started, I spoke briefly with this guy in another department, who introduced himself as.. let's say "James." Next day we were on the elevator & I said hi, how are you.. James, is it? and he's like "no" and all pissy. And is one of those few people here who don't even acknowledge your existence if you say "good morning" to them. I just checked the internal staff page and his name actually IS "James." WTF

Maybe he prefers "Jimmy"

or "Jimbo"

or maybe it was his twin?

Jimbaroony?

"Ji"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0w2xTexfAg

I used to have this co-worker who was the least self-sufficient employee, used to always complain "nobody showed her" how to do things that she had been shown four or five times, and would deny she made mistakes that were proven in black and white.

Despite her imperfections, felt it necessary to rat other people out all the time, and was a complete drama queen.

Thank God she was fired in the end.

i'm not really sure how to deal with the guy who clips his nails at least twice a day. he has eyeballs of rage.

fired in the end

This sounds familiar. Why is it that the one skill that blatantly incompetent people seem to have is an ability to not get fired for ages? I remember one salesman who hung on for months before he was "let go" (example mistake: he sent myself and the company's MD to a new client's offices, only for us to find a demolition site there because the salesman had given us the old address). I asked my then boss (who was not the salesman's boss) when he'd be fired, and the boss just answered "our pain will continue".

Every two weeks, I prepare a list of reports I've received that we should bill. I gave this list in last Tuesday and went camping for a few days… when I got back yesterday, it was discovered that a co-worker of mine hadn't turned in a couple days' worth of work. He's on the road right now and while generally unreliable, is friendly enough. He "tried" to send it last night, it didn't go through. My co-worker has been talking about these reports NON STOP. These missing reports are the highlights of her week... month... year?? I sent him a text just now---OMG I just overheard her mention it to ANOTHER person while I was typing this!!--asking him to make sure he sends it tonight just to shut her up! She even made a CHART outlining exactly which reports are missing, so that I can CHECK THE LIST against what he sends, like this is some sort of Illuminati cover up? This is not THAT important.

a "writer/editor" at my last job (at a senior level of course) was so incompetent, I had to correct her work before posting it to the web, because she couldn't seem to understand that once it was posted, it made lots of unnecessary extra work when she would print all the pages off the web and mark them up again for more changes. got paid a hell of a lot more than me for basically causing chaos and making everything several times harder than it needed to be. also mouthed off to sr management in meetings in a really rude, combative way.. assistant vp and then the vp of our department both tried to get her fired.. couldn't make it happen. academia!

"George Bush is telling them to get out of Russia... well why doesn't he get out of afGHANISTAN?!? Idiot."

http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/thumb/b/b8/Flinty_Statue_2.jpg/300px-Flinty_Statue_2.jpg

wow - so the wrong thread!

i r good koworker

hi guys i brought my stories back
http://welcometotheworkingweek.tumblr.com/

they are now anonymized :(

How many more times is this guy next to me going to listen to Ozzy's "Crazy Train"? I mean it's great song but for god's sake I hear it coming from his headphones EVERY DAY. Talk about the kind of people who buy like 3 CD's a year!

lol "Norman!"

I feel like this about the person who has Del tha Funkee Homosapien's Mr Dubbolina as their mobile ringtone, and who always gets lots of calls, and who leaves said phone at their desk while they go out for hours on end.

Love that blog, by the way. Post often!

I wish my work shit was less mundane -- instead of "fun" stories about rampant sexual harassment and porn viewing, I only have dopey hour-long conference calls about creating a report without specs where I'm asked a) when I can expect to have the report created (again, WITHOUT ANY SPECS) and b) to make sure that the data for the new report is taken directly from data gathered by another report, as if the data for both reports doesn't reside in the same database and instead appears magically in the air the 3rd Wednesday of every month like a constellation or St. Elmo's Fire (also PS: GIVE ME SPECS YOU TRIFLING BITCHES).

I'm looking forward to getting the specs the week after the report is needed, and then getting 25 e-mails a day asking when the report will be done.

David R - did you get the memo?

What, you mean the one about the 3:30 meeting you sent @ 3:35?

No, about the TPS reports.

u_u

My boss likes to make TPS jokes too.

"Hey, I'm going to need you to fill out an absence form for that day you took off for your colonoscopy.

And I'm going to need you to get those TPS reports to me soon, yeah. (LOL)"

This guy in my previous job was 100%, no filler, nutbar psycholoony. He would spend hours yelling in the toilets at the top of his voice to invisible enemies! The whole building would shake! People would come to our section and ask our team leader to get him to simmer down. Did he do any work? None whatsoever. He just alternated between muttering and screaming. He'd been 'working' there for years and still was when I left the organisation. What did the organisation do with him? Put him in the section that DEALT WITH THE PUBLIC. Who happened to be (by nature of our department) people who were there because they'd been traumatised in some way. GOOD JOB PEOPLE.

So, he would sit there with these poor clients in a room - just him and the client - waiting for someone to arrive to help the client, and who knows what he was doing? Usually, muttering paranoid crap to himself, and that was on a good day. He must've scared these poor people to death. Unsackable. Too difficult apparently.

Once he started talking to himself out loud - about me!! Something like this: 'Oh yeah, I can see through him alright, he's not fooling me. He's not fooling me, no. I can see right through him. Calls himself a f-ing (insert my job name here) - but I'm not fooled'. Etc. I turned around and gave him the Blue Steel look. That shut him up. then I said, 'Think it, mate, but don't say it. After all, I'm right here. Show some f-ing manners'. He just nodded and was quiet for about an hour before starting up again - about something or someone else.

Obviously, one had to have lots of sympathy for this guy - it was unavoidable as he was clearly suffering - but he made an extremely difficult job twice as difficult just by showing up. He was so mad his face was a red as beetroot. He could easily have killed us all, it was definitely on the cards. But unsackable.

An ex of mine worked with a schizophrenic. Guy was on meds so he was resonably ok most of thr time... but now and then he'd do things like measure the windows of their (12th floor or so) office and then muse aloud "if I threw a chair at this window and jumped, would I die from here d'you think?".

Oh bless us RUNNING PLAY-BY-PLAY of the US Women's Basketball Olympic game. The one time showing up late was actually a good thing.

Dear Greek guy in adjacent office separated from me by plasterboard, who finished his PhD six months ago and is just hanging around to use the internet and phone because he didn't get an academic job but doesn't want to return to Greece:

STOP BELLOWING INTO YOUR FUCKING PHONE OR I WILL HAVE YOU DEPORTED.

(from the department, I know greece is an EU country)

Dear loud shouting woman over in the marketing department.

Yes, I know that you are unhappy with your job and you have been for two years. I know that you are now leaving because you have found another job. I know that you are unhappy with every single aspect of this place, and generally blame every single person in this organisation that isn't you. (For EVERYTHING from the marketing budget to the temperature of the office to "meddling PAs" who are preventing you from "building relationships" with colleagues.)

Now WHY do I know all this, when you sit over 20 feet away from me? Because you have clearly never learned an INDOOR VOICE appropriate for the volume of a quiet office.

I can understand job dissatisfaction. However, your inappropriate volume levels for DEALING WITH that dissatisfaction are seriously impacing *my* ability to do my bloody job. Which I'm generally otherwise quite satisfied with.

Don't you have some bloody gardening leave you can take instead of staying here to make everyone else around you as miserable as you are?

Thanks,
The new woman in the office who doesn't need to know every detail of your life. Really.

It's the AFL grand final tomorrow, and as I feared would happen, today has degenerated into a bunch of people throwing a nerf football around the room, singing/playing the Hawthorn club song (or is it the Geelong one? Fuck if I know). And I had a football thrown at me as soon as I walked in.

So I dropkicked it right into the guys chest and almost winded him.

You are my hero!

LOL it was quite the accident is the funniest bit! I think I impressed him, haha.