Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

You are just the design monkey. Do what she asks to get your monkey biscuit.

eep eep! I like the monkey biscuits that have zeroes at the end of them.

Next year will be my 10th year working on this technicolor design nightmare. But the pay is good.

None of my coworkers are in my side of the office today so I can be as annoying as I'd like! If only I had a water bottle! I'd wheel my chair up to my desk, slap my hand on my keyboard drawer, and then guzzle down the water.

We hired a new administrative assistant this week, which is great since we've been in desperate need of one for quite some time. The problem? She is doused in horrible smelling perfume. The smell takes over the entire office within thirty seconds of her coming in the door. I can feel the taste of it in the back of my throat. You'd think that by the time one reached 40, one would know the art of tastfully applying perfume. Apparently not.

My old boss was like that - I swear he doused himself after his shower, again after he got dressed, and had his wife spritz him as he walked out the door. I'm not entirely certain he didn't carry an atomizer with him. It was almost a visible cloud of stench. You have my sympathy.

Our file clerk is generally a nice person, but I could really live without the minute by minute update of Young & the Restless that she gives her mother via telephone every afternoon.

Stupid co-worker referenced here: Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers
was fired last week for 1) browsing porn 2) on a PC critical to the plant operation 3) which became virally infected and 4) had to be shut down and cleaned up, invoking the wrath of the state environmental agencies.

Carol clips her fingernails AT HER DESK! EVERY WEEK! Gross me out!

It's JUST GREAT when they pile shit on yr desk at Friday 4:30 and sweetly say "For Monday," ain't it?

If they don't specify which Monday, you get to choose.

OMG Jaq that is the worst work offense I've heard in a while of whiles.

i bite my nails and pick my teeth with the nail. people hate me here. lulz.

Someone I manage spends the entire day making little 'mmm...hmmm....' noises to herself. During most work conversations she manages to say 'aren't I silly!' or 'how stupid of me!' or 'sorry!' at least twice. She dresses to emphasise this approach to herself. About once every two months she goes apeshit and snaps someone's head off. She is one of the most disconcerting people I have ever met.

Another person I manage looks as if I have just pained him beyond words if I address him across the desk. He looks up, startled, for all the world as if we are complete strangers or we have both taken a vow of silence (in our loud open-plan office) and asks me with an expression of deep annoyance to repeat what I said.

My boss (male, 60s) told me that he had to explain to his fellow interviewers (when interviewing yet another person I manage) how you have to be very careful about the 'halo effect' when interviewing young blonde ladies in order to prove that you have genuine reasons for hiring them. 'Because I must say that one must be aware of this. I DO find her very...' (STOP!) ... I mean, I have to say...' (NO YOU DON'T) '...that I do, personally, find her (NOOOOOOO) very attractive as a woman'. (Me: rictus polite smile). Boss: 'Not that you're NOT attractive'. Me (finally snapping): 'Stop digging'.

My most annoying co-worker is this horribly nerdy fellah who punctuates every other sentence with a nerdy snark followed by the voiceless laughter of breathing loudly through his teeth, as if he's terribly amused by his bad joke, but can't muster the strength to laugh out loud at it. It's doesn't bug me all that much, really, 'cause he's a nice enough guy, but I wish he'd talk less and work more.

Five or so years ago, I had a co-worker who kept a tally on his whiteboard of the number of fingers he was going to remove from one particular developer. He also had the worst BO in history and put a sign on his office door saying, you enter, you DIE!!!! He was definitely the most annoying co-worker I've experienced.

What is it with the women in this office, they are constantly eating!

My "boss" slurps his coffee and eats disgustingly smelly fried things for breakfast then belches quietly all morning. ARGH

co-worker has a new born child. It's all she fucking talks about. Just before she said "so, we got some family photos done on the weekend" obvs trying to tell me about it. I just kind of grunted and carried on with what i was doing.

The baby is kind of cute tho. It's a little ranga.

I love that expression, ranga :D

My coworkers all just kind of sniggered at me because I had the gall to say "who is this person" about some guy we were emailed about who has apparently been here for ages, fuck if I care, this'd be the third person thats worked around us that NO ONE has bothered to introduce me to. I sit in the corner and am completely ignored/left out of everything, and I am going to resign, this place is a joke.

Oh and dumbass windows calendar guy is still at it with the dumfuckery and ice crunching and idiocy and making at least 10k a year more than I do :(

kill him and absorb his (earning) power.

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This girl does NOTHING but EAT all day long. ALL DAY LONG. She's driving me crazy. All I can hear is crunching or smacking noises, and I am beginning to hope she chokes on her cheetos.

I used to work with a dude that ate all day long too. He was constantly chewing on something, usually chocolate or candy bars. He would then wonder aloud every three weeks how he got so fat.

Oh, god! Cheetos?! I'd love to see how her workstation looks and smells.

For breakfast this morning, she had some budget gourmet fettuccini alfredo. It smelled like it had been already vomited up.

At 1030, she had another meal of some description - I didn't see it, but it too smelled like it had been already well used.

It's now 1:14, and she's eating ribs, a salad, has a piece of cake bigger than my head, and a soda.

ALL I WANT IS PIZZA

luna, is she in training for something? How does she fit any work in when she has so much feeding to do?

Also, and I'm not sure exactly why, but the juxtaposition of 'budget' and 'gourmet' is making me chortle.

Budget Gourmet is a brand of frozen entres in the US.

ha hah
xpost

luna, is she in training for something? How does she fit any work in when she has so much feeding to do?

For a fat ass maybe, but nothing else that I'm aware of.

None of this would bother me as much if she didn't sit in front of me.

Is she fat now? My boss bothers me because he never picks up his feet, just shuffles them across the floor. ::shudder::

Nope, she's not at all. She's not stick thin or anything, but she is in no way fat.

No one here is a foot shuffler, but the manager of my apartment building is - she either shuffles or runs, there is no in between. I hate her.

Budget Gourmet is a brand of frozen entres in the US.

Trust me, I know. Our freezer has a goodly selection here at work. I guess I'd just never thought about it much before.

It smelled like it had been already vomited up

God, I have experienced this, but nothing makes me want to retch more than sharing an elevator with someone who has a bag of McDonald's breakfast sandwiches.

McDonald's fries, on the other hand....

I used to work with a dude that ate all day long too. He was constantly chewing on something, usually chocolate or candy bars. He would then wonder aloud every three weeks how he got so fat.

What about obese colleague who hides her cookies upstairs? And when you offer her something for lunch, she will proclaim:"Oh no, just one sandwich! I'm not hungry!" On top of that she constantly eavesdrops - well, has finely tuned hearing - and is a terrible asslicker. Bah.

There's more, but I don't want to crush your computers with annoying peeves.

a terrible asslicker

I'm just curious as to how you know this? ;)

Oh god, did I just literally translate this from Dutch? Fuck. Y'know, I really don't wanna have this mental picture of her being this weirdo fetishist. :-)

Same in French - lèche cul.

In (American) English it's usually an 'asskisser' or 'brown nose'.

So last week right before noon my boss asked if I was going anywhere for lunch. I said no, I had a lot of work to do but I was probably going to go pick up something and bring it back, did he want me to get him something? He said no, he was just really tired and wanted to take a nap and wondered if I would be out of the office (we share the same room, and another co-worker has a little room right next, it's like a common IT area with one big office, one small one, and two server rooms with their own climate control.) Anyway, under his breath he says something about sleeping under my desk. I stopped, amazed that I heard and doubly amazed that he said it. So now I'm not going anywhere and will eat stale crackers and cottage cheese if I have to. I said something like "That's not funny". He played it off as a joke and went to take a nap somewhere else. I thought he was just being silly but it stuck in my mind. Then yesterday I had to work at home and was talking to my other co-worker who was having a problem that the boss could easily help him with. I asked him where the boss was and he said "Either asleep or dead, I can't tell" and I jokingly asked if he was sleeping under my desk. Co-worker said "Yes, but don't tell him I told you." Now, this co-worker lies a lot to make jokes, and he's very good at it. Sometimes the outlandish things he says come across so believable. So I played along but it stuck in my mind again. What if he was telling the truth?? Today I get back in the office and while boss is at lunch, co-worker and I are joking around and I find out that indeed, boss was sleeping under my desk. Co-worker was not lying and didn't think it was a big deal because my area is so clean and the boss area is so cluttered. We're one happy IT family and I love both of them but it's fucking weird!! His area is cluttered but not on the floor! My boss has been sleeping under my desk when I'm not around! So I've decided to put little signs under my desk saying something like "Sleeping under my desk is creepy."

At least he's not doing it while you're sitting there! :/ But still... eww.

Not exactly on topic, but I'm not sure where else I should put this:

There are three four-hour database training sessions happening in the next two days. Anyone who works on a particular program must attend the database training for that program. I work on three programs.

Yaaaaaay.

Gee wilikers, I wonder if any material covered in one session will also be covered in the other sessions?

Time to sit in the back and teach yourself how to knit or read tarot cards.

wow - Rebekkah,that's hillarious!
so many ways you can fuck with him now!!!

im whistling the solo to reelin in the years right now and another cube in the office started whistling erratically i guess to tell me im being annoying?

HOLY SHIT, dickwad. YES, you can use one of the many spare computers on this desk. but see when i point at the one chris usually sits at and say, yo, not that one, chris will be using it? that means i don't want you to use it. therefore pointing back at it and repeatedly going: "this one? yeh? this one okay?" is gonna PISS ME THE FUCK OFF.

and then proving your spectacular fucking tooldom by standing there for FIVE MINUTES scratching your head before coming back and asking me HOW TO TURN THE THING ON ... the mind boggles. THE COMPUTER AND THE MONITOR ARE NOT THE SAME THING, YOU FUCKING ANAL FISSURE. see the BIG BOX WITH THE FUCKING CD DRIVE AND SHIT? AND THE ON SWITCH? HAVE A FUCKING GUESS HOW IT WORKS. GO ON, HAVE A GUESS.

there. i feel much better now.

hahahhaha!

yeh, i think i can laugh about it now. those seven minutes have been therapeutic.