Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

ALL I WANT IS PIZZA

luna, is she in training for something? How does she fit any work in when she has so much feeding to do?

Also, and I'm not sure exactly why, but the juxtaposition of 'budget' and 'gourmet' is making me chortle.

Budget Gourmet is a brand of frozen entres in the US.

ha hah
xpost

luna, is she in training for something? How does she fit any work in when she has so much feeding to do?

For a fat ass maybe, but nothing else that I'm aware of.

None of this would bother me as much if she didn't sit in front of me.

Is she fat now? My boss bothers me because he never picks up his feet, just shuffles them across the floor. ::shudder::

Nope, she's not at all. She's not stick thin or anything, but she is in no way fat.

No one here is a foot shuffler, but the manager of my apartment building is - she either shuffles or runs, there is no in between. I hate her.

Budget Gourmet is a brand of frozen entres in the US.

Trust me, I know. Our freezer has a goodly selection here at work. I guess I'd just never thought about it much before.

It smelled like it had been already vomited up

God, I have experienced this, but nothing makes me want to retch more than sharing an elevator with someone who has a bag of McDonald's breakfast sandwiches.

McDonald's fries, on the other hand....

I used to work with a dude that ate all day long too. He was constantly chewing on something, usually chocolate or candy bars. He would then wonder aloud every three weeks how he got so fat.

What about obese colleague who hides her cookies upstairs? And when you offer her something for lunch, she will proclaim:"Oh no, just one sandwich! I'm not hungry!" On top of that she constantly eavesdrops - well, has finely tuned hearing - and is a terrible asslicker. Bah.

There's more, but I don't want to crush your computers with annoying peeves.

a terrible asslicker

I'm just curious as to how you know this? ;)

Oh god, did I just literally translate this from Dutch? Fuck. Y'know, I really don't wanna have this mental picture of her being this weirdo fetishist. :-)

Same in French - lèche cul.

In (American) English it's usually an 'asskisser' or 'brown nose'.

So last week right before noon my boss asked if I was going anywhere for lunch. I said no, I had a lot of work to do but I was probably going to go pick up something and bring it back, did he want me to get him something? He said no, he was just really tired and wanted to take a nap and wondered if I would be out of the office (we share the same room, and another co-worker has a little room right next, it's like a common IT area with one big office, one small one, and two server rooms with their own climate control.) Anyway, under his breath he says something about sleeping under my desk. I stopped, amazed that I heard and doubly amazed that he said it. So now I'm not going anywhere and will eat stale crackers and cottage cheese if I have to. I said something like "That's not funny". He played it off as a joke and went to take a nap somewhere else. I thought he was just being silly but it stuck in my mind. Then yesterday I had to work at home and was talking to my other co-worker who was having a problem that the boss could easily help him with. I asked him where the boss was and he said "Either asleep or dead, I can't tell" and I jokingly asked if he was sleeping under my desk. Co-worker said "Yes, but don't tell him I told you." Now, this co-worker lies a lot to make jokes, and he's very good at it. Sometimes the outlandish things he says come across so believable. So I played along but it stuck in my mind again. What if he was telling the truth?? Today I get back in the office and while boss is at lunch, co-worker and I are joking around and I find out that indeed, boss was sleeping under my desk. Co-worker was not lying and didn't think it was a big deal because my area is so clean and the boss area is so cluttered. We're one happy IT family and I love both of them but it's fucking weird!! His area is cluttered but not on the floor! My boss has been sleeping under my desk when I'm not around! So I've decided to put little signs under my desk saying something like "Sleeping under my desk is creepy."

At least he's not doing it while you're sitting there! :/ But still... eww.

Not exactly on topic, but I'm not sure where else I should put this:

There are three four-hour database training sessions happening in the next two days. Anyone who works on a particular program must attend the database training for that program. I work on three programs.

Yaaaaaay.

Gee wilikers, I wonder if any material covered in one session will also be covered in the other sessions?

Time to sit in the back and teach yourself how to knit or read tarot cards.

wow - Rebekkah,that's hillarious!
so many ways you can fuck with him now!!!

im whistling the solo to reelin in the years right now and another cube in the office started whistling erratically i guess to tell me im being annoying?

HOLY SHIT, dickwad. YES, you can use one of the many spare computers on this desk. but see when i point at the one chris usually sits at and say, yo, not that one, chris will be using it? that means i don't want you to use it. therefore pointing back at it and repeatedly going: "this one? yeh? this one okay?" is gonna PISS ME THE FUCK OFF.

and then proving your spectacular fucking tooldom by standing there for FIVE MINUTES scratching your head before coming back and asking me HOW TO TURN THE THING ON ... the mind boggles. THE COMPUTER AND THE MONITOR ARE NOT THE SAME THING, YOU FUCKING ANAL FISSURE. see the BIG BOX WITH THE FUCKING CD DRIVE AND SHIT? AND THE ON SWITCH? HAVE A FUCKING GUESS HOW IT WORKS. GO ON, HAVE A GUESS.

there. i feel much better now.

hahahhaha!

yeh, i think i can laugh about it now. those seven minutes have been therapeutic.

My boss is completely incapable of not answering his cell phone. Whenever he's on the phone with a client and his cell phone rings, he covers the office phone with his hand, picks up the cell, and says "I'll have to call you right back ok thanks bye" and hangs up. Which seems more annoying to both parties than to just let it go to frickin' voicemail.

yup, pretty much hate anyone who does that. Which is my entire office.

1: "oh god, i have an ABBA song in my head"
2: "i have a kate nash song in mine"
1: "i don't know who that is, but it's probably better than ABBA"

(2 is now playing kate nash on speakers)(jesus, she is AWFUL)(this is america ps wtf you brits can keep her)

One of my workmates (otherwise a nice chap) has Del Tha Shithead Homosapien's 'Mr Dubboleenah' or whatever the fuck it is as his answer tone, and always leaves his mobile in his office when he goes anywhere (which is often), so that damn song goes off next door multiple times a day and plays on and on without anyone stopping it. If we had windows I'd throw the fucking thing out the window.

haha. weasel's opening post on this thread is hilarious btw.

I started making notes some time ago of the idiotic things my Gareth-like supervisor said- Here's one.

Me, after having been handed a candy with a picture of a calf on the wrapper:

"Oh, look at this cute picture of a calf!"

Him: "Not baa-aaa-aad!"

Me: That's a sheep, that makes a baa-ing noise, not a cow.

Him: (petulant silence)

What's with co-worker saying "Oh, that was fast" when you pass bluelines to them? We get out at 3pm and I've seen the damn thing 4 times already, you think I'm gonna read every word on all 108 pages again? At least I knew to proof that chart again and found THE OLD TYPO THAT WAS NEVER FIXED.

Get a load of the ad copy someone just handed me. As a jpeg, no less. I had to retype this.

Amid the abundant natural splendor that encapsulates the British Virgin Islands, there are a handful of locations that literally take one's breath away. The north coast of Tortola is such a place. It's as if each successive bay and stretch of beach is in direct competition, trying to outdo the other in terms of sheer, rapturous beauty. A delicate natural interplay -- swaying palms, dazzling white sand, shimmering water, mango and banana groves, verdant hillsides, and mesmerizing views -- causes one to rub one's eyes in disbelief. Surely, there is no better spot in the world. It is here, on Lambert Bay, a glorious stretch of beach that faces the setting sun at the eastern end of the island, that your home, R****** T******, will be built. Fifty private acres in a spectacular natural amphitheater where mountainside residences will look down upon a 200-foot stage on which a grand R****** resort will await. This is where lifelong dreams will be realized, and countless new ones will arise.

wow. who the fuck sends copy as a jpg!?

a glorious stretch of beach that faces the setting sun at the eastern end of the island

^and this makes no sense to me at all.

the whole thing causes me to rub my eyes in disbelief.

it makes sense if the island is shaped like, uh, cape cod, for lack of a better example

(xpost)

Does Smoove B write copy for your company?

"Girl, I will buy you tropical real estate. I will also serve juice."

"Also, there will be peas"

"Peas on earth, good will to all men"

"facing west"

Man, I always want to contribute to this thread, but when it comes to my co-workers, where does one begin?! They are awful people. Awful.

Haha I got "asked to resign" from that job I've bitched about for the last 2 years, recently. Blessed relief really (if rather embarrasing, I spose)

More hilariously though - dumb calendar guy and his annoying ice cube crunching and beatboxing may be gone... but I have now discovered my newly moved-in boyfriend crunches ice cubes and beat boxes ;_;

Well at least he beatboxes glitchy idm and not irritating 4/4 techno I suppose...

WAKE UP LADY! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO GET IT TOGETHER FOR THREE DAYS NOW!
http://i230.photobucket.com/albums/ee39/samgezee/sreepy.jpg

Haha well she is pretty decent at the posed sleeping, but she needs to figure out how better to support her head.

the guy that took this picture just got in trouble for showing it around the office and the lady found out!

Lady shouldn't have been sleeping.

coworker in cubicle next to yours CONSTANTLY holding very hush hush whispered conversations with people who stop by to talk to her: c/d?

Hush-hush conversations make me think someone is either leaving the company or is pregnant.

It's not that unless those things are happening every day here. I think it's just griping about this or that work related plus talk about what's happening with some of the higher ups? it's pretty silly though. at least my team has the decency to bitch in a normal tone of voice