Pub names

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On my recent walking tour of the islands I noted down many hundreds of colourful and quaint pub names, hoping to collect enough to make a slender gift book (working title: Quaint and Colourful Pub Names) that would appeal to people who have unwittingly lost their all direction in life and yet still have money left to throw down a rat hole. I meet quite a few of them in pubs, incidentally.

Sadly, my notes were mostly lost during the mugging and I can only recall two of the clever pub names I encountered:

The Flaming Slag Heap - a Welsh pub, and
The Bludgeoned Swan - in Surrey

Since no one in gift book publishing ever fact checks, I reckon we can come up with enough names to make up the difference.

Aimless (Aimless), Saturday, 14 May 2005 22:29 (fourteen years ago) link

As well as moving to Stalybridge to alienate all my friends and con my family out of approximately sixteen billion pounds I also moved here for the two record breaking pub names -

"The Old Thirteenth Cheshire Astley Volunteer Rifleman Corps Inn" - the longest in Britain

and

"The Q Inn" - the shortest ("bars" don't count)

On one hand I've got myself to blame (Lynskey), Sunday, 15 May 2005 15:51 (fourteen years ago) link

The Flipping Boar
The Sneezing Bishop
The Cheek Full of Gristle
The Flattened Toper
The Bread and Marginalia
The King's Cross and Queen's Livid
The Fully Extended Tongue
The Black Swarm
The Missing Sign

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 15 May 2005 16:37 (fourteen years ago) link

The Drooping Budgerigar
The Bursted Spleen
The Gash and Dirndl
The Senseless Tory

Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 15 May 2005 18:26 (fourteen years ago) link

That Taint Ladylike

The Black Eye and Bloody Whistle

The Green Ear Discharge

The Help Wanted

Inquire With Inn

The Foppy Truffle

The Two Hour Frog to Prince

The Collapsed Morals

The Rose and Switchbade

еdë §téè£ (еdë §téè£), Sunday, 15 May 2005 22:57 (fourteen years ago) link

The Stinking Pustulent Hole & Garter
The Ride a Cock Horse Inn
The Half-Timbered Facade with Modern Toilets
The Compromised Professional Standards

Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 16 May 2005 15:46 (fourteen years ago) link

The Barking Vadge
Ye Olde Publick House of Folly and Licentiousness (LLC)
The Vicar's Secret
Queen Mab's Matching Quaff and Qurtains
The Ale Be Damned

M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 16 May 2005 16:06 (fourteen years ago) link

The Snails Navel
Lace Curtain Charlemagne and His Dandy Boys House of Very Strong Drink
Tommy SnotRockets
O' Like Hell You Will


еdë §téè£ (еdë §téè£), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 02:56 (fourteen years ago) link

The Bitters My Sweet
The Sip and Swagger
Pints a Plenty
The Petulant Petunia
Bottoms-up R Us
Hags, Haggis and Hops


MSW (MSW), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 12:41 (fourteen years ago) link

The Horse's Mouth
The Crone and Pessary
The Slough of Despond
Hoof & Mouth & Arse & All

M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 17 May 2005 17:17 (fourteen years ago) link

The Steaming Sewer Pile
The Dead Liver Inn
The Barfing Nun Pub and Hostelry
The Maudal Inn

еdë §téè£ (еdë §téè£), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 03:18 (fourteen years ago) link

The dishonoured bride
The Buck i'th shithole
The Wasteland
The glottal stop

Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 10:14 (fourteen years ago) link

The Hostile Return
Beer and Chunks Spittle Palace
The Gaping Maw
Violent Dr. Tremens House of Pees

M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 18 May 2005 21:56 (fourteen years ago) link

Point of order....... The Glotal Stop was recently renamed

The Epiglotal Cack

There was a minor trademark infringement lawsuit from The Global Stop. It is some international shipping firm or some such nonsense. Wankers, all of them!

Carry on......

еdë §téè£ (еdë §téè£), Thursday, 19 May 2005 00:33 (fourteen years ago) link

one year passes...
A publisher has expressed interest in pursuing my pub names gift book idea. His name is Norman Anonymus and normally he prints French pornographic postcards, or cartes postale a la blatte as he likes to say in his rather nacreous voice, but he is keen to "diversify horizontally" into other printed novelties he told me me and my book seems just the thing.

When I agreed to front him $10,000 toward this venture his excitement was a sight to behold, and an aroma to avoid as well, since he hugged my knees and administered several kisses to those parts of my face he could reach by hopping. Did I mention he is a dwarf? No matter. He is very big in the world of French postcards.

My difficulty is that he requires more material and I am too torpid to supply it. I was wondering if I could persuade my fellow Ask-A-Drunkians to do my work for me. Failing that, if you might scourge me out of my torpor, or at least buy me a few drinks. Oh, yes, and I need to borrow $10,000.

Aimless, Saturday, 17 March 2007 17:18 (twelve years ago) link

Quality is not an issue here. For example, Norman was perfectly happy when I suggested a few names such as:

The Supine Muleteer
The Vomit and Sawdust
The Mostly Clean Tablecloth
The Overcharging Cavalier
The Pretend Knocking Shoppe

You see my point, I think. Norman is not overly particular.

Aimless, Saturday, 17 March 2007 17:49 (twelve years ago) link

The Surprised Aardvark
The Swollen Gland
Befuddled Old Sod and Co.
Moist Places in the Carpet
Questionable Morals
Hominy Chunks in Your Hair est. 1867
Ralph's Place, Home of the REAL Spit Polished Shot Glass
Faux Ruby Tuesdays
Alternating Wednesdays
Charley Love You Long Time's
Cheap Watered Down Drinks
The Aftermath Club
Homely Harlots -R- Us
Three Drink Gibberish
The Elf and the Shoehorn
Ramskin Ramitin's
The Copper Condom and Fiddlesticks
Elvira's House of Painful Swallowing
The Erect Steer
Pancake Patty's Passed Puberty Pub
The Outhouse Shower
Oozing Sebum
Tossers Salad Shoppe
Finkdiggles Emporium
Lonely Old Men
Desperation's Revenge
The Shorthandled Toilet Brush
The Pus and Ladle
Dribbleglass
The Sloppy Bunghole
Corkpounders
Bruised Eyelids
Kidneystone Charlies
Maggots in the Middle
Mid Life Crisis
Middlefinger's

On a lighter note....... What would be the "Specialty Drink" for each of the above listed establishments?

еdë §téè£, Monday, 19 March 2007 12:39 (twelve years ago) link

The Boiled Frog
The Hooligan's Piss Pot
Tesco & Barclay's

Aimless, Wednesday, 21 March 2007 17:37 (twelve years ago) link

Upon further thought, The Boiled Owl would be more appropriate.

Aimless, Thursday, 22 March 2007 00:11 (twelve years ago) link

Maybe "The Boiled Owl Pudding " would suffice?

or how about

The Oiled Bowel

еdë §téè£, Thursday, 22 March 2007 01:41 (twelve years ago) link

three years pass...

I sometimes wonder whatever happened to Norman. Does anyone here know where I could lay my hands on him?

Aimless, Thursday, 2 December 2010 21:59 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

GIS The Labour in Vain - Midlands

Jooones, Friday, 14 January 2011 05:21 (eight years ago) link

If I did so, I fear I would be regaled with the image of a chubby-cheeked barmaid looking for all the world like a Franz Hals portrait, a thought which turns my very guts to water.

Aimless, Sunday, 16 January 2011 18:49 (eight years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I visited "Ye Olde Borrowed Beer" this past weekend and the barmaid was a one legged dwarf.

Sometime around midnight her taller cuter sister must have take over her shift for her......

It just might be love.

I used to be Dude Steel (OldPoster), Thursday, 3 February 2011 22:46 (eight years ago) link


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