Cosmo Jarvis

Seriously this must be experienced to realize how truly awful this is. Just under the wire for worst song of the decade.

(still waiting for LJ to find this so I can ask him if he's SURE he wants to be in a band since his solo alter ego seems to be taking off)

holy hell, listen to his gay pirate song

For his next project he’s planning to make a short film about a man who takes himself hostage, set in a urinal. Well, of course he is.

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-01.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-03.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-01.gif

http://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gifhttp://i267.photobucket.com/albums/ii317/RabitesAngelatin/goomba_jamz-02.gif

terrifying

committed anti-feminists are among the creepiest people alive imo

FTR I have been hating this douchebag since the summer but had not seen this video until now

Oh Jesus I couldn't make it more than halfway thru the 1st verse. Nuke this guy and everybody who's had him as a support act imo for guilt by association.

I mean I know we do hyperbole on ILM but this must be the worst human being involved in music this year.

PS pretty sure this is as good a place as any to big up the thinking man's Cosmo Jarvis, like so:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bn83rtHwH8k

Noodle, did you read his press release? It is multiple shades of amazing.

copied from the "About" section of the Myspace page:

Cosmo Jarvis is a new kind of artist, for whom one world will never be enough. He’s a songwriter and a singer, but he’s also a filmmaker, storyteller, poet, iconoclast, Jessica Alba enthusiast and campaigner for the equal treatment of gay pirates. He’s an ordinary teenager with extraordinary talents.

His heroes are as varied as the art he produces every single day; John Lennon, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Terry Gilliam, Jerry Garcia, Samuel L Jackson, Jamie Fox, Will Smith, George Lucas, River Phoenix, Joaquin Phoenix, Mohammed Ali, Maximus Decimus Peridius, Harrison Ford, Robert DeNiro, Elliot Smith and Frank Zappa.

And he’s fast becoming a hero to others, not least Wall Of Sound MD Mark Jones, who will release Cosmo’s eponymous debut album ‘Cosmo Jarvis’ this November. “Cosmo is without a shadow of doubt the most raw talent I’ve ever come across in all my years in music,” he says. “Every day I’m blown away by his natural ability and depth of musical and lyrical content. He has been truly blessed with an ability to speak to people of all ages and backgrounds and has an incredible future ahead of his. I hope the world is ready.”

Cosmo was born in 1990 in Ridgewood, New Jersey, making the move to Devon, England as a child. Maybe it was because there wasn’t much to do, or maybe it was just because he was so innately bloody talented, but Cosmo first began making films at home on VHS when he was barely twelve. The technology might have been primitive but his storytelling already bore a level of sophistication – he would film the television and then film out of the window because that way he knew that he was telling a story.

As he grew in age and competence so he grew in guts, making ‘Jackass’ style dare films that saw him and his skater friends convert bunk beds into quarter pipes, royally trashing the family home. And so Cosmo’s father Shaun was even more delighted than future label boss Mark Jones is now that around the same time he would get his first guitar and began channelling his energies into music. The way he sees it now, the two mediums can and should sit side-by side. “There’s more to be done with film,” he reasons. “Music’s just something that I do, and making records sort of happens. Where some people write a diary, I just write songs.”

It seems perverse now that Cosmo is turning into a lyrical talent who is being whispered about in the same breaths as Alex Turner, but he never even intended to write them. “Lyrics would always really annoy me,” he says, “like there’d be this really great piece of music and somebody would ruin it by starting to sing over the top.”

Thankfully that too was a phase, and Cosmo now boasts something in the region of 250 songs – some complete, some instrumental sketches, but all shining in different ways through the unique prism of Cosmo’s talent.

“My music changes from song to song. I like to write in loads of different styles because there is so much to explore. I believe that music will never be fully understood so why stop at one sound? My song subjects change as well. Some of them are about people – fictional or real. Others are about my life, places, feelings, memories, general situations, dreams, growing up, changes, girls, films, loads of other stuff as well.”

With so many thoughts and feelings pulsing through Cosmo’s 19-year-old imagination and so many different styles in which to express them, his debut album was never going to be a very conventional affair. And so his first statement to the world is divided into two segments.

The first, ‘Humasyouhitch’ you might call the ‘fun’ side, packed with playful vignettes of sexual awakening or as Cosmo self-deprecatingly puts it, songs written “when I was discovering I had a penis and girls had vaginas and all that kind of thing.” The songs capture both the awkwardness and the ecstasy with a deftness of phrase rarely found.

‘Jessica Alba’s Number’ is a light-hearted romp through the fantasy little black book of billboard girls that Cosmo will probably never date. ‘Mel’s Song’ is dedicated to a girl who, while probably more obtainable, still seems to be just out of reach. Meanwhile, ‘She’s Got You’ is a cautionary tale to a former friend who, on falling in love, apparently forgot that he also had friends and a personality of his own.

But it’s on the other side, ‘Sonofabitch’, that Cosmo really demonstrates the wisdom lurking in a heart that’s not so much dark as immensely human. ‘Sort Yourself Out’ is a tale of feeling old before your time that will resonate with people of any age. ‘Mummy’s Been Drinking’ shows a skill for storytelling, but the astonishing centre piece of the album has to be ‘Problems Of Our Own’. Its woozy sing-along and rapped verses cloak an impossibly bleak story of family breakdown made all the more bruising by the fact that it’s based, at least in part, on Cosmo’s own family life. He explains: “I could have just written it like that and used all the names but I didn’t want to do that so I wrote it as a story to make it applicable to everyone, because everyone has it.”

If the album is a compendium of what Cosmo’s learned so far, he’s also got a treasure trove waiting to be discovered that reaches even further out into the fantastical. Rare gem ‘Little Wasted Angel’ is to be taken literally, it’s about an agent of God beaten down by the fecklessness of the people she’s sent to guardian, reduced to sitting, smoking on street corners wondering where it all went wrong.

And ‘Gay Pirates’, already a live favourite, is a tragic and poignant story of two men out of time whose forbidden love sees them forced to walk the plank. Cosmo wrote it because, though he’s straight, he thought it would be funny to write a song for rowdy, laddy-lads would sing along to with an openly gay agenda, but also because “there aren’t many gay songs, and I thought there should be one.”

Part of what drives Cosmo is the frustration that there simply isn’t time to do all the things that it’s possible to do. But at 19, he’s a lot further along than most of us could have hoped for. It’s this singular drive and vision that’s going to ensure Cosmo Jarvis is a fixture in our pop cultural lives for a long time. His next album is already written, and for his next project he’s planning to make a short film about a man who takes himself hostage, set in a urinal. Well, of course he is.

The way he sees it, that makes absolute sense. “I have known men stuck in jobs they hate, with wives they hate, not because they knew what they wanted, but failed to go the right way about it. So how the fuck are millions of kids supposed to know? They make it sound like if you fail your exams, your existence is not worth living.
Well screw them.”

Here, and indeed, here.

I seriously was in too much anguish to listen to any more of that song, so thanx for posting it here.

Where's the bit about drumming for Gay Dad.

Cosmo first began making films at home on VHS when he was barely twelve. The technology might have been primitive but his storytelling already bore a level of sophistication – he would film the television and then film out of the window because that way he knew that he was telling a story.

fucking epic lols

Even if he wasn't such a cunt his "rapping" is hysterically inept anyway.

england: shut it down.

I guess kudos to him for making money off of embarrassing the shit out of his mom...?

BTW this is the kind of shit that my oldest boy will ask me if I've heard in 2 months time and then tell me he's awesome.

That Dean Heslop thing is a joke, right

I've listened to some of his other songs and he doesn't seem like the sort that would use as important an artform as pop music for something frivolous

Lest we forget.

"I just think that my generation is gonna be the worst," he says, finally emerging from his thicket of contemplation with the idea he has been chasing. "I know the current generation is unlike the one before, and there'll never be anything like it, but I just think that it's gotten further than it's ever progressed before."

Just noticed that myself! Have to ask Angus more about that.

The reggae-fuelled She Doesn't Mind is another obvious single: witty, emotive and summery, but Jarvis has said, when introducing it on stage, that its catchy singalong hook is a reference to anal sex.

The actual full songtitle is even worse!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IhPi7ejrzWE

"I like to hitchhike," he says.

good, do more of that; maybe Rutger Hauer will pick you up

Oh the joys of PR announcements:

COSMO JARVIS

Premieres Lead Single ‘Love This’ (July 2)

From New Album ‘Think Bigger’

Out July 9 2012 (25th Frame)

Track Stream - http://soundcloud.com/cosmojarvis/love-this-radio-edit-1

Cosmo Jarvis is this week premiering a new single, ‘Love This’ (July 2), the first cut to be taken from his new and third album, Think Bigger (out July 9), released via his own music and film label 25th Frame in the UK. If releasing your third album wasn’t enough to be getting on with, Cosmo Jarvis- still aged only 22- has just completed his first full-length feature film, entitled ‘Naughty Room’.

Cosmo’s music and films have made him an online phenomenon. His YouTube shorts, usually observational comedy skits about small town life, have been viewed over two million times – his contagious shanty single ‘Gay Pirates’, beloved of Stephen Fry, picking up in excess of a million Youtube hits alone. His last two albums, 2009’s Humasyouhitch/Sonofabitch and 2011’s Is The World Strange Or Am I Strange?, have seen him hightail between many musical styles, but with his new album, Think Bigger, Cosmo’s decided to adhere to a singer-songwriter template tinged with alt-country sensibilities and a string section sourced from Ebay. This is Cosmo Jarvis, though, so it’s never straightforward or predictable- everything is imprinted with his personality and imagination.

Whilst the tone of the album maintains a steady musical course the subject matter on Think Bigger is intriguingly varied. There’s the roaring folkabilly of free preview track ‘Sunshine’, about contemporary society’s damaging sense of entitlement; the poignant elegy for ‘The Girl From My Village’ (“about my loathing at the fact she was taken when others who I am certain will do less good with their lives are allowed to keep on breathing”); whilst single-in-waiting ‘Train Down Town’ is about a dystopian future akin to one of Charlie Brooker’s ‘Black Mirror’ satirical drama. Even the love song ‘Lacie’ is revealed as an ode to Cosmo’s computer’s external hard drive - “because I am unable to express how thankful I am that while I sleep the contents of my brain are being guarded.”

A down-to-earth maverick talent, Cosmo Jarvis was born in New Jersey to an Armenian-American artist mother and an English sea captain father. The family moved to the UK when he was very small and Cosmo spent his formative years with his mother in Totnes, Devon after his parents split in initially acrimonious circumstances. His teens were spent sparring with her and getting up to all manner of small town trouble. He also developed a sideline in writing songs and making films. By the time he was in his late teens local appreciation had bloomed into a MySpace and Youtube following. Now a one man word-of-mouth industry who might just be about to receive the recognition he deserves, Cosmo’s work is unique, forthright, human and involving. He’s an artist, in other words, who’s proving truly exciting to follow.

Praise for Cosmo Jarvis:

‘He is a very interesting example to me of a new kind of person; a new kind of artist’- Brian Eno

‘Inarguably gifted with imagination overload’ - Mojo

‘One of the most potentially important and fascinating new artists around at the moment’ – Guardian

Cosmo Jarvis does what he wants.

In an age when musicians either seem to be manufactured popstrels, media-trained to banality, or self-consciously blog-hyped ‘underground’, the 22 year old from Devon is a breath of fresh air. Cosmo speaks his mind and, musically, he’s a magpie who’ll go anywhere, regardless of ‘cool’ ,from hip hop to punk hoedown to gorgeous ensemble orchestration.is music and films have made him an online phenomenon. His YouTube shorts, usually observational comedy skits about small town life, have been viewed over two million times, his contagious shanty ‘Gay Pirates’, beloved of Stephen Fry, has almost a million Youtube hits, and he has tens of thousands of fans around the world, especially in Australia where his shows sell out fast.

Tonight. Hull Adelphi. Do I hard-boil a pan of eggs y/n?

Only if you throw one at whoever wrote that 'manufactured popstrels' phrase.

that was the point where me knuckles whitened, yes

saw something about manufactured popstrels One Direction stanning for this guy a couple of days ago, thought this revive would be about that

i'd forgotten all about him until i was checking to see if i wanted to go to the Adelphi tonight

The video below was posted over on Cook'd & Bomb'd (British comedy forum). Cosmo Jarvis seems to be in some kind of Youtube sitcom now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VM-3vjuKl9g

After about 30 seconds I skipped forward to the very wonky credits at the end, and amazingly they reveal that the children of Rik Mayall and The Comic Strip Presents' Peter Richardson are responsible for this.

Wait wait hold up, so this guy became an actor and now is doing the Richard Chamberlain role in a remake of Shogun? Did I fall into a wormhole or something?

https://variety.com/2023/tv/news/shogun-trailer-hiroyuki-sanada-fx-hulu-1235776974/

I have no recollection of any of this but I applaud my solid LJ burn

I listened to a few seconds of “Gay Pirates” and hooooooboy

I dare someone to be the interviewer for this who only asks him about that song.

I've since learned that Cosmo Jarvis is also in a Barry Levinson-directed/Nic Pileggi-written film where Robert de Niro is playing Vito Genovese AND Frank Costello. MY FUCKING BRAIN. Are they long lost twins or something.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alto_Knights