The Witcher -- violence, sex, and alchemy as part of your daily balanced breakfast

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Anyone tried this yet? It's not bad, in the beginning, at least. The censored American version doesn't have the nipples, but the humping is still there.

Also, for some reason, I keep thinking the hero is Skwisgaar Skwigelf(from Dethklok), except that he's norweigan, whereas the dude in the game is of E.European extraction.

At any rate, you have it all: dank, gothic environments; violent, well-executed swordplay, and whores 'n' titties.

kingfish, Monday, 5 November 2007 08:12 (twelve years ago) link

And another thing, if you fuck a dryad, do you get splinters in your dilznick?

I mean, there's gotta be a million jokes you can make about "smelly bogs" and all that, but still...

kingfish, Monday, 5 November 2007 08:35 (twelve years ago) link

i've never heard of this game... that video is really fucked up. is the whole game that, uhh, "adult"?

Will M., Monday, 5 November 2007 16:46 (twelve years ago) link

Nah, it's just from some polish gamedevs, who really wanted to take a crack at a dark rpg game.

it's kinda neat, so far.

kingfish, Tuesday, 6 November 2007 00:43 (twelve years ago) link

the crashy crashy shit is annoying, tho

kingfish, Tuesday, 6 November 2007 06:18 (twelve years ago) link

http://www.gametrailers.com/player/26579.html

bit more vid, gives you an idea of the vibe & the writing

kingfish, Tuesday, 6 November 2007 07:50 (twelve years ago) link

seven months pass...

Got an updated card, can play this now. Apparently, the gamedev house is released an "enhanced edition" in september, which boosts up a lot of shit and takes care of everything else.

Also, harkening back to anime fandom of the 90s, online fans of the game are sharing the original(?) polish voice-acting files, along with upgraded/rewritten subtitles. Can't be any worse than the half-assed English release so far.

kingfish, Saturday, 14 June 2008 08:18 (eleven years ago) link

I like this game, including the bits where you can gamble on and participate in bare-knuckle fights in taverns, like Philo Beddo.

kingfish, Wednesday, 18 June 2008 03:52 (eleven years ago) link

Switching between polish and american language tracks, I find that the polish voice actors better represent the characters, but the language is too rough. Japanese would be fine, but I switched back to the american track, which is your standard mix of American and various English accents.

kingfish, Sunday, 22 June 2008 03:36 (eleven years ago) link

one year passes...

so this is pretty badasss~~~ killing some undead in the STRONG STYLE

lol my friend gave me the two books this is based on and instead of a synopsis or w/e the back is just like "inspiration for the critically acclaimed video game"

(Σx)² (Lamp), Wednesday, 22 July 2009 05:47 (ten years ago) link

one year passes...

The way they're rolling out Witcher 2 is pretty awesome - you can preorder on gog, and if you buy in europe and pay 15 extra or whatever they give you a credit based on how much you overpaid compared to the us version

Onigaga (Princess TamTam), Friday, 19 November 2010 20:59 (nine years ago) link

five months pass...

i got high and ordered this from amazon? i've never played it! i read exciting INTRICATE INTERCONNECTED PLOT STRANDS things. plus it was like $5.

difficult listening hour, Wednesday, 11 May 2011 19:56 (eight years ago) link

'better than expected' is a shitty compliment but this was way more fun 2 play than i had anticpated it being

funperson (Lamp), Thursday, 12 May 2011 23:14 (eight years ago) link

this is awesome -- had no idea the spirit of '97 was still alive. being able to switch between over-the-shoulder WoW mode and isometric planescape mode made me giddy. plus it is a noir! with a compelling shadowy morally tumultuous plot! a little lolzy with its dialogue sometimes, especially when it's being Adult (like, before the first hour of gameplay was up i'd had sex with a sorceress in fishnets who afterwards told me not to say goodbye because "you don't want to see a sorceress cry") but that's okay. i have the ENHANCED EDITION and it came with a MAP, i could hardly believe it, although it still just crammed like six discs on top of each other onto one plastic spindle. here's what's wrong with capitalism: as video games made more money, their packaging got worse.

difficult listening hour, Wednesday, 18 May 2011 23:13 (eight years ago) link

also i am a big morrowind fan but this game's alchemy system is simultaneously deeper and easier. but then morrowind's alchemy system is admittedly no fun at all.

difficult listening hour, Wednesday, 18 May 2011 23:18 (eight years ago) link

this game is better than most movies.

difficult listening hour, Monday, 23 May 2011 04:18 (eight years ago) link

i feel like ill have to upgrade my pc just to play witcher 2 but gd do i want 2 play witcher 2

ᵉ( ᷅ʷɣʷ)ᵊ (Lamp), Monday, 23 May 2011 23:18 (eight years ago) link

Stop that, stop that right now

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Monday, 23 May 2011 23:35 (eight years ago) link

I started playing the 1st one again and like it a lot more with 1) a faster computer and 2) the add-on where you can play it in its original russian with english subs. Fits the atmosphere of the game a lot better and makes the character seem that much more alien and weird. any option like that on witcher 2?

You Get Hoynes (bnw), Saturday, 28 May 2011 15:49 (eight years ago) link

i think the original language is polish, isn't it? but i'm playing in russian too, because the english voice acting isn't great and i thought it might help my russian. the english subtitles leave a lot of things out, but i can only understand half of the excess.

difficult listening hour, Saturday, 28 May 2011 15:58 (eight years ago) link

anyway, this game should not be played in english because one of the things that makes it so great is how eastern european the world is. monsters like rusalki and koschei, orthodox-looking priests, lots of references to the secret police. "they wore long grey coats over their armor and thought they had fooled me," a girl in the game said to me in her apartment, "but i learned to spot their kind in university." later we had sex, of course.

difficult listening hour, Saturday, 28 May 2011 16:07 (eight years ago) link

Watched a bit of this last night. Very cool game. Definitely gotta watch it in Polish.

polyphonic, Saturday, 28 May 2011 16:57 (eight years ago) link

I played the original w/ Polish audio and I couldn't do so for too long. Something about the language and vocal direction made it way too harsh or coarse to listen to, and so I had to switch back to English. I wonder if Russian would go down smoother.

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Saturday, 28 May 2011 19:15 (eight years ago) link

one year passes...

Being trying to play Witcher 2 but I just can't get into it. The story is ... convoluted. And sort of boring. Does it get any better?

Jeff, Saturday, 14 July 2012 10:57 (seven years ago) link

I gave up pretty early. The gameplay seemed way too complicated to translate to console, and the English version of the dialog was pretty bad.

polyphonic, Saturday, 14 July 2012 19:44 (seven years ago) link

three months pass...

under 20 bucks for the 360 version. I went for it but am still heavily ensconced in tokyo jungle, xcom and dark souls, so....

let's have sex and then throw pottery (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 21 October 2012 22:04 (seven years ago) link

Tried 2 again today. Not worth it. There are just too many game mechanics with the mutagens, oils, potions, skill tree, magic spells. The controls are difficult. The story/cut scenes take forever and makes no sense. Selling it.

Jeff, Saturday, 3 November 2012 21:06 (seven years ago) link

I got distracted from this. I enjoy the universe and vibe of the game, so maybe I'll come back to over Christmas.

the max in the high castle (kingfish), Saturday, 3 November 2012 21:21 (seven years ago) link

20 bucks?? i thought this was on the regularly-less-than-a-fiver stratum of videogames

set the controls for the heart of the congos (thomp), Saturday, 3 November 2012 21:49 (seven years ago) link

two months pass...

i bought this. and played through the prologue on hard and then restarted and played through it on easy because i figured the combat was never going to be interesting or fun enough to warrant the extra investment in time.

attempt to look intentionally nerdy, awkward or (thomp), Sunday, 20 January 2013 19:58 (six years ago) link

one month passes...

hey somebody give me a good critical review of this plzzz

feel like i'd love a good technical non-dumb rpg but if this sucks i don't want to be disappointed

goole, Friday, 22 February 2013 20:21 (six years ago) link

W1 or W2? Witcher 2 has been described by everybody as being far more playable

The New Jack Mormons! (kingfish), Saturday, 23 February 2013 10:45 (six years ago) link

i loved witcher 1, didn't like the 360 version of witcher 2 (for technical reasons) but people love the pc version and i could see why.

it is dumb and grim and dark and grim.

adam, Sunday, 24 February 2013 02:36 (six years ago) link

witcher 2 takes awhile to get going. it has maybe the worst prologue i have ever seen. a ton of dialogue and random game mechanics that have nothing to do with the game. spends a lot more time on boring backstory then showing you how to play.

its good enough that i am still playing but

- quests that you can either google or spend 6 hours trying to solve are bullshit
- the target lock system of fighting makes fighting vs groups stupidly difficult
- no fast travel gets really old really fast i.e. you end up running the same path probably 20 times per "chapter".

if you like dragon age games, you'll probably be on its level.

bnw, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 21:19 (six years ago) link

hmm thx for the responses everybody but i think i'll pass

i'm kind of burned out on engrossing but mechanically/narratively frustrating rpgs (read: rpgs) right now

goole, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 21:25 (six years ago) link

two months pass...

n e 1 played witcher 1 enhanced edition? i know i can't run 2 on my lolmacbook but apparently i meet the specs for 1. the one for mac is a wineskin which i didn't realize steam was in the habit of selling

am0n, Friday, 24 May 2013 20:45 (six years ago) link

ok

joe bogus (am0n), Friday, 31 May 2013 14:54 (six years ago) link

i loved witcher 1 for a while but never finished it. lots of hokey problems and i set the voice acting to russian so the performances wouldn't bother me as much, but if you're into classic late-90s rpgs (fallout, torment, etc) it's an acceptable substitute. i still love the corrupt decaying slavic fantasy world even if some of its Look! Racism! moments are heavyhanded, and i dig the idea of your being a professional monster-hunter in an age when the really dangerous monsters are less slavering-fangs-in-the-woods and more well-dressed-diplomats-at-parties. be sure to download the TITTIES PATCH (it does other things too, i guess): http://witcher.wikia.com/wiki/The_Witcher:_Enhanced_Edition_Director%27s_Cut

the white queen and her caustic judgments (difficult listening hour), Friday, 31 May 2013 15:09 (six years ago) link

combat is diablo with one extra mechanic, so dumb fun until it isn't.

the white queen and her caustic judgments (difficult listening hour), Friday, 31 May 2013 15:19 (six years ago) link

lol ( @ Y @ ) patch. did you play 2 at all

joe bogus (am0n), Friday, 31 May 2013 15:51 (six years ago) link

i did not.

looking upthread i found a post of mine that sums up why w1 was hard to resist for me:

"they wore long grey coats over their armor and thought they had fooled me," a girl said to me in her apartment, "but i learned to spot their kind in university." later we had sex, of course.

the white queen and her caustic judgments (difficult listening hour), Friday, 31 May 2013 15:54 (six years ago) link

haha. i'm not sure whether that makes me want to play it more or less

Nhex, Friday, 31 May 2013 18:10 (six years ago) link

Tried playing 1 in Polish, but the language was so harsh I didn't enjoy it. Didn't try Russian.

Hockey Drunk (kingfish), Friday, 31 May 2013 18:22 (six years ago) link

i might go back and try the polish trick.

what got me was, i put it in hard so the combat wasn't trivial, but it was not-trivial in such a boring way i wished i'd put it on easy so i could basically skip it

the bitcoin comic (thomp), Saturday, 1 June 2013 22:12 (six years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A2bDHd-nUM

am0n, Tuesday, 11 June 2013 19:32 (six years ago) link

uh wait thats not even the trailer

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpcjUkG2FI4

am0n, Tuesday, 11 June 2013 19:36 (six years ago) link

$3.39 on steam

am0n, Saturday, 15 June 2013 20:15 (six years ago) link

so witcher 1 sux. o well.

am0n, Monday, 17 June 2013 17:14 (six years ago) link

fiddly tactical gritty fantasy rpg seems like it wd be right up my alley but i couldn't get thru the tutorial areas of this. looks really labored and unenjoyable.

goole, Monday, 17 June 2013 17:27 (six years ago) link

witcher 2 i mean

silly ass intro movie too.

goole, Monday, 17 June 2013 17:27 (six years ago) link

it took me 2+ years to finish this game and I found myself forgetting the entire plot when I'd pick it back up..

officer sonny bonds, lytton pd (mayor jingleberries), Wednesday, 1 August 2018 16:19 (one year ago) link

I was a little disappointed after last night's session, because although I'm on the trail of the Bloody Baron's daughter, I did not open any areas with new Gwent players.

Abercromb Metrion Finchos (Leee), Wednesday, 1 August 2018 22:10 (one year ago) link

you should just get the gwent standalone game! i haven't played it but have heard it's pretty good

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 1 August 2018 22:14 (one year ago) link

xp to jingles good grief

Abercromb Metrion Finchos (Leee), Wednesday, 1 August 2018 22:14 (one year ago) link

Bloody Baron: I'll never know what bloom would've been the favorite of my miscarried daughter, and the fault lies with me.
Geralt: Wanna play Gwent?
BB: LAY 'EM DOWN, PODNER.

Abercromb Metrion Finchos (Leee), Thursday, 2 August 2018 16:46 (one year ago) link

Not sure I'm actually enjoying this now (level 14), might need to take a break.

Don't care for these characters much TBH.

Abercromb Metrion Finchos (Leee), Monday, 6 August 2018 06:24 (one year ago) link

I think that Geralt's general lack of affect may be why I'm connecting to him, but that doesn't explain why I'm not connecting with other, more colorful/expressive characters.

Abercromb Metrion Finchos (Leee), Monday, 6 August 2018 23:10 (one year ago) link

Is the story supposed to be good or merely good for an open-world RPG? I haven't been impressed, and I'm in Act II now.

Gwent Stefani (Leee), Monday, 20 August 2018 19:28 (one year ago) link

the overall story did not strike me as a strength at the time and i can barely remember anything about it now. i don't think that the main storyline/plot is ever done well in open world games, and the smaller stories you discover (or sometimes create) as you go about the world are where narrative elements can actually shine.

Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 20 August 2018 19:42 (one year ago) link

What prompted me was actually a secondary quest, the one where you help the Irish viking princess help free a local chieftain from a demon tormenting him by...

SPOILERS BEGIN

... throwing his newborn infant into an oven -- basically, the demon needs to find a new host who genuinely has intense feelings of guilt, but the outlines of the plan were already described by Geralt so why would he feel real remorse?

Gwent Stefani (Leee), Monday, 20 August 2018 19:55 (one year ago) link

yeah people mostly like it for all the weirdo side stories and world building. i never finished the main quest, same as all open world games

ciderpress, Monday, 20 August 2018 19:56 (one year ago) link

I finished it on accident

officer sonny bonds, lytton pd (mayor jingleberries), Thursday, 23 August 2018 22:03 (one year ago) link

i find the story more amusing than necessarily good but it still has some sense of character to it and a consistency within its own world. some of the skeillige scenes were hilarious, as an irish person. the acting and the diff accents from diff parts of ireland.

it's weird reading the diff reactions to it. i never played a single hand of gwent after the first 10-minute foray, and i was a magic the gathering nerd in my teens. just couldn't get into it.

prob be surprised if i ever enjoy a game as much as this tho i am already looking forward to their cyberpunk game.

FernandoHierro, Thursday, 23 August 2018 22:21 (one year ago) link

ten months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSqi-8kAMmM

in a world

Karl Malone, Sunday, 21 July 2019 18:49 (four months ago) link

where you have to change your sword to suit your enemy

Karl Malone, Sunday, 21 July 2019 18:49 (four months ago) link

one butt is

Karl Malone, Sunday, 21 July 2019 18:49 (four months ago) link

flexin

Karl Malone, Sunday, 21 July 2019 18:49 (four months ago) link

*slow motion shot of butt muscles gently breathing in and out*

Karl Malone, Sunday, 21 July 2019 18:50 (four months ago) link

I just started this today ! I mean III. I hate starting games though and this one seems massive but I will try.

L'assie (Euler), Sunday, 21 July 2019 19:53 (four months ago) link

One butt cheek is for human enemies, the other butt cheek is for monsters.

just another country (snoball), Sunday, 21 July 2019 20:27 (four months ago) link

that explains the unbalanced tingling when the witcher walks through the woods

Karl Malone, Sunday, 21 July 2019 20:32 (four months ago) link

henry cavill sucks and is bad, therefore this show will suck and be bad

^

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Sunday, 21 July 2019 23:06 (four months ago) link

Also the game is bad.

Coelacanth Green (Leee), Sunday, 21 July 2019 23:27 (four months ago) link

Nah.

All three instalments are worth playing. 1-2 do certain things better than 3.

pomenitul, Monday, 22 July 2019 11:17 (four months ago) link

“One of the things that probably shifted the most once we cast Henry is that Geralt speaks a lot less than I initially intended. In the books, Geralt’s actually quite chatty. He talks a lot. What I found, though, is that on-screen—especially with Henry portraying him—a lot can be done in looks and in grunts. Henry’s a big grunter. I mean that in the best way possible,” she said.

https://io9.gizmodo.com/heres-why-the-witcher-auditioned-207-other-guys-for-ger-1836600508

Coelacanth Green (Leee), Monday, 22 July 2019 22:05 (four months ago) link

oh he’s a big grunter alright

three months pass...

this game really wants me to get into Gwent. I don't understand it at all, which is typical of me because I find most card games perplexing at the best of times

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Friday, 8 November 2019 11:34 (one month ago) link

I've been playing this for a good few weeks but I'm still LV5. Seem to be trying to defeat the first Wild Hunt demon with the help of a high maintenance hippie witch who reminds me of my ex girlfriend's housemate

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Friday, 8 November 2019 11:39 (one month ago) link

I only seem to be able to apply ability points to one ability (fast action swordplay or something). How does this work?

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Friday, 8 November 2019 15:00 (one month ago) link

can't remember how the ability system works, do remember it fucking sucks

devvvine, Friday, 8 November 2019 15:13 (one month ago) link

you don't have to play gwent at all beyond that one time where they make you learn it. i certainly never played it again after that.

na (NA), Friday, 8 November 2019 15:27 (one month ago) link

i'mstarting to wonder why i haven't leveled up more than I have. It's making it rather hard to defeat this Nithral character

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Friday, 8 November 2019 15:46 (one month ago) link

i recall that one being a tricky one. any guide online could tell you more but use the roll away movement as much as possible. i also think i was able to back out of it or get a previous save and go back and load up on healing potions

global tetrahedron, Saturday, 9 November 2019 02:24 (one month ago) link

smashed it! although afterwards I seemed to end up on the other side of the map with a bunch of tasks to do way way away

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Saturday, 9 November 2019 12:19 (one month ago) link

I'm loving this game, but there are a lot of glitches, which is to be expected in a game of this size. That said, I'm not a fan of Geralt suddenly forgetting how to open a door whilst in the basement of a rat-infested haunted tower.

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Tuesday, 19 November 2019 09:36 (three weeks ago) link

Anyway, been playing lots of secondary quests and levelling up and I'm nearly ready to go visit Novigrad. Very exciting. Do you ever get to go to Toussaint in this game or is that one of the expansions?

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Tuesday, 19 November 2019 09:37 (three weeks ago) link

it's one of the expansions, and is iirc even more sex-alicious than the main game

Captain ACAB (Neil S), Tuesday, 19 November 2019 09:39 (three weeks ago) link

Ooh, I had some sexy sex last night. It was very sexual and uncannily like seeing mannequins grinding on each other

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Tuesday, 19 November 2019 09:51 (three weeks ago) link

I take it it's normal to think 'Yeah I really ballsed-up that quest' on a semi-regular basis because you said the wrong thing?
No matter how hard I try, I seem to piss a lot of people off.
I really annoyed the Peller last night by not helping him, but I don't think the game actually gave me an option to help him at all.
Similarly, some quests just kind of end anticlimatically and I'm suddenly left to my own devices in the middle of a wood or whatever. Perhaps the consequences come back to raise their heads later on...

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Tuesday, 19 November 2019 10:14 (three weeks ago) link

One of the good things about the game is that there are many, many quest situations where you don't end up doing the "right" thing however you might define that, or how hard you try. And yes, sometimes quests just peter out with no successful resolution, good or bad. I think it's a really good way of world-building, and gives the game replay value- things might turn out different next time. Of course it's still pretty "on rails" really, but it does give the player a real feeling of agency IMO.

Captain ACAB (Neil S), Tuesday, 19 November 2019 12:03 (three weeks ago) link

I like:

'Right, we've gotta go and kill the evil witches who live in the wood, with not a moment to spare. Follow us'

*You meditate for 36 hours*

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Tuesday, 19 November 2019 12:05 (three weeks ago) link

I think it's a really good way of world-building

Yeah absolutely. "That went wrong and sort of fizzled out weirdly" is the key mood of the whole game imo and what makes it feel distinct from everything else out there, it's definitely in the feature-not-bug zone.

JimD, Tuesday, 19 November 2019 18:21 (three weeks ago) link

I think it's a really good way of world-building

Yeah absolutely. "That went wrong and sort of fizzled out weirdly" is the key mood of the whole game imo and what makes it feel distinct from everything else out there, it's definitely in the feature-not-bug zone.

JimD, Tuesday, 19 November 2019 18:21 (three weeks ago) link

I lost a sidequest involving Gwent because the character I was supposed to play against died. Guess I'm gonna need to learn to play it or this'll keep happening and then I'll get a 'Great job, you suck!' ending.
It does seem like quite a complicated game. I started watching a gruelling 1-hour YouTube on how to play it but the guy was just bumbling through and not getting to the point. The images were fuzzy.

My main concern is that because I haven't played much, I only have the starter deck of cards. Would it be best to go back to White Orchard and play the yokels rather than trying to take on the people in Novigrad? Or does it not matter?

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Thursday, 21 November 2019 13:09 (three weeks ago) link

Honestly, I'd recommend getting used to having a few failed quests in your history rather than bothering to learn gwent, it's not a great card game at all.

I've had a few pretty major plot lines end up marked as failed (including one where I just didn't go back to help out the bloody baron in time and he ended up missing and never heard from again) but none of them have been game breaking and it's one of the things that ultimately makes your playthrough your own, imo. Agree that the red text etc does end up implying a level of "you suck" but learning to ignore that is easier than learning a dumb card game that you won't enjoy anyway.

I mean even if you do want to play a card game you're still better off ignoring gwent and just playing hearthstone or something instead.

JimD, Thursday, 21 November 2019 14:45 (three weeks ago) link

tbf I didn't buy this game to play Magic the Gathering

YOU CALL THIS JOURNALSIM? (dog latin), Thursday, 21 November 2019 14:55 (three weeks ago) link

as someone who likes MTG and other similar card games, i didn't find gwent fun at all and ignored it for the whole game

ciderpress, Thursday, 21 November 2019 15:34 (three weeks ago) link

Honestly, I'd recommend getting used to having a few failed quests in your history rather than bothering to learn gwent, it's not a great card game at all.

i only played one game of gwent

however, i think it's worth noting that a ton of people seem to love gwent, and it spawned its own separate game

Peaceful Warrior I Poser (Karl Malone), Thursday, 21 November 2019 17:17 (three weeks ago) link

(a lot of people also loved/love the card game in FFVIII as well, so who knows)

Peaceful Warrior I Poser (Karl Malone), Thursday, 21 November 2019 17:17 (three weeks ago) link


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