choice incomprehensible posts from britisher threads

We ended up giving Barca a player in exchange for Cesc (not officially but it shut them up to get van Bronckhorst) and £3m for Merida. All other youth contracts since have been pretty above board knowing that Barca tried putting us in the shit, and we have paid over the odds for Coquelin and Miquel to their third division sides so they can improve facilities etc. and build up good relations in case they have more good kids to nick.

(^^^sb offence.)

― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Thursday, September 3, 2009 9:21 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark

Chelsea
Arsenal
Man Utd
Liverpool
Everton
Spurs
Man City
West Ham
Aston Villa
Blackburn
West Ham
Fulham
Sunderland
Wigan
Stoke
Wolves
Bolton
Birmingham
Burnley
Portsmouth
Hull

― a hoy hoy, Sunday, August 9, 2009 11:27 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark

Just wait until someone starts posting excerpts from cricket threads.

I'm not too confident at the moment.

And Jones is in as wicketkeeper to strengthen the batting. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/6140748.stm
But perhaps this means they might play Monty?

Lets hope Tres finds his form quickly and him and Strauss get some good century partnerships so the pressure isn't on Cook/Pietersen/Bell.
If they indeed choose all three. They might choose Jones and Giles so the batting is stronger if they decide to go with an extra bowler incase Fred isn't up to bowling as much as he normally would.

I don't think Mahmood is up to it. We're gonna miss Simon Jones.
Lets hope Harmison and Hoggard find their form too when it matters.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Sunday, November 12, 2006 2:44 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark

TOO EASY

Chelsea
Arsenal
Man Utd
Liverpool
Everton
Spurs
Man City
West Ham
Aston Villa
Blackburn
West Ham
Fulham
Sunderland
Wigan
Stoke
Wolves
Bolton
Birmingham
Burnley
Portsmouth
Hull

― a hoy hoy, Sunday, August 9, 2009 11:27 AM (2 months ago) Bookmark

― call all destroyer, Saturday, November 7, 2009 11:54 AM (46 minutes ago) Bookmark

haha i love this one

lol i mean i know what it is but that won't stop me from being like "WTF IS THIS BRITISHERS??"

every gareth post ever

― call all destroyer, Saturday, 7 November 2009 16:54 (1 hour ago) Bookmark

can't believe i called liverpool for 4th, oh how naive of me.

Cameo Intro 1
T2 – Heartbroken
Benga & Coki – Nite
DJ Cheeksta – Baby
Virgo – Something Real
TS7 – Smile
T2 – Why
TRC feat Zoe – Trickin' Me
DJ Q – Shotta's (Mr V Remix)
DJ Narrows – Saved Soul (DJ Q Remix)
DJ Denver – Love Thang
JTJ Productions – It's You
Davinah – Runaway (TRC Remix)
T2 – Hey
H2O feat Platinum – What's It Gonna Be
Gemma Fox – Might Be
DJ Murkz – Baby Boy
TRC – Why Can't I?
X5 Dubs – Nicole's Groove
TS7 – Flip Flop
Dre vs Murkz – Manny Man
DJ Q & MC Bonez – You Wot
Delinquent feat Kcat – My Destiny
Moonshine – Emotions
DJ NG – Tell Me
Apple – Untitled

― r|t|c, Thursday, January 17, 2008 1:00 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

bassline hasn't really taken over the charts like i thought it would here tbh...'heartbroken' and 'what's it gonna be?' were huge of course but 'gonna be mine' flopped, 'my destiny' and 'daddy-o' didn't do much either...hoping for big things from dj q & mc bonez' 'you wot?' though. t-dot is the bassline mc who really needs to become a star.

― lex pretend, Wednesday, July 9, 2008 2:44 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

trap goin west ham

Thoughts on Adele - there is something really, really fucking good straining to get out here, there really is. BUT THOSE FUCKING VIOLINS! THAT FUCKING CHORUS! This is full-on no-stone-unturned production, desperate to smash your head in with... what is the comparison for those strings? I'm leaning towards 1968 Eurovision (and this ain't a million miles from "Un Banc, Un Arbre, Une Rue", the 1970 winner), but BBC Light Orchestra, Strictly Come Dancing, the bottom 50 percent of Embrace's singles, the singer from Foals shouting "HERE ARE SOME VIOLINS. HERE ARE SOME VIOLINS. HERE ARE SOME VIOLINS." - do you understand? It's so desperate to cover every single one of its fucking bases (those violins, they could be a bloody Michael Ball record) that Adele's talents (which shows signs of being very good, even if she does reach too deep when she sings "leeeed") get buried in the rubble. And it repeats the chorus, and thus the metaphor (resplendent with fucking orchestral sweep), far, far too many times. Makes me long for "Foundations".

― William Bloody Swygart, Wednesday, January 2, 2008 9:48 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

One of those bands this kind of thread was built for would appear to be The Feeling, who also have a slot on the B-list with I Thought It Was Over, the first single off their second album. They're the kind of band who rumble along near the foreground, never quite enough to get people talking about them, but there nonetheless.

And this single will not change that one tiny bit. It's 'a bit electro', kind of - not enough to induce dance or anything, the rhythm is very politely buried away behind some morphed guitar riffs, but noticeably enough so that people can go "ooh, haven't you grown!" But have they? If they're coming out of their shell, they're doing it bloody slowly - Dan Gillespie-Sells seems like a good egg, but his voice is really thin, very unengaging. This is about him realising he's still in love with someone. I know this because that's what the title says. There's lyrics, lots of lyrics, and you can make them all out, too, but how are you meant to care? It never puts a foot wrong, but it never dares to try - there's no danger in this, no conflict, no turmoil, it's just another love song.

Let's use that as an excuse to post the video for Party Fears Two - an unfair comparison, since it sets the bar that fucking high, and Billy Mackenzie's voice is the kind of sound you can go forever without finding comparison to, but it does this so much better - there's turmoil, peril, melodrama - all the stuff.

But I think we ought to talk about The Feeling. And Jay Sean. And Mark Brown and Sarah Cracknell. All the stuff. I don't want this being the kind of thread where songs get marooned within one post. Part of the reason for this thread is that I'm scared I don't pay enough attention these days, that I dismiss things too out of hand, and I get the horrible feeling everyone else does too. So have at it! (More songs off the playlist to follow)

― William Bloody Swygart, Thursday, January 3, 2008 9:11 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

britishers should do an american version of this thread!

it would involve lots of posts about tacos

trap goin west ham

― Bad gal, war child, bookworm, Sierra Leone activist cat (The Reverend), Saturday, 7 November 2009 19:14 (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

incredibly disappointed no-one thought of this as a screenname.

Roy Castle's come back to life to measure Craig David's chin for the Guiness Book of Records".
Pure genius.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, November 8, 2002 5:44 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

britishers should do an american version of this thread!

― iatee, Saturday, November 7, 2009 7:21 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

i was gonna say the same thing lol

haha classic thread

Good thread but no examples come to mind. It's like trying to think of examples of Lou Reed being a D-bag for that VU thread- so many that the brain refuses to zero in on one.

Dizzee Rascal is nowhere on this box set. So what's the point of it? You want proper tunes to bang out at a wedding you need these:

Wiley - Ground Zero
Gerald Wiley - Additional Material
DJ Artichoke - Runcorn Rancid
Biggin' Juggin' - Bitch Download GGGGGutttaaahh Gyal
Na Cum 12 Step MC - Gwan Twan Ewan McGregor
DJ Grimey Gryhme - Grime Innit (Not Garage For Goths) (I'll Sue Anyone Who Suggests Otherwise Mix)

― Confused Person, Thursday, November 20, 2003 8:29 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

so mad at myself that i forgot to play "Gwan Twan Ewan McGregor" at my wedding

hhah

Prefer the remix, "Gwan Twan, Thanks, Ewan"

Dizzee Rascal is nowhere on this box set. So what's the point of it? You want proper tunes to bang out at a wedding you need these:

Wiley - Ground Zero
Gerald Wiley - Additional Material
DJ Artichoke - Runcorn Rancid
Biggin' Juggin' - Bitch Download GGGGGutttaaahh Gyal
Na Cum 12 Step MC - Gwan Twan Ewan McGregor
DJ Grimey Gryhme - Grime Innit (Not Garage For Goths) (I'll Sue Anyone Who Suggests Otherwise Mix)

― Confused Person, Thursday, November 20, 2003 8:29 AM (5 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― Cleveland Spider Cupid Childs (los blue jeans), Sunday, November 8, 2009 1:20 AM (3 days ago) Bookmark

Do any of you have any thoughts on whether Capello should play Agbonlahor or Defoe in a christmas tree formation with marmalade on the end of it? In Coldharbour Lane? You know, it's sort of like when the Tory Whip bowled a googly during that funky house set? Sorted

U iz all well peng, btw

just on newsnight review w/paul morley and peter miller (?)

kirsty wark's a level 36 3rd prestige it turns out

― coz (webinar), Friday, November 13, 2009 8:04 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haha, that was a compelling post

fyi defoe could work really well in a xmas tree if the midfield if they could figure out gerrard/lampard and england had 1 half decent playmaker

lol at "if the midfield if they". changing thought halfway through a sentence, eurgh.

thudd 4 england 4 eva imo

      defoe    c cole
    j cole     gerrard     lennon
               Thudd
   a cole ferdinand woodgate rooney
              nobody    

― Louis Cll (darraghmac), Thursday, 26 November 2009 01:06 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

and england had 1 half decent playmaker

wtf at this gooner blinkery, england have the world's best passer

its cool bro, one day we should fap over a game of headers and volleys

― sammy bagels (a hoy hoy), Friday, January 28, 2011 2:34 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark

the guvnor was doing his nut at someone for ordering water haha.

― r|t|c, Wednesday, January 26, 2011 2:11 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

imagine him doing that on a cold january day in stoke, he wouldn't get out of staffordshire alive, though rather than the usual mention of his ethnicity or religion, egregious fannydangling will be cited on his lynching papers by the local magistrate

― nulty dread (nakhchivan), Wednesday, February 16, 2011 12:09 PM (2 hours ago)

The tv ads in the UK are soooo rubbish. "Numpty from Penge" sez "omg! it's like... 3d... and stuff..." and then gurns a bit? I know I know you can't really show the actual 3D really well, but unconvincing numpties in a white room looking a bit simple?

― superpitching, Tuesday, March 29, 2011 12:57 PM (10 hours ago) [IP] Bookmark

translation: UK tv ads suck. some cartoon mascot is really excited about 3d and then makes weird mouth noises, and everyone looks really stupid.

even his ip address is british

Oops. Got it.

that's a pretty bad translation

whoops, sorry bout ip

xp - that was the point!

Minchella and Co vs T. Minchella

that thread would be incomprehensible to every ilx britisher apart from me and markg, jmc. It's referring to two competing ice-cream parlo(u)rs in a small english seaside town where I used to work and where m,ark was born.

Good old Joe McElderry.

fuckin joey mac

Mackenzie's "perhaps they singled us out because we were a Thatcherite paper and it was a socialist city" might tell you more about the reasoning behind him running the story in the way he did than it does about Liverpudlians' reaction to it

― syntax evasion (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, September 26, 2012 8:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― Trad., Arrrgh (stevie), Thursday, September 27, 2012 6:38 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

as posted in the truth bomb thread.

Justin Lee Collins' voiceovers for in the adverts for Zoo magazine [Started by Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino) in May 2005, last updated 5 minutes ago by Arvo Pärt Chimp (Neil S) on I Love Everything] 7 new answers
choice incomprehensible posts from britisher threads [Started by scott seward in November 2009, last updated 6 minutes ago by die face down in some dude's pool (how's life) on All Noise Dude Summertime Fun Board and Pickle Bar] 1 new answer

packets

Polystyrene

It's basically the guy who reads and enthusiastically comments on DiS/Eurogamer/Guardian/Cookd and Bombd evey day depending on what he's into right
dunno what the specialist football equivalent is but he is probably quite vigorously snippy about how underappreciated Michael Carrick is by the dull-witted common fan?

― Dadjokke (Sgt. Biscuits), Thursday, August 28, 2014

choice 77-on-non-77 transgressions by sitemods ;)

a - didn't even notice that was 77
b - not a mod anymore
c - thank god

x( i dont know what to believe in

idgi

forks, why not spend just five or ten minutes of your time familiarizing yourself with the cookd and bombd forums?

brb

✓

okay, now my computer has a virus thanks obama

I'm not too confident at the moment.

And Jones is in as wicketkeeper to strengthen the batting. http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/cricket/england/6140748.stm
But perhaps this means they might play Monty?

Lets hope Tres finds his form quickly and him and Strauss get some good century partnerships so the pressure isn't on Cook/Pietersen/Bell.
If they indeed choose all three. They might choose Jones and Giles so the batting is stronger if they decide to go with an extra bowler incase Fred isn't up to bowling as much as he normally would.

I don't think Mahmood is up to it. We're gonna miss Simon Jones.
Lets hope Harmison and Hoggard find their form too when it matters.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Sunday, November 12, 2006 2:44 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark

This was posted above and is absolutely fucking hilarious. I guess he hopes a bunch of people find their form.

I wonder if they actually played Monty.

RIP Simon Jones.

Now Bill, I ain't gonna play dirty with NFL. RIP Simon Jones otm though, and iirc they played Monty when it was too late and he got clobbered

Hahahahahaha touché. To be honest I'd love to know what that post meant!

I love all sports no matter where from. If I lived in England jamaca or India I'm sure I'd be a cricket junkie.

All sports? I used to think I was like that, but I've soured on a few. That post is mostly names btw, all the technical stuff is implicit - unlike in baseball, every player has a fixed number of innings (two) and everyone, including the bowlers (pitchers), must bat - so balancing a side of 11 players becomes of paramount importance

it helps to know that Pfunkboy is the most relentlessly pessimistic follower of the England cricket team ;)

To balance things up a little, I find the titles of a lot of American threads on ILX incomprehensible, that's without actually reading the threads, esp. anything to do with American sport.

where would we be without balance? toppled over, that's where.

Toppled off our pins on to our arses, that's where!

Me old cock sparrow china guv'nor!

it helps to know that Pfunkboy is the most relentlessly pessimistic follower of the England cricket team ;)

― Daphnis Celesta, Saturday, August 30, 2014 4:29 AM (11 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

He makes up for it with his love of polls

good headline

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/nov/19/plebgate-row-andrew-mitchell-libel-trial

Spromley
North Hattingham
Dury Wold
Claxham-on-Sea
Befferinghamshire
Tewnbaster
Havery
Glumcester

― Autumn Almanac, Thursday, August 22, 2013 7:56 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

underappreciated post

Captures the "no, you made that up!" feeling I get every time I hear a new british town name

that's because you are the american equivalent of autumn almanac

should turn it into a 'humorous' 'wu tang names' style shirt and sell it on etsy

you're reminding me of the revulsion I felt a decade ago perusing a Time Out headline of "Straight Out of Brompton".

http://i.imgur.com/nZKwOyZ.jpg

i love commonwealth memes

Baldy pride cunt <3

and I'm surprised no one has nominated

Road to Rouen
Diamond Hoo Ha
Here Come the Bombs
Matador

― small doug yule carnival club (unregistered), Monday, December 21, 2015 4:13 PM (1 hour ago)

Can taps aff really be described as getting your kit off?

― Chewshabadoo, Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The bbc can always find the funding for paying Shane Meadows landfill royalties by scrapping rubbish that nobody watches like Stewart Lee's Comedy Vehicle.
― calzino, Friday, January 27, 2017

extra layer of incomprehensibility: it's sarcastic

F.J Potts feels like it should be the name of one of the boys Gussie Fink-Nottle gives out prizes to at Market Snodsbury Grammar school.

― why labour 'foot problems' since 2015? (Bananaman Begins), Tuesday, April 11, 2017 4:49 AM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

XD

Tbf that's clearly the whole ref in that post

wodehouse lived most of his (long) life in te US, so that one's totally on you

why are the fink notties giving out prizes to the likes of fj pottys

He is calling on his marras to twat some radge basket in Bournemouth ? That is what I could surmise before I give up reading!

― xelab, Saturday, March 21, 2015 4:13 PM

that is almost a perfect example

Superb marvelous middle class half-inch it, done up like a kipper one would be honoured to naff off bit of a Jack the lad nigh, pillock beefeater sausage roll. Pillock bovver boots chippy Southeners they can sod off pot noodle ever so lovely, tosser alright geezer a reet bobbydazzler lad they can sod off fish and chips, old chap golly gosh morris dancers alright geezer muck about bloody shambles. Fish fingers and custard black pudding forsooth jolly good pigeons in Trafalgar Square accordingly, trouble and strife bangers and mash off with her head get away with ya two weeks on't trot, I'd reet fancy a cuppa bossy britches plum pudding. Truly a British icon.