should ilxors be tempbanned for taking their beefs to other social media? (twitter/fbook/myspace/etc)?

(table read my meaning right)

Any time I post something cool on ILX, treeship tweets about it.

Oh wait. That's lag∞n who does that.

no it's me

this whole thread is going on my shit_ilx_says account

I read sics post as only positive sarahell

I think sarahell is very thoughtful and does a great job

never really beefed with the ilxor in question thank god except one time I ended up calling them the "mayor mccheese of suicide" which I don't remember the specifics and probably regretful

im sorry but lol

literal irl lol

is there something you can be the "mayor mccheese" of that would not be lol tho? not to diminish matt's very well earned lol.

i mean tbh, i just went through any number of possibility in my head, it felt like i was trying to title a bunch of Prurient albums.

never really beefed with the ilxor in question thank god except one time I ended up calling them the "mayor mccheese of suicide" which I don't remember the specifics and probably regretful

― Blues Guitar Solo Heatmap (Free Download) (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, February 22, 2021 1:17 PM (eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

best thing i've read on here for a while. going on my tumblr

omg Prurient -- that reminds me of when Prurient was touring w/Merzbau a couple years ago, and I forget what the context was, but Merzbau blocked our friend s1nuba on twitter for ... I forget why ... but his comment was something like "Merzbau disapproved" and we spent like an hour making memes of random images and putting "Merzbau disapproved" on them.

This thread has become brilliant.

I'm the mayor mccheese of sleep

I'm the mayor mccheese of mis-spelling the names of prominent noise acts

merzbow mccheese

lol I was wondering if I needed to bump the Unnecessary Googleproofing thread ;)

nah s1nuba is a Scorpio ... they would search for their name and find this thread ... oh wait ...

speaking of which -- post your astrological sun / moon /rising sign and I will tell you what you are Mayor McCheese of ...

I ended up calling them the "mayor mccheese of suicide"

*Grimace*

omg ... !!!!!!

lol

should ilxors be banned for taking their all beef patties to social media

impossible burger tbh

Ouch, my mcribs

http://pics.me.me/thumb_i

http://i.imgur.com/EcXNqnR.png

Sad I missed Whiney's intrusion into the No Boys Allowed thread, even though I think that is poor form.

it actually did get commemorated:

Who are the self-clowning ovens of ILX?

there is this v troubling and uncomf pattern I have seen where when ppl try to patiently explain their transgressions to them or hold them accountable, they will derail it by switching to this facetious hyperbole thing of "well I GUESS I can't say ANYTHING then! I guess EVERYONE just HATES me!!!!!!!", it is incredibly manipulative

Yeah, that's pretty much just the pattern, afaict.

idk if it's facetious or if they are genuinely feeling that way but ... it definitely functions to make people feel shitty who confront them in a respectful manner

and it leads to compounding the amount of ... really, it's a pretty appropriate term here ... emotional labor ... required to broach the subject and not immediately back down or leave or ...

facetious is not the right word but when you scream "I GUESS I can't say ANYTHING", you know that you cannot in fact not say anything, there is a knowing dramatic exaggeration for effect

it's so incredibly childish!!

the answer there is "you CAN'T say ANYTHING, you can say MOST THINGS and there are a few things you CAN'T say and if you had been raised properly you would KNOW WHAT THOSE THINGS ARE"

fwiw admin log now saying ban is permanent

i would just like to say i'm very grateful to sarahell for documenting this moment in the self-clowning ovens thread.

the whole thing makes me sad, bcz they are incredibly smart and often have v insightful and unique and interesting things to say, but they are also capable of so much harm, and no amount of like gentle calling-in seems to have had any long-term effect on their behavior. like I so so so wish they could get to a place where they could accept criticism w/o such volatile reaction but as long as that is the case it does not seem like a v great environment for us OR them

i mean, i think they see gendered oppression everywhere they look. they read it into civil critiques offered by non-male, non-straight, non-cis ilxors -- everyone is an avatar of patriarchy. there is a degree of manipulation in this, for sure, but i also think they see the world like this, which is what makes me feel weird about the whole thing. it feels delusional.

yeah, sorry for semantic nit-picking -- I guess I try not to focus on trying to read said poster's mind or assuming anything about their intentions or thought process, but the effect on the people that they treat that way, and how you feel abused and manipulated ... like, that's the key thing. That it's a pattern, that it affects many people, that it's been brought to this poster's attention by numerous people, some of them friends (and now former friends), and things don't really change.

Like, you should be able to say respectfully: maybe you didn't intend to come across this way, but this feels abusive and I feel manipulated by the way you do x.
And the other poster should respond: Fuck! I don't want to be an asshole! I don't want to hurt you. I am sorry.

And not like you are obligated to just accept that at face value, but, the fact that there didn't appear to be any regret or empathy and only defensiveness and anger ... that is bad.

the whole thing makes me sad, bcz they are incredibly smart and often have v insightful and unique and interesting things to say, but they are also capable of so much harm, and no amount of like gentle calling-in seems to have had any long-term effect on their behavior.

otm!!!

The thing is that literally anyone on this board has some 'thing' they could point to as the reason they constantly behave badly if that person were of a mind to constantly behave badly, but an explanation is not an excuse. And it's not something people here do, by and large. We fuck up because we're humans who fuck up and, by and large, when we fuck up, we issue our mea culpas and try to make right rather than saying 'oh, this one thing about me is why I fucked up and why it's basically your shit to deal with rather than mine'.

Anyway.

the whole thing makes me sad, bcz they are incredibly smart and often have v insightful and unique and interesting things to say, but they are also capable of so much harm, and no amount of like gentle calling-in seems to have had any long-term effect on their behavior. like I so so so wish they could get to a place where they could accept criticism w/o such volatile reaction but as long as that is the case it does not seem like a v great environment for us OR them

― Warmed Regards, (Stevie D(eux)), Monday, February 22, 2021 8:22 PM (three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

yes, this is what it boils down to imo. like, lots of us have rough edges but most of us who do genuinely want to apologize for and change behavior that needlessly hurts other people (though lord knows for some of us it's not always easy). but this person hasn't shown any willingness to move in that direction at all, which over time creates an untenable situation.

xp They're on the record as saying that the only use for empathy is to keep men from physically abusing women. I was chilled to my core when I read that.

They are the only traumatised person in the entire world, the only one with mh issues. The only trans person. In fact they are the sole protagonist of the universe and other humans don’t actually exist, so don’t merit consideration.

As another poster said it’s a hell of a lot to continue putting up with narcissists at a time when everyone is looking for community and support. I had to have a grim chuckle at Neanderthal’s post upthread about a horrible incident being “the last straw”... “a few years back”! it clearly takes a lot to get to this stage & they have put the work in to get this ban

i miss mh ... did he quit ilx?

Just busy with work iirc

That corn won’t cob itself