bill simmons IS bill simmons IN the book of BASKETBALL

i was disappointed that there wasn't more about the basketball game, but yeah

yeah wow

occasionally, he's still got it in a way no one else does:

It's not about watching your team win the Cup as much as that moment when you wake up thinking, In 12 hours, I might watch my team win the Cup. It's about sitting in the same chair for Game 5 because that chair worked for you in Game 3 and Game 4, and somehow, this has to mean something. It's about using a urinal between periods, realizing that you're peeing on a Devils card, then eventually realizing that some evil genius placed Devils cards in every single urinal. It's about leaning out of a window to yell at people wearing the same jersey as you, and it's about noticing an airport security guy staring at your Celtics jersey and knowing he'll say, "You think they win tonight?" before he does. It's about being an NBA fan but avoiding this year's Western Conference finals because you still can't believe they ripped your team away, and it's about crying after that same series because you can't believe your little unassuming city might win the title. It's about posing for pictures before a Stanley Cup clincher, then regretting after the fact that you did. It's about two strangers watching you cry at a stoplight. It's black and white, but it's not.

the car accident bit was super otm too, it even felt like that at home, just weird numbing shock at what lebron did

Then I remembered something. Sports is a metaphor for life.

*thinks deeply, cries at a childs pain*

wow simmons really likes this "mike and the mad dog" show that i had never heard of until about a month ago.

#SNRUB

big reveal that francessa at least brought up w/ simmons abt replacing dog -- wouldve been crazy, francessas pop culture references are like gary cooper & john wayne

francesca is the fucking worst

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iFhZSy2Cno

and the true masterpiece of awfulness:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bfdc8n93Mfs

i do not think this word means what you think it means xp

i first had the francesa experience when he was a studio commentator for college basketball (cbs? espn?) sometime in the 90s. i recall him being totally clueless yet you could tell that under the surface he was just waiting for an excuse to start screaming JOHNNIES, BABY

the lawr of fungibility

i mean im not gonna really defend him, hes a clown in a lot of ways, but if you dont think hes better than every single espn talking head pti around the horn personality than i just dont know

based on my limited experience of such matters, that is quite a low bar

i think the question is more why any of them have jobs when we have so many sports geniuses here on ilx (srsly). it isn't because they're good-looking.

i mean im not gonna really defend him, hes a clown in a lot of ways, but if you dont think hes better than every single espn talking head pti around the horn personality than i just dont know

― johnny crunch, Wednesday, July 11, 2012 1:06 AM (46 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I think they at least have some knuckleheads on ESPN who wouldn't have the shamelessness to attempt what Francesa does in the Albuquerque clip.

like skip bayless?

that fungibility clip is just priceless i really recommend watching the whole thing for anyone on the fence

xxp oh hes undeniably v pompous & will never admit hes wrong or doesnt know something - i guess if that is the major/only criteria 4 u then by all means enjoy tim cowlishaw

pretty sure this is one of the few things that i have no interest in reading an oral history of

Someone should do an oral history of oral histories

http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2012/0720/NBA_thrones_g_mp_576.jpg

What does an offseason when 29 franchises take aim at NBA royalty have to do with a mythical land of swords and dragons? Well, everything. Bill Simmons explains. Part 1| Part 2

man, these last few columns have been dreadful...the Game of Thrones gimmick is stupid (I didn't like it when he did it for the Wire either, yet another show that he originally vowed he'd never watch then later wouldn't shut up about it), and his latest about how LaDainian Tomlinson's real legacy is going to be his fantasy numbers is just embarrassing, hey I like fantasy football too, but come on

And he's slowed down to like one column per month for some reason. Probably saving his strength for when football arrives.

no teams from Boston are active atm

plus he has an empire to oversee.

zing xp

he doesn't care about anything but the nba tbh

there was like half a day last week where there were zero baseball stories on the front page of grantland. this is the middle of baseball season, and it was all football, basketball, olympics, and pop culture

if the bruins are good Simmons remembers that he's a hockey expert

What Frank Ocean, Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace, and Passion Pit's Michael Angelakos Have in Common
Today 4:30 PM ET

Man, sports journalism will never be the same

if the bruins are good Simmons remembers that he's a hockey expert

his piece about attending a (los angeles) kings game during the nba lockout was pvmic in how it started out about hockey, sort of, but was actually another of his endless missives about how the nba should work ("can we do this?")

it's on a par with wilbon, who when with the wapo apparently felt obligated to write a column about the caps every year or so. they invariably compared ovechkin to mj, of course.

What Frank Ocean, Against Me!'s Laura Jane Grace, and Passion Pit's Michael Angelakos Have in Common

i like reading this headline as if the three of them have hidden things in common's body

imao 'i put a fork in there' --laura jane grace

haha

tbf the gaslight anthem piece was otm

http://espn.go.com/espnradio/play?id=8247505

jay caspian king = http://lh3.ggpht.com/-oIqKUvbCGAA/SqKcFEmo_8I/AAAAAAAABhw/i8_J7fcyj60/buffy_wb_081_wwwhqparadisehu.jpg

andrew from the trio

*kang

If scientists could create basketball-playing robots from scratch and were asked to create someone to play with Pau Gasol, Kobe Bryant and Nash, basically, they would create Dwight Howard: a ridiculously strong shot blocker/rebounder who can run the floor and doesn't need the ball to be happy.

smh

WINNER: Steve Nash Went from playing with 11 bench guys on a lottery team to playing with Dwight Howard, Pau Gasol and Kobe Bryant on a title favorite. Remember SNL's "Orgasm Guy" sketches with Rob Schneider? I think that was Steve Nash this morning when he woke up and found out about this trade.

HA! The king of references does it again!

obviously some hyperbole there but how can you say Dwight isn't a ridiculous fit for this team

Remember SNL's "Orgasm Guy" sketches with Rob Schneider?

embarrassed for my generation

obviously some hyperbole there but how can you say Dwight isn't a ridiculous fit for this team

― frogbs, Saturday, August 11, 2012 11:25 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"doesn't need the ball to be happy" is just pure wrongness

Dwight needs candy to be happy, not the ball iirc

Howard touched the ball only six times on offense in the fourth quarter, with one of those coming from his own offensive rebound. Despite Orlando’s 99-94 win over the Bucks, Howard made it clear that this is not the role he wants. “I do want the ball more in the fourth quarter,” a frustrated Howard said. “I want to become a closer. The only way you get there is by getting the ball and have coach have the confidence in giving me the ball. That’s how Kobe (Bryant) and the rest of the great fourth-quarter players got that way. It’s trial and error. When Kobe first got in the league, it took him a while to become the killer he is in the fourth quarter now. That’s because he went through that phase where he had to learn what shots to take and just get confidence in taking shots in the fourth quarter.”

“That’s one thing that I want for myself, so I can become the guy who finishes games for my team. I want to be that guy whose team wants him to close games out for them. Coach just needs to have confidence in me … Just run plays through me, so I can be comfortable in being the guy and have confidence in getting the ball late in the game and scoring,” Howard said. “That’s what I’m worth. I want to be that guy who controls games. As a kid, that’s what you dream about in the NBA, taking that shot. I want to do that. I’m the leader of the team. Ride my back. I’ll lead. I don’t care if I miss every single shot, I’m going to continue to play hard. Just get on my back. That’s why they call me Superman.”

Though I guess if he wants to shoot in the fourth quarter he should learn to shoot.

matt offtm. It's not like Howard wanted to chuck threes like Bynum. He'll be fine. He wants to play inside out basketball, and if he can develop that ability the Lakers will be even tougher.

What he really needs to work on is ft shooting though. Bynum is a much better shooter in general.

he wants to play inside out basketball, i.e. he wants the ball in his hands.

but according to BSimm he's totally cool being Joakim Noah or something

up late writing his fungibility thesis

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAONQyJWC-8