19. Only 2 people can gather together inside or outside unless you are a family in which case you can all gather together, kids can gather together in-groups of 35 at school and you can gather together at home, if you live alone you can gather with one other person who may or may not be a family member except where it's a bootcamp where you can gather with two other people regardless of whether they are family members or not. It is now unclear how many hairdressers can gather together although doctors on cruises can gather together in any number they like because they know better.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Sunday, 29 March 2020 22:23 (four years ago) link
20. If you violate the above rule in NSW Gladys will send the cops and the army round.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Sunday, 29 March 2020 22:24 (four years ago) link
21. Tasmanians may stay in their shack or their house for the next 4 weeks but must choose between their shack or house today.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Sunday, 29 March 2020 23:30 (four years ago) link
22. if the majority voted for mediocrities the people who didn’t vote for them must be grateful and applaud them when they do their best and it’s at best mediocre
― estela, Monday, 30 March 2020 00:53 (four years ago) link
fingers crossed that the limit-of-two applies to the National Cabinet
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Monday, 30 March 2020 02:25 (four years ago) link
23. Horse racing will continue because Australia must have something to bet on and horses can’t get the vid, maximum of 2 jockeys may gather on a horse, unless one of them is Betty the hairdresser or the horses are going to a boot camp.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Monday, 30 March 2020 02:33 (four years ago) link
24. In the event horse racing is cancelled we will all bet on how long it takes before Barnaby Joyce proudly violates the social distancing rules.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Monday, 30 March 2020 02:34 (four years ago) link
(odds considerably shorter for female office staff, naturally)
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Monday, 30 March 2020 02:47 (four years ago) link
25. Do not stick magnets up your nose even if you are an astrophysicist.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Monday, 30 March 2020 06:02 (four years ago) link
lol i love that person and story
― estela, Monday, 30 March 2020 07:27 (four years ago) link
26. In Queensland paying for a happy ending is no longer allowed unless it is at a bootcamp.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 07:16 (four years ago) link
27. Dating is now banned in all states apart from Tasmania.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 07:17 (four years ago) link
(covered by "family visits")
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 08:57 (four years ago) link
I'm sorry that was a free kick in front of an open goal (and I am Tasmanian)
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Tuesday, 31 March 2020 08:58 (four years ago) link
28. Rooting is back on in VIC after Daniel Andrews realises that being in everyone's bedroom would result in a gathering of more than 2 people.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Wednesday, 1 April 2020 06:25 (four years ago) link
29. Every news parody website must contain a "Sydney lockout laws put in place for all this five years early" joke yarn
― Tokyo Ghetto Stüssy (King Boy Pato), Friday, 10 April 2020 13:35 (four years ago) link
30. Everything is now illegal and if it isn’t the police will make up a rule on the spot so they can still fine you.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Tuesday, 14 April 2020 03:54 (four years ago) link
[Editor's note: Ed was arrested shortly after this post.]
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Tuesday, 14 April 2020 05:30 (four years ago) link
Have to say the lockdown rules seem pretty random in Sydney. All the beaches in the eastern suburbs where I live have been closed, but I was delivering groceries to my mother today, 25 minutes' drive away in Mosman, and I thought I'd nip down to Balmoral Beach to see what the deal was there. Open. People not only swimming, but also sunbathing and eating their fish and chips on the sand.
― Zelda Zonk, Tuesday, 14 April 2020 05:39 (four years ago) link
31. No jab, no play; unless you play professional sportsball in which case you can be a thick as pigshit arsehole and still play sportsball.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Thursday, 7 May 2020 11:40 (four years ago) link
antivaxers are cockwombles
― karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 7 May 2020 12:12 (four years ago) link
32. install this app on your iphone, it doesn’t work but YOU will save australia
― karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 7 May 2020 12:13 (four years ago) link
unless it's an iPhone, in which case you have to have it running in the foreground and boop people on the nose with your phone in order for it to work
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Thursday, 7 May 2020 13:51 (four years ago) link
and stand next to them for 15 minutes
― karmic blowback for dissing pip and jane baker (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 7 May 2020 14:10 (four years ago) link
carrying a very large battery on my back for my iPhone is too much effort so I won't bother leaving the house
hey it works
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Monday, 11 May 2020 12:09 (four years ago) link
33. Clive Palmer Banned from WA
(Checks Freo House prices)
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Friday, 22 May 2020 05:45 (three years ago) link
34. Just a slight $60 billion error, champ
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Friday, 22 May 2020 13:36 (three years ago) link
35. Dictator Dan vs Autarch Annastacia
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Friday, 22 May 2020 13:38 (three years ago) link
36. it's cool bro Rugby League is back and it's going viral
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 28 May 2020 10:12 (three years ago) link
what's the haps?
― massage angry pixels (sic), Thursday, 28 May 2020 11:12 (three years ago) link
fen haps?
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 29 May 2020 04:22 (three years ago) link
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Friday, 29 May 2020 04:59 (three years ago) link
I would live in Freo in a heartbeat if it wasnt six jillion miles from everywhere else.
― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Friday, 29 May 2020 05:20 (three years ago) link
Almost for the nickname alone! Also the sun setting into the Indian Ocean is magic.
― an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Friday, 29 May 2020 05:55 (three years ago) link
Freo is beuwwwtiful.
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Friday, 29 May 2020 10:42 (three years ago) link
37. Protest against deaths of aboriginal people in custody and in solidarity fines for gatherings of over 20 people.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Friday, 5 June 2020 04:06 (three years ago) link
38. Join the fascist idiot parade - march unmolested.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Friday, 5 June 2020 04:07 (three years ago) link
39. Protests against indigenous deaths in custody may be allowed in particular circumstances (up to 500 people at a NRL game)
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Sunday, 7 June 2020 13:18 (three years ago) link
40. Peter Dutton’s wettest dream has come true; we’re all locked in till next winter.
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Thursday, 25 June 2020 12:49 (three years ago) link
41. Quarter of a billion dollars for arts recovery, if the artists are members of a billion-$ megachurch, run by your personal mentor, that systemically engages in fraud regarding their arts output
42. News getting bad? Further gut the national news reporter.
― an, uh, razor of love (sic), Thursday, 25 June 2020 18:40 (three years ago) link
43. Did everyone forget that Guy Sebastian is part of that Pentecostal cult/scam thing?
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Friday, 26 June 2020 23:57 (three years ago) link
More of a 41a there
― an, uh, razor of love (sic), Saturday, 27 June 2020 00:47 (three years ago) link
I suspect amateur productions of Jesus Christ superstar and Joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat in liberal electorates are going to be especially lavish this year.
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Saturday, 27 June 2020 04:28 (three years ago) link
44. Dictator Dan isn't enough of a Dictator he didn't Dictate the virus to go away what a terrible Dictator he is
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Friday, 3 July 2020 12:53 (three years ago) link
45. Live in a public housing block with limited lifts - house arrest. Live in a private housing block with limited lifts - limited lockdown.
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Saturday, 4 July 2020 21:16 (three years ago) link
46. You're the Opposition Leader in Victoria, what's your top priority? That's right: losing your shit because you got called 'champ' on Twitter. Imagine if you went to a Dan Murphy's.
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Wednesday, 8 July 2020 09:50 (three years ago) link
49. Large orders of KFC will be deemed suspicious.
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Friday, 10 July 2020 08:11 (three years ago) link
^ this one should stay tbh
― S-, Friday, 10 July 2020 09:37 (three years ago) link
50. Do not eat your KFC in a cupboard whilst not wearing a mask, VIC police are on to you.
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 03:54 (three years ago) link
https://i.imgur.com/1V3FJ5d.gif
― assert (MatthewK), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 04:21 (three years ago) link
colonel tent fucker
― THE LEFT (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 05:53 (three years ago) link
courtesy ZS / Karl
― assert (MatthewK), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 08:32 (three years ago) link
51. don't play pokemon52. don't play footy (except QLD)
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 08:36 (three years ago) link
53. the real victim is the economy54. protect the economy55. wah wah the fucken economy
― THE LEFT (Autumn Almanac), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 13:05 (three years ago) link
56. no lockdowns for New Sourh Wales even if everyone did go to that one pub.57. Oh shit everyone went to that pub ...
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 13:12 (three years ago) link
58.
pic.twitter.com/9c8tI0AeKB— Hyram Hackenbecker (@HHackenbecker) July 15, 2020
― bat ain't Thad (sic), Wednesday, 15 July 2020 22:30 (three years ago) link
59.
Love a good name and shame!! I don't care what ya done. Gimme a name so I can shame!!!!— fungbunger (@parsfarce) December 20, 2017
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Thursday, 30 July 2020 11:15 (three years ago) link
Racist media does a racist doxing, news at 11.
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Thursday, 30 July 2020 11:29 (three years ago) link
Gotta fuel racist Facebook posts somehow.
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Saturday, 1 August 2020 11:17 (three years ago) link
60. Behave yourself or Christmas is cancelled
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Tuesday, 11 August 2020 02:25 (three years ago) link
61. Matthew? What a Guy!
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Wednesday, 12 August 2020 03:12 (three years ago) link
c’est moi wait
― assert (MatthewK), Wednesday, 12 August 2020 08:44 (three years ago) link
62. The official anthem of know-nothing suburban COVID deniers? Of course it's one of Johnny Farnham's hits.
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Sunday, 20 September 2020 11:58 (three years ago) link
63. We want the vaccine!64. No, not that one!
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Wednesday, 13 January 2021 12:28 (three years ago) link
65. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I4dYYuT5wr0
― Vernon Locke, Sunday, 17 January 2021 22:24 (three years ago) link
66. All media must interview an whinging tennis player.
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Sunday, 17 January 2021 23:01 (three years ago) link
67. Well, it could be worse. Those tennis players could be from Sydney.
― Pre-Raphaelite Brah (King Boy Pato), Monday, 18 January 2021 09:27 (three years ago) link
68. No Vax till Novavax
― American Fear of Scampos (Ed), Thursday, 8 April 2021 10:52 (three years ago) link