This is the way the world ends, not with a bang but with a BOAT SEX party and the worst goddamn football you've ever seen! (Vikes 05 thread)

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Seriously. Why the fuck do I do this to myself?

Season ticket holder: 8 years.

At least I sold half of them this year cuz of a trip to France.

Channel 5 News found some bags of garbage last night that had names and addresses of hookers they flew in from Atlanta for the Minnetonka Wet n' Wild Sexx Pajama Jammy Jam.

Tice announced they are now switching BACK to a 4-3 from a 3-4 after already switching from a 4-3 to a 3-4 earlier in the year...YEP, I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY OUR DEFENSE LOOKS SO FUCKING CONFUSED ALL THE TIME, UNCLE FESTER.

Guh. ILNFL, Make me FEEL BETTER.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Saturday, 5 November 2005 02:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Antoine Winfield and Pat Williams deserve much better than the defensive coaches are giving them.

rogermexico (rogermexico), Saturday, 5 November 2005 04:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

boatse.jpg

rogermexico (rogermexico), Saturday, 5 November 2005 04:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Best thread title ever.

I do feel guilty for getting any perverse amusement out of it (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 5 November 2005 04:40 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

maybe they should trade for herschel walker?

mookieproof (mookieproof), Saturday, 5 November 2005 05:35 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

good idea mookie...our "braintrust" is on it, i'm sure.

So...spank the hapless Lions and prove that we can be the absolute shittiest teams in the league - BUT ONLY AT HOME, don't get crazy.....

Next week, Giant in Joizy will be our motherfuckin' waterloo....the spread should be Giants by 35 or something close to that.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Tuesday, 8 November 2005 22:35 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

man you know, i really actually hate to see the vikes like this, because even though i hate them i still like watching them when their offense was in full gear the past few years (starting with Randall at QB)

gear (gear), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 02:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Smoot is out for like 4 weeks. Thangs is getting ugly.....

...Channel 5 news found some garbage bags dumped at a construction site that had names and numbers of Atlanta strippers/alleged hookers...plus the remnants of some weed...turned it over to the cops...

conflicting reports on boatgate 05, but I kinda know this dude that works at the local sports talk station as a sub host, and he said word was that it was st8 up caligula....duante getting a BJ whilst the whole team cheered him on...mass group masturbation....dildos...the whole 9.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 10 November 2005 02:15 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I picked the Viks to beat the Lions. Detroit's record on the road in the last five years is something stupid like 3 and 30.

earlnash, Thursday, 10 November 2005 03:54 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

the Lions are just horrible.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Thursday, 10 November 2005 23:38 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Okay, guys, seriously, you get two nice turnovers in the first quarter on the road against a quality opponent and you come away with ZERO points???! wtf...jesus..man...this could get ugly.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 18:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I hope it does. I put 99 pts on the Giants in my pool this week.

Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 13 November 2005 20:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

But I'm getting worried. Fucking Eli.

Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 13 November 2005 20:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

holy crap are we going to actually WIN this??? wierd...

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 20:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

OH MY GOD...SHARPER...THIRD INTERCEPTION....holy crap, what is going on???

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:00 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

giants...first and ten...on the 3...minute and change to go....woah nailbiter.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

FUCK TIE GAME : (

jesus, man I KNEW not being able to convert on those first quarter turnovers was going to fucking haunt us....ug....

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:14 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

shit, though I thought we were going to lose by 30, so i should be happy we're even still in this, but goddamn it man we've had a ton of chances to slam the door shut on this game....sooo typical vikings...unbelievable....

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:15 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

holy shit! 10 seconds left..am i on acid/??>????>

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:24 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I HATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATEHATE the Vikings so much!

Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:25 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

dude...seriously....how the fuck did this happen....we had zero offense....

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

HOLY SHIT VIKINGS

Dan (You Baffle Me) Perry (Dan Perry), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:33 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Has there ever been a more completely unpredictable sports organization in human history?

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Not in recent history, that's for sure.

Johnny Fever (johnny fever), Sunday, 13 November 2005 21:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

hahaha

j blount (papa la bas), Sunday, 13 November 2005 23:16 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

um, what's the big deal? An underdog beat a favorite. *shrug* you guys act like you've never watched the NFL before.

Stormy Davis (diamond), Monday, 14 November 2005 03:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Say one thing, at least the Viks picked the right vet to be their backup QB, not that Brad Johnson did much other than not screw up. Not screwing up and winning the game still should be commended!

earlnash, Monday, 14 November 2005 03:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I blame Dan Perry for all of this.

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 14 November 2005 17:45 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

you should blame that punk eli

j blount (papa la bas), Monday, 14 November 2005 18:10 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

you should blame that punk eli"

Manning didn't have a good game and deserves some blame. The Giant recievers let him down quite a few times with drops and two of the picks came on tips from the reciever swinging and missing on the pass.

Eli also didn't allow a punt and kickoff to be returned for touchdowns.

The Giants played a total shit game and the Minnesota D had a great game.

earlnash, Monday, 14 November 2005 18:29 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Eli also didn't let Brad Johnson march teh Vikes down the field with a minute left in the game.

Stormy Davis (diamond), Monday, 14 November 2005 18:41 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

that long downfield 3rd down toss to Plaxico in the third quarter was a dumb move, that's a first-down play, you need a high-percentage pass in that situation.

gear (gear), Monday, 14 November 2005 19:54 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Yeah there were waaaaaay too many dropped balls yesterday, and the Giants D all seemed hung over or something, I don't even know what they were doing on special teams. It was like #18 on the Vikes was the invisible man or something, none of them seemed to notice he existed until he was 20 yards down the field, scoring.

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 14 November 2005 22:15 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

You have to give the big lunk head coach some credit, they are at .500 10 games into the season and the Vikings are not really good at anything. Criminy...they have been out scored by over 70 points this year and are still 5-5!

earlnash, Tuesday, 22 November 2005 16:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Is anyone else kind of boggling at the fact that the Vikings are doing their damnedest to salvage this season?

Dan (Poor Fellated Daunte) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 December 2005 18:23 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

They're in a three-way tie for the last wild card spot. HOW?

Current Mood: Embarrassing Christian Laettner (Matt Chesnut), Monday, 5 December 2005 18:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Tice is giving players more $$$ for their Superbowl tickets this year!

David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Also: Koren Robinson going from Seattle fuckwit to Twin City Mini-Moss.

David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 5 December 2005 19:40 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

We screwed Seattle with waiver wire pickups this year: Robinson and Kluwe.

That fucking hit on Kluwe pissed me off, what a cheap shot.

You can spend yr whole life studying them and never understand the Vikings. They are a riddle.

Tho, there's no way I'm getting so gassed up as to think that this team is FOR REAL....shit, we almost let the Lions sneak back into winning that game until that last INT....we'll get rolled in the playoffs, if we even make it.

Still, it's nice to see them playing good defense for the first time since the late 80s.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:05 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Also, pre-game show has seriously (!! wtf) Tice as Coach of the Year talk! never thought I'd see that this year...

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 5 December 2005 20:08 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Keep in mind Boomer Esiason was saying those nice things about Mike Tice and both played football at Maryland.

earlnash, Monday, 5 December 2005 21:14 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

8-5!

I have to figure Brad Johnson is probably working on a one year contract, if this is the case, he is going to get a big raise in the off season either from the Vikings or some other club.

Earl Nash (earlnash), Monday, 12 December 2005 03:53 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

So where does Daunte go from here?

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 12 December 2005 15:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

DA RAIDERS

David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 12 December 2005 15:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I can't see the Vikings letting Daunte go, especially not for a 37-year-old stopgap guy (if that's what you're insinuating, Ally). This isn't some Blesdoe / Brady torch-passing thing. I hope - the Vikings would be stupid like Millen to even think of trading DC, unless they get some sort of offer to balance the bad karma they acquired in the Herschel Walker trade.

Ha - maybe they can get a #1 from a crap team & draft Leinart??!?! Where's ML slated to go in the draft this year? (I'm hoping this inquiry will smoke out ILNFL's Mel Kiper Jr.)

David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 12 December 2005 17:25 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

i'm guessing leinart goes in the 6-10 range. a total guess. but the top two picks SHOULD BE bush and d'brickashaw.

Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Monday, 12 December 2005 17:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

scott wright (who?) has leinart going SECOND to the titans.

Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Monday, 12 December 2005 17:38 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

No, I'm hardly insinuating that insomuch as I'm insinuating people seem to be a little...disappointed...by Culpepper, esp as he's been completely shown up by, wait for it, a 37-year-old stopgap guy.

Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Monday, 12 December 2005 17:52 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know how much Johnson has to do with it really...the only thing I really see that he's done is hold onto the ball and not turn it over.

Our offense is pretty weak.

this comeback has been entirely about the improved play of the defense.

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Tuesday, 13 December 2005 22:42 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Yeah, Matt OTM; this is the first time in... 25 years? that the Vikings defense hasn't been embarrassing.

None of this will stop me from saying "poor fellated Daunte" every chance I can get.

Dan (Shame) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 16:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

In that case, it sounds more like "poor Beatrice" to me; but I may be confusing my quarterbacks and my epic poets again.

Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 19:16 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

They were 15-1 a few years ago, so the defense couldn't have been too bad (I have almost no memory of that Vikes team, though).

MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 19:57 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

That was the year that they scored 80000000000000000 points per game!

Dan (Grrr Stupid Field Goal) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 14 December 2005 20:05 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Poor fellated Daunte!

Dan (Hope The Bozack Bath Was Worth It) Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 December 2005 00:17 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

That was the year that they scored 80000000000000000 points per game!

http://www.pro-football-reference.com/years/1998.htm

They also allowed the 3rd fewest points in the NFC.

MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 16 December 2005 00:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

well, I guess this is what happens when you play a good team! you lose!

M@tt He1geson (Matt Helgeson), Monday, 19 December 2005 21:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

could this year actually be worse???

M@tt He1ges0n, Monday, 24 September 2007 23:51 (eleven years ago) Permalink

Every year without a sex boat is a wasted year.

rogermexico., Tuesday, 25 September 2007 01:39 (eleven years ago) Permalink

five years pass...

Bump

lucille baller (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 23 September 2013 14:13 (five years ago) Permalink

lol this thread hadn't been bumped in six years before today? I still remember the title like it was last week.

Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 23 September 2013 14:16 (five years ago) Permalink

hope this next game doesn't cause strife in the djp household

mookieproof, Monday, 23 September 2013 14:24 (five years ago) Permalink

I went to the Dome for the game.

What a shitshow.

Ponder is terrible.

lucille baller (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Monday, 23 September 2013 14:31 (five years ago) Permalink

http://usatthebiglead.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/sweet-pea-and-friends.jpg

NFL partying is now on land via a bus in which a stripper named "Sweet Pea" busts a bottle over your kick returners head.

earlnash, Tuesday, 24 September 2013 00:05 (five years ago) Permalink

Mckinnie was a major player in both. On the boat sex party he was the one went down on the stripper in the middle of the party

lucille baller (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 24 September 2013 17:20 (five years ago) Permalink

two years pass...

why god why take Teddy from us???????????

Pull your head on out your hippy haze (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 30 August 2016 21:20 (two years ago) Permalink

Mike Zimmer on Teddy Bridgewater playing this season: "It doesn't look good right now." He said he has confidence in Shaun Hill.

nomar, Tuesday, 30 August 2016 21:26 (two years ago) Permalink


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.