Explain to me this whole "Kingdom Hearts" thing

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I vaguely remember some RPG coming out a couple years back with Disney characters cavorting around with Square characters and despite the fact that it sounds like a completely ridiculous idea apparently it became a widely beloved franchise. Now everyone's spazzing out about "OMG TRON LEVEL IN KINGDOM HEARTS" (note: Donald Duck all Tronned out is a phenomenal idea but I wouldn't buy a video game for that alone) and "Mickey looks BADASS" and maybe I just hate Disney too much but it all looks so goddamned twee. Am I missing something?

disco violence (disco violence), Saturday, 19 November 2005 17:44 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

(not that twee = automatically bad -- i.e. the Katamari games -- but KH looks twee in a most-conservative-aspects-of-American-and-Japanese-popcult-combined sense.)

disco violence (disco violence), Saturday, 19 November 2005 17:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I rented Kingdom Hearts and found it to be impossibly boring.

polyphonic (polyphonic), Saturday, 19 November 2005 17:52 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I liked Kingdom Hearts.

But then again, I liked Disneyworld.

The first one had a Nightmare Before Christmas level, even. The game totally should have been on gamecube.

kingfish hobo juckie (kingfish 2.0), Saturday, 19 November 2005 18:09 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

That's completely OTM.

Also, if you don't like twee, you're not going to like this. What the fuck did you expect?

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 19 November 2005 19:08 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Kingdom Hearts was awful. Plodding and dull with crappy controls. I can't imagine the new one will be any better.

adam (adam), Saturday, 19 November 2005 19:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Tho the gummi spacecraft thing was a weird WTF bit between level-loading...

kingfish hobo juckie (kingfish 2.0), Saturday, 19 November 2005 19:35 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Also, if you don't like twee, you're not going to like this. What the fuck did you expect?

I expect people not to bitch me out if I say I prefer, I dunno, Fallout 2.

disco violence (disco violence), Saturday, 19 November 2005 23:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Also, if you don't like twee, you're not going to like this. What the fuck did you expect?

I'm all for twee, but the writing/gameplay for the game did absolutely nothing for me.

polyphonic (polyphonic), Monday, 21 November 2005 08:02 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

KH strikes me as being not so much twee as borderline Furry.

THIS IS THE SOUND OF ALTERN 8 !!! (noodle vague), Monday, 21 November 2005 10:33 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I refuse to even try this game on principle. I mean, COME ON:

http://littleaeyaoki0.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/245745.jpg

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 21 November 2005 22:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Ugh. Tripod.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 21 November 2005 22:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

one month passes...
HEY!
HOW DARE YOU.
I THINK U R ALL WRONG.
KINGDOM HEARTS IS GOOD.
EVERYTHIN ABOUT IT WAS GREAT. (TO ME)

BUT WAT ON EARTH IS "TRIPOD" IVE NEVER HERD OF IT SO THAT "TRIPOD"
THING MUST BE CRAP.

SO YEA
I LIKED KH


**//** FaRmEr Fi **//**, Monday, 9 January 2006 22:19 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

judymagic_9000, you are a TREAT

Dan (ROFFLES) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 9 January 2006 22:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

hahaha

s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 9 January 2006 22:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

hey waz that supposed to mean

i don even nowat u mean by callin me a "TREAT"

and someones laufin who is it

have u got harry potter and the goblet of fire

its shit

fi

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//**, Tuesday, 10 January 2006 02:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

laufin -> http://www.gamansaman.is/profile.php?ID=1304

kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 03:54 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

hi! I'm Anohsir.i thing k.h is the best vidio game. but i hate everyones shoes in it they are shitty and ugly. i am related to FI and harry potter and the goblet of fire game is shit, the other ones are good.I hate that dumb girl with that skiping rope.Alice is not a princess but its so stupid she one of them traped at the end.Leon is looks gay with all those belts. i have more insults to say bu my hands hurt. BYE!

ANOHSIR, Tuesday, 10 January 2006 05:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Did gamefaqs.com crash or something?

disco violence (disco violence), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 05:57 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

we can only hope

kingfish pibb Xtra (kingfish 2.0), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 06:33 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Nah, it's all the same unfunny person.

Laura H. (laurah), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 13:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Come on, Laura, the two posts from judymagic_9000 are funny!

Dan ("its shit" Haha Awesome) Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

eh.

Laura H. (laurah), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 14:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

i thought kingdom hearts was fun. it wasn't like "OMGWTF this game is teh roxxorz" or anything. but it was fun. looking forward to the 2nd one.

Christopher Costello (CGC), Tuesday, 10 January 2006 22:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

KH is ok. it's not bad per say, it's just not a lot of fun for me. i never got past more than one of the worlds.

The Legend of Tony Balls (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 10:48 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

It think it says a lot that I, a dude who has no objections to the ridiculously International Male fashion sense on display in Square and Enix classics right on up through Final Fantasy Tactics Advance (where you get to be this fuckin' doofus) had not the patience to even crack open KH after borrowing it from a coworker's younger brother to see what all the fuss was about. One look at the screenshots and I knew I didn't have the patience.

TOMBOT, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 17:29 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Is he brandishing a translucent upright bass, there?

Laura H. (laurah), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 18:33 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Yeah Tom, but isn't it just the case that for sufficiently low-rez games you don't have to pay attention to the concept art that much, EG if they made a full-polygon sequel which allowed you to see him wandering around looking like that, you'd decry that as well?

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:35 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

THAT'S A GUY?

Dan (Japan Is Odd) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:44 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Seriously, it looks like someone said "I'VE GOT IT! Dakota Fanning's head + Calista Flockhart's torso and legs + Alizee's ass = TEH PERFECTO MALE PROTAGONIST OMG DANCE PARTY TIME"

Dan (Cuffed Booty Shorts???) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Well yes but you still have to look at his poncey face every time there's dialogue. KH (Sora?) is more precocious and glassy-eyed than even that, though, which beggars the imagination.

xxpost to the low-rez issue.

TOMBOT, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Dan you really should take a look at the concept art for the characters/job classes in both FF Tactics games, they'll blow your mind. You know the character designs for Lynch's Dune? "better."

TOMBOT, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 19:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Who did the designs for FFTA?

...okay, IMDB has Nomura as designing both KH games, and Yoshida doing FFTA and FFXII.


Hang on, there was a Parasite Eve 2?! Did it ever make it over here?

kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:07 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

bare midriffs for all!

see also

kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Should we just do a thread of the most asinine character designs in games of the last 20 years(and the cover for Mega Man II does count)?

kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 20:16 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

ok

my name is not judymagic_9000 its farmer fi but ma real name is judith (I AM A GIRL IF U DONT NO BRO)

WTF THE PICTURES ABOVE LOOK STRANGE AND SCARY

anohsir is ma little sister and she hates absolutely hates all the ppls shoes

i hate peter pans shoes they look like paper bags the only decent shoes that make sense would have to be sora's shoes their still ugly but not badas the other ppls shoes


rishona LEON IS NOT GAY waz messin wit ur mind dudet
ur 1 strange sister u no that


judith

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//**, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:33 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

http://www.ffuniverse.nu/ffta/img/04.jpg

Someone better tell me what the fuck this thing is right now.

Dan (KILL IT) Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

OH WAIT I FORGOT TO ADD SOME THINGS

GOOFBALL IS A COMPLETE IDIOT(GOOFY) HE IS SO STUPID
1CE WE WERE FLYIN AROUND THE CLOCK TOWER AND HE JUST FELL OUT OF THE SKY
I STARTED LAUFIN
IT WAS SOOOOO FUNNY CAUSE HES AN IDIOT AND THAT IS WAT IS EXPECTED FROM HIM

AND

I HATE WINNIE THE POOH
MAN HE SHITS HERE HE SHITS THERE

HIS WORLD WAS CRAP

IT SAID HIT INSTEAD OF ATTACK

PIG ABSOLUTE PIG THAT POOH BEAR IS.


THAZ ALL FOR NOW THOUGH

JUDITH

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//**, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:44 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moogle

TOMBOT, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:45 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

hey i dont no WTF that picture is

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//**, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Y'see, this is why I (mostly) won't de-index threads

kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:47 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

who is tombot??

**//**Farmer Fi**//**, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:48 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

OMG Cait Sith

Dan (Woefully Missing From "Revenge Of The Sith") Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

r other ppl posting thingys now??

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//**, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:52 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

ok the stupid piture is a moogle i hate them

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//**, Wednesday, 11 January 2006 22:54 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

this all sucks

blam, Thursday, 12 January 2006 04:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

tell us more

kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 12 January 2006 05:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

or don't

Laura H. (laurah), Thursday, 12 January 2006 05:50 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

they're not exactly wrong, y'know

The Legend of Tony Balls (Adrian Langston), Thursday, 12 January 2006 05:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

the shoes aint big enough

kingfish ubermensch dishwasher sundae (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 16 April 2006 08:23 (twelve years ago) Permalink

I like to think those two in the photo bumped into eachother and said "Shit, well one of us is going to have to change."

melton mowbray's APOCALYPTO! (adr), Sunday, 16 April 2006 13:22 (twelve years ago) Permalink

They fight with giant keys in this game? Oh, this is terrible.

Laura H. (laurah), Sunday, 16 April 2006 13:40 (twelve years ago) Permalink

so wrong.

s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 16 April 2006 19:27 (twelve years ago) Permalink

wronger and weirder than anything found here even:

video game mashups (that you would like to see)

s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 16 April 2006 21:46 (twelve years ago) Permalink

He shits here, he shits there.

Who would you cosplay as?

Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 17 April 2006 00:14 (twelve years ago) Permalink

that picture above is fugly
i agree the shoes should be bigger
the hair should be spieker
where do people come up with these ideas of fighting with a giant key
they could have made it that u just have a sword and when the time comes to seal a keyhole he just takes out the key
but i like the key idea every game cant just be the same

I like to think those two in the photo bumped into eachother and said "Shit, well one of us is going to have to change."

that would be funny

Who would you cosplay as?

i dont know
every1 looks fugly
wats the point? wat do u do when u go to these things
do u sit down hav a cuppa tea and talk about shit?

and wats with the drunk guys in the back

i hate whinnie the pooh

ff

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//** (FaRmEr Fi), Monday, 17 April 2006 22:37 (twelve years ago) Permalink

http://static.flickr.com/1/1182461_f2fb1e2ebe_m.jpg

JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 01:27 (twelve years ago) Permalink

wtf is that
oh its pooh

fugly just fugly

whoa who put this kool background on

i mean i hav to put up with pooh every time i play that game i dont deserve to be puttin up with him now
how come thats a girl
it is a girl isnt it?

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//** (FaRmEr Fi), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 03:47 (twelve years ago) Permalink

so via channel flipping I discovered that Haley Joel Osment did the voice for Sora in this series, and also then from IMDB that he has basically done nothing BUT voiceover work since A.I. (a good thing) (also he is tall and hanson-looking now, wtf why do I have to be saddled with such information while I'm failing Systems Engineering I)

TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 13:06 (twelve years ago) Permalink

And apparently Lance Bass was the voice of Sephiroth?!

http://www.photo-celebrity.com/albums/L/lancebass/normal_1.jpg

Laura H. (laurah), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 13:32 (twelve years ago) Permalink

rofl

sleep (sleep), Tuesday, 18 April 2006 21:40 (twelve years ago) Permalink

yeah didnt u know that sora was as Haley Joel Osment ?
the sixth sense is like the best movie ever i would never get tired of it
who is that in the picture???
like i played kh all day then i decided to play another but the other games i had were shit and boring so i went back to kh
ill never get tired off it

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//** (FaRmEr Fi), Wednesday, 19 April 2006 05:45 (twelve years ago) Permalink

http://xs77.xs.to/pics/06163/animated-KH2.gif

ugh, i made the mistake of reading the slashdot article today

JW (ex machina), Sunday, 30 April 2006 20:47 (twelve years ago) Permalink

wtf

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//** (FaRmEr Fi), Monday, 1 May 2006 06:38 (twelve years ago) Permalink

i heard kh2 is comming out in november in australia
is it true?
cause i cant wait that long

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//** (FaRmEr Fi), Monday, 1 May 2006 06:41 (twelve years ago) Permalink

No, they're not releasing it there.

JW (ex machina), Monday, 1 May 2006 14:58 (twelve years ago) Permalink

WHAT!!!!!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OVER MY DEAD BOODY THEY ARNT
ill never get it then
r u sure?

**//**FaRmEr Fi**//** (FaRmEr Fi), Monday, 8 May 2006 07:03 (twelve years ago) Permalink

eight months pass...
This is the worst game I have ever played. Fact. Fucking gamespot and they're recommendations. I was coming home from work, picked up a PS2 to replace the old lump and this was recommended as being similar to I "heart" Katamri Damacy. The story, the controls, the insufferable background music THAT I CAN'T TURN OFF... It's just shit. At least now I can play Vice City.

Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 15:58 (twelve years ago) Permalink

lol

The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 18:08 (twelve years ago) Permalink

I'm glad I'm not the only person who hates it.

polyphonic (polyphonic), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 19:25 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Lance Bass was the voice of Sephiroth

hahaha I don't know why but this is the best fact basically ever.

baron kickass von awesomehausen (nickalicious), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 20:07 (twelve years ago) Permalink

is it really, dude?

s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 20:29 (twelve years ago) Permalink

lolz

The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 21:17 (twelve years ago) Permalink

I want it that way.

baron kickass von awesomehausen (nickalicious), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 21:30 (twelve years ago) Permalink

WRONG GROUP SPANKY

David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 22:18 (twelve years ago) Permalink

OKAY I HEREBY DECREE THAT, FROM THIS POST FORWARD, THE WORDS "Lance Bass" and "GROUP SPANKY" SHALL NEVER AGAIN APPEAR IN SUCH CLOSE PROXIMITY

The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 16 January 2007 22:23 (twelve years ago) Permalink

lolz

webber (webber), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 01:21 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Sephiroth can lance my bass anyday. rowr.

Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 17 January 2007 04:01 (twelve years ago) Permalink

Just to get back to the main topic a bit here, guys, the "Kingdom Hearts thing" is easy to explain. It's 1 part furries, 1 part disney, 1 part anime, all parts perverted. This is a hentai game, whether u realize it or not. If you think this is game is good for children, you are wrong because it will merely encourage them to develop a furry fetish.


Sorry for that sad taste of reality.

Blastochrist (blastocyst), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 08:34 (twelve years ago) Permalink

That is so frighteningly OTM.

I got home last night and thought: "Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was just too tired." Thankfully I caught myself in time and spent the next hour or so learning where the armor and weapons are in the first part of Vice City. So much more satisfying. Fuck a perverted, woodwind fuelled anime gloop-fest! I mean come on: "Who knows how long we'll have together [before your parents come home]..."*

Also:
they're recommendations

Cringe x 1,000

*This might not be in the game...

Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:11 (twelve years ago) Permalink

lulz

SEACREST OUT OF IRAQ! (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 09:32 (twelve years ago) Permalink

hahaha I just reread this whole thread

"I AM CURIOUS (TWEE)"

The Android Cat (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 14:40 (twelve years ago) Permalink

that one's for the ages

latebloomer aka freedom williams sr (latebloomer), Wednesday, 17 January 2007 16:29 (twelve years ago) Permalink

four years pass...

i thing k.h is the best vidio game. but i hate everyones shoes in it they are shitty and ugly.

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Sunday, 23 January 2011 16:16 (eight years ago) Permalink

i never beat this game... perhaps... i never will...

David Warner (Princess TamTam), Sunday, 23 January 2011 16:34 (eight years ago) Permalink

This has a few laughs: Kingdom Hearts: The Short and Honest Version

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Monday, 24 January 2011 01:01 (eight years ago) Permalink

Lance Bass was the voice of Sephiroth

hahaha I don't know why but this is the best fact basically ever.

― baron kickass von awesomehausen (nickalicious), Tuesday, January 16, 2007 1:07 PM (4 years ago)

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Monday, 24 January 2011 02:30 (eight years ago) Permalink

haley joel osment was the protagonist iirc

marios balls in 3d for 3ds (Princess TamTam), Monday, 24 January 2011 02:30 (eight years ago) Permalink

I looked it up, and you're not "secondhand lion" (lying) (HJO career!).

Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Monday, 24 January 2011 02:31 (eight years ago) Permalink

lmao thats probably the first ever secondhand lion pun in world history

marios balls in 3d for 3ds (Princess TamTam), Monday, 24 January 2011 02:32 (eight years ago) Permalink

i... own that on dvd btw

marios balls in 3d for 3ds (Princess TamTam), Monday, 24 January 2011 02:32 (eight years ago) Permalink

eight years pass...

kingdom hearts 3 it's so good

adam, Monday, 4 February 2019 19:02 (one week ago) Permalink

"Kingdom Hearts was awful. Plodding and dull with crappy controls. I can't imagine the new one will be any better.

― adam (adam), Saturday, November 19, 2005 7:12 PM (thirteen years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink"

this is a wrong opinion

adam, Monday, 4 February 2019 19:02 (one week ago) Permalink

sora has a phone now and all the loading screens are like instagram posts from various characters

adam, Tuesday, 5 February 2019 16:31 (one week ago) Permalink

I'm a sucker for Donkey, Has this been posted?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8o1ieehttdA

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 6 February 2019 01:06 (one week ago) Permalink

p accurate summary actually

ciderpress, Wednesday, 6 February 2019 01:12 (one week ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LFCNyY4loE

Fuck the NRA (ulysses), Friday, 8 February 2019 19:56 (one week ago) Permalink

Heh:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMph2hAGj7k

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 14 February 2019 04:40 (two days ago) Permalink


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