thread to get over a breakup

It's good that you can at least settle that stuff without things getting nasty...

Lots of hugs and sympathy to you!

today i made a budget to try and figure out what my expenses would be like living alone

ime the expenses will seem kind of a lot at first, but then you'll save a lot of money in other places you didn't expect... i know i eat out, go to movies, spend less on eating in general when i'm single

tend to spend a lot more on beer tho

shit i forgot about the part where i spent way more on wine

but my last ex was also a total financial burden on me, so i could only be richer upon breaking up with him

Friends of mine whove been together 7 years - who went through all the pain and hassle of her getting visas to live in aus and everything - have jist broken up and shes prob moving back to the US. Its so sad! They were like everyone's go-to couple for "they'll always be together" benchmark :( I'm like, hell if *they* cant make it work... jeez :(

spent about an hour sorting most of our dvds and videos into "mine," "his" and a "i don't know/i don't remember/given to us both" pile, found an Amoeba gift certificate he'd given to me as a gift a while ago, only cried a little.

you get huffy and pissy when you ask me a question and don't like my answer
you have back hair
you clip your toenails on the couch while we're watching a movie

^^^disgusting savage, etc

after 2 hours of discussion:

him: I am disappointed to learn that i wasn't entirely satisfactory
me: it's not like you tried very hard.

you uh lived too far away and didn't like poetry

that's all i got

(xpost) sounds like the first line of a breakup song

"you uh lived too far a-waaaaaaay
and didn't like po-et-ryyyyy
AND THEN YOU BROKE MY HEART
LIKE AN EMOTIONLESS DEMON
dun dun dundun!"

xp - you only had what - a month? After 11 years, there's a wealth of material.

my posts were kinda tongue in cheek

i mean there was a slight element of ripping it out of the whole 'you had x flaw' process

i don't like poetry either
there i said it

sigh

xxp = it doesn't seem like you need much, let alone this thread, to get over this breakup

heh where was this thread when i last needed it?

you discovered you were perfect and i wasn't

breakups are not contests

if breakups are not contests, why do i feel like such a loser?

<3 harbl

feeling pretty shitty. about to join your ranks!

Stop it guys you're all making me sad :(

guy from OP texted me today

"Did you flip your collar up at me in front of the pilot light yesterday?"

--

??@!?!??!?!?!?!

flip you, collar farmer

Note, long, whiny post coming:

Aforementioned loony and I got back together for a little while, because she cut way back on drinking and I'm a sucker.

Fast-forward to two weeks ago - she loses her iPhone, I loan her my old iPhone because it's got a crack in the corner of the glass (works fine, but resale is bleh). Now, being an upstanding and trusting sort, I don't erase the year's worth of texts that remain on the phone or my address book/etc.. She proceeds to read a large chunk of these texts, discovers that I was repeatedly frustrated at her drinking more than she knew (as in telling people I was going to avoid her for a night because I didn't want to deal) and that I'd slept with my best friend (before we had ever dated). I explain to her that I was putting with a lot of shit from her re: drinking, and that I never told her about sleeping with best friend because it had happened in the past. She calms down, fine.

That Sunday she sends me a message telling me that I'm not into the relationship enough and that if I want to date other people I should. I point out that I've shown no interest in dating anyone else, and have no intention of doing so. She says no more.

We hang out Tues/Wed, everything's fine.

Thursday she tells me that since she made the offer to date other people to me, that she's going to do so. I tell her I'm not okay with that and want to take the weekend off from our plans. I wanted to see her in person this week to break up in person. A couple of hours later she sends me, out of the blue, "Fuck you asshole, I never want to see you again." I sent back "Okay."

She texts me yesterday with a kind of peace offering, she'd blown up because she'd read more old texts (from before we were dating) and had convinced herself that I had planned to meet a friend's sister in Boston and cheat. I point out that it would be difficult to make those kinds of plans for someone whose phone number I don't even have. I explain this to her and tell her I would never date or be in a relationship with her again, but I'm open to remaining friends.

She asks me to meet her for dinner tonight as a let's-be-friends peace offering. Fine with me, I'm not angry - the breakup has been a huge weight off her shoulders.

Now: a flashback. Recently she's had a habit of telling me about how guys hit on her when she's out with friends or working at her bar. I've seen no reason not to trust her, so I brushed it off each time as her wanting to make me jealous or something. Stupid mind games. One of those times, six weeks ago, she was talking about some 23-year old who hit on her, she was making fun of him, etc.. Made it sound like she'd blown him off.

While eating, we're talking about what each of us is doing after - she's going to watch a movie with... the aforementioned 23-year old.

So the entire time she's been accusing me of cheating (wrongly, in complete honesty I haven't even thought about seeing anyone else since we got together), getting mad that I'm not on the verge of moving in with her and spending all our time together, she's had his number and been in contact. (I do believe that she hadn't seen him or cheated on me, though.)

I really want to send her a message now pointing out the hypocrisy, but I should be the bigger person and cut her out of my life completely, right?

absolutely

get your iphone back first though

does this feel like a weight off your shoulders as well? It seemed like you were at the end of your rope w/her before.

Er, yeah, meant weight off my shoulders actually. Had a great, stress-free weekend. Drinking, girls already have co-workers and friends they want to set me up with, etc.

But now I'm just tremendously pissed. I was okay if it was just her being kind of nuts, but I feel shitty about the way I let her manipulate me into being defensive about nothing when she was thinking about cheating or dropping that "let's date other people" thing on me (all the while being pissed that I wasn't comfortable telling her I was in love).

in love with her or some other girl?

get your iphone back first though

― 囧 (dyao), Tuesday, December 15, 2009 8:53 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

did you think about the fact that you had all those text messages on it when you gave it to her? I may totally be overthinking this, but to me it feels like some subconscious desire to be honest w/her and extend trust when it seems like you were conflicted about these things before.

don't fall from the higher moral ground at this late stage, you're some kind of saint to make it this far halo intact tbh

She wanted me to tell her I was in love with her, I would tell her that I didn't know if I was, it was early in the relationship (we were friends with benefits for six months, then actually in a relationship for six months).

I probably will not get the iPhone back. It's worth the $50 I'd get just to never see her again, honestly.

I didn't think about the texts at all, when she lost her phone I just found my old one and took it over.

see, that's the first thing i would have thought of - i can't imagine that guys, in general, don't give as much thought to these privacy issues as women do. Or do they?

Feeling much better after venting now. Maybe I need a livejournal.

it's great that you have friends wanting to set you up and stuff. It seems like you're better off.

I'm in a similar situation to yours milo - all I can say is stick to your guns

john woo style

see, that's the first thing i would have thought of - i can't imagine that guys, in general, don't give as much thought to these privacy issues as women do. Or do they?

― sarahel, Tuesday, December 15, 2009 9:30 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

also the first thing i would've done. not even out of some paranoid fear, it just seems like good practice

you have to admit text messages on an iphone look so pretty it's hard NOT to read them

she could have deleted them before reading them or ignored them, but the fact she read them seems pretty understandable and a common impulse.

I just assumed she'd erase and install with her backup. There wasn't anything private enough on there that I'd be worried about it being lost and someone getting the info, and I just assumed she trusted me as I trusted her. And I was open about how much her drinking bothered me.

If it happened again with another girl, I probably still wouldn't erase. It just seems unnecessary, if I'm giving it to someone I'm in a relationship with.

xp - oh, yeah, I wasn't pissed that she pried into them, really. It was her reaction (reading into them info that didn't exist, etc.) that bothered me

if everything you've said to anyone else is something you would feel comfortable saying to her or in front of her, in that particular tone, I could agree. But from my experience, there are always things for which that isn't the case, no matter how much you care for and love your partner.

Reading into things is natural - though unfortunate - but yeah, my sympathies.