Why does nobody in London have any money?

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Not another bash, more a socioeconomic query - namely, why does nobody in this goddam place have any money ever? Every time I go out I get ponced to death, and people don't have any shame about it. People who actually work are seen as free cigarette and booze dispensers! Which is especially galling since they all ligged their way in in the first place! Does nobody have any shame about constantly asking for free stuff? Not even counting the street beggars who accost you in the ATM queue! And why is everybody's standard of living so low? Where I'm from we all have indoor pools in the basement and two cars in the garage, whereas here, people boil coffee by igniting toilet paper like in prison! Everybody's got dangerous old appliances with exposed wires that they bought at a street market, and when the broken toaster finally shorts out and burns the house down they'll just eat Pot Noodle raw out of the cup. I am seriously curious, why is everyone so destitute? I can't even qualify for any benefits because while being foreign I'm not a dispossessed yak de-seminator from Uzbekistan so I can't get a free flat, which might be a blessing in disguise because Londoners look for somebody to ponce off like flies to week-old burgers and I'm getting sick of it!

― dave q, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

New answers free like manners!

― dave q, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Got a spare fag mate?

― DG, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ackroyd's London bio notes that this complaint is at least a thousand years old or so. You are part of the historical tradition, Dave Q.

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

in the update dave q will be in ackroyd's book, right after the Less Passion Less Protein man.

― mark s, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

That's weird. It wasn't 1947 when I woke up today ...

― Robin Carmody, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Do Dave Q and Nude Spock live in an alternate reality?

― Luke, Saturday, 2 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You ought to apply for employment at Buckingham Palace and work for the Queen... :) I'm sure she has money to spare. If I was there, I would!

― Gale Deslongchamps, Sunday, 3 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Dave - you are obviously hanging round with the wrong people. I have cash to spare whenever I go out.

NOTE: This is not an invitation.

― Pete, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

hey pete :
can you lend me enough to buy this

― anthony, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Hey I just bought something off eBay but it is a PRESENT for someone onthis board so I cannot tell you what it is!

I wanna boil coffee by igniting toilet paper! And this also reminds me that I have some raw Super Noodles I've not munched yet mmmmm BALTI FLAVOUR.

― Sarah, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Thank you Sarah - I just know that pressie is for me....

― Pete, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

its the eye ball right ?

― anthony, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Anthony shhhhhhhh!!!!!! Oh NO my secret has been revealed I cannot possibly give Pete the giant eyeball now! That's it, I am sending it back, no no! I couldn't possibly give you a present which is not a surprise!

Actually Pete the present I bought was not intended for you but I think you would SHORE like it... HMMM the SUSPENSE!

― Sarah, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You've bought RickyT the Carter Box Set? (Swoon).

― Pete, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Just because you North Londoners like to get drunk and listen to Carter doesn't mean that us civilised (well I am the civilised South Londoner obv) people have to do the same!

(Although on saying this a fave has been to get back drunk and listen to A HOUSE whilst falling over with larffter).

― Sarah, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

B-b-but they were from South London and sang about urgent and key things like Peckham and Tulse Hill, not to mention New Cross.

― Pete, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

As I was listening to Carter under great sufferance do I count as civilised or uncivilised?

And to get back on topic, I have some money (not plenty but some), a kettle and my own cigarettes.

― Emma, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It would depend on what you were drinking and how loudly you protested.

I do not think I have ever heard a Carter song in my life! Yay!

― Sarah, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

She did not protest loudly enough to use her VETO.

― Tom, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm sure I did but the Carter was so loud no-one could hear my plantive cries for help.

― Emma, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It wasn't my fault. It was THE INCH.

― Pete, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Who knew Hedwig was a Carter fan?

― Dan Perry, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Oh great this week I have no money to pay my rent. Yes. This is GOOD. Well, seeing as I don't have enough money anyway I see no reason to stay in work. So I'm going home! Grrr! I feel angry! I AM TURNING INTO... NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

― S... S...ara..... DAVE Q AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

RickyT might protest at this change.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

He will take what he fuckin' gets, fuckin' limey!

― DAVE Q, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I liked London this weekend. But tell me this, is it common knowledge for Londoners that you can never get real e off random punters in clubs?

I only wasted a tenner admittedly but my mate also bought shite. It didn't matter cos in the end a friend came through for us, but er, was I looking at the wrong hooligans?

I say this having never bought a dud pill in Dublin before, and I don't ever buy off anyone I know.

― Ronan, Monday, 4 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

three weeks pass...

You must wear very dark blinkerd glasses in your own country,or are you blind?

― dd loyd, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

No wonder the Inch was angry (thus supplying the puunchline to a joke Dan started a month ago).

― Pete, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Because you all insist on living in one of the most expensive cities in the world and convincing yourself that there's more going on there. But who needs Hoxton when you have....Wythenshawe?

― Tag, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

ah, but why have Wythenshawe when you can have Laisterdyke?!

― gareth, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

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