marketing of masculinity

jaymc if you are still reading the thread: When it warms up, I will bring over a 6pk and show you how to change a tire. It will be massively good bro-down timez.

First the car lifting, then the drunkenness, plz.

You guys who have probs w/loosening lugnuts need to learn to keep a can of WD-40 in your trunk. Works miracles.

― james cameron gargameled my boner for life (Pancakes Hackman), Thursday, December 10, 2009 2:11 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

also lol hit the nuts w/yr tire iron

"hit the nuts" is often good advice when you don't know what else to do

i dunno, sometimes it takes a gentle touch

Guys don't break the surface tension -- we'll all drown.

Back on the lists of useful things. This was a cover story on a ish of Popular Mechanics that I did pick up for the Christmas flight to the parents'.

100 Skills Every Man Should Know: 2008's Ultimate DIY List

http://media.popularmechanics.com/images/tool-fist-470-1008.jpg

Their list?

Automotive
1. Handle a blowout
2. Drive in snow
3. Check trouble codes
4. Replace fan belt
5. Wax a car
6. Conquer an off-road obstacle
7. Use a stick welder
8. Hitch up a trailer
9. Jump start a car

Handling Emergencies
10. Perform the Heimlich
11. Reverse hypothermia
12. Perform hands-only CPR
13. Escape a sinking car

Home
14. Carve a turkey
15. Use a sewing machine
16. Put out a fire
17. Home brew beer
18. Remove bloodstains from fabric
19. Move heavy stuff
20. Grow food
21. Read an electric meter
22. Shovel the right way
23. Solder wire
24. Tape drywall
25. Split firewood
26. Replace a faucet washer
27. Mix concrete
28. Paint a straight line
29. Use a French knife
30. Prune bushes and small trees
31. Iron a shirt
32. Fix a toilet tank flapper
33. Change a single-pole switch
34. Fell a tree
35. Replace a broken windowpane
36. Set up a ladder, safely
37. Fix a faucet cartridge
38. Sweat copper tubing
39. Change a diaper
40. Grill with charcoal
41. Sew a button on a shirt
42. Fold a flag

Medical Myths
43. Treat frostbite
44. Treat a burn
45. Help a seizure victim
46. Treat a snakebite
47. Remove a tick

Military Know-How
48. Shine shoes
49. Make a drum-tight bed
50. Drop and give the perfect pushup

Outdoors
51. Run rapids in a canoe
52. Hang food in the wild
53. Skipper a boat
54. Shoot straight
55. Tackle steep drops on a mountain bike
56. Escape a rip current

Primitive Skills
57. Build a fire in the wilderness
58. Build a shelter
59. Find potable water

Surviving Extremes
60. Floods
61. Tornados
62. Cold
63. Heat
64. Lightning

Teach Your Kids
65. Cast a line
66. Lend a hand
67. Change a tire
68. Throw a spiral
69. Fly a stunt kite
70. Drive a stick shift
71. Parallel park
72. Tie a bowline
73. Tie a necktie
74. Whittle
75. Ride a bike

Technology
76. Install a graphics card
77. Take the perfect portrait
78. Calibrate HDTV settings
79. Shoot a home movie
80. Ditch your hard drive

Master Key Workshop Tools
81. Drill driver
82. Grease gun
83. Coolant hydrometer
84. Socket wrench
85. Test light
86. Brick trowel
87. Framing hammer
88. Wood chisel
89. Spade bit
90. Circular saw
91. Sledge hammer
92. Hacksaw
93. Torque wrench
94. Air wrench
95. Infrared thermometer
96. Sand blaster
97. Crosscut saw
98. Hand plane
99. Multimeter
100. Feeler gauges

lol some of those are hilariously wrong

i am eliminating entire sections of that list in my mind

Where to begin, even

18. Remove bloodstains from fabric

^^^i like how it's specifically bloodstains and not like wine or grape juice or a multitude of others

i think "brew beer" HAS to be the worst

xp I don't much like that at all.

And it's interesting to read the reactions from an actual tech-heavy DIY group

bloodstain advice shoulda been listed closer to "crosscut saw."

101. Cancel magazine subscription

as i'm reading it's just....no. no. no. arguably. no.

50. Drop and give the perfect pushup

this is a terrible gift idea

drop and give a perfect pushup wtf

72. Tie a bowline
73. Tie a necktie

tie a bowtie is harder than both

I live in Texas. Knowing how to drive in the snow is only slightly more useful than knowing how to survive in the post-nuclear holocaust mutant wasteland.

39. Change a diaper
40. Grill with charcoal

proximity of these two steps is disconcerting

69. Fly a stunt kite

roffle roffle

50. Drop and give the perfect pushup

This made me chuckle. Just one? Are we really that flabby?

ayo brownie how come you are not over in muni lot with the rest of the Browns tailgaters?

whittle

xxp I think of Bill Murray in Stripes. He did five.

busy whittlin', pancakes

Surviving Extremes
63. Heat

step 1: remove excess clothing
step 2: drink water
step 3: get under something to block big fireball in sky

still hot? repeat steps 1-3 until not as hot

bowties aren't terribly complicated but they do require a bit of practice

And i wonder where something like this fits on the manly<--->bro gradient. You're still making something with your hands, after all. Even if it is chainmail made from beer tabs.

http://blog.makezine.com/beercantabarmor_cc.jpg

Military Know-How
48. Shine shoes
49. Make a drum-tight bed
50. Drop and give the perfect pushup

okay, so the military things we need to know do not include unarmed combat, weapons training, tactics, ballistics, crowd control, or any of the actual cool military stuff, but rather the stuff that your dad made you do on Saturdays when he was irritated that you'd spent all morning watching cartoons

xxp So do regular ties, tbh, if you want that perfect dimple.

53. Skipper a boat

http://sixcharacters.files.wordpress.com/2009/01/skipper.jpg?w=190&h=240

19. Move heavy stuff

lol at this being a "skill" you might now "know"

102. fashion lionel richie head from clay

59. Find potable water

fucking 4/20 man

112. Be dumb as stump
117. Crush beer can on head
141. Crush enemies
150. Hear lamentations of women

102. sire an heir

103. Hire Slayer

but honestly, surviving tornadoes? "son, if you see a tornado, i want you to look him in the eye and just say no. it was nice talking to you, see you next christmas."

104. Invoke "Droit de seigneur" on all your friends' fiancees.

105. Fence

106. master the art of sincere apology even if you do not give a fuck irl

80. Ditch your hard drive

Do what with it? You mean, throw it in a ditch? I think I might like to wipe it, reformat it, and see if I can use it again first.

187. self-administer a prostate exam

http://blog.makezine.com/beercantabarmor_cc.jpg

for a second i thought it read "pantone" and i was all who is this guy

188. self-diagnose prostate cancer

See, I thought it said "Fatone" and I was like, uhhhhh . . .

ps to brownie apparently there is a wedding scheduled for 3:30 in the muni lot amongst the idiots Browns fans

195. commandeer the vehicle of a stranger by force (non-video game)