stalker online: weird-ass shitpile eastern euro mmo

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http://i.imgur.com/kWhsj.jpg

me and my gamin broskies have been playin this

its basically a game equivalent of that joke in borat where he says #1 sport in his country is everyone gathers in big field and shoots a dog

some russian guy walks up to you, holds you up at gun point, and forces you to join his clan. they make you join russian equivalent of vent and you get in there and everyone's speaking high speed russian with their moms screaming in background and laughing at you whenever you say anything in english

http://i.imgur.com/87cPb.png

entire game client in cyrillic, almost none of the russian players speak english, but some of the hungarians do, and they'll help you out

the russians call any english speaker 'pindos':

http://www.languagehat.com/archives/002639.php

you run around shooting dogs and cutting off their heads to sell for rubles, and you're always just barely scraping by

it's not an official stalker license at all yet it uses a F2P cash shop (not a vital component of the game, people mostly just buy stupid camos with it from what i can tell)

you can shoot any other player outside the starting Hub, and most nrussians just want to gun you down. getting out of the hub is the game's big speedbump, your there and its full of guys in high powered equipment shooting the shit out of dogs with rifles and you hear dogs wailing constantly and gunshot, but once you get past it its cool

the dude on the left "MyaMap" came onto the turf i was grinding on and started talking to me:

http://i.imgur.com/xd0E2.jpg

when he demanded what I can only assume is money, I had to kill him

http://i.imgur.com/9WBq1.jpg

then he "whispered" something to me(the text in red) and it can only be a curse

http://i.imgur.com/afbrv.jpg

you have to make friends with tiny number of english speakers and stick together to survive The Zone. the maps are incredibly huge and there's a lot of exploration and discovery

sometimes you run into really cool english speaking russians who scream 420!!!!! when they see your name and talk about how much they hate the world

http://i.imgur.com/2aNU5.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/m1Yig.png

if you want to try something different and cool google stalker online, download the game client (~3 gig install), then sign up for an account on the forum, then when you're account is active then activate your game account within your forum account. you have to do all of this on the russian site, it doesnt work on english site

you cant really add 'buddies' in the game but i play with the name PindosScumbag (and a few others) and we can stalk together if u want

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Saturday, 4 February 2012 23:38 (eight years ago) link

XD

i will see u later. (am0n), Saturday, 4 February 2012 23:43 (eight years ago) link

lol at 'Geave mi mani' - I hope you took MyaMap's sweet looking sniper rifle

you know that I've been crunk a thousand times (snoball), Saturday, 4 February 2012 23:48 (eight years ago) link

ive been temporarily banned for having a char named FuckRussia

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, 5 February 2012 00:18 (eight years ago) link

wow. this sounds crazy.

Roberto Spiralli, Sunday, 5 February 2012 00:36 (eight years ago) link

brilliant

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Sunday, 5 February 2012 00:56 (eight years ago) link

awesome

lag∞n, Sunday, 5 February 2012 00:59 (eight years ago) link

i was about to ask what you "do" but i don't really get mmos

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:00 (eight years ago) link

its been explained, u kill dogs

lag∞n, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:01 (eight years ago) link

i mean other than kill people who maybe ask you for mani

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:01 (eight years ago) link

and dogs

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:01 (eight years ago) link

but what do the dogs kill??

Lamp, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:01 (eight years ago) link

in soviet russia dogs kill u lolololol

lag∞n, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:02 (eight years ago) link

postsoviet russia dawg

Lamp, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:03 (eight years ago) link

at last a true to life poverty/organized crime simulator

Roberto Spiralli, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:04 (eight years ago) link

the zone is def in soviet know yr tarkovsky dawg

lag∞n, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:05 (eight years ago) link

im not in the zone

Lamp, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:06 (eight years ago) link

this looks incredible

Euler, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:09 (eight years ago) link

omg

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:31 (eight years ago) link

i was about to ask what you "do" but i don't really get mmos

― Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Saturday, February 4, 2012 8:00 PM (21 minutes ago) Bookmark

a lot of it is exploration in huge, dangerous environments. at first it doesnt really have Stalkerfeel cuz you're surrounded by so many people, but once you get out in the zone with just a handful of your buds, looking for abandoned buildings to loot and increasingly large dogs to kill for their increasingly large heads, and you're getting irradiated and avoiding anomalies and other players who might PK you at the drop of a dime, it's actually pretty harrowing and creepy

there are quests but you're not completing them unless you speak russian. there's a few quests in the starting area you can figure out, kill 3 rats type stuff, but after that good luck

as a game it's a pile of shit, to be honest, but also faintly compelling

the english language client is supposed to be coming in the next month or so but we'll see

i think this is the only STALKER thread, which is funny

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:32 (eight years ago) link

tarkovsky's stalker

Lamp, Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:38 (eight years ago) link

wow

tebow gotti (k3vin k.), Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:41 (eight years ago) link

i mean the real S.T.A.L.K.E.R.~

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, 5 February 2012 01:43 (eight years ago) link

pretty sure this post is closer to what games journalism should be than what is called games journalism right now

Alderaan Duran (Will M.), Sunday, 5 February 2012 02:42 (eight years ago) link

the first post is really great. i have no idea why yr actually playing this however, but im glad you did.

zverotic discourse (jim in glasgow), Sunday, 5 February 2012 02:46 (eight years ago) link

holy shit this sounds amazing

Mordy, Sunday, 5 February 2012 02:51 (eight years ago) link

(not the game which sounds really weird, but your experience in it)

Mordy, Sunday, 5 February 2012 02:52 (eight years ago) link

credit has to go to my buddy bonerguy for some of these pics & descriptions, he also discovered the game in the first place, i dont even know how

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, 5 February 2012 03:00 (eight years ago) link

*how he found it

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, 5 February 2012 03:00 (eight years ago) link

kind of knew this was gonna be a cankles thread

"bruh" is the black bro (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 5 February 2012 03:10 (eight years ago) link

I mean maybe he just googled stalker mmo and found it? I mean we all go to google and type in our wishes sometimes

mh, Sunday, 5 February 2012 04:41 (eight years ago) link

also I cracked up because when the screenshot russian guy said "How in general have you found this game" I knew he was asking whether you like the game, not how it was located

people who do not speak English as a primary language really do tend to phrase things in certain ways

mh, Sunday, 5 February 2012 04:43 (eight years ago) link

should voted for this coint and plick imo

"bruh" is the black bro (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 5 February 2012 05:04 (eight years ago) link

clearly you need to accept a last minute ballot from B O N E R G U Y forks

Alderaan Duran (Will M.), Sunday, 5 February 2012 05:32 (eight years ago) link

coint and plick 2012

i will totally play this fucking game if i can make it work btw, this could be my deadly premonition mmo experience

Thu'um gang (jjjusten), Sunday, 5 February 2012 07:04 (eight years ago) link

there is no way this is mac compatible who am i kidding

goddamnit someone sell me a 7 year old netbook so i can pwn these russian fools

Thu'um gang (jjjusten), Sunday, 5 February 2012 07:07 (eight years ago) link

http://i.imgur.com/bxm24.jpg

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, 5 February 2012 07:56 (eight years ago) link

why do people tlak abt "mac compatible" in a post-bootcamp world i wonder (my macbook recently exploded tho so i can't actually check if you cna use bootcamp to do, uh, anything)

Alderaan Duran (Will M.), Sunday, 5 February 2012 09:20 (eight years ago) link

cos us mac users are massive ninnies who find booting into PC mode still a massive hardship

posting cozen stail (cozen), Sunday, 5 February 2012 10:08 (eight years ago) link

fack beatches get mani

i will see u later. (am0n), Sunday, 5 February 2012 10:26 (eight years ago) link

lol

tebow gotti (k3vin k.), Sunday, 5 February 2012 15:44 (eight years ago) link

this thread is so scifi, i love it

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Sunday, 5 February 2012 17:04 (eight years ago) link

i love the idea that everyone is just scraping by haha

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Sunday, 5 February 2012 17:05 (eight years ago) link

like that is such a russian thing

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Sunday, 5 February 2012 17:05 (eight years ago) link

"You'll believe a man can shoot a dog"

"bruh" is the black bro (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 5 February 2012 17:12 (eight years ago) link

i love the idea that everyone is just scraping by haha

― the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Sunday, February 5, 2012 12:05 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

like that is such a russian thing

― the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Sunday, February 5, 2012 12:05 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

i was reading the english forums and a polish guy was complaining that he's too poor for the planned P2P move, and some eastern european guy butts in like YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT POOR??? and a big argument ensued

Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Sunday, 5 February 2012 19:13 (eight years ago) link

haha ya, the idea though that they're all super-poor in the game though... you can't make that up, its so out of a cyberpunk novel

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Sunday, 5 February 2012 21:43 (eight years ago) link

wish i could join the ilxor resistance but i'm also an osx prole. keep me updated on the game though, the op was hilarious

chilli, Sunday, 5 February 2012 23:20 (eight years ago) link

i wish i played video games because this sounds awesome

⚓ (gr8080), Sunday, 5 February 2012 23:29 (eight years ago) link

weird internet video game subcultures are pretty much the best thing

mh, Sunday, 5 February 2012 23:35 (eight years ago) link

After glancing at the first pic and reading the thread title, I assumed this was a MMO adaptation of the Tarkovsky movie Stalker.

adolf jingle bells (latebloomer), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 10:00 (eight years ago) link

there seems to be some connecksh no?

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 15:26 (eight years ago) link

about the original game this mmo thing is inspired by:

The background and some terminology of the game ("The Zone", "Stalker") is borrowed from the popular science fiction novella Roadside Picnic by Boris and Arkady Strugatsky and the 1979 Andrei Tarkovsky film Stalker that was loosely based on it, as well as Stalker, the film's subsequent novelization by the original authors.

valleys of your mind (mh), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 15:31 (eight years ago) link

that's what i figured

they should have called it roadside picnic tho imo

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 15:36 (eight years ago) link

as well as Stalker, the film's subsequent novelization by the original authors.

oh, i didn't now this was a thing?

the third kind of dubstep (Jordan), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 15:48 (eight years ago) link

me neither!

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 15:56 (eight years ago) link

have you guys not played S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl? its easily the best game of the last 5 years

RudolfHitlerFtw (Hungry4Ass), Thursday, 9 February 2012 06:15 (eight years ago) link

one month passes...

geave mi mani

been to lots of college and twitter (k3vin k.), Friday, 16 March 2012 03:02 (eight years ago) link

eight months pass...

how's this goin?

goole, Wednesday, 28 November 2012 20:20 (seven years ago) link

two years pass...

geave mi mani

μpright mammal (mh), Friday, 6 November 2015 02:03 (four years ago) link

ive been temporarily banned for having a char named FuckRussia

― Assmaster (Hungry4Ass), Saturday, February 4, 2012 7:18 PM (3 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

johnny crunch, Friday, 6 November 2015 03:13 (four years ago) link

thx for the revive this is good

pizza rolls are a food that exists (silby), Saturday, 7 November 2015 04:07 (four years ago) link

I think of this thread, often

μpright mammal (mh), Saturday, 7 November 2015 05:50 (four years ago) link

four years pass...

looks like there’s a version of this on steam now?

https://store.steampowered.com/app/1180380/Stay_Out/

EARLY ACCESS REVIEW POSTED: JUNE 12
this is to most ♥♥♥♥ game I have ever played, I just wasted 2 hours of my life. I want a refund 2 hours back to my life. I am gonna go and take a quick one and letting the anger out.

EARLY ACCESS REVIEW POSTED: JUNE 12
bear killed me in the sea

JoeStork, Saturday, 13 June 2020 20:49 (three months ago) link

"increasingly large dogs to kill for their increasingly large heads"

jmm, Saturday, 13 June 2020 21:24 (three months ago) link

i can't believe i never saw this thread before!

Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 13 June 2020 21:33 (three months ago) link

"The Hungarians will help you out" is my favourite gaming tip ever.

jmm, Saturday, 13 June 2020 21:38 (three months ago) link

"Geave mi mani" is part of our permanent household vocabulary now and has been for a few years. It's what my son says any time I ask him to pop to the shop for us.

JimD, Monday, 15 June 2020 09:31 (three months ago) link

i figure cankles just transferred his entire digital life here instead

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Monday, 15 June 2020 14:42 (three months ago) link

"Geave mi mani" is part of our permanent household vocabulary now and has been for a few years. It's what my son says any time I ask him to pop to the shop for us.


also entered the standard lexicon for me and my brother.

Fizzles, Tuesday, 16 June 2020 04:32 (three months ago) link


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