The Wit and Wisdom of The Modern Wildean Genius, Noel Gallagher

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"I love dogs, dogs are brilliant. Is there anything funnier than a dog, going down the high street with his face hangin' out the window? Y'know when you see dogs in the passenger seat, someone's wound down the window and the dog's got his face out the window and he's like "Whoa! We're goin' 43 miles an hour!" and he's got his tongue out! The second funniest thing is dogs in hats! Is there anything funnier than a dog wearing a hat on holiday?! Is there anything funnier than a dog in sunglasses?! I don't think so. I don't think so. Dogs smoking cigarettes is out of order...but have you ever seen a dog when he's going down the street and he's got his face out the window? The most joyous thing a dog will ever do is go over 30 miles an hour! They love it! They love it. The next time you see a dog, get on the utter joy on his face, with his tongue hanging out (imitates dog).

"By the way for the people listening to the radio, I just pulled a really, really funny face, it was worth at least a hundred grand a week from the BBC, but I won't get it..."

Non-Homosexual Male Fan Of Kate Bush (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 12 March 2009 10:08 (nine years ago) Permalink

DOGS IN HATS!
DOGS IN HATS!
DOGS IN SUNGLASSES!

Non-Homosexual Male Fan Of Kate Bush (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 12 March 2009 10:08 (nine years ago) Permalink

"People fucking hate cunts like Phil Collins, and if they don't — they fucking should."

Blancmange Is Playing At My House (King Boy Pato), Sunday, 22 March 2009 09:52 (nine years ago) Permalink

"If there were gold medals for taking drugs for England I would have won a shit load."

Blancmange Is Playing At My House (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 2 April 2009 10:22 (nine years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

"The World of God is in the Bible, right? And in the Bible it doesn't mention dinosaurs, so that quite not be truth. 'Coz God created the human first, so where are the fuckin' dinosaurs came from?"

I'm Australian or some other weird nationality (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 18 July 2009 11:59 (nine years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

"Wow, what an afternoon! Of all the NME awards this one has certainly been the most... recent."

King Boy on Parole (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 29 August 2009 06:45 (nine years ago) Permalink

"He is Abbott to my Costello, he is Cannon to my Ball, he is Little to my Large."

King Boy on Parole (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 29 August 2009 06:48 (nine years ago) Permalink

"Jack White, right, has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts. He's supposed to be the poster boy for the alternative way of thinking... I'm not having that, that's fucking wrong. Particularly Coca-Cola, it's like doing a fucking gig for McDonald's."

King Boy on Parole (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 29 August 2009 06:49 (nine years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

"Got thrown out of a taxi this morning. At least I think I did. Hard to tell over here. There was shouting and pointing and then the international hand signal for "Get the fuck out of my cab, you western dog!""

gr8080 State (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 4 September 2010 12:04 (eight years ago) Permalink

Is there anything funnier than a dog wearing a hat on holiday?! Is there anything funnier than a dog in sunglasses?! I don't think so. I don't think so. - Noel Gallagher, Oasis

think Whiney's got his cover blurb here

Teddybears.SHTML (sic), Saturday, 4 September 2010 16:49 (eight years ago) Permalink

eleven months pass...

"There aren't any reasons! There's a guy who gets shot - a gangster if I may add that, who had a gun. If you live by the sword, you die by the sword! Then suddenly there are riots everywhere. There is no reason for that. It's just pointless violence of f***ing idiots.

"When it rains no one is rioting! And you can always rely on rain in London - except for now when we would need it."

Child Hoodie's End (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 13 August 2011 11:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

"Jack White, right, has just done a song for Coca-Cola. End of. He ceases to be in the club. And he looks like Zorro on doughnuts. He's supposed to be the poster boy for the alternative way of thinking... I'm not having that, that's fucking wrong. Particularly Coca-Cola, it's like doing a fucking gig for McDonald's."

bumping this now its getting the appreciation it deserves

Come and get it with King (G'Day) Boy (G'Day) Pato (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 17 September 2011 14:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

gallagher's work in general is due some critical reappraisal imo, not just his gentle reproach of mr white

talking heads, quiet smith (darraghmac), Sunday, 18 September 2011 03:29 (seven years ago) Permalink

gallagher's a dullard shitehawk. jack white's the last great rock star.

assume makes an ass out of u and me (but mainly u) (stevie), Sunday, 18 September 2011 06:34 (seven years ago) Permalink

jack white's the last great rock star on doughnuts.

Come and get it with King (G'Day) Boy (G'Day) Pato (King Boy Pato), Sunday, 18 September 2011 06:42 (seven years ago) Permalink

an important distinction

talking heads, quiet smith (darraghmac), Sunday, 18 September 2011 08:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

two years pass...
six months pass...

"He’s the angriest man you’ll ever meet. He’s like a man with a fork in a world of soup." - on Liam
"Have I ever had a moment where I sat down and thought, 'Do you know what this calls for? This calls for Paranoid Android! Get it on!" No. I've never had that moment." - on Radiohead
"The Man has taken over the world. All the kids have to look up to now are bland, faceless trainee police officers." - on Coldplay

Poliopolice, Friday, 20 June 2014 14:05 (four years ago) Permalink

nine months pass...

Beck can play the banjo, for fuck's sake. Nobody plays the banjo! Get him a dictionary from me, I'll fuckin' sign it and give it to him so he can look it up.

never heard of this Mark Knobfler bloke (King Boy Pato), Friday, 3 April 2015 15:32 (three years ago) Permalink

I would rather drink petrol straight from the nozzle at a garage than listen to an interview with Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys.

never heard of this Mark Knobfler bloke (King Boy Pato), Friday, 3 April 2015 15:34 (three years ago) Permalink

whaddayaknow, even Noel is otm occasionally

week of 'puter action (Noodle Vague), Friday, 3 April 2015 15:38 (three years ago) Permalink

Why have I got to be there at seven in the morning? Who's listening at fucking seven in the morning? Cunts, that's who's.

never heard of this Mark Knobfler bloke (King Boy Pato), Friday, 3 April 2015 15:38 (three years ago) Permalink

lol, golden dicta all

drash, Saturday, 4 April 2015 03:44 (three years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

FORMER Oasis songwriter and driving force Noel Gallagher has let his feelings be known about Australians in a long chat with UK radio station Talksport.

While the Manchester City fan spoke at length about his love of football, along with plenty of music biz anecdotes, he did manage to line up the Aussies when asked about the Ashes

“I don’t watch a lot of cricket ... but I watch the Ashes,” said Gallgher.

“The Australians are so childish. Have you ever been to Australia? Fascinating place, fascinating ...”

Asked what he meant by the hosts of the Sports Bar program, Gallagher replied.

“Well, it’s full of Australians. I was watching local TV news once and I thought I was watching Monty Python ... They were showing a Wellington (boot) throwing competition.”

Gallagher has plenty of experience when it comes to bad-mouthing Australian sporting teams, unleashing a memorable spray at the Socceroos and star player Tim Cahill after the 2006 World Cup.

“Football is the game of the intelligentsia and you are s--t at it,” Gallagher said.

“You will never win anything so give it up.

“What do they call them, the Socceroos? Do me a f---ing favour, you could come up with a better nickname than that.”

Of Cahill, Gallagher said, “I don’t know, there is something about him. I would love to kick him right in the bollocks.”

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 30 July 2015 11:45 (three years ago) Permalink

What's your lifestyle like now compared to those days?
If I can give you an analogy — back in the early days of Oasis, my lifestyle was like a wild fire-breathing dragon. My lifestyle now is like a faithful sheepdog.
...
What about Taylor Swift? She's a pop star, but many people praise her talent as a songwriter.
(Laughs) Who says that? Her parents?

Lots of people.
Who's "people"? Name these people. You're fucking lying. She seems like a nice girl, but no one has ever said those words, and you fucking know it.

This one has lots of good ones
http://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/noel-gallagher-on-loving-seinfeld-hating-most-everything-else-20150227

niels, Thursday, 30 July 2015 12:43 (three years ago) Permalink

noel gallagher: i'm still not entirely sure who taylor swift is or why people know all about her

bizarro gazzara, Thursday, 30 July 2015 12:58 (three years ago) Permalink

It's a great tune, and I paid 79 pence for it, but I am in no way a fan of Alt-J.

Why not?

I don't know. One of them's got a mustache, and that's unacceptable.

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 30 July 2015 13:34 (three years ago) Permalink

I wasn’t even going to vote in the last election, but I looked down the list [of candidates] and there was a guy standing for The Pirate Party. His manifesto was, “Everyone should dress like a pirate,” and I thought, “You know what? The world would be a better f*cking place if everyone dressed like a pirate.” Because, really, is there anything cooler than a pirate? Keith Richards is one and that’ll f*cking do me.

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Friday, 31 July 2015 11:30 (three years ago) Permalink

Imagine... a pirate on doughnuts!

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Friday, 31 July 2015 11:32 (three years ago) Permalink

REVEREND & THE MAKERS
New Album & Film 'MIRRORS' 9th October

“So I’m listening to ‘Mirrors’ for the 1st time and I’m about 15 minutes in when it dawns on me that this is like something that sounds like nothing I’ve heard since the great concept albums of the 60’s…It’s at that point that I may have shit in my smoking jacket! (in fact I think I did actually shit in my Fez!!). Shit title though eh?” (Noel Gallagher)

From the press release

suffeeciant attreebution (aldo), Friday, 7 August 2015 10:54 (three years ago) Permalink

two months pass...

“No matter how much you sit there twiddling, going, 'We're all doomed', at the end of the day people will always want to hear you play 'Creep'. Get over it.”

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Wednesday, 4 November 2015 11:47 (three years ago) Permalink

A+

new noise, Wednesday, 4 November 2015 16:33 (three years ago) Permalink

Killing it

you too could be called a 'Star' by the Compliance Unit (jim in glasgow), Wednesday, 4 November 2015 16:51 (three years ago) Permalink

Particularly Coca-Cola, it's like doing a fucking gig for McDonald's."

damn... really nailed it with that comparison

Sheriff U. Agri (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 5 November 2015 13:32 (three years ago) Permalink

Esquire UK cover story

Radiohead? When do people listen to them? Is it when they go out, or is it when they come in? Because I’m struggling to think.

I tell you what I think about Liam and this is just an opinion. He would fucking aggressively disagree. He was rightly put up there as this fucking huge rock star but he didn’t write a note, not a word. From my perspective I don’t know how comfortable I’d feel about the mania surrounding us, and you knowing in your fucking soul that you were responsible for really wearing the clothes.

Morning Glory was slated when it came out. And then when it became the biggest thing ever – and I’ve been told this by two editors – they thought, “We’re not going to be caught out next time.” And they lauded Be Here Now, which was clearly a shit fucking album, full of fat fucking rock stars, and then they got caught out again. And they never forgave us. They were just like, “Wankers. We can’t fucking get on it.”

the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 5 November 2015 18:15 (three years ago) Permalink

And they never forgave us.

Of course. Oasis never again appeared on a music magazine front cover, and certainly their every subsequent album wasn't greeted with desperate delusionary "no really THIS is the return to form" reviews.

please don't shampoo your eyes (stevie), Friday, 6 November 2015 11:02 (three years ago) Permalink

The Bends is pretty good listening before going out

niels, Friday, 6 November 2015 11:47 (three years ago) Permalink

“I know people who live for their reviews. I once asked somebody how their new album was going, they said, ‘Fucking great. I’ve only got one bad review.’ Who gives a fuck? ‘Only got one bad review.’ Fucking hell, really? Shit, Jesus. Here’s your second.”

He criticised the groups he presumably perceives as being in thrall to the Guardian. “You’re not seriously telling me that anyone is going to be listening to Foals in 12 years. Is anybody going to be fucking begging for Hot Chip to get back together in 22 years? I don’t fucking think so.”

He was characteristically trenchant about pretty much every other pop star at work today. “Who gives a shit what fucking One Direction do? Cocksuckers, all of them in rehab by the time they’re 30. Who gives a shit what Ellie Goulding is up to? Really? Adele, what?” Alex Turner and Royal Blood look good, he said, but “I’ve got a cat that’s more rock’n’roll than all of them put together.” Thom Yorke, meanwhile, should “give us a fucking shout” when he writes a song “as good as fucking Mony Mony”.

He did, however, express his admiration for Kanye West, one of the few people on whom he does not believe fame is wasted, and Chris Martin, “a friend of mine. That fucking guy can write a tune.”

Coincidentally, it was revealed on Friday morning that Gallagher will appear on Coldplay’s new album, A Head Full of Dreams.

He was certain, however, of Oasis’s stature, insisting they were one of the best groups of all time. “If all the greats are in the top four, we’re in the bottom of the top four, we’re kind of constantly fighting for fifth, just missing out.” He added that Oasis would be unlikely to reunite, because unlike most re-formed bands they could never be as big as they were first time round. If he changed his mind about returning, he said, his brother Liam would almost certainly say no, just to spite him.

Gallagher also said giving his interviews was his hobby. “I could do this all day long … I get to be a gobshite, and I get to do that thing: to be the last of a dying breed.”

doing my Objectives, handling some intense stuff (LocalGarda), Friday, 6 November 2015 12:36 (three years ago) Permalink

Thom Yorke, meanwhile, should “give us a fucking shout” when he writes a song “as good as fucking Mony Mony”.

i think this is the worst sentence i've ever read

doing my Objectives, handling some intense stuff (LocalGarda), Friday, 6 November 2015 12:37 (three years ago) Permalink

LOL, possibly!

LESTER: I saw Bowie the other night.
LOU: Lucky you. I think it’s very sad.
LESTER: He ripped off all your riffs, obviously.
LOU: Everybody steals riffs. You steal yours. David wrote some really great songs.
LESTER: Aw, c’mon…anybody can write great songs! Sam the Sham wrote great songs! Did David ever write anything better than “Wooly Bully”?

Caput Johannis in Disco (Tom D.), Friday, 6 November 2015 12:48 (three years ago) Permalink

Thom Yorke, meanwhile, should “give us a fucking shout” when he writes a song “as good as fucking Mony Mony”.

i think this is the worst sentence i've ever read

Disagree, comedy gold from Noel here.

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Tuesday, 10 November 2015 10:16 (three years ago) Permalink

enjoying the part where "we didn't have carpet back in my day"

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Tuesday, 10 November 2015 10:17 (three years ago) Permalink

I’m aware that Radiohead have never had a fucking bad review. I reckon if Thom Yorke fucking shit into a light bulb and started blowing it like an empty beer bottle it’d probably get 9 out of 10 in fucking Mojo. I’m aware of that

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Tuesday, 10 November 2015 10:19 (three years ago) Permalink

All the bands that get back together, all those ones you’ve mentioned [Fleetwood Mac, Led Zeppelin] they didn’t have anybody in the line-up as fucking brilliant as me.

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Tuesday, 10 November 2015 10:23 (three years ago) Permalink

Fame’s wasted on these cunts today. Bar Kanye.

Eric Banta (King Boy Pato), Tuesday, 10 November 2015 10:24 (three years ago) Permalink

two months pass...

"Life on Mars" is not about pondering whether there's fucking life on Mars. Nobody knows what it's about.

David Goey (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 30 January 2016 01:38 (two years ago) Permalink

I didn't know this until a couple of days ago, but this song was a take on some French fuckin' political writer called Jean Genet. But again, is the song about the fuckin' French Revolution? No, I don't think so.

David Goey (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 30 January 2016 01:38 (two years ago) Permalink

And for all my talk of, "Well, what are his songs about? We don't really know what they're about," I think "Heroes" is quite straightforward. The sentiment is amazing: We can be heroes, if only for one day.

David Goey (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 30 January 2016 01:40 (two years ago) Permalink


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