in every rpg ever

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1. dress in the guards' uniforms to pass unnoticed through the enemy lair

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (diamonddave85), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 23:58 (eleven years ago) link

2. talk to every single person in every single town

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (diamonddave85), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 23:58 (eleven years ago) link

3. Skeleton warriors with none of their clothing left but somehow still wearing helmets

tiniest homeless (jjjusten), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 00:00 (eleven years ago) link

4. thieves guild
5. thinly veiled harem

bnw, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 00:21 (eleven years ago) link

6. numbers going up

f (Lamp), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 00:29 (eleven years ago) link

7. walk in peoples houses, break everything & steal their shit

ばか ざっぴ (zappi), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 01:47 (eleven years ago) link

8. Fireball spell

tiniest homeless (jjjusten), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 02:03 (eleven years ago) link

9. Old men are wise and powerful instead of needy and incontinent

you, your max is on fire (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 02:40 (eleven years ago) link

10. (i)nventory

hot slag (lukas), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 02:56 (eleven years ago) link

11. oh, trust me, you don't want to go there yet, and also conveniently, you can't

12. at least one spell sounds really cool but just doesn't do all that much damage, you keep using it anyway out of faith, or the conviction that you must be doing something wrong

13. one really annoying "comedy" party member

14. "Dragon's Mail? What? Speak up, sonny! I can't make DRAGON'S MAIL unless you bring me something to help with my earwax buildup!"

15. deeply buried option sub-menu full of weird configuration shit you have never fucked with no matter hours you sink into the game

16. inventory contains 3 healing potions, 1 flaming sword, and 999 full suits of cardboard armor formerly belonging to low-level enemies

17. exactly one real-world feature which is obsessively modeled in the game (gravity, day and night cycles, garment repair); everything else is still illogical and arbitrary, but oddly, this one thing turns out to be crucial in about half of the puzzles

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 07:50 (eleven years ago) link

18. "I was playing with my puppy when it ran off into the mountains! Will you help me find him?"
19. "Huh? What's going on?" "Wake up! The castle is under attack!"
20. * * MASSIVE EARTHQUAKE * *
21. You do not have the Genie
22. Never-ending maze.

besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:25 (eleven years ago) link

23. Mediaeval society somehow more enlightened than modern day Church of England re: employment equality for all genders, races, and species.

ledge, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:28 (eleven years ago) link

24. badness of bad guys correlates neatly with geographical inaccessability

A fat, shit, jittery fraud of a messageboard poster (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:33 (eleven years ago) link

25. A point at which your character/party levels up to the point where the exciting challenge of battle evaporates entirely and each confrontation from then on becomes a repetitive chore which you force yourself to undertake again and again until you reach the game's endpoint or you run out of patience and smash the disc with a hammer.

bizarro gazzara, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:37 (eleven years ago) link

26. Shopkeepers who make you pay for weapons and armour, despite the fact you're trying to stop the whole world being destroyed.

Black Rod, Jane, and Freddy (snoball), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:39 (eleven years ago) link

27. random encounters with low level bandits who keep jumping out and trying to rob you, even though your party is tooled up like a branch of Halfords.

Black Rod, Jane, and Freddy (snoball), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:41 (eleven years ago) link

- also true of Steven Seagal movies where you'd think the last guys in the mob that attacks him wd give it up after he's crippled the first 3 or 4

A fat, shit, jittery fraud of a messageboard poster (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:45 (eleven years ago) link

28. in RPGs with powers that are either 'good' or 'evil', levelling up in the 'evil' powers makes no difference at all, because the 'good' or 'evil' ending is chosen at some very obvious point late in the game.

Black Rod, Jane, and Freddy (snoball), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:47 (eleven years ago) link

(and has nothing at all to do with your balance of 'good'/'evil' powers)

Black Rod, Jane, and Freddy (snoball), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 11:48 (eleven years ago) link

29. "Could it be you are the chosen one?" "Could it be you are the one the prophecies foretold?"

you, your max is on fire (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 13:25 (eleven years ago) link

18. "I was playing with my puppy when it ran off into the mountains! Will you help me find him?"

This brought back some dark memories

you, your max is on fire (flamboyant goon tie included), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 13:27 (eleven years ago) link

2. talk to every single person in every single town

― ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (diamonddave85), Tuesday, December 18, 2012 6:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is why i can't play RPGs any more, no patience for this shit

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 14:02 (eleven years ago) link

30. holy shit the big boss is appearing super early in the game! wait, he has like a million hit points. oh shit, he killed us, better reload—wait, that was SUPPOSED to happen??

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 14:03 (eleven years ago) link

31. somehow every town i stumble across in my rambles has shops that sell progressively better and more expensive equipment. gentrification??

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 14:04 (eleven years ago) link

32. Rats

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 14:05 (eleven years ago) link

33. Thanks for helping! I can give either you this fire sword which is good against trolls, or this ice sword which is good against spiders. You have no idea whether the next area will be all trolls or all spiders. Now choose!

JimD, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 14:24 (eleven years ago) link

34. Your entire party has been captured and thrown in jail. All of your weapons and armor have been placed in treasure chests which have been arbitrarily scattered throughout the jail.

xanthanguar (cwkiii), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 15:14 (eleven years ago) link

TBH that's not totally unrealistic

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 15:16 (eleven years ago) link

35. Cool this frog I killed was carrying some gold

Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 15:16 (eleven years ago) link

don't go there

frogbs, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 15:18 (eleven years ago) link

36. Finally, I got a thing that lets me go anywhere I want! Oh... but I've already gone everywhere. EXCEPT THAT PLACE! SUPER SECRET!

Thwartstop (Will M.), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 17:47 (eleven years ago) link

I remember this sweet Genesis RPG called Rings of Power that allowed you to fight any NPC you encountered if they weren't important to the story. Kill too many and soon the whole town turns against you. Thats kind of unprecendented for 1993 or whatever it was.

frogbs, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 17:52 (eleven years ago) link

Rings of Power was the complete and utter bomb

Captain Humberbantz (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 18:05 (eleven years ago) link

I'm not lying when I say I remember there being a Soccer role-playing game for the NES, am I?

NINO CARTER, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 18:06 (eleven years ago) link

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tecmo_Cup_Soccer_Game

xanthanguar (cwkiii), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 18:10 (eleven years ago) link

xxxp I used to kill the NPCs in Ultima: Exodus. All you had to kill was one and the town guards would start hunting you down, though.

xanthanguar (cwkiii), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 18:14 (eleven years ago) link

19. "Huh? What's going on?" "Wake up! The castle is under attack!"

dying at this for some reason

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 18:16 (eleven years ago) link

37. That really creepy dude advising the King who you hate and want to beat up but the game won't let you? Turns out he was a bad guy all along.

Captain Humberbantz (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 18:36 (eleven years ago) link

38. You are either from the most stable, prosperous heart of the kingdom, where the king leaves the castle gates open all day and the shopkeepers offer ridiculously cheap prices, or from the scruffy border town that just got brutally crushed as part of the rebellion.

Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 19 December 2012 18:44 (eleven years ago) link

39. incredible dilemma that threatens the world: only 1-4 people are willing to actively fight to stop it

"reading specialist" (Z S), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 22:36 (eleven years ago) link

40. every 20 minutes your character speaks in tongues and is therefore saved

"reading specialist" (Z S), Wednesday, 19 December 2012 22:37 (eleven years ago) link

41. occasionally you can get more information from someone by speaking to them again, but usually they just give you an annoyed response telling you to bother someone else

NINO CARTER, Thursday, 20 December 2012 00:22 (eleven years ago) link

42. seriously that's your evil plan? you're going to destroy the world? where will you live, fuckbrain?

Captain Humberbantz (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 20 December 2012 00:32 (eleven years ago) link

43. Fool! My interdimensional being of pure evil/love object and i will UNITE AS ONE IMMORTAL BEING

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 20 December 2012 01:10 (eleven years ago) link

44. Treasure hidden behind a waterfall

besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Thursday, 20 December 2012 12:13 (eleven years ago) link

45. "Would you like to hear what I said again Y/N?"

besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Thursday, 20 December 2012 12:13 (eleven years ago) link

46. "There used to be a well in this village, but now it's all dried up"

besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Thursday, 20 December 2012 12:15 (eleven years ago) link

47. travelling to the top of a mountain, you get this sinking feeling that the only thing at the top is a boss encounter.

I saw three shi*s come sailing in... (snoball), Thursday, 20 December 2012 12:20 (eleven years ago) link

I used to live for this game when I was a kid: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defenders_of_Oasis it was amazing.

besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Thursday, 20 December 2012 12:26 (eleven years ago) link

48. You get separated from your party/best friend and you rejoin at a later date, with everyone stronger and wiser

Spectrum, Thursday, 20 December 2012 15:00 (eleven years ago) link

49. pointless weapons/armour/items/mana draining battle with the evil character's main henchman.

I saw three shi*s come sailing in... (snoball), Thursday, 20 December 2012 15:04 (eleven years ago) link

50. End of game Boss drains you down to 1% of your life force with his first blow. You then have to do a clever thing that manages to boost you into super killer mode.

besides Sunny Real Estate (dog latin), Thursday, 20 December 2012 15:05 (eleven years ago) link

51. Some dude who's been self obsessed with his own crazy theory for aeons, is amazingly talked out of it in 2 seconds by yourself just because you have a high enough speech level.

These are my every day balloons (Ste), Thursday, 20 December 2012 15:49 (eleven years ago) link

Sadly, it rarely works out that way ILX.

Doctor Casino, Thursday, 20 December 2012 15:51 (eleven years ago) link

52. potions

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (diamonddave85), Friday, 21 December 2012 17:39 (eleven years ago) link

I just realized it's a little odd that every time you encounter a critter in the forest you have to FIGHT TO THE DEATH

frogbs, Friday, 21 December 2012 17:44 (eleven years ago) link

lol

53. Just 'running away' is never an option.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tIJzsF8mn9I

I saw three shi*s come sailing in... (snoball), Friday, 21 December 2012 18:06 (eleven years ago) link

54. we have to get to the castle IMMEDIATELY before the wizard completes his SPELL to DESTROY THE KINGDOM unless obv you wanna spend six months in the mountains killing ice spiders, training's important too

difficult listening hour, Friday, 21 December 2012 18:22 (eleven years ago) link

hahahah yeah totally, love how exactly at whatever moment it is that you're done killing ice spiders and start sneaking through the sewers to the wizard's castle is the exact moment that the long ritual begins

Doctor Casino, Friday, 21 December 2012 18:38 (eleven years ago) link

55. some skill that you haven't bothered levelling up in at all because it didn't seem to be any use turns out to be essential for completing the game

I saw three shi*s come sailing in... (snoball), Friday, 21 December 2012 19:43 (eleven years ago) link

56. coolest NPC on the whole motherfucking planet, with amazing stats and unique abilities, joins your party for one short, on-rails sequence that culminates in his/her death, not before he/she realizes he/she was wrong about you all along, and provides a crucial piece of information/password/quest item

Doctor Casino, Friday, 21 December 2012 20:12 (eleven years ago) link

57. at least one dungeon takes 4 months to beat

tell the kids it's 卵 (clouds), Saturday, 22 December 2012 05:24 (eleven years ago) link

god damned motherfucking marsh cave

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 22 December 2012 05:24 (eleven years ago) link

58. "That final boss battle was much easier than I anticipated!" ~moo hoo hoo ah ha~ *final boss morphs into his True Form, has 666hp*

Clay, Saturday, 22 December 2012 07:15 (eleven years ago) link

59. the sequel may or may not contain any of the characters w/ which you grew to love from the last game — apart from vague legends abt their struggles mentioned in passing, or dubious fan-fiction retcons written by nerds.

tell the kids it's 卵 (clouds), Saturday, 22 December 2012 14:16 (eleven years ago) link

60. Every one in your home town is surprisingly well-informed on the world's general down-turn, the old prophecy of a hero that would save the world from darkness, the legendary magic sword, and the rumors about the emperor suggesting he has become eccentric and melancholy. Oddly, the next town you visit couldn't care less about any of these things; everyone there is all business except the little girl looking for her dog.

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 22 December 2012 14:40 (eleven years ago) link

61. After kicking shit out of everyone in a friendly town, you can return a few days later and all is forgiven.

These are my every day balloons (Ste), Saturday, 22 December 2012 20:59 (eleven years ago) link

2. talk to every single person in every single town

― ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) (diamonddave85), Tuesday, December 18, 2012 6:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is why i can't play RPGs any more, no patience for this shit

Are there any rpgs that can somehow influence the player so that, for instance, they can walk into a room full of containers and the player will NOT feel like they have to explore every single one.
I would love to see a game that could enforce this sort of behaviour. Akin to not having to talk to every single bugger in the game too.

These are my every day balloons (Ste), Saturday, 22 December 2012 21:05 (eleven years ago) link

Skyrim kind of manages that actually, by filling every sack and barrel with carrots or potatoes. Still takes a good few hours to stop thinking "but maybe this will be the one with magic dragonscale armour instead" but eventually it sinks in and you stop looking.

JimD, Saturday, 22 December 2012 21:12 (eleven years ago) link

interesting. Another way I was thinking was to actually fill containers with the obvious items that they would contain. ie fridges don't normally contain cash.

These are my every day balloons (Ste), Saturday, 22 December 2012 21:18 (eleven years ago) link

(but that sounds pretty much what skyrim was aiming for doesn't it)

These are my every day balloons (Ste), Saturday, 22 December 2012 21:19 (eleven years ago) link

RPGs have nothing on beat-em-ups for moronic object/container match-ups (punch a trash can to bits, find inside...a single, perfect hamburger) but yeah, the obsession with opening things is terrible. I haven't played a lot of new games but I sort of figure old ones have an edge here because so much less of the world was interactive in the first place.

But yeah, it'd be cool to do an RPG set in a world that actually contained no chests or cabinets or end-tables in the peasant's hut. All items reach you in some other way than opening things and searching for them.

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 22 December 2012 22:25 (eleven years ago) link

62. Except for two cows and/or sheep sometimes seen at the periphery of towns, the entire animal kingdom seems to consist of apex predators. This oddity may or may not be explained as a sign of how out-of-balance the world is becoming in these troubled times.

Doctor Casino, Friday, 28 December 2012 15:47 (eleven years ago) link

crushing poverty for first 1/2 of the game, carrying around the nation's GDP for the 2nd

goole, Wednesday, 9 January 2013 20:00 (eleven years ago) link

^^^ yes! Going from 'hours of wandering around with only just enough resources to get by' to 'more weapons/armour/spells and shit than you will ever need' in about ten minutes.

scattered to the nine vectors (snoball), Wednesday, 9 January 2013 20:08 (eleven years ago) link

(although not an RPG, Minecraft suffers from that big style)

scattered to the nine vectors (snoball), Wednesday, 9 January 2013 20:09 (eleven years ago) link

its basically an rpg, it has swords

"Iron" (Will M.), Wednesday, 9 January 2013 20:27 (eleven years ago) link

three months pass...

63. mana

diamonddave85, Friday, 3 May 2013 23:26 (eleven years ago) link

64. female party member is healer/sorceress/love interest

65. forced stealth section despite having slaughtered everything in sight a minute ago

chilli, Saturday, 4 May 2013 00:21 (eleven years ago) link

66. cutesy integration of game programmers - or alternately their pets/kids/love interests - as NPCs, forest animals, dolls you can try to win at a carnival game, etc.

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 4 May 2013 00:56 (eleven years ago) link

67. Dickwolves

Studied keyboard mash (tsrobodo), Saturday, 4 May 2013 01:22 (eleven years ago) link

68. sub-boss tough enemy becomes routine mook later on

goole, Saturday, 4 May 2013 02:22 (eleven years ago) link

68a. ...with garish palette-swap and synonymous name.

Doctor Casino, Saturday, 4 May 2013 02:29 (eleven years ago) link

that's great

clouds, Saturday, 4 May 2013 02:36 (eleven years ago) link

69. boss is obviously dead in the battle mode, but comes back to life afterwards for some dialogue ("i can't believe you beat me" etc)

chilli, Saturday, 4 May 2013 03:59 (eleven years ago) link

70 boss kills the hell out of you in battle mode, then same

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Sunday, 5 May 2013 11:12 (eleven years ago) link

71 fight to top of castle/tower/floating castle/floating tower, defeat placeholder boss and find magical barrier on bottom floor now allows you to go down to the eight floors of basement and fight important plot boss / defeat important plot boss and find magical barrier on bottom floor now allows you to go down to the etc and fight surprise even more important plot boss

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Sunday, 5 May 2013 11:14 (eleven years ago) link

72 strangely absent good guy mentioned in early scenes is final boss

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Sunday, 5 May 2013 11:15 (eleven years ago) link

73 final boss kills god

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Sunday, 5 May 2013 11:15 (eleven years ago) link

74 final boss is god

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Sunday, 5 May 2013 11:15 (eleven years ago) link

75 sewers

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Sunday, 5 May 2013 20:37 (eleven years ago) link

76. you wait too long to return to the peaceful town that teased a side-quest for much later in the game; it's been blasted off the face of the earth by the final boss

Doctor Casino, Sunday, 5 May 2013 20:46 (eleven years ago) link

(I gave up entirely on FF9 because at some point I skimmed a walkthrough to solve some particular problem, and discovered I'd missed dozens of side quests, none of which could now be attempted because of event x, y or z.)

Doctor Casino, Sunday, 5 May 2013 20:48 (eleven years ago) link

i kind of like that as a thing tbh

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Sunday, 5 May 2013 21:53 (eleven years ago) link

it adds replay value for sure

clouds, Sunday, 5 May 2013 21:56 (eleven years ago) link

It's fine up to a point, but when the quests are poorly-telegraphed it just means the first play is harder and less rich than it could be. Just seems punitive.

Doctor Casino, Sunday, 5 May 2013 22:26 (eleven years ago) link

all this is making me want to play chrono trigger again

clouds, Sunday, 5 May 2013 22:54 (eleven years ago) link

25. A point at which your character/party levels up to the point where the exciting challenge of battle evaporates entirely and each confrontation from then on becomes a repetitive chore which you force yourself to undertake again and again until you reach the game's endpoint or you run out of patience and smash the disc with a hammer.
― bizarro gazzara, Wednesday, 19 December 2012

^^^ skyrim after level 40

xxxp I used to kill the NPCs in Ultima: Exodus. All you had to kill was one and the town guards would start hunting you down, though.
― xanthanguar (cwkiii), Wednesday, December 19, 2012 1:14 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e55P2XF38O0

am0n, Monday, 6 May 2013 06:32 (eleven years ago) link

77. At least one or two traps from this grim series of books

http://www.flyingbuffalo.com/gifs/grimtooth4.jpg

Elvis Telecom, Wednesday, 15 May 2013 21:41 (eleven years ago) link

one year passes...

78. mithril

diamonddave85​ (diamonddave85), Thursday, 30 April 2015 14:30 (nine years ago) link

eight years pass...

looking for some youtube actual play videos of RPGs that go a bit off the beaten path? toon is the one that comes to mind.

suggestions of both games and channels that gravitate towards that kind of stuff appreciated

Daniel_Rf, Saturday, 18 November 2023 11:03 (seven months ago) link

Undertale is a game that goes off the beaten path in a creative way.

octobeard, Saturday, 18 November 2023 20:24 (seven months ago) link

Where are the Paranoia actual plays?

il lavoro mi rovina la giornata (PBKR), Sunday, 19 November 2023 02:24 (seven months ago) link


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