Odd, because I've developped such a big personality to overcompensate that many people believe me to be an extravert. Trust me, I'm not.
― kate, Wednesday, 26 February 2003 22:28 (twenty-one years ago) link
― brg30 (brg30), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 23:28 (twenty-one years ago) link
Filthmongering on ILX? I'm shocked! Shocked!
― Chris Barrus (xibalba), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 23:32 (twenty-one years ago) link
It's not that I hate people, it's that I don't like being around them very often. I'd prefer to live alone, in the mountains, and go to visit people when I want company. I don't want people calling me and coming to visit because they're worried 'cause they've not heard from me for a few days. I don't want people trying to "pull me out of my shell." I'm not in a shell, thank you very much; I am living as I like; I do not need to be "rescued" from the company of myself.I can do the whole social scene and such, but I find it draining and dull - to be honest, I don't like most people enough to want to be around them for any length of time. It isn't that I think they're horrid or anything, just that they don't appeal to me, for whatever reason.Given the choice, I'd prefer relationships with an emphasis on individual time alone to relationships where we're often together. Ugh. Living next-door to a lover would be fine - sharing a house is dificult, but can be managed so long as there are separate bedrooms and bathrooms and offices - but actually sharing a bedroom and bath and such, well, forget it. I can't do it. I need my *own* space - and I do not want to share it, with anyone.
Wow - I sound like a bitch, don't I? *laughing* Oh well, 'tis life. And I am happy with my current arrangement, and that is what counts to me.
― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 23:44 (twenty-one years ago) link
That's not strange at all - I get those questions pretty often too, and not just when I'm in troglodyte programmer mode and have the Acid Mothers Temple turned up,
― Chris Barrus (xibalba), Wednesday, 26 February 2003 23:46 (twenty-one years ago) link
May I? --
----------------------------------1) How to deal with an introvert:----------------------------------
Back off for a while (without anger or accusation) when an introvert admits to a genuine need for space. Don't assume that "I need to be alone" automatically means "I hate you" ... more times than not, it just means "I need to be alone". As the famous country song once put it : "how can I miss you if you won't go away?" ... Go away for a while. When you come back a few hours/days later, not only will you find that the introvert is in a much better mood, you'll also find that the introvert missed you -- moreso than if you'd been there during that time, demanding attention and getting on that person's nerves. Try to tune into the introvert's signals : notice the changes in body language, attitude, etc that seem to preface every request for "Down Time". Learning these signals will make it easier for you to predict that person's moods.
----------------------------------2) How to, as an introvert, deal:----------------------------------
Communicate very clearly (without anger or accusation) that you need some space. Don't assume that an extrovert can guess this based on your actions and attitudes alone. [Ironically, the signals that an introvert uses to push people away (grouchiness, silence, brooding, sighing) are the very same signals that an extrovert uses to draw people in. This is the reason why introverts tend to react to other people's brooding by leaving the room, whereas extroverts tend to react to other people's brooding by asking "what's wrong?"]. Be careful that you don't abuse your 'right to remain silent' either. For instance, if you're in the middle of an important discussion with someone else, and he/she brings up an important, but unpleasant, topic, you can't suddenly say "I need to be alone now". That's not introversion, that's evasion. Talk through it, no matter how difficult it seems, reach some sort of conclusion -- then ask for some time alone immediately after. (Even Miss Manners won't begrudge you time alone after you'd made an honest effort at communicating, though the author of the article incorrectly assumes otherwise).
--------------the big theme :--------------
Communication.
Before you move in with someone, before you marry someone, before you date someone -- heck, before you do _anything_ with someone, try to figure out where that person stands on the spectrum of introversion and extroversion (nobody is 100% introvert or extrovert, I find). Once you think you know, then do your best to adapt, and expect the other person to do the same for you. You can't have a stable relationship without compromise, but you can't compromise too much without jeopardizing your relationship either.
Finding out if you're compatible at the very beginning saves a lot of pain and anger at the very end.
Hope that helps.
― stripey, Thursday, 27 February 2003 01:32 (twenty-one years ago) link
For my part, I took a Myers-Briggs test years ago for work. Upon receiving my results, my only surprise was that I wasn't completely off the chart for introversion.
― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 27 February 2003 01:41 (twenty-one years ago) link
Enough already; I know I'm an INTP at this point. I'm sick of these lame courses, but seeing as how it looks good on the old resume to take something like this once in a while I'm sure I'll be in for it again soon.
On the plus side, its an excuse to travel and I did get to go to Space Camp last year (too bad its in Alabama).
― David Beckhouse (David Beckhouse), Thursday, 27 February 2003 04:45 (twenty-one years ago) link
― Dan I., Thursday, 27 February 2003 04:53 (twenty-one years ago) link
Of course, if folks could just skip down to tbe Big Theme, they'd be doing themselves a huge favor.
― Matt Maxwell (Matt M.), Thursday, 27 February 2003 04:56 (twenty-one years ago) link
Good contributions all around here though. I see a lot of myself in the article, which is interesting as for the past two+ years, I've been working closely with salespeople, and of course you tend not to get introverts in sales. I think I've become passably good at playing an extrovert in my job (at least the salespeople and I haven't killed each other yet), but on the other hand I still have the ability to close my door and let phone mail take the calls when I need (occasional) solitude.
― Jeff Wright, Thursday, 27 February 2003 05:05 (twenty-one years ago) link
I certainly lean more towards introverted, and find myself speaking out loud for the first time in days when I go to the market to respond to the "paper or plastic" question. Usually that same morning I'll have gone out to breakfast, alone with New York Times, looking around, wondering, "Christ, wouldn't you rather be eating alone?"
That said, there is more than one section of the paper.
― Colin Saunders (csaunders), Thursday, 27 February 2003 07:42 (twenty-one years ago) link
― dave q, Friday, 28 February 2003 12:29 (twenty-one years ago) link
I get told that I'm a rude cunt, that I have no social skills, because I can't chatter nicely and say "please" and "thank you" while I'm trying to wake up and get my "dealing with other people" head on. It's not that I'm being rude, it's just that I CANNOT DO IT. It takes energy to deal with other people, no matter how much I adore them, and I don't have that kind of energy before my first three cups of caffeine. Sigh.
― kate, Friday, 28 February 2003 12:51 (twenty-one years ago) link
― gareth (gareth), Friday, 28 February 2003 13:27 (twenty-one years ago) link
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200602u/introverts
― peepee (peepee), Monday, 20 February 2006 17:39 (eighteen years ago) link
― Boris and the Johnsons (kate), Monday, 20 February 2006 17:47 (eighteen years ago) link
that article was so otm for me when i read it in high school. i think college has somehow made me more extroverted, though. strange.
― Maria (Maria), Monday, 20 February 2006 18:04 (eighteen years ago) link
― oops (Oops), Monday, 20 February 2006 18:58 (eighteen years ago) link
― The Milkmaid (of human kindness) (The Milkmaid), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:06 (eighteen years ago) link
― RJG (RJG), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:12 (eighteen years ago) link
― Boris and the Johnsons (kate), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:15 (eighteen years ago) link
I dunno, it reads like one of those three-level jokes:
(a) "We're better than you."(b) Hahahaha, just kidding.(c) Hahahaha, I'm not kidding at all.
― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:22 (eighteen years ago) link
― RJG (RJG), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:22 (eighteen years ago) link
― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:24 (eighteen years ago) link
― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:32 (eighteen years ago) link
For example:
(from the original article) Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves.
(or, dave q's whole rant, above)
― peepee (peepee), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:44 (eighteen years ago) link
― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:46 (eighteen years ago) link
ha. i know this guy who i would always see at parties who would just sit at the bar alone or stand by the wall, just watching people having fun. we're acquaintances, so i'd always felt bad for him, like "oh he doesn't have any friends here, i'll go chit-chat with him". i'd go over, make small talk, but he wouldn't be that responsive, so i'd talk even more to get him to talk more and 'have fun". i thought i was helping, but i guess really he just wanted me to shut the fuck up, go away, and let him soak things up. oh well. next time, i'll just wave from across the room.
― phil-two (phil-two), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:55 (eighteen years ago) link
― RJG (RJG), Monday, 20 February 2006 19:56 (eighteen years ago) link
― senseiDancer (sexyDancer), Monday, 20 February 2006 20:46 (eighteen years ago) link
― Erick Dampier is better than Shaq (miloaukerman), Monday, 20 February 2006 20:49 (eighteen years ago) link
― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:36 (sixteen years ago) link
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:37 (sixteen years ago) link
― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:38 (sixteen years ago) link
― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:39 (sixteen years ago) link
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:40 (sixteen years ago) link
― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (sixteen years ago) link
― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (sixteen years ago) link
― estela, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:41 (sixteen years ago) link
― rrrobyn, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:43 (sixteen years ago) link
― Abbott, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:44 (sixteen years ago) link
― Just got offed, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:46 (sixteen years ago) link
― wanko ergo sum, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:48 (sixteen years ago) link
― estela, Tuesday, 15 May 2007 22:50 (sixteen years ago) link
That's a good one. It's part of the introvert's lifelong journey, learning to quell the reactive butthurt.
― H.R. Giggles (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 16 August 2016 19:38 (seven years ago) link
this thread is insane
fuck people
― brimstead, Wednesday, 17 August 2016 03:08 (seven years ago) link
oh well if you go back to before "man alive"'s posts it seems fine.
still... aklsfjqnwe89fq3kefnlkw;wf
― brimstead, Wednesday, 17 August 2016 03:09 (seven years ago) link
get your nose out of that book and socialize
― brimstead, Wednesday, 17 August 2016 03:10 (seven years ago) link
Introvertdear prompted to take Meyers-Briggs for maybe the 12th time. And I continue to get slightly different results, but certainly always Introvert. Does anyone have the latest stats re: percentage of people identifying intro vs extro? I want to say it was something like 25% vs 75%, which explains why these articles and websites for support, or clarification on why introversion is "ok" keep popping up.
A lot of this thread rings true to me, unfortunately, including the stuff about how introversion claims are covers for depression. Not because I think it's true, but because I know some other people do. To me, introversion is simply the concept that interacting w/other people is draining, and time alone is recharging. You still want to interract w/other people, but only until it gets to be too much. I don't think think it has anything to do w/depression at all. Anyone can be depressed.
― Dominique, Wednesday, 17 August 2016 15:01 (seven years ago) link
For bipolar people depression can alternate with manic elation, which definitely has nothing to do with introversion.
― a little too mature to be cute (Aimless), Wednesday, 17 August 2016 16:28 (seven years ago) link
I'm like textbook introvert in that 'extraverts draw energy from other people, other people draw energy from introverts' sense. I'm socially functional and I like people (and love the people who are part of my web) but intentionally very low-key (okay, maybe mostly withdrawn, even) on a social level because socialization exhausts me. And it's not just the immediate act of socializing but also all of the attendant scaffolding that needs to be erected around social obligations and expectations. I can do family and close close friends but anything beyond that...I've got like an hour tops before I'm spent.
― Going Down On The Anals Of History (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 17 August 2016 17:03 (seven years ago) link
I put off tasks which involve communicating with other people because all the dancing around trying to sound nice and helpful and reasonable, second-guess exactly what everyone wants, not upset anyone = so draining and daunting
this is not a way to be productive or feel good at work (or at home for that matter: feel bad about my total inability to stay in touch with anyone) and also has incurred a few financial costs and complications this year because I didn't want to query things/ask for refunds
I don't know what I'm asking rly, guess not "is this normal" because it isn't, maybe "does anyone else" or "can I fix this" or just a howl into the void
I also don't know to what extent it's some kind of social anxiety and to what extent just plain laziness, as def both are involved and play off each other
(I have failed to negotiate with another team at work, having put off writing that email for weeks and probably worsened my odds of getting a positive response in the process, and now have to ask my colleague to do some inconveniently timed extra tasks, which I am now also putting off as if hoping I'll die in the next hour or so instead of having to do it. this is an extreme example of a repeated pattern of avoidance)
― a passing spacecadet, Monday, 10 July 2017 11:02 (six years ago) link
it would help if work conversations could be had 1 on 1 so my awkward conversation could at least not be overheard by 10 other people, but that is not an option except via email, which has its own disadvantages e.g. no way to spot that your request is going down even worse than feared and improvise some concessions
― a passing spacecadet, Monday, 10 July 2017 11:08 (six years ago) link
It sounds like maybe some structure to limit the third-guessing and procrastination could help? Seems like that might be somewhere you can exert some control. I've no idea how to make interaction less fraught, sadly.
― El Tomboto, Monday, 10 July 2017 12:15 (six years ago) link
Thanks, El Tomboto. What kind of structure? Setting myself stricter deadlines for tasks involving communication? I fear I am too bad at ignoring self-imposed attempts at structure but of course it's a good skill to practise and I should do more of that.
I used to have a boss who I could call on for backup if anyone wouldn't take no for an answer, but the current one is hard to get hold of and I don't trust him to fight our corner
― a passing spacecadet, Monday, 10 July 2017 12:49 (six years ago) link
A colleague is leaving at the end of the month and is "giving a leaving lecture" because he finds that less awkward than going down the pub. This is not an academic colleague, btw.
― Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Monday, 10 July 2017 13:12 (six years ago) link
APS, Yes, like do one uncomfortable thing every other day. Alternate home/personal with work tasks. Treat it like exercising.
― El Tomboto, Monday, 10 July 2017 13:19 (six years ago) link
Deadlines aren't useful but habits are.
Also "every other day" can be it's own reward mechanism, in that doing the thing means you get to not do it the day after
― El Tomboto, Monday, 10 July 2017 13:21 (six years ago) link
This is a thing I need to do in many respects, so, good idea to at least try out.
I like this thinking!
― a passing spacecadet, Monday, 10 July 2017 13:28 (six years ago) link
Scik, what's the leaving lecture going to be about, do you know?
I have found my previous traditional leaving drinks/pub lunches kind of awkward and embarrassing, but public speaking is actively horrifying and having to prepare a talk is exactly the kind of thing I put off forever, so no way would I swap.
― a passing spacecadet, Monday, 10 July 2017 13:32 (six years ago) link
I can't believe I just fucked up the apostrophe its
― El Tomboto, Monday, 10 July 2017 13:47 (six years ago) link
gonna give a lecture when i move out of my apartment
― j., Monday, 10 July 2017 14:34 (six years ago) link
it's gonna be about DOOR-SLAMMING and HALLWAY VOICES
https://scontent-lga3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/31901827_10157401265114148_6592763726934310912_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=b7eaafd442efd1f183e4d6ed59a52494&oe=5B9C1D2E
― Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Friday, 4 May 2018 18:55 (five years ago) link
Yes, thank you (although I would argue that most meetings could skip the call step and go straight to email).
― Love Theme From Oh God! You Devil (Old Lunch), Friday, 4 May 2018 18:59 (five years ago) link
That you have to have someone call you so you can adjust the ringer volume on your office phone is actually pretty funny.
― pplains, Thursday, 4 August 2022 20:52 (one year ago) link
lol had to do that today after getting a new headset...was used to being able to do test calls on Skype for Business but now we're on Teams who know
― nashwan, Thursday, 4 August 2022 22:41 (one year ago) link
Usually experience holidays as a kind of a They Shoot Horses, Don’t They non-stop marathon of talking by the extroverts.
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 01:22 (one year ago) link
Every boring story is another you’ve gotta hear this! Dick’s Picks version of “Dark Star.”
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 01:26 (one year ago) link
Perhaps with this I have already alienated a good portion of the posters who have frequented this thread.
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 01:28 (one year ago) link
It is a choice one makes as an alternative to being alone. It could be fortunate to have a choice.Family in particular ... why do we care what they say?
― youn, Thursday, 24 November 2022 16:13 (one year ago) link
As someone who is often extremely extroverted but then has to recoup that energy later with some low-demand days, I'm balancing today between people I have to put a TON of energy into being around, ie people who I'm not on the same wavelength as, so I have to heavily moderate my behavior/reactions...and later, going to see people who are very low-effort ie we're on the same page on so many things that being around them is a pleasure.
More of the latter in my life, pls.
― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Thursday, 24 November 2022 16:52 (one year ago) link
I mean idk if that's being extro OR intro-verted, I think it's just "being around people" but whatever.
amen to the latter
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 17:12 (one year ago) link
It's folks who talk about themselves at length but never once think to ask how I'm doing that I cannot be doing with anymore, which sadly is 90% of my wife's extended family.
― MaresNest, Thursday, 24 November 2022 17:54 (one year ago) link
Sorry. Feeling that one. Seems to me some people just keep talking the way they would keep the engine running in their car so their battery won’t die.
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:18 (one year ago) link
when I used to hang out with people my favourites were those who talked about themselves without wanting or expecting any reciprocity
― oscar bravo, Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:25 (one year ago) link
This is a interesting point. People talking about themselves at length is fine as long as they are picking up on the subtle or not-so-subtle cues of body language and such on whether you want to keep listening.
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:46 (one year ago) link
Which is similar to what MaresNest said.
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 18:50 (one year ago) link
I only learned “body language” is real a few years ago, I had thought it was made up for detective stories
― G. D’Arcy Cheesewright (silby), Thursday, 24 November 2022 19:39 (one year ago) link
i’m hyper-aware of body language & micro-expressions so my stories are like two sentences long bc i’ll cut it short at the slightest hint of boredombut my inner self just constantly tells me to shut up even when ppl seem intetested so i’m a better listener than talker lol
― werewolves of laudanum (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 24 November 2022 20:00 (one year ago) link
I feel like I'm a pretty good listener and am genuinely interested in other people's lives.
I don't think I really require much reciprocal engagement, but when someone is sorta stuck on transmit all the while, I begin to get nervous and wonder why I'm even here.
― MaresNest, Thursday, 24 November 2022 22:53 (one year ago) link
Otm
― Meet Me in the Z'Ha'Dum (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 24 November 2022 23:02 (one year ago) link