Tom Brady Can Suck My Dick

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(sorry for making a ned-like joke up there)
(also, don't fuck mike vick, he is not so clean)

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:33 (twenty years ago)

i really have no problem with ppl favoring Brady, i mean whose dick is the press going to suck if not the guy who just won three superbowls? besides yours. and seriously, he's pretty good. he's one of the winningest QBs in recent history and he actually seems like one of the least dislikeable QBs around, it makes perfect sense to me that ppl would have so much invested in the guy.

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:33 (twenty years ago)

if Grossman goes down and Blake leads the bears to the championship, i would ~~fuck~~ hug him

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:34 (twenty years ago)

in my mind there is no greater red herring in sports than "he wins championships." like this whole reggie bush thing that's being trotted out: no #1 draft pick running back has won the super bowl. well, okay! but that says NOTHING about the quality of the backs (admittedly outside of earl campbell it's not a great list but let's move on). now qbs do have a unique space in the sports world of being in large control of a game (or half a game), but even this varies by team (some qbs on the short leash, others, like peyton-me-with-rouge get to scratch button hooks in the imaginary dirt). good players get stuck on bad teams and bad players luck out on good teams. where's the brain surgery here? all of that said, brady is a VERY GOOD quarterback. there is no question about that. and because brady and manning run in dramatically different offenses comparing passing numbers etc doesn't really work as a measuring stick either. rather, it's about efficiancy: td/int, 3rd down conversions, etc. and while i'm sure the football outsider folks have concocted a VORP-like metric for this, i'm gonna use qb rating (which is very flawed but i'm feeling lazy). and so, here you go. career ratings for manning and brady:

manning: 93.5
brady: 88.5

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT MANNING IS FIVE BETTER OF SOMETHING OR OTHER

for the record i would fuck leftwhich. something about those west virginia chubbies.

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:34 (twenty years ago)

the guy you really don't want to fuck is kordell stewart

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:35 (twenty years ago)

i'm thinking kurt warner would be a very grateful lover

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:36 (twenty years ago)

oh and i would suck michael vick dry. i'd also let marcus slap me around a little bit (tho i'm too old for him).

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:36 (twenty years ago)

marcus is like that dude in kids, he's a man with a plan

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:37 (twenty years ago)

bledsoe would be the type to grab the back of yr head while yr shallow-throating his meager cock. total asshole. (also, bledsoe is all sack no shaft. i guarantee it!) (peyton: small shaft, small sack) (eli: his nuts haven't descended yet) (mcnabb: ALL BALLS)

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:37 (twenty years ago)

kordell would cry after sex, i think he'd be a sensitive lover

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:38 (twenty years ago)

JARED LORENZEN

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:38 (twenty years ago)

did yall read that groupie's book that said shaq has a small dick? CRAZY. it's like getting a date w/ angelina jolie only to find out she has fucking cold sores!

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:40 (twenty years ago)

kerry collins: flaccid
roethlisberger: thin
hasselbeck: "average"
jeff garcia: shaved
testaverde: you do the math

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:40 (twenty years ago)

i can't argue with any of those! nice eye, gear!

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:41 (twenty years ago)

http://espn-i.starwave.com/media/apphoto/MIPS10411301943.jpg

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:42 (twenty years ago)

J.LO!

bledsoe just lies there - we all know this. kordell's crying before and during too i bet. garcia looks like an old canadian whore there, like you'd pick up in alberta, a 'frontier whore'.

― j blount (papa la bas), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:43 (twenty years ago)

plummer: can't get it up
warner: too hairy
pennington: a nub
jp losman: hangs too far to the right

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:44 (twenty years ago)

eli: soft, shapeless
daunte: padded out
carson palmer: jealous of kitna, is all i'm saying
chris simms: two peas
bledsoe: argues that 4 inches is "avg"

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:46 (twenty years ago)

orton: surprisingly useful until somebody better comes along
grossman: HIS NAME IS GROSS MAN

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:47 (twenty years ago)

This isn't exactly how I hoped this thread would go.

WTF does the QB rating even mean? It seems like some kind of mystical number, I mean isn't a perfect rating something like 187.3 or whatever? I mean wtf kind of "perfect rating" is it when it involves decimals and odd numbers?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:47 (twenty years ago)

kitna totally does have the vibe of a man smug in both his eternal resting place and how big his cock will be when he gets there

david carr: hung

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:48 (twenty years ago)

favre: would everyone want to suck his dick week in, week out, if they knew the truth?
delhomme: jake the worm
brunell: limp
bulger: yeah right

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:49 (twenty years ago)

drew brees: hold deez

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:51 (twenty years ago)

qb ratings explained: http://www.nfl.com/news/981202qbrate.html

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:51 (twenty years ago)

This isn't exactly how I hoped this thread would go.

even with this title?!?!???!?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 19:54 (twenty years ago)

aaron brooks: the only sack he's ever had is on a football field
alex smith: #1 pick, #32 dick
plummer: as funny looking as his 'stache

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:01 (twenty years ago)

jeff garcia's one of those really skinny guys, like lance reddick on the Wire, who have huge dongs and never gain weight. i'm convinced that garcia has the biggest schwanz in the national football league, and i have procured photographic evidence as such:NSFW

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:22 (twenty years ago)

This isn't rocket science: Brady was the only consistently healthy star on a playoff-bound team. Some people will always love the "one man show" MVP argument, see: Kevin Garnett every year.

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:25 (twenty years ago)

would you fuck jeff blake?

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:26 (twenty years ago)

What about Tony Blake?

plus: 3 RINGS.

Plus: receeding hairline

massive x-post.

― Jimmy Mod (I myself am lethal at 100 -110dB) (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:31 (twenty years ago)

Plus: receeding hairline

AHA -- origins of the Terry Bradshaw comparison REVEALED!

― NoTimeBeforeTime (Barry Bruner), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 20:36 (twenty years ago)

plaxico is hella overrated.

actually, maybe roethlisberger should be mvp, as the steelers inexplicably completely fall apart in every way when he doesn't play.

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:18 (twenty years ago)

Well, when Roethlisberger doesn't play, it's a lot less fun, you know? And the guys, like, they like a lot of fun, they like to have a good time, throw around the ball, have some fun. You know?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:33 (twenty years ago)

it may have something to do with the gravity of his enormous head

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:43 (twenty years ago)

http://benroethlisberger.typepad.com/roethlisberger/images/zeus1.jpg

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 3 January 2006 21:48 (twenty years ago)

I love that picture.

This thread scares th' hell outta me.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 00:49 (twenty years ago)

Ryan Leaf fucked me in the ass and stole my wallet after he was done.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 07:55 (twenty years ago)

Zeus should have his own Fat Head.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:44 (twenty years ago)

I figured out last night my problem with Brady. Every time I see him, I imagine him in a striped shirt with a flipped up collar, drinking Jager Bombs and telling his friends he's thinking of buying a boat this year.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 15:45 (twenty years ago)

You must've seen his Visa commercial.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:29 (twenty years ago)

BTW, Big Ben is pimping for Fathead. DOWNGRADE.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:29 (twenty years ago)

Yeah but his commercial is so weird, when he talks to the camera in that high pitched lispy voice imploring for all the viewers to purchase him...it's a little "special."

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:36 (twenty years ago)

They shd make a play for TO. Fathead, that is.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:43 (twenty years ago)

so does Shaq seriously lack equipment or is it just in proportion to the rest of his body?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 16:52 (twenty years ago)

http://espn.starwave.com/i/magazine/new/brady_eli.jpg

Is Tom Brady going to Halloween as:
a) House, MD
b) the guy from the Killers
c) James Spader
?

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:22 (twenty years ago)

brady also strikes me as less fratdouche as a TON of other qbs in the league!!! or maybe he's one of the good ones. or something. god :'(

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:26 (twenty years ago)

Who are these tons of qbs! There aren't tons of qbs in the league! Unless you guys have a lot of info about 3 stringers or something.

― Allyzay must fight Zolton herself. (allyzay), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:29 (twenty years ago)

EVERY WHITE GUY BASICALLY

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:33 (twenty years ago)

who is under 30

― I GUARONTEE ::cajun voice:: (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:33 (twenty years ago)

Joey Harrington.

― David R. (popshots75`), Wednesday, 4 January 2006 17:56 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 123 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

i'm obviously biased but i'd be more interested in seeing what brady could do with taylor and rice.

― otto midnight (otto midnight), Wednesday, 15 November 2006 17:28 (nineteen years ago)

haha "st bernard"

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Wednesday, 15 November 2006 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

I assumed Brady's shoulder was just made-up by BB to fuck w/the injury report some more, but if it's for real I guess it would explain why he sucks so much right now. their lack of a passrush is killing them though, yeah - amazing run D, but the front 3 isn't getting thru to the QB (seau is a great blitzer but sux in coverage, same story for vrabel and rosy), I mean Jake Plummer had one of his best games against them FFS.

― get yr coat luv uve jes bin pulld (Adrian Langston), Thursday, 16 November 2006 00:52 (nineteen years ago)

i wonder if testaverde gets a flutie-style sendoff at the end of the season

― get yr coat luv uve jes bin pulld (Adrian Langston), Thursday, 16 November 2006 00:53 (nineteen years ago)

LOL!! Finally the Football Gods are their taking revenge on Bill for what he did to the Browns.

― Ice Cream Electric (Ice Cream Electric), Thursday, 16 November 2006 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

Haha Jake Plummer why u the epitome of terrible.

― Allyzay Eisenschefter (allyzay), Thursday, 16 November 2006 03:31 (nineteen years ago)

one year passes...

http://withleather.uproxx.com/?p=10113

or he can suck a-rod's dick instead lol!

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Thursday, 2 October 2008 21:13 (seventeen years ago)

oh WithLeatherpaws

― David R., Thursday, 2 October 2008 22:23 (seventeen years ago)

two weeks pass...

I dunno why this took me literally years to figure out but Tom Brady is actually Drimble Wedge. Of Drimble Wedge and The Vegetations.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 21 October 2008 04:00 (seventeen years ago)

did the OP get edited? i dont remember that thing about his voter registration

― ಥ﹏ಥ (cankles), Tuesday, 21 October 2008 04:22 (seventeen years ago)

I have my sympathies with registering unaffiliated in fact..

― claudia schefter (daria-g), Tuesday, 21 October 2008 04:26 (seventeen years ago)

what are you talking about

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 21 October 2008 16:53 (seventeen years ago)

ayo schef

Sunday, October 19, 2008 6:23 PM Site and what has been permanently banned from I Love NFL.
Sunday, October 19, 2008 6:23 PM Site and what has been permanently banned from I Love NFL.

what's goin on wit this

― ಥ﹏ಥ (cankles), Tuesday, 21 October 2008 17:25 (seventeen years ago)

no interest in allowing someone coming onto the board posting things that have nothing to do with the threads at hand just to be a shit? i'm not the mod that was deleting his posts.

also fucking e-mail me/other mods privately from this point on on this subject because that has fuck all to do with this thread. only warning!

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 21 October 2008 18:48 (seventeen years ago)

also WAHT are you two talkin about seriously

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Tuesday, 21 October 2008 18:49 (seventeen years ago)

thirteen years pass...

rip

― mookieproof, Saturday, 29 January 2022 19:42 (four years ago)

times sure change

― Mr. Snrub, Sunday, 30 January 2022 20:03 (four years ago)

Had to retire to give the other guys a chance.

― TO BE A JAZZ SINGER YOU HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SCAT (Jazzbo), Saturday, 5 February 2022 00:33 (four years ago)

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