Rilke consults Dr. Freud

Freud: So, Herr Rilke, what brings you to see me?

Rilke: I am afraid you will laugh, Herr Doktor.

Freud: Ah! (Writes a brief note.) Very interesting.

Rilke: What? What is so interesting?

Freud: I wrote a book about laughter. A very interesting book I might add.

Rilke: Oh.

Freud: I think I have a copy of it around here somewhere. I could loan it to you.

Rilke: No! No! Do not bother yourself.

Freud: (Rummages through a pile of books) It is no bother.

Rilke: I do not want to read your book.

Freud: (Stops rummaging.) You don't?

Rilke: No. Upon my honor.

Freud: (Sulks) Very well. I wouldn't dream of forcing you.

Rilke: Wouldn't dream! Ha ha!

Freud: What is so funny? Of course I wouldn't make you read my book.

Rilke: (Wipes a tear away. Composes self.) No, I don't suppose you would.

Freud: Don't be silly. Now, how can I help you?

Rilke: It's nothing, really.

Freud: Ah! (Makes another note.)

Rilke: I wish you'd quit doing that.

Freud: Continue. What would you like me to quit doing?

Rilke: Saying "Ah!" and writing like that.

Freud: Did I say "ah"? I can't recall.

Rilke: You did. Most definitely.

Freud: I see. (Writes another note.)

Rilke: It's my feet, actually.

Freud: Your feet?

Rilke: Why I came to see you.

Freud: Ah! (Frowns.) I am sorry. I said "ah" again.

Rilke: (Nods acknowledgement, very formally.) Herr Doktor.

Freud: About your feet then.

Rilke: Yes. I find I cannot transcend them. Perhaps, if I explain.

Freud: By all means, do.

Rilke: I have long wished to transcend this material plane, this tawdry existence, this petty round of love, suffering and death.

Freud: Continue.

Rilke: (Irritated). I was going to. I was merely pausing for effect.

Freud: Pardon. Go on then. "This tawdry existence" you were saying.

Rilke: (Sighs) I have bunions.

Freud: And you wish to transcend them?

Rilke: Yes. I yearn to. I die to. I despair of them. But it's quite impossible you see. They hurt like the dickens.

Freud: (Writes again. Tears a sheet from his notebook and extends it.) This man can remove them for you. He is a podiatrist. Highly recommended. He tends the Emperor Franz Josef's feet.

Rilke: I don't think you understand. I wish to transcend them, not remove them.

Freud: Don't be nuts.

Rilke: (Crams hat on head and goes to the door. Turns.) I knew you would laugh.